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Social calendars? - 12/28/2010 8:51:19 PM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline 		I saw an interesting post on the joke thread that got me to thinking about others' relationships, and I thought I would ask:

"Kind of convenient for Me, since I'm the one who handles the social calendar anyway, but the majority of the time, I'm doing that with whichever gender is the one who has the authority in the relationship. The times that I don't is when I've got prior knowledge from the D of the household that there's no issue with Me contacting the s directly."-- LadyPact

Who handles the social calendar in your household? Is it decided on a gender basis? power exchange basis? or just who is most interested?
And is the person who handles it expected to interact with their "peers" (using the term very loosely here) either on a sex basis or d/s basis?

Forgive me if it's bad form to quote the posts of others into new threads; it was the best way I could think of to get the idea across.
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RE: Social calendars? - 12/28/2010 9:08:20 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Not a problem here, just so you know.  

It is Me.  Part of that has to do with being the person in the household with the authority dynamic.  I also tend to have the better ability for it.  Leave it to MP and our social schedule would be half forgotten.  I also tend to have a lot of play dates in the mix too, and it would be hard for either of them to keep up with those.

You did quote it properly.  I deal with the person of the other house who is in authority.  Some do have s types that handle theirs and I'll make arrangements with them once I know that's the understanding.


_____________________________

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RE: Social calendars? - 12/28/2010 9:12:02 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		We don't live together so when we're not together we pretty much have our own separate social calendars but if I want to go somewhere that i think he may be uncomfortable with or might impact his decisions or actions in some way then I ask him before I make plans.

When we're together he'll usually ask me for my input, what I would like to do but in the end the decision is his which is perfectly fine with me since I absolutely hate making social plans.


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RE: Social calendars? - 12/28/2010 9:36:18 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		We currently aren't living together, so I keep my own social calendar on the days we are not together.  When we are together, I will make suggestions regarding socializing and he'll decide.  Typically if mutual friends invite us out, I'll let him know and he'll agree.  Same with family gatherings.  Occasionally he'll tell me we're going out with a friend of his, or his friends.  Or he'll tell me to call mutual friends and make arrangements to get together.  When we live together, there will be more of that. He'll still want me to maintain my own personal friends, but I'll coordinate that with him.

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RE: Social calendars? - 12/28/2010 9:39:57 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		I tell daddy about social stuff I wanna do and if he wants to do it too, or is willing to go, because I want to, then he makes it happen if he can.

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RE: Social calendars? - 12/29/2010 12:32:28 AM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		sort of me but i dont make the descison . he usually decides but if theres somthing i would like to do then i ask and he usually says yes. but then once its decided by him or me its up to me to keep diary and remind him of it

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RE: Social calendars? - 12/29/2010 5:03:14 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		We don't live together, but if it's stuff we're doing together then NOT ME. I hate organising, and I'll delegate that whenever possible.

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RE: Social calendars? - 12/29/2010 5:13:06 AM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		Does work count? LOL. I am on the road 50 to 60% of the time. Whether I like it or not work dictates when and if I am available to play. If work only knew! Nine different countries, 23 plants locations and a D/S lifestyle to boot. Thank God for my Blackberry calendar!

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RE: Social calendars? - 12/29/2010 5:49:56 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I handle my own social calendar. It usually reads (figuratively speaking) work home work home home home work home work home.............etc.

Generic Dude has his own thing.

We agree to try and keep one another aware of the other's plans but it is pretty loose. If it is something that might be important to the other, like family stuff or today's funeral, we discuss it and write it on the calendar that hangs in the kitchen. After 20+ years we both have a fairly accurate idea of what the other person is going to view as important aka need to know, and what is useless knowledge.

My friend's funeral, I know he wants to know. If it was a previous co-worker he didn't know......he wouldn't care. Nor would I care that he knew.

The possibility of two girls visiting in January, he could care less. If they were known, important to me, and staying at the farm, he would be informed.

Him taking a day trip on his bike, I could care less. Him taking a week long trip on the bike, I like to be aware and it will be on the calendar.

If I am going to spend a day doing something, a brief mention as a courtesy. If I am going to spend a few days away from the farm, it will be discussed because of my animals and written on the calendar.

Since I don't have a full time s type woman in my life, my schedule is my responsibility.

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RE: Social calendars? - 12/29/2010 5:55:13 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		He does the planning. I may suggest something I'd like to do and that is very rare, I'm content with having him decide what we're doing and he seems to like it this way as well.

We don't live together, we share an online calendar through yahoo that has all of our things on it- he looks at this before adding anything. If it's something spur of the moment for that day or the next he'll ask in person first to make sure I don't have anything. How this whole thing evolved works very well for us. I'd rather be the executive assistant than the boss so he decides what we do, and I follow up and see what I need to bring or wear. I'd rather complete tasks than initiate them.

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RE: Social calendars? - 12/29/2010 6:18:11 AM   
MaxsGirl


Posts: 355
Joined: 12/2/2010
From: The Arctic Circle
Status: offline 		It's a mutual thing.  I plan, he plans, but I keep track of it and he has final approval.  I would never schedule us for something and assume that he's ok with it, I always ask.  But I have no family and most of my friends are out of state, so our "social" time is usually with his family anyway.

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RE: Social calendars? - 12/29/2010 6:28:59 AM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline 		I'm so glad this topic came up! My experiences have taught me that it was pretty much always the case that the women kept the calendars, so that was who to contact. This reminds me that the rules may vary, and to be aware that my expectations may clash with those of others.
Always good to think, right?

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RE: Social calendars? - 12/29/2010 7:32:46 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mbes
Who handles the social calendar in your household?

I do for the most part.
quote:


Is it decided on a gender basis? power exchange basis? or just who is most interested?

Most interested. If it was up to Val to seek out social functions, I doubt we'd leave the house but a few times a year.
quote:


And is the person who handles it expected to interact with their "peers" (using the term very loosely here) either on a sex basis or d/s basis?

My peers are my fellow human beings. My friendships are not restricted by gender or orientation so neither are my interactions.



_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: Social calendars? - 12/29/2010 11:09:21 AM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mbes
Who handles the social calendar in your household? Is it decided on a gender basis? power exchange basis? or just who is most interested?
And is the person who handles it expected to interact with their "peers" (using the term very loosely here) either on a sex basis or d/s basis?


My primary partner/subby keeps track of logistical details much better than either myself or my secondary.  He has a logical, orderly mind and he is good with details and record keeping, so he generally gets the job.  So in our household it was determined by skill and inclination, not gender or D/s role.  I tend to be a charge-ahead, do-it-now, impatient alpha type who has no patience for details, so I rely on his calm competence and logical, detail oriented mind to help keep our life more structured.  I like having things structured, I just don't much like creating structure, so that's mostly on him.   I have the final say if I decide I want it done differently, but what he comes up with usually works and is convenient.  I don't generally care how it works as long as it works, and as long as I don't have to be bothered with the details.

Sadly, my secondary is heterosexual so our poly configuration is a "V" rather than a triad, with only friendly interactions between my two boys.  I don't interfere in their relationship at all; no reason for me to meddle in what already works very well, and lots of reasons to support harmony in my household by letting them relax and be natural with each other.


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RE: Social calendars? - 12/29/2010 2:16:25 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

... If it was up to Val to seek out social functions, I doubt we'd leave the house but a few times a year.


That sounds so familiar.  Firm and I are both very much home-bodies, however I'm the one who makes arrangements so that we get out and don't become hermits.  While Firm does enjoy himself when we have a moderate social calendar, if left up to him, we wouldn't get out much at all. 

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RE: Social calendars? - 12/29/2010 4:31:13 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		We don't do public bdsm if that's what you're referring to. Otherwise, it depends on what it is. If it's his son who has something, then he tells me. If mine has an event, I tell him. For stuff we want to do together, we check in with each other to make sure neither of us has a conflict.

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RE: Social calendars? - 12/29/2010 5:22:14 PM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline 		Oh, I wasn't referring to any specific kind of events. There is often one person in a household that knows where everyone is supposed to be, and is "in charge" of scheduling. When/where I came of age, it was always the womenfolk who did the contacting and scheduling for social occasions, and I hadn't thought about that til I saw the post about it. Now I know to think before contact!

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RE: Social calendars? - 12/29/2010 10:08:56 PM   
FirmhandKY


Posts: 8948
Joined: 9/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

... If it was up to Val to seek out social functions, I doubt we'd leave the house but a few times a year.


That sounds so familiar.  Firm and I are both very much home-bodies, however I'm the one who makes arrangements so that we get out and don't become hermits.  While Firm does enjoy himself when we have a moderate social calendar, if left up to him, we wouldn't get out much at all. 


I think the phrase that I used, to describe my likely course of action, if I didn't have a sociable sub was "live like a hermit in a cave ..."

Firm


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Some people are just idiots.

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RE: Social calendars? - 12/29/2010 11:30:33 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		For Carol & I it isn't very formalized. Stuff comes up, we decide if we want to attend, then do so. We would both likely avoid committing without input from our partner although obviously I would do so if it was mportant.

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~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Social calendars? - 12/30/2010 12:09:53 AM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline 		Quick reply:

If it is family-related like for karate/soccer for the kiddo I handle it. If it involves going out with other adults he handles it because they are his friends/peers/colleagues and they contact him to do things.

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

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