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RE: Pleasing, obedience, and how ya got there - 12/9/2010 11:49:09 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedbyPF
B) If you are someone who didn't need the consequences of failing to please... what makes it different for you than sublimely following a vanilla man that you thought equally highly of? (And please give me some insight, not just, I love him, and want to please him... I could say the same thing, now.. I'm looking to really get how it works/worked for you... what made you able to just shelve what you wanted and follow his rules?)

Carol would find this question nonsensical. She wouldn't understand the difference between a "master" and a "vanilla man that you thought equally highly of?". In Carol's eyes, all of those distinctions are pointless. The man is either dominant or he is not (well, more dominant than her which will be most men). He is either trustworthy or he is not (which will be a lot fewer men but plays into the "thought equally highly of" qualifier). In her eyes, "master" is some BDSM word that means nothing to her. "Master" was an unnatural warping of her native view that she only engaged in because I wanted that. Now that I no longer do, she'll revert to something a bit less stylized with some coaxing from me.

In the beginning, before she loved me and wanted to please me, how it worked was that she was submissive and I was dominant. That is the only truth underlying our dynamic and it's always been true. It was true a full 12 years before either of us knew a single thing about BDSM or dominance and submission. When we met, she had a lot of reason to be wary of me. Yet even so, she allowed a total stranger to sweep into her life with the intent of getting some things fixed before he left town again. She accepted direction in ways which were pretty uncomfortable for her. It was me guiding the relationship before there was even a relationship... where we sat, what we talked about, if and where we went out somewhere, whether or not we had sex, pretty much everything big and small. She chose to believe me over the opinions of her long-term friends.

Getting away from the "submissive" word entirely... Carol has always perceived that her proper and desired place in pretty much any grouping is to be a follower, not a leader. She has a fairly active desire to NOT be #1. She'd much, much rather be the person assisting #1. Her dream job would be as a personal assistant to a man she found worthwhile and dominant... in short... a faux master for work. You might call her meek. You might call her conflict averse. You might call her agreeable. But whatever you want to call it, that's what motivates her... the desire that we all share to be acknowledged in our social grouping in the position we think is appropriate to us. For Carol, that position is "follower" or "assistant" or something of that ilk.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to ownedbyPF)
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RE: Pleasing, obedience, and how ya got there - 12/9/2010 12:38:20 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Actually, in point of fact, Carol'd probably already be doing the dishes a few minutes before anyone called out to ask for it done. She'd see the need and automatically think of it as appropriate that she serve. Honestly though, it's hard to argue with that viewpoint. If we're accepting the courtesy of someone else's home, chipping in to help out with the party isn't exactly unreasonable. As I think on it, if her services were not sufficient to the task, I'd be up and helping too. The big difference is that for her that would all be automatic. For me, I'd have to actually notice the problem and then muster myself to do something about it.

Hey wait! is doing the dishes a submissive act? I may need to rethink in willingness on that point - LOL.


This is where *motivation* is significant, if you look at it that way.

I do exactly the same thing Carol does, yet not out of any inclination to *serve* .... in fact, it's seen as a friendly appreciative gesture and most guests, here, would *pitch in*; man, women and child.

agirl

(in reply to leadership527)
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RE: Pleasing, obedience, and how ya got there - 12/9/2010 10:32:59 PM   
ownedbyPF


Posts: 126
Joined: 2/18/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I can't tell how old the op is. Usually however there comes a point where you grow up and don't want to have everything be done by force. And it's certainly true of dominants that usually it's only the young ones who go for the constant force play.

Punishment just makes me fear him. It doesn't make me love him and want to please him more. I may not repeat the bad behavior but I won't want to be near him, for fear of angering him again. It simply puts a wedge between us. Making me stop talking because not saying anything is easier than watching my words.

Of course the difference for the op is that she has someone who loves her anyway, so her relationship with her dominant is different than those of us who have only one partner. She can be very careful when talking to him because she has someone else to whom she can talk freely.

Her relationship is not comparable to those of us for whom our dominant is our only partner.

   



I don't know where you got this from? I only have one Master/Owner/Husband. No second partner here. And I was in my thirties when I met him, so not exactly a young chickie :) And I realize that a fair number of people relate this to maturity. That's okay. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, maybe it depends on the person. I just know that a man saying to me...... I'm disappointed you didn't X, never meant a whole lot to me until I was with someone who could back it up. That's what brought my question. I have known a fair number of pretty great men in my life... and it takes quite a bit for me to call any man, pretty great. They need to really have their lives in order, be fair, kind, generous of spirit. Yet none of those men were enough for me because they didn't have a back bone that was stronger than my own will. I wanted them to, I really did, they just didn't. So that begged the question, in my mind, if that is enough for someone else, then why are they even drawn to BDSM? If a good man is what is needed to pluck their submission out, then why not be with a vanilla man? Now, I also come from it at a vantage point of it being the emotional pull that lured me. The trapping, the bondage and the play are not what drive me in this lifestyle. They are fun, a nice icing, but they aren't why I was drawn to it. It was the Dominance that drew me, the force, the reprecussion of something, something more than a lecture, because a lecture just wasn't ever enough to pull me, emotionally, in all the way. It wasn't enough to push forth the need to submit, please and obey. I needed the tangible factor of his disappointment.
s

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RE: Pleasing, obedience, and how ya got there - 12/9/2010 10:48:06 PM   
ownedbyPF


Posts: 126
Joined: 2/18/2010
Status: offline 		Spirited Radiance~

First of all, I'm glad you found someone to build with :) I was thinking about the impact of your Dad telling you how disappointed he was. I get that it... I mean I understand going from praise all that time to disappointing him must have crushed you. And in fact, now, I do understand that feeling a lot more than I did in the beginning with my Owner. It was never that I didn't care if I disappointed him, it was a question of that being enough to push me into actually obeying him. In the beginning, no. Now, yes. Now, I live for him stroking my hair and telling me I'm a good girl and how pleased he is with me. When he isn't pleased with me, I can't bare it. Now punishment is closure. It moved from inspiration to closure. If I didn't have that closure, lol, I'd probably be like this... crying for a month! So for you, the right man inspires it without the tail spin I had to go through. (Having a hard time defining that with the right words, but hopefully you get my meaning.) So, did you find yourself looking for a Dom because you also enjoy the eroticness of BDSM, or because you found that Dom's, simply by being a Dom naturally, had more of an ability to illicit that response from you?
Wow, I don't know if that made sense, but hopefully you understand, if not, ask me to learn some articulation and try again!
s

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RE: Pleasing, obedience, and how ya got there - 12/9/2010 10:57:36 PM   
ownedbyPF


Posts: 126
Joined: 2/18/2010
Status: offline 		Maxsgirl~ Wow... ding ding ding! Ditto! You said it all really well. My Owner is also a sadist in the bedroom, but that isn't where he is at, mentally, when punishing me. It is just an entirely different mindset. He doesn't have any issue doing it, doesn't have any internal struggle over it, but it is completely different. He certainly inspired me simply by being him to submit in a way other men hadn't been able to muster from me, but that alone wouldn't have been enough...I still needed his backing it up and I still struggled getting with the program.
I don't even know what else to say... you nailed it really well!
s

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RE: Pleasing, obedience, and how ya got there - 12/9/2010 10:58:31 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		I dont get it speeding example in 1st post and 2nd post agrees. Lemme get this straight speeding fine $ 150 couple points on insurance raised yearly cost $150. Yet you continue to speed. Not to mention that you speeding could really hurt someone else. Cane your feet cure speeding??? Im not implying your "punishment" is wrong, more like You need to learn how to act like a responsible adult.

In other words stop blaming others for somehow "NOT" making you slow down and ya know grow the hell up. Act like a reasoned adult SHEESH

BadOne



_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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RE: Pleasing, obedience, and how ya got there - 12/9/2010 11:11:42 PM   
ownedbyPF


Posts: 126
Joined: 2/18/2010
Status: offline 		angelikaj~ I appreciate everything you said and want to comment on something you really pinpointed for me! He never contemplated if the things I had to work through were about compatibility because he saw my willingess. For him, being strict, and demanding, and calling me on everything, and "forcing" me under his hand wasn't a deal breaker because he knew my intent. He didn't have to beat me for the same thing twice... ever. He knew it wasn't about being bratty, or disobeying, or anything else. I wanted him to rule me. I was open to his rules, and his guidance, I just had to feel the force of him in order to get that when he said x, he really meant x, not a variant of x, not an idea of x, not... if you feel like doing it, do x.... but x! xxxxxx! Period! :) The power of demand that x, not only be done, but be done right, was what inspired me to desperately want to get X exactly right... so I wouldn't get whipped, and so instead of hearing, and feeling his disappointment and his whip... I got to hear how well I'd done this time.
s

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RE: Pleasing, obedience, and how ya got there - 12/9/2010 11:14:24 PM   
ownedbyPF


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Joined: 2/18/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

I dont get it speeding example in 1st post and 2nd post agrees. Lemme get this straight speeding fine $ 150 couple points on insurance raised yearly cost $150. Yet you continue to speed. Not to mention that you speeding could really hurt someone else. Cane your feet cure speeding??? Im not implying your "punishment" is wrong, more like You need to learn how to act like a responsible adult.

In other words stop blaming others for somehow "NOT" making you slow down and ya know grow the hell up. Act like a reasoned adult SHEESH

BadOne




I know I know.. I'm a childish, immature thing... aren't you glad you don't have to put up with me? I don't claim to be utterly mature, or grown up, or responsible. Probably if I were all of those things on my own, I wouldn't have needed a Master to take over my life and rule me. I'm good with that.

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RE: Pleasing, obedience, and how ya got there - 12/9/2010 11:17:28 PM   
ownedbyPF


Posts: 126
Joined: 2/18/2010
Status: offline 		Mollytroubletail~

So does that mean that you want/wanted/have/whatever :) a Dom because they are forceful by nature and so it appealed to you, or because you like BDSM and they go together? That's the crux of what I'm trying to get!
s

(in reply to MollyTroubletail)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Pleasing, obedience, and how ya got there - 12/9/2010 11:27:49 PM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedbyPF
So, did you find yourself looking for a Dom because you also enjoy the eroticness of BDSM, or because you found that Dom's, simply by being a Dom naturally, had more of an ability to illicit that response from you?
Wow, I don't know if that made sense, but hopefully you understand, if not, ask me to learn some articulation and try again!
s


No, I didnt look for a Dom in fact my last 3 partners I met in completely vanilla instances, I had no idea they were into the life until they commented on something I owned or I commented on something they owned. I am attracted mentally emotionally and physically to a man of a dominant nature, I dont know how my body recognizes it, Or even If it really processes until he asks me to obey him with a smile on his face knowing ill do it.

The thing with me for punishment is nothing will really work effectively. If he would punish me physically he could never do that act to me in pleasure again because even if his reassuring me that its okay, that he wasnt mad, that instrument, that act will make me think ive disappointed him, and it will really really get to me trying to figure out what. If he ignores me or puts me in a corner, im going to resent him, Im going to shut down and not communicate with him because thats what ignoring me does... it cuts off communication. If he made me write lines or anything else Im going to laugh at him....

For the most part the knowledge hes going to be unhappy with me is enough to make me pause consider my actions and do as he asks.... but its not always, and when its not i have to stop think and reevaluate why him being happy and in return making me happy isnt enough anymore.


_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to ownedbyPF)
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RE: Pleasing, obedience, and how ya got there - 12/9/2010 11:34:45 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedbyPF


quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

I dont get it speeding example in 1st post and 2nd post agrees. Lemme get this straight speeding fine $ 150 couple points on insurance raised yearly cost $150. Yet you continue to speed. Not to mention that you speeding could really hurt someone else. Cane your feet cure speeding??? Im not implying your "punishment" is wrong, more like You need to learn how to act like a responsible adult.

In other words stop blaming others for somehow "NOT" making you slow down and ya know grow the hell up. Act like a reasoned adult SHEESH

BadOne




I know I know.. I'm a childish, immature thing... aren't you glad you don't have to put up with me? I don't claim to be utterly mature, or grown up, or responsible. Probably if I were all of those things on my own, I wouldn't have needed a Master to take over my life and rule me. I'm good with that.


You STILL dont get it geeze ppl come and go out of your life. Repeated for the hard of hearing YOU need to act like a REASONED ADULT

Actually I hope you dont live near me so your reckless driving doesn't hurt someone I care about. I really could care less how many times you put yourself in danger by whatever means . The Moment your thoughtless acts put others in danger then it becomes a issue.

BadOne



< Message edited by SailingBum -- 12/9/2010 11:36:08 PM >

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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RE: Pleasing, obedience, and how ya got there - 12/9/2010 11:48:11 PM   
ownedbyPF


Posts: 126
Joined: 2/18/2010
Status: offline 		Oh good grief. In case you missed it, which obviously you did, I don't speed any more. That was the point... for me, caning my feet worked quite well, thanks. Now let me spell that out to make sure you heard correctly.... In my relationship what works is a solid, tangible, consequence... not a suggestion. That would be the entire point of this thread, summed up nicely.

Now let me think really hard... Sailingbum says I need to be a grown up.... so do I care what Sailingbum thinks I need to do.... gimme a minute... Oh, wait, that would be a no, but thanks for the input

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RE: Pleasing, obedience, and how ya got there - 12/10/2010 12:06:23 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		OH BOY let me draw it out for you... The part your NOT getting <i can't believe I have to go into all this detail> Speeding is NOT the ISSUE it's a example. The POINT is simple. The fact that someone has to cane<punish> you to stop speeding <whatever behavior> while there are many other valid reasons <hurting someone> to stop you from making poor decisions <speeding> shows flawed reasoning and thinking.

So basically what your telling me is if your guy didnt cane you ... YOU would still be speeding <insert any behavior here> ie putting others at risk due to your actions whatever they may be. Ya know instead of responding think about what has be said cuz your replys are not really helping you make your point.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to ownedbyPF)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Pleasing, obedience, and how ya got there - 12/10/2010 12:31:07 AM   
ownedbyPF


Posts: 126
Joined: 2/18/2010
Status: offline 		So okay, now I have a new question :) From reading several of the replies, yellowroses, littlewonder, kyraofMists, Daddysprop, Carol, and a few others, (please forgive me if I didn't include you, it wasn't intentional!) that submitting to people of authority, or to your mate, or both, is your natural inclination. I realize this isn't true straight across the board for each of you, but there is a similar thread woven. For one it might be any authority figure, for another it might fall under the category of to your spouse and so on, but with that person/people it is simply how you respond. That's where your internal emotional clock strikes.

I admit that I have a tendency to dual within myself two oposing sides. I prefer to follow, not lead, yet if someone is screwing up the lead I don't have a problem with hip checking them and taking over. I can be ridiculously submissive to my Owner, and anyone he tells me to be so with, yet I can tell people to f* off without regard, yet my preference is to avoid conflict :) See what I mean? I wanted to be submisive, yet my inclination was to push the envelope. I wanted lines and boundaries, but had to know that they were impossible to slide past, around, over or under. He had to be smarter, faster, stronger, emotionally and physically. I will aslo admit that what I was looking for was hard to find... I wore down a lot of men... much to my own disappontment, yet I figured better to never be collared, than to wear the wrong one. I wanted to succeed, yet had to know he wouldn't let me fail. I was countless opposites. He got that, and it worked for him. Now, I'm quite settled. I don't have those same conflicts internally, I'm quite at peace, and we move along quite smoothly with very few moments of him needing to physically impose his will. All of those previous moments of follow, no lead, no follow, are gone. I know who to obey and when to obey them and so on. Peace... what a beautiful thing! Others, Angel, mbes, Maxsgirl, and agirl and a few others, seem to tick by way of needing someone to be a bit more forceful, or matter fo fact, about their expectation of following their lead.

Please note, I realize I am generalizing and it varies from one person to the next, I'm simply trying to group somewhat for clarity and brevity :)

So, I guess my question was, if your internal clock ticks on the vibration of submission coming naturally, an inability to not want to please the one you love, or someone in authority, why BDSM, vs a good nilla man? It seems like the answer is that for many of you, vanilla was just fine, you discovered this somewhere, introduction via something, and found it appealing, but you don't need it in order to happily cater to someone. Right? Whereas I came into BDSM via bedroom spanking, which then lead me to this, which then lead me to... okay, this is the best shot/place I have at finding a man who doesn't have a problem exercising his backbone against mine when needed. He won't have a problem forcing his will upon me regardless of how it needs to be done. Which, at the bottom of it all, for me, is what tips me into wanting to please him.

Okay, I have to go do slavey things :( Seeee I want to answer several other posts, but I have learned not noodle around and find the gray area that says I could go ahead and do that instead of the stuff I'm supposed to be doing :)
s

(in reply to ownedbyPF)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Pleasing, obedience, and how ya got there - 12/10/2010 12:34:33 AM   
ownedbyPF


Posts: 126
Joined: 2/18/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

OH BOY let me draw it out for you... The part your NOT getting <i can't believe I have to go into all this detail> Speeding is NOT the ISSUE it's a example. The POINT is simple. The fact that someone has to cane<punish> you to stop speeding <whatever behavior> while there are many other valid reasons <hurting someone> to stop you from making poor decisions <speeding> shows flawed reasoning and thinking.

So basically what your telling me is if your guy didnt cane you ... YOU would still be speeding <insert any behavior here> ie putting others at risk due to your actions whatever they may be. Ya know instead of responding think about what has be said cuz your replys are not really helping you make your point.

BadOne


I am flawed, I am not always reasoned in my thinking. Yeah, I'd still be speeding. Now you get it. That is the point.
s

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RE: Pleasing, obedience, and how ya got there - 12/10/2010 12:40:38 AM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		Because its not about vanilla vs bdsm for me, its about a mans nature. I met my current partner completely vanilla, In fact in the 2 months weve been dating hes never once ordered me to do anything until recently. Hes requested something of me and I do it, why because hes the Dom. The truth is I fucking HATE his request, but it makes him happy that its followed.....Not because hes into bdsm but because his nature is to be dominant, to take control of the situation.

He is Dominant regardless of his relationship, be it vanilla or D/s. Im submissive regardless of my relationship be it vanilla or Ds


_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

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RE: Pleasing, obedience, and how ya got there - 12/10/2010 1:26:37 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
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quote:

So, this is how it worked/works for me. My questions would be A) Who else had the same internal struggle and needed it "forced" out of them, if anyone, hey I could be a lone duck, I'm okay with that :) B) If you are someone who didn't need the consequences of failing to please... what makes it different for you than sublimely following a vanilla man that you thought equally highly of? (And please give me some insight, not just, I love him, and want to please him... I could say the same thing, now.. I'm looking to really get how it works/worked for you... what made you able to just shelve what you wanted and follow his rules?)
~s


In our relationship, submission isn't about being pleasing. Pleasing is a perk. I see the issues crop up when people end up getting themselves in knots over being that people define themselves by their relationship rather than the other way around so you get some peeps trying to pidgeon hole individuals or relationships into what is BDSM and what is so called 'vanilla'(blergh word).

_____________________________
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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Pleasing, obedience, and how ya got there - 12/10/2010 2:02:07 AM   
Domanatrix


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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I don't obey him because I need to be forced to do so. Neither he nor I would ever even think of entering into such a relationship. For us it completely voids the whole idea of submission.

I obey him because I respect and love him and in return it is pleasing to him.

You've got it here littlewonder.

I've met 'dominant' men, don't remind me. Once out of their social cocoon or out of their own personal narrow 'element' they are all too often little boys and walk away. I have submitted if you will allow me, to one man in my life and as he has had profiles at these sites and we have debated the fetishes and lifestyle, a man I know has shown me personally that most women yes, even me, can and have had their submission inspired.

He has been a great help to me in my search for submissive women in that it is my belief and our agreement is that M/s is a love affair and it is the love of a master or mistress that inspires those to please not because of punishment or pain. Those are reminders, cautionary but are not to further inspire obedience. A submissive person or slave should have an ache to please and because she has a love now that has inspired that feeling.

< Message edited by Domanatrix -- 12/10/2010 2:04:07 AM >

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RE: Pleasing, obedience, and how ya got there - 12/10/2010 2:14:05 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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quote:

So, this is how it worked/works for me. My questions would be A) Who else had the same internal struggle and needed it "forced" out of them, if anyone, hey I could be a lone duck, I'm okay with that :) B) If you are someone who didn't need the consequences of failing to please... what makes it different for you than sublimely following a vanilla man that you thought equally highly of? (And please give me some insight, not just, I love him, and want to please him... I could say the same thing, now.. I'm looking to really get how it works/worked for you... what made you able to just shelve what you wanted and follow his rules?)


FR based on the OP -

When I choose to follow someone (I don't like the word "obey".  Blech ), I do it because it pleases me to do so.  Not for nothing, but if I'm not getting something good out of it, I'm not doing it.  Now getting something good doesn't always mean instant gratification.  I sometimes go to a job that I love even when I feel like crap because I want my paycheck,  because I believe in the work I'm doing despite the immediate irritation, becaue I have made a commitment and I choose to have integrity around my commitments.

I "serve" for a number of reasons.  While I am comfortable in a group of people I know, new people make me terribly nervous.  I might cut a cake, clean up a kitchen, gather dirty glasses at a wedding or party - not because I'm "serving" but because it makes me comfortable, it distracts me from my discomfort.  

I will also lead for the same reason - because I'm uncomfortable with what is going on around me, or no one else is doing anything (and that makes me uncomfortable).  I was helping with an anniversary party once, and people were standing around..."what should we do?"  Another woman that I'd worked with for years - creating parties and events - looked at me, and we just organically started telling people what to do... It needed done, and we both had the knowledge, experience, and trust in one another.  It served me desires (to share a wonderful evening with the man who was being honored) to lead at that point.

When I actually follow someone - without reservation - it is because that person has proven themselves to be level headed, intelligent, and wise.  That means they've proven it to my satisfaction - whatever that means in any given situation.  When I wanted to learn how to cook, I went to a fellow that I knew was an excellent chef and offered to volunteer in his kitchen if he would teach me.  And we did that.  One day he told me to break eggs with one hand.  Do it until I could do it without thinking, and until I could break two eggs at the same time, no shells going into the bowl.  How stupid is that?  I didn't need to understand why he wanted me to do it, I just knew that I trusted his judgment because he'd proven himself to me in that area.  And all flipping morning I was breaking eggs until I got it right (It was like the Julia Child School of Karate Kid - Crack on, Crack off). 

Why did he have me do it?  He told me that real chefs would not take me seriously if I couldn't do that.  Was it a load of poppycock?  I don't know.  But I'll tell you what.  I can break eggs with one hand.  I don't have to think about it.  I just do it.  I am a very efficient egg breaker.  He taught me enough around the kitchen that I'm comfortable with cooking.  I'm not a chef, I'm no gourmet, but I know how to do basic things, and that is success in my eyes! 

I served because I chose to, because serving served my purpose.

Best,
sunshine

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to daddysprop247)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Pleasing, obedience, and how ya got there - 12/11/2010 4:47:25 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedbyPF
why BDSM, vs a good nilla man?


I didn't set out to be a slave. I was interested in BDSM because it is like sex to me. Pain is foreplay. Then I met him... I had no interest in being his slave; he was just a resource and along the way he became a friend and confidant and then I wanted him to be a part of my life. I found myself drawn to him and willing to do whatever he wanted me to do. He also wasn't afraid of who I was; he didn't reject who I was at my core.

Over the past six years, we have stripped away all the excess junk that I have takn on over the years and found who I am at my core. Who I am is a person willing to follow him anywhere. For me, it really is about him. I don't see myself as 'a' slave; I am his slave. For me, there is a huge difference.

There may be other good men in the world, but I have never met anyone else with the sense of integrity and honour that he has. I have not met anyone else whose expectations of me exceeded my own. I have not met anyone else who was willing to push me and challenge me throughout my life. I am with him because of who he is and not because he likes BDSM. I met him because he likes BDSM, but I have met a lot of people for that same reason. Who he is at his core is why I am in a relationship with him and that core makes me naturally submit to his will.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to ownedbyPF)
Profile   Post #: 40
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