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Spanking Agreement - 2/4/2011 3:15:59 PM   
Relocate2Me


Posts: 2
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		I have been asked to give someone I know a solid spanking - disciplinary session with NO " safe word" . Make no mistake I am very comfortable doing so, but I want to be sure I am protected legally. I know I should get a signed agreement from him, but what should I make sure it includes?
Any suggestions would be appreciated

Ms. Joan

< Message edited by Relocate2Me -- 2/4/2011 3:21:36 PM >
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RE: Spanking Agreement - 2/4/2011 3:26:03 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Sorry. BDSM is basically consensual abuse, and the law does not recognize consent here. The only effect of such an agreement would be to prove premeditation on your part.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Relocate2Me)
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RE: Spanking Agreement - 2/4/2011 3:31:10 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		You know this person; how well do you know them and in what context do you know them?

What has their past experience been with corporal punishment?
This is very important.
There are people who love the idea of an intense no safe word session and they have never even been spanked before... but sometimes will claim to have had lots of experience.
That scenario is mentioned here with frequency.

What is their goal for the session?

Have you administered such a spanking before (I am guessing Yes?)?

Are you familiar with the specific laws in your jurisdiction that might cover this?
(Sometimes a signed agreement is of little value legally, in terms of protecting yourself.)





_____________________________

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(in reply to Relocate2Me)
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RE: Spanking Agreement - 2/4/2011 3:49:12 PM   
Relocate2Me


Posts: 2
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		I know him yes, we are friendly but I would not call him a friend.
He discovered I have been active and comfortable giving discipline and he asked if I would do so to him. He has had a hand full of "visits" to other women and been severely spanked with assorted implements.
He is looking for someone to make him accountable for his misdeeds. As far as the legalities... I am not familar with the guidelines.

Ms. Joan

(in reply to angelikaJ)
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RE: Spanking Agreement - 2/4/2011 3:49:57 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		There is nothing preventing you from stopping when they say stop

If they want to be able to say stop and have you continue, then you legally need some kind of safeword.

Otherwise, you are committing a crime. One with rather serious punishments. Sex crimes are very hard to defend against and they have bad reputations

Would you rob a bank for this woman? Because that is basically what she is asking for.

Submissives have the right their own limits.

BUT SO DO DOMINANTS

You have the right to your own limits. Don't go beyond them no matter how much the sub tries to seduce you to do so. In fact, point this out to her. How would she feel if you decided you wanted to go beyond her limits? How about if you said you wanted to lock her to a bed in a cheap hotel and sell her to a pimp? Make her understand that just because you are a dominant, she does not have the right to force you to do things you don't want to.

(in reply to angelikaJ)
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RE: Spanking Agreement - 2/4/2011 4:02:39 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Relocate2Me

I know him yes, we are friendly but I would not call him a friend.
He discovered I have been active and comfortable giving discipline and he asked if I would do so to him. He has had a hand full of "visits" to other women and been severely spanked with assorted implements.
He is looking for someone to make him accountable for his misdeeds. As far as the legalities... I am not familar with the guidelines.

Ms. Joan



As I mentioned, there are some people who do lie about their past experiences, and so that is just something you need to be aware of.

It is not the rule, but it is a very notable exception as far as I understand.


_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Relocate2Me)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Spanking Agreement - 2/4/2011 4:30:59 PM   
darkenchantment


Posts: 39
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline 		Personally, I'd give this a miss. I don't regard it as really appropriate to be engaging in any activity without safewords with someone who is neither your own sub or slave. Also, he is making the running here. You are the domme, and he's making demands on you to 'do me'. Unless he's putting his hand in his pocket, there's no way that should be happening, in my book. Maybe not even then. He has his particular fantasy; fine. But unless its also yours, and you are getting something out of it, why should you indulge him?

On the other side, there is no reason why not having a safeword means you have to beat the crap out of him! (Hmm; possibly not the best choice of words there....!) You are the one in control, and you stop when you think he's had enough, whether he likes that or not. He needs to understand from the start that you are in full control, and will not go on beyond the point you feel is reasonable. It may even turn out to be that is what he really wants, and the lack of a safeword is just his way of voicing it. But you must in that case be pretty clear on his previous experience, his real tolerance levels, and what signals he gives out, verbally or physically, so that you can really know when its got to the point he needs you to stop, even if he can't ask you to do so.

I'm in the UK, so I don't know about your legal system. I know that over here the law is usually harder on men abusing women than the other way round; although things are gradually equalising. And how good does it look for a man to go to court and say he asked this woman to spank him and she did it too hard?! But of course, I could be wrong. Legally, if the spankee did decide to go down a legal route, I doubt you'd have much defence. But then, nor would most of us who own slaves, or abuse those poor little subs. The system depends a lot on trust and mutual good will. You gotta decide if you and this guy have sufficient of these.

_____________________________

There is no way to peace and happiness
Peace and happiness is the way.

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RE: Spanking Agreement - 2/4/2011 6:27:24 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Relocate2Me

I know I should get a signed agreement from him, but what should I make sure it includes?



Bail money stapled to it, preferably in hundreds.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Relocate2Me)
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RE: Spanking Agreement - 2/4/2011 7:47:57 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		Here's my two cents.
Even if *he* doesn't want a safeword, doesn't mean you have to play without one. Bottoms sometimes forget that the top has the right to safeword out of a scene, and if you aren't comfortable with the level things are going, you have every right to be able to "check in or check out".  I do not know the laws where you live--every state and country, it seems to vary. If you have a certain of discomfort with the arrangement he described, then you might want to consider further discussion with him before going down that road.  I'd have a hard time playing with someone as a top or bottom if I thought they might sue me later.

I know that we have had many discussions on this board about playing without safewords and playing without self-described limits--I'm not suggesting we re-visit that dialogue.  What I will say is that as a happy medium, if the bottom doesn't want the "control" of having a safeword, then perhaps he would consider an automatic one. Just for example:  if he cries....or if the skin breaks....or if he bruises....I've known bottoms who used those as "automatic" signals to end the scene.

I believe you said he's experienced this with a few other women--a good friend of mine has often complained that men who answer his ad claiming that they wish to be severely spanked/paddled/caned etc. often times will safeword out after just a short time--what they considered "severe" in their previous experience apparently wasn't as severe compared to what they had just received.

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Spanking Agreement - 2/4/2011 7:52:04 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		unless its your collared slave your playing with it would be his word against yours in court and he would have the marks so be warned.

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LadyPact

(in reply to hausboy)
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RE: Spanking Agreement - 2/4/2011 8:59:22 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Relocate2Me

I know him yes, we are friendly but I would not call him a friend.
He discovered I have been active and comfortable giving discipline and he asked if I would do so to him. He has had a hand full of "visits" to other women and been severely spanked with assorted implements.
He is looking for someone to make him accountable for his misdeeds. As far as the legalities... I am not familar with the guidelines.

Ms. Joan



Well, if he hasn't pressed charges against the other women, why are you worried he'll do so against you?


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Relocate2Me)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Spanking Agreement - 2/4/2011 9:19:06 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: Relocate2Me

I know him yes, we are friendly but I would not call him a friend.
He discovered I have been active and comfortable giving discipline and he asked if I would do so to him. He has had a hand full of "visits" to other women and been severely spanked with assorted implements.
He is looking for someone to make him accountable for his misdeeds. As far as the legalities... I am not familar with the guidelines.

Ms. Joan



Well, if he hasn't pressed charges against the other women, why are you worried he'll do so against you?



I vote to send him back home to his mommy... or to a priest.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Spanking Agreement - 2/4/2011 9:50:08 PM   
weaselwelder


Posts: 72
Joined: 6/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit
Submissives have the right their own limits.

BUT SO DO DOMINANTS


I need this framed and hung above the door of every playroom, munch, and Waffle House in the country. People seem to forget that dominants get to have limits on what will and will not happen.

One of my limits has always been that the submissive never, ever, EVER gets to give up her "no." You seem to be uncomfortable with not having a safe word as well. I say go with that. The legal foderall all boils down to "you're screwed if the cops get involved." So you need to do everything you can to make sure that does not happen.


_____________________________

If you're on here asking for relationship advice, you're talking to everyone except the one you should talk to.

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RE: Spanking Agreement - 2/4/2011 10:03:55 PM   
62704


Posts: 27
Joined: 1/16/2011
Status: offline 		It seems unwise to get involved. I see a lack of both trust and certainty.

(in reply to weaselwelder)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Spanking Agreement - 2/4/2011 10:09:21 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		I'm just trying to picture myself on a jury where someone is being charged with aggrivated ASSault with intent to spank the tushy. I've just never thought of a spanking as being all that umm...life threatening. How much actual risk does one take when engaging in spankings?

(in reply to 62704)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Spanking Agreement - 2/4/2011 10:16:33 PM   
62704


Posts: 27
Joined: 1/16/2011
Status: offline 		You've heard of assault and battery?

Assault is the threat to invade someone's personal space. Not actually doing it, just threatening to. Battery is the act.

In healthcare settings, wouldbe healthcare professionals are taught to tell (implicit asking of permission) a patient what they're going to do before doing it, specifically to avoid assault and battery charges.




edit: annoying typos are annoying

< Message edited by 62704 -- 2/4/2011 10:17:52 PM >

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Spanking Agreement - 2/4/2011 10:30:42 PM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick
quote:

ORIGINAL: Relocate2Me
I know I should get a signed agreement from him, but what should I make sure it includes?

Bail money stapled to it, preferably in hundreds.
Cali
I would NEVER touch someone if I were concerned it would potentially become a legal problem.    M

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Spanking Agreement - 2/4/2011 10:54:37 PM   
Palliata


Posts: 371
Joined: 8/9/2010
Status: offline 		Better safe than sorry - it doesn't seem like a hugely enjoyable situation for you to begin with and if you have ANY uncertainty about things at all you're best avoiding random S&M sessions. We live on a precarious ledge and there's really no legal safety harness available in most countries.

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Spanking Agreement - 2/5/2011 2:28:37 AM   
SourandSweet


Posts: 66
Joined: 1/22/2011
Status: offline 		As you're the dominant I don't see why you can't insist that he does have a safeword!

You're playing with someone you've never played with before. You won't be aware of the nuances of his behaviour in such a situation, so it's (imho) important that you have that clear signal from him.

I don't use one with my dom but that's because he knows me and can make the decision when to stop, but when third parties are involved he insists on them having one.

:-)

(in reply to Palliata)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Spanking Agreement - 2/6/2011 9:23:38 AM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		That doesn't seem like a good idea, unless you know the guy really really really well, and know that this is something that he can really handle and would really be okay with. I'm talking serious relationship or best friend kind of well. And it doesn't sound like you really do.

(in reply to Relocate2Me)
Profile   Post #: 20
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