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Calandra -> RE: Submissive or Slave (5/1/2006 4:50:55 AM)
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Good question!
I tend to be interested in the connection and seeing what results between myself and a sub/slave. I currently have one of each in my home, and we've lived together as a family for several years with success. I guess it will help to express how "we" define sub and slave in order to help you understand the dynamic, though I do NOT say this is the right/only/true definition... simply "our" definition.
To us, the difference is not in the expression of submission, but in the motivation for that submission. A submissive in my household yields and behaves just as submissively as a slave oftentimes, but they need to retain the right to ongoing consent. Don't misunderstand, they may not act on that right very often, if at all, but they need to know that it is there should they feel it's necessary. A slave in my household is someone who (once trust is accomplished) seeks to give up the right to consent once and for all times.
Now my submissive is a single mom, and she feels it would be unwise and unethical to shift every responsibility (specifically parenting) to someone else (I am an active parent to the child too, but more in a supportive role - on the big decisions I wouldn't DREAM of userping or undermining nomi with her child). She also has a career that she was managing quite well before I met her. She has been attending school to get her bachelors degree for the last 3 years. In these matters I don't interfere, though if I had a serious concern, she trusts me to give input.
My slave is also My husband. We met online in a D/s chatroom 7 years ago. He joined me as my slave, wanting to forevermore give up consent unless health (mental or physical) should require that he take his personal power from me.
I manage all finances, social schedules, auto maintenance, housework, shopping, etc. for all of us, and our family interaction is a bit nebulous to anyone looking in from outside. The protocols are there, and the power exchange is felt by each one of us, but it is not easily observeable to those who have more rigid expectations of D/s.
With that in mind, I don't specifically seek a "submissive" or a "slave". I simply seek someone who matches seamlessly into our family dynamic. I am the undisputed head of the household, and both cubby and nomi has a place that cannot be taken by someone who wishes to join us. We find that a person who is not suitable to our family shows themselves to be a mismatch quite early simply because we do not try to put them into a mold.
That may not work for others, but it works for us... hope that helps.
Lady kathryn
Athens Ga.
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