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I just bought some new clothes - 11/24/2010 8:16:23 PM

LookieNoNookie

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I was in the store, feeling a smidge overweight...thinking...Turkey Day is coming....I could use some relaxing pantaloons....found some...look like a cross between pajama's and sweat pants....got a pair....nice little tie in the front...very festive, on the whole.

Camouflage type...very comfy....decided to get a pair of camo undies as well.

I went into my local bar (camo'd from the waist down)....I'm feeling quite relaxed....they say....

"Hey (my name)...how you doing?"

I said...."How'd you know it was me?"

It dawned on me, if my Mom saw me in a car accident, she might say "This is not my child" (largely because I'm wearing camo below my waist) and I'm thinking of all the related consequences.....

I subsequently went to the bathroom (I was in a bar after all) and realized...I couldn't find my dick.

Camo will do that to you.

I have some issues to work through on this.

Post #: 1

RE: I just bought some new clothes - 11/25/2010 4:38:56 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

I have some issues to work through on this.

Just this?

Listen Nook...you have broken the golden rule. You never ever EVER shop for clothes when feeling fat. It is a HUGE mistake!! Especially pants...NEVER EVER EVER EVER buy pants when feeling overweight and/or bloated. When you look in the dressing room mirror and ask the inevitable "Do these make my ass look big?" the answer is a resounding "YES" and it will do nothing to alleviate your feeling of lardassedness. Sheeesh.

Now, there are things that you can shop for when the feelings of plumpness take over...

SHOES. It is rare that we feel too fat to shop for shoes. This is why most shoe sales occur on a Monday. The manufactures of footwear realize that we may have been over-served on the weekend and feel like a water buffalo on Monday. Hence the shoe sale. If you need proof of this fact...note that you will rarely see a sale on Levi's that starts on Monday.

MAKEUP. Go to the Clinique counter and stock up on the shit that reduces under-eye puffiness. Trust me...it is on sale (the makeup folks read the same handbook as the shoe dudes) and it will do wonders for those suitcases resting on your cheeks. You COULD use cucumber slices, but you would look a bit silly and the cucumber seeds tend to smudge your mascara.

HAIR DYE. Mainly hair highlighting stuff. Because your ass is over-sized, you are feeling punky and it would be a huge mistake to make a drastic change in your appearance. Hair highlighting is the answer. Subtle lights (either high or low) can boost ones self esteem. Besides, when you admire the results in the bathroom, the mirror is way too high to view all the flab on your ass.

I could go on and on, but hopefully you get the general idea of what i am saying here.

Best of luck to you

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 11/25/2010 4:41:06 AM >

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Post #: 2

RE: I just bought some new clothes - 11/25/2010 4:46:22 AM

pahunkboy

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From: Central Pennsylvania
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Due to my lousy stocked kitchen- it is better if I shop HUNGRY.

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Post #: 3

RE: I just bought some new clothes - 11/25/2010 4:55:04 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

I have some issues to work through on this.
Just this?
SHOES. It is rare that we feel too fat to shop for shoes. This is why most shoe sales occur on a Monday. The manufactures of footwear realize that we may have been over-served on the weekend and feel like a water buffalo on Monday. Hence the shoe sale. If you need proof of this fact...note that you will rarely see a sale on Levi's that starts on Monday.
Best of luck to you

Unfortunately, I did have a moment when I felt too fat to shop for shoes. A couple of years ago, when boots became all the rage again. My calves where too full for many of the boots I coveted. Unfortunately, now that my calves are more slender, the boot budget is also......

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 4

RE: I just bought some new clothes - 11/25/2010 4:59:02 AM

sirsholly

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From: Quietville
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Oh LaT...boots (drool).

I am the ultimate boot whore.

And i just found these.....http://www.shopbop.com/wishlist-knee-slouch-flat-engineer/vp/v=1/845524441872444.htm#reviewsArea

_____________________________

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Post #: 5

RE: I just bought some new clothes - 11/25/2010 5:20:44 AM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
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From: Central Pennsylvania
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I have owned cars that I paid less then those boots Holly. lol

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 6

RE: I just bought some new clothes - 11/25/2010 5:26:05 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

I have owned cars that I paid less then those boots Holly. lol

i am waiting for them to go on sale....

_____________________________

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GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
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Post #: 7

RE: I just bought some new clothes - 11/25/2010 5:39:59 AM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

I have owned cars that I paid less then those boots Holly. lol

i am waiting for them to go on sale....

I so hear you. The pickings are slimmer now then a few years ago.

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 8

RE: I just bought some new clothes - 11/25/2010 4:21:35 PM

MercTech

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Um.. camo... I hope it wasn't pink camo.

Pink camo should be relegated to targets, really.

Stefan

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Post #: 9

RE: I just bought some new clothes - 11/25/2010 4:33:18 PM

soul2share

Posts: 7084
Joined: 12/18/2007
From: somewhere out there.....
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MercTech
Um.. camo... I hope it wasn't pink camo.
Pink camo should be relegated to targets, really.
Stefan

Yes, but Merc, I'm not sure what's scarier....the pink camo undies, or the fact that he couldn't find his dick in the GREEN camo........

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I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?"...people are starting to take it as a challenge!

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Post #: 10

RE: I just bought some new clothes - 11/25/2010 4:38:17 PM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
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Sorry. . . . . Sorry, but I have to ask for an explanation. Probably obvious to everyone 'cept this old Guard Leatherman.

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Post #: 11

RE: I just bought some new clothes - 11/27/2010 8:29:36 PM

LookieNoNookie

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I'm invisible from the waist down.

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 12

RE: I just bought some new clothes - 11/27/2010 8:56:26 PM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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I can see him because I have superpowers. Of course...he IS invisible from the waist UP. :(

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Post #: 13

RE: I just bought some new clothes - 11/27/2010 10:11:24 PM

Aylee

Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

Sorry. . . . . Sorry, but I have to ask for an explanation. Probably obvious to everyone 'cept this old Guard Leatherman.

There is NO explanation for pink camo. There is just wincing.

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Post #: 14

RE: I just bought some new clothes - 12/5/2010 4:51:13 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

HAIR DYE. Mainly hair highlighting stuff. Because your ass is over-sized, you are feeling punky and it would be a huge mistake to make a drastic change in your appearance. Hair highlighting is the answer. Subtle lights (either high or low) can boost ones self esteem. Besides, when you admire the results in the bathroom, the mirror is way too high to view all the flab on your ass.

I could go on and on, but hopefully you get the general idea of what i am saying here.

Best of luck to you

(This presumes hair)

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 15

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