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CherryNeko -> RE: How instant is attraction? (2/4/2011 1:44:52 AM)
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Hey!
First of all, I'll say I think it’s good not to have one type of person you like, because that way you’re open to people who don’t fit that same type. It’s helpful, though, sometimes, for identifying what you like and want from a partner: it makes it easier if you’re looking for someone with whom you could share *insert duration of relationship and wonderful experiences here*. So I wouldn’t worry about not having a type.
Actually I don’t have a type either. Neurotic as I am, I’d need to be so much more introspective than I am right now for that. I’ll work on it... but I wouldn’t like to leave everything out and I’m constantly changing and analyzing more and more new posibilities. However, there are certain things that irrepairably will always make me sigh. Like Mr. Darcy. Or Queen Victoria.
I think identifying what you like and what you want are good for realizing what you find attractive in others, but it can go from what you’d like to be to what you can’t stand in your life but would love to see in another one’s.
Also, I agree with you when you say instant attraction overrides pictures and qualities, because chemistry between people is not that easy to find. I so know what you mean.
I have noticed that in my case, instant attraction is quickly put under control by sad memories of sadder past experiences... *sobs* It wasn’t nice, I opened up too quickly and it hurt so much that I know now I’ll never ever do it again, so usually when it’s the first time I feel drawn to someone, I don’t fly too high.
My version of instant attraction is in fact when I don’t really know what I’m getting into, and I can’t pull away. It’s usually triggered by someone who can make me nervous and persuade me to do things only by being nice to me. The kind of person that suggests instead of just saying, but convinces you anyway. (Like when you don’t want to be with someone but that someone wants to be with you, and has already decided you’ll like it too, and later you find out that he had this plan... it’s hard to explain.) So, since I kind of panic and block it out at the beginning, it doesn’t go far with me. It’s just the first sight of something physically attractive, or something admirable that I’d like to do someday. I won’t get high on instant attraction. You miss it sometimes, but you can replace it with something deeper, and anyway it’s better for me to stay where I am now. I’m safe here and although I know I may have to move on someday, right now it’s something completely different what’s going on with me, and I need not worry about that right now.
Hmm. The essence of attraction? I feel it’s like the spark that makes you like someone. Of course it needs to grow: a spark, by its own, dies without further encouragement. A campfire will always last longer. Does attraction fade with time? Yes, sometimes. Does a long-term experience sustain it? Yes, sometimes. It depends on the people and on the relationship. Every circumstance counts, but if it goes well, either attraction will be reinforced, or it will be replaced by something stronger. It varies. It can also go wrong, but since if that happens it will be over, it won’t matter that much.
I'm still thinking about it...
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