RE: Perceptions … of Attractiveness and Desire

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seekingOwnertoo -> RE: Perceptions … of Attractiveness and Desire (11/19/2010 11:13:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mstrjx quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo What are you looking for? A unicorn. Not in the 'finding a third' sense, just the 'mythical' sense. Jeff Is there a shortage of ant eaters in the world today? Wow, never would have thought that! [;)]

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Perceptions … of Attractiveness and Desire (11/19/2010 11:15:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mstrjx quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo What are you looking for? A unicorn. Not in the 'finding a third' sense, just the 'mythical' sense. Jeff Hi Jeff! Its good to see you posting again!

BonesFromAsh -> RE: Perceptions … of Attractiveness and Desire (11/20/2010 2:46:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo What specifically attracts you to another? Initially, appearance is going to grab my eye....how he hold himself, with confidence or with slumped/rolled shoulders? I then go to the eyes and the expression he's wearing...inviting or no? Smell is important also...does he smell stale and unwashed...[:'(]...or too overly perfumed...[:'(]? I go to a farmers market every week and there's a particular farmer who shows up looking, well, farmer-like...work boots/work jeans/flannel shirt/scruffy beard and the like. He always looks me right in the eye and smiles when we talk about his produce, his farm, the weather or if I have some gardening question. The comfort he feels in his own skin and the joy and confidence that comes from his attitude combined with the twinkle in his eyes make him a pleasure to be around. If it wasn't for his wife and the fact that I think she's pretty darn cool herself.....[;)] What I mean with that bit of info, besides the fact that I like earthy guys, is I find confidence (not cockiness or swagger) sexy. quote: Do you look at men (or women) differently, based on the where you know them from? Only with interest. I like an individual who chooses to be unique in their own way...even if that makes them appear to be like everyone else. quote: What are you looking for? (Or what were your past experiences in meeting your partner(s)), More than I have time to type and less than people think. A gentleman would be one word I'd use...as a start. quote: What are (were) your experience(s) when encountering potential dates and/or mates? Honestly, I rarely look at someone as a potential date/mate anymore. Instead, I look at them as potential friends. That's what matters to me right now.

DesFIP -> RE: Perceptions … of Attractiveness and Desire (11/20/2010 4:54:05 AM)
Now as to what I look for. Tall, about 6'. Not skinny. I want to know that if I dig my nails into you, you can handle it. Heavily muscled, not by the gym but by ordinary life. Dark, no blonds or redheads please. College educated but blue collar hands. Someone who does things instead of just using words. I find most of life is petty stuff and being able to turn to someone who can handle the petty stuff makes me feel safe, protected and loved. And someone who was in my life stage who was as devoted to his kids as I am to mine. If you didn't know your kid's favorite teacher, then you weren't involved with them.

Zevar -> RE: Perceptions … of Attractiveness and Desire (11/20/2010 12:16:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo Perceptions …. of Attractiveness … and Desire ... Lately, I have been working in the Downtown areas of several Major American Cities. And I feel a trend developing, so I thought it is appropriate to ask everyone: What specifically attracts you to another? Myself, I was once a dashing young man that women would fawn over. Now just a smart, mature leader. [;)] I find that younger Women I encounter, in their 20’s and 30’s, who work in professional capacities, gush over me. While down to earth, real life, non-professional women, in the same age range, are not even interested. Although age is not a driver of my own desires, I do find the seemingly contradictory reactions, of the same age group, based on location and profession, really interesting. In fact, it strikes me, as a fascinating dichotomy … So I thought I would ask … Do you look at men (or women) differently, based on the where you know them from? What are you looking for? (Or what were your past experiences in meeting your partner(s)), and What are (were) your experience(s) when encountering potential dates and/or mates? Please do share ... as your thoughts and experiences ... as they are of interest! 1] What specifically attracts you to another? I find that I have always been particularly attracted moreover to the character of a lady, primarily. Secondarily, I find the physical attributes of a lady to not have had much bearing on my choice of relating. I have not been inclined to be attracted to a lady who believes that her physical appearance is solely enough in maintaining my interest. 2] Do you look at men (or women) differently, based on the where you know them from? Frankly, I have always thought of myself to be a man that prefers a lady who is willing to become acquainted with the understanding of my Gaelic Irish heritage and to simultaneously be willing to share her heritage also. However, with My Beloved Companion, who has since past away, so is it now, in that with her, there were no barriers to the both of us being willing to know what was important to either of us. The fact that I come from a Gaelic Irish heritage and she came from a French Canadian heritage did not produce myself to view her any differently. 3] What are you looking for? (Or what were your past experiences in meeting your partner(s)), and I am not looking per se, therefore I haven't much to add to the subject of seeking. In regards to past relating I address this in the next answer to question #4. 4] What are (were) your experience(s) when encountering potential dates and/or mates? My experience as is related when I met My Beloved Companion, who has since past on, was that I was not expecting to meet anyone. I was at a meeting where she in attendance also. She entered the room a bit late and found her way to where I was seated, as there were no other areas to be seated due to the crowdedness of the meeting and it was instant attraction in a way that I was not at all looking for or seeking. Nor was she for as a matter of fact. I was unreservedly willing to pursue her and did as I adored her ways and her ability to demonstrate a character that I greatly respected. She was a lovely lady in mind, body, spirit and heart. Her ability to submit in the instances that were of importance to myself were never entangled with anything that would prevent her graceful ways of serving to be wrongly influenced. These congruent aspects that she consistently demonstrated brought me a contentment that was and will forever be cherished. In regards to the here and now, my ways are a bit different than when I met My Beloved Companion. I am more inclined to not be moved by gestures from women. I am more focused on living Life in a solitary way. I attribute this to having experienced love in a way that was so deeply profound that I do not believe I will ever allow myself to engage in relating with a lady as I have in the past. Friendship though is another whole subject and quite acceptable these days for myself. I suppose that my needs have shifted as I have grown older and wiser, having lived in a marriage with a lady that was indeed a special lady. She shall forever be that One and only lady who gained my attention for matters of the heart, which was indeed not an easy task for her to have accomplished. Nonetheless I continue to share my Life in ways with those I deem significant. Having been blessed to have loved and been loved by a gracious lovely esteemed submissive lady I am forever grateful. I am a much better man than prior to having experienced our bond of love and trust in unfathomable and manifold ways. Take care!

mstrjx -> RE: Perceptions … of Attractiveness and Desire (11/20/2010 7:57:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance quote: ORIGINAL: mstrjx quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo What are you looking for? A unicorn. Not in the 'finding a third' sense, just the 'mythical' sense. Jeff Hi Jeff! Its good to see you posting again! Just an aberration. Nothing to see here. Jeff

DomImus -> RE: Perceptions … of Attractiveness and Desire (11/20/2010 9:40:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo What specifically attracts you to another? I have always been attracted to a wide variety of women so it's difficult to catalog a set of even loosely specific criteria. There are genral things I look for in women but there aren't all that many hard and fast rules cast in stone. People are human so I have always approached things with a spirit of compromise. It's an "off the rack" world. One woman might have a lot of this and not so much of that while the next might have her this and that inverted from the first. As long as I was attracted I never really needed a reason why.

leadership527 -> RE: Perceptions … of Attractiveness and Desire (11/21/2010 10:10:06 AM)
What specifically attracts you to another? Well, I can answer this quite specifically for Carol. It was her internal self-awareness, honesty, and courage. That was enough to make me choose the 38 year old art-chick over the 24 year old stripper. There was even an exact, specific moment when she "hooked me" and that was the hook. Honestly though, when I look at my other two relationships, it's been vastly different things. I evaluate partners based on THEM, not on some checklist. Do you look at men (or women) differently, based on the where you know them from? Yes. Context is important. It's ALWAYS important. For instance, I would have a lot of concerns over anyone self-identified as BDSM or submissive. Note that those concerns wouldn't cause me to reject someone... but it would be some "points against them". When I look at someone's background, I'm measuring the likelihood of that background producing anything I'd be interested in. It doesn't mean that people from that background are bad. It means that in my perception, many of them are going to be incompatible with me. What am I looking for You asked this above. I'm looking for a person who I think might fit nicely with me over the span of 40 or 50 years. There are virtually an infinite number of possible "fits". I do not have a prepared checklist. Had I had such a thing with Carol, she'd have scored zero on a scale of 1-10. I sure am glad I was more interested in reality than checklists. What were my experiences encountering potential dates I never "dated" in this way. I go through my life and I meet people. Roughly half the people I meet are female. Some of those I happen to like. A few I like really well. Should I become available for whatever reasons, then it'll be one of my existing female friends that ended up as my partner. If I were to be meeting someone from here, it would not be as a date. It'd be someone I liked as a person and wanted to know as a friend. It would only be possible to get into the "lover" category from the "friend" category. As a general aside, I'm rather surprised at YOUR surprise. As I noted above, context is important... frequently more important than the actuality of something. Yes, prospective partners consider YOUR context important to them.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Perceptions … of Attractiveness and Desire (11/21/2010 10:55:04 AM)
What specifically attracts you to another? I don't know that there was anything in particular that I could point at and say "that is what I find attractive." When I look back on my relationships, those I was most attracted to fell into the category of having a great sense of humor and were lots of fun. In fact, they weren't really what I would have called good looking men. One was very geeky looking (whenever I watch 2 1/2 Men, the nerdy brother reminds me of him.) The other was not bad looking but his body proportions were a little odd - he had a long body, short legs. We had fun together and the sex was amazing! Another was rather over weight, but I still crave hugs from him even today. He was this big bear of a man who could wrap his arms around me and the world just felt GOOD and SAFE. Do you look at men (or women) differently, based on the where you know them from? Sure. What are you looking for? (Or what were your past experiences in meeting your partner(s)), In each and every case, I was looking for a friend. Not really anything else but friendship. The last guy I had a relationship with (ChefJimmi), was a guy from CM. All his profile said was that he was new in the area and looking to make friends. I invited him over for coffee, he took me up on the offer then just sorta stuck around. He was sorta like feeding a stray dog. You know, feed them and they seem to just hang around forever after that. Lots of fun, sex was great. Unfortunately, he was still madly in love with his ex, moved out of state to get back with her - and I moved across the state to be nearer my children. Still keep in contact with him as a friend though. The guy before him (Master Thomas), I knew from when I was a collared slave. He and his slave would come to the house and stay for the weekend rather often. He gave GREAT hugs, and I was infatuated with him for a long time. We kept in touch briefly as friends over the years and when he and his slave went separate ways, I wrote to him telling him that I'd like to be able to spend some time with him - if he was interested. We still keep in touch. I consider him a great friend too. If I was at all any good at being a slave, I'd be pursuing him hot and heavy. Then there was Master Sar, the man I was collared to. I met him through a mutual friend, when I attended one of the classes they held in his home. I was collared to him for 6 months, but continued to live with in his home for another 1 1/2 years (two years total). Still friends with him. We chat on the phone every now and then. I'm closer friends with another one of his ex-slaves, Cinna. Cinna and I butted heads at first, but became best friends and sisters. I love her dearly. The guy before that (Bill), I met through a mutual friend. In fact, I moved across country from Louisiana to Michigan to be with him. We moved in together to help each other out. Both of us were struggling as single parents. Even though he wasn't into BDSM, I dragged him to Munches with me for almost 2 years (he was my wing man!) He's my all time favorite person in the world and the one I call when I'm lost, or my car breaks down or I forget to turn my lights off and run my battery down. He's always been there to help me out! That pretty much spans the last 12 years of my life. and What are (were) your experience(s) when encountering potential dates and/or mates? I think I already covered that. I will say that I dont' think I've ever actually 'dated'. I'm so oblivious to people in general, that I miss the social cues that usually lead to dates. My son tells me that men flirt with me all the time - which I'm skeptical of that because I've never noticed it myself.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Perceptions … of Attractiveness and Desire (11/21/2010 2:51:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CaringandReal quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss So, I proposed a contest (yes I did). We would go for a month or so and see who could ask out and receive the most rejections!!! If you got rejections you won a trip to a swanky spa (donations from all players allowed us to get the gift). If you didn’t get rejections, you got dates! Yay! Win Win! (I saw it on TV. I wasn’t clever enough to come up with the contest myself… but I was clever enough to recognize how clever it was. ha ha ha ha). Best, sunshine (I’ll pencil you in for later this week *wink) ROFL! Great story, I loved reading that, even though I knew as I read it that I'd never in a million years have the balls to do what you did. No wonder you are the Wonton Hussy. :) So, um where did you find people to ask out? And how did you know they were single? ------------------ To answer the primary question, I just look for a specific sort of personality. That's it, basically. The outer package has no meaning for me--if the personality is right, whatever outer package it happens to come in becomes just...ideal. Beautiful. Perfect. I found peopel EVERYWHERE! You'd be amazed how many people you run into in life - coffee shop, grocery, post office, walking the dogs, etc. What was fascinating to me was that it took away all that pressure on dates. I was asking so many people and going on so many dates that they lost their power to make me giggly and worried and all "what'll I wear". Interestingly, there had been a guy asking me out for months. I'd said no no no to him because ... well... I had my reasons - all totally based on fear that I wasn't good enough for him. After the contest, I finally said yes to that guy. It had done wonders for my self esteem (all those rejections lost their power, too!)... The guy I finally said yes to? So far, the love of my life. Best, sunshine oh... and about married people - generally in the USA they wear rings. I did end up asking a few people who were married - because they didn't have rings on or didn't talk aobut their partner. Usually, they responded with, "if I wasn't married, I'd say yes!" Met a couple of nice blokes and their babes that way, too!

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: Perceptions … of Attractiveness and Desire (11/23/2010 7:06:55 PM)
Well ... once again the OP had to unexpectedly go out of town ... Yet so far some very interesting comments ... (well except for Jeffff [;)]) And I do hope to get back to thank You this weekend ... Until then, have a great holiday! And thank You all for commenting here!

sunshinemiss -> RE: Perceptions … of Attractiveness and Desire (11/23/2010 7:22:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Now as to what I look for. Tall, about 6'. Not skinny. I want to know that if I dig my nails into you, you can handle it. Heavily muscled, not by the gym but by ordinary life. Dark, no blonds or redheads please. College educated but blue collar hands. Someone who does things instead of just using words. I find most of life is petty stuff and being able to turn to someone who can handle the petty stuff makes me feel safe, protected and loved. And someone who was in my life stage who was as devoted to his kids as I am to mine. If you didn't know your kid's favorite teacher, then you weren't involved with them. Hi Celeste - I wanted to respond to the part I highlighted above. I used to work with a guy who is an attorney - he's basically a guardian ad litem for abused children. His family had owned a bar, and he was blue collar through and through. He went to law school on the GI bill I believe. One day he told me that he'd been watching a ditch digger and thought that he wanted to do that - do something that had immediate results. He wanted something to show for his work at the end of the day, something concrete instead of just a piece of paper from a judge based on his words. It was a really short conversation in which I reminded him that he could dig a ditch any time he wanted. And I pointed out one of the other employees - a woman who had been one of his clients 20 years before, one of the children he'd saved from a horrible situation. Can a ditch digger save her? I think you would have liked him. I certainly did. best, sunshine

CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: Perceptions … of Attractiveness and Desire (11/24/2010 3:33:19 AM)
Do you look at men (or women) differently, based on the where you know them from? Yes. What are you looking for? (Or what were your past experiences in meeting your partner(s)), and I am hoping for someone to love. If I cannot find that then...I can always top some people so that I wind down. Past experiences... The guys were average, and became beautiful in my eyes after I fell in love with them. I didn't fall in love at first sight; it took a long time. My first, I went with him because he wouldn't stop asking me out, and because he didn't scare me. With another, we had overlapping shifts at work and I thought he was hot (the voice got to me, he also had yummy thighs). I was working in the box office with a married girlfriend and she was flirting with him and egged me on to flirt with him too. Each day I had watched them and her flirting meant nothing, but when I flirted back just a little bit...wow, I got more than I expected. I transferred to behind the candy counter to put more distance between us but he found excuses to go there, and said that I talked too much...and hugged me breathless then gloated over how quiet and flustered I was. After about 7 months, we got together. He was just everywhere, wearing me down, making me crazy. Looking back, I can see I've been attracted mostly to guys with accents, but this might be just a coincidence. I also seem to have a preference for nerds or geeks. What are (were) your experience(s) when encountering potential dates and/or mates? I have been looking for friendship first. Experiences I've had with potential dates or mates? Some guy dropped his pants in the parking lot on our first meetup...and wanted me to grade his bare nekkid arse on a scale of one to ten. Yes, I am gunshy about dates, lol. The most horrible thing happened for my last one. We were in Applebees, and the waitress said how nice of me to take my father out on Father's Day... I am 46 and the guy was 52 for crying out loud. So...dating...ugh. I think I am lousy at them. [:D] *Lately I've chosen to have first meetups in busy* parking lots.**

Kana -> RE: Perceptions … of Attractiveness and Desire (11/25/2010 4:25:11 AM)
What specifically attracts you to another? -Grins, shit, I'm a guy. First thing I notice is looks...just like anyone else. A smoking hot chick is gonna turn my head for sure, but even an average looking gal will get noticed. Things like dress, motif, style, a certain je ne sais quoi will also get some attention-hell, I know one gal who caught my eye cuz she had terrific posture (Turned out she had been a ballerina-yumminess-dancers posture is haaaaaaaaaaaaaaawt.) Once an initial interest has been established, she has to have something inside that calls to me- a kind heart, intelligence, a smile that melts my bitter heart, maybe a barbed sarcastic perception of the world. Beauty can draw me in, but there must be substance for me to remain. Do you look at men (or women) differently, based on the where you know them from? -Nah, I try real hard to judge each and every one I meet on their own merits, w/o prejudice.I'll hate you for who you are, not what you are. What are you looking for? (Or what were your past experiences in meeting your partner(s)), and -A wish upon a star, but of course.Grins. And I caught her. Actually I have had great success meeting people here. I know that puts me in the minority, but there it is. Sure, I've encountered my share of fakes and time wasters and the ones who misrepresent, but I've also had amazing experiences too. Heck, the first gal I met from on here had been an Insex model (Can't do much better than that! Grins. Nothing like starting your collarme career by fulfilling most men's deepest darkest fantasies). I've also met lawyers, doctors, accountants, plain old housewives, mom's, escorts, and waitresses to name a few. And of course, the lilone. Yep, Collarme been very very good to Kana-I'd give it more than 2 thumbs up, but that's all I gots. What are (were) your experience(s) when encountering potential dates and/or mates -Again, awesome for the most part. The best advice I can give anyone is meet for coffee...and met quickly, within a week or two of contact. That way you don't waste time on the fakes. And if the meets not working well, don't get all skeezie, slide out the back or just drop outta sight. Have some basic human decency and bow out politely. quote: ORIGINAL: Twoshoes I realized today: I'm ugly. And the mirror I used to figure that out was my soul. Could be easier if I were ugly physically, it's easier to avoid actual mirrors. Or get plastic surgery. Me, I need a gamma knife. P.S.-This is fucking awesome.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Perceptions … of Attractiveness and Desire (11/25/2010 6:36:56 AM)
quote: What specifically attracts you to another? Their face. I like a beautiful face but what I find beautiful is not always what other see as beautiful. Certain noses do it for me, button noses kill it for me. Poise, elegance, and of course presence, the sort of woman who walks into a quiet room and it suddenly comes alive. Intelligence and wit when combined, just one or the other rarely does it for me. quote: Do you look at men (or women) differently, based on the where you know them from? I rarely meet women who evoke a romantically interested in me so they stand out wherever I meet them. quote: What are you looking for? (Or what were your past experiences in meeting your partner(s)), and I look for a woman who can enrich my life, push me to be a better person, who shares similar outlooks on life. I have been with vegans, artists, bankers but all were amazing women in one way or another. quote: What are (were) your experience(s) when encountering potential dates and/or mates? I am not married and sadly that says it all although I hope that it has been a path rather than a destination for me.

allthatjaz -> RE: Perceptions … of Attractiveness and Desire (11/25/2010 9:09:32 AM)
Beauty/handsomeness is very enticing but too often (like Pandoras box) it diminishes when you have seen whats inside. I would be a liar if I told you it wasn't Steve's looks that first attracted me to him. That quirky smile and those heavy eyelids were hugely tempting. His deep and husky voice was exciting and his sense of dress was hugely attractive None of that would of kept me for long though..... I find his intelligence almost intimidating but hugely seductive and his ability to debate, incredibly stimulating. His expectations of life and indeed the woman in his life never wavers and this shows me an incredible inner strength. So all in all it had to be, looks, intelligence, having the ability to reason, confidence, self worth and consistency, a sense of adventure and absolutely no prudishness...... oh and that velvet voice of his too!

sexyred1 -> RE: Perceptions … of Attractiveness and Desire (11/25/2010 9:35:14 AM)
What specifically attracts you to another? Various qualities like intelligence, how they express themselves, if they make good eye contact, their smile, their sense of humor, if they are passionate about anything, and most importantly, how they make ME feel. We are all shallow to a degree when we first see someone, but I have no requirements about height, hair color, etc. My guys have always been good looking to me and I have dated male models to just average guys and usually the average guys were far better lovers. Do you look at men (or women) differently, based on the where you know them from? No What are you looking for? (Or what were your past experiences in meeting your partner(s)), and My best partners in my life were the ones who pursued me (I was not as interested in them as they were in me) and changed my mind through tenacity, desire, passion and humor. It is just hot when someone wants you badly. Luckily for them (and me) when I finally came around, our desires started to match in intensity. This has happened with everyone from my ex husband to my most recent guy. This is one reason I am not interested in most people these days, the lack of follow up, not showing enough interest, writing and then getting a good response back from me and waiting weeks to follow up, or not wanting to meet quickly in favor of just emailing back and forth, etc. When you give off an air of being blase about meeting a woman or you feel that any woman would do, you would not be for me. I only want someone who feels very compelled by ME. What are (were) your experience(s) when encountering potential dates and/or mates? I will chat with someone if they write me and their profile seems that it would match up in some way and if I find the picture to be at least acceptable. I know that in person, some people come off better. When meeting someone offline, the same rules apply as in the first paragraph, something about the way a guy looks at me, smiles at me, communicates with me combined with that indefinable air of confidence (not arrogance) and sexiness, that turns me on. I never just look at someone's looks/body; I learned a long time ago that someone being handsome/gorgeous is not enough.

Fangsigma -> RE: Perceptions … of Attractiveness and Desire (11/29/2010 10:43:05 PM)
To me, it's how a woman introduces herself, the way she presents herself to me is a kind of poetry. Looks I can easily say from experience are fleeting and shallow. I can tell if I want to pursue a woman based on how she introduces herself

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