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xssve -> RE: Craving for punishment- confused (12/24/2010 7:10:09 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Michael75
Is it possible that you are enjoying the fact that you are atoning rather than the fact that there is something to atone for?
You did a bad thing, but bend over and it gets made all better.
In fact, this may be true, and you might not like it, but it's probably Narcissism - a Narcissistic personality disorder is usually brought on by high parental expectations, leading to alternating episodes of self aggrandizement and feelings of inadequacy, during which the sufferer may desire to be "punished" for their failure to live up to irrationally high expectations.
The good news here, is that it's a pathology, i.e., an exaggeration of normality - i.e., we all have expectations of success, and we tend to "talk ourselves up" to build up our confidence (it practically fuels the whole self-help industry), and we're all a little disappointed if it doesn't work out the way we planned - the whole country is Narcissistic to varying degrees, not excluding myself, and it's largely inescapable - it's also major marketing tool for mass media, organized religion, etc., i.e., you cannot be "successful" without their product, philosophy, etc., and the worst thing that can happen is they should satisfy the need they seek to create - you might stop buying their product.
The important thing here is to be aware of it, it is a psychological condition, not a physiological one, and is therefore both treatable and curable - the cure is simply to care about somebody other than yourself, i.e., love - sounds hokey, but the more isolated you are, the worse it can get - and, a successful relationship is a form of success - the need to be punished comes from a fear of failure, or feelings of inadequacy resulting form a failure to achieve what might have been irrational expectations to begin with - set realistic goals, and enjoy the punishment - it might help you "clear the decks", so to speak, and prevent you from engaging in some other self destructive behavior, which is a common symptom of Narcissism, alcoholism, drug abuse, or other forms of self sabotage, etc.
A punishment fetish is manageable, you can indulge in it without having it significant;y effect other areas of your life, and you gradually shift form doing it to relieve your sense of guilt and start doing it to please someone you love, i.e., curing it, you might find you enjoy it even more, and the rewards, greater.
i.e., you might end up liking it, even after you no longer feel compelled to experience it, i.e., as the Narcissistic component becomes more manageable.
Like I say, people often end up doing things that are unequivocally self destructive, homeless shelters and rehab clinics are full of them, here at least, BDSM and masochism practically requires a close interpersonal relationship to satisfy, and close interpersonal relationships, ironically, are the cure, so it's therapeutic in ways that a lot of other things are not.
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