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Holiday faux pas... - 11/16/2010 9:46:01 PM

gungadin09

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One Thanksgiving i tried to be fancy by smoking the turkey. i put the smoldering wood chips in a separate pan below the turkey, and closed the door. A few minutes later i heard breaking glass, and saw smoke pouring our of the oven. Stupid me, i had put the woodchips in a glass pan (the only free pan i had at the time), and it exploded, spilling wood chips on the oven floor, where they caught fire.

i have ruined more than one batch of mashed potatoes by forgetting the potato ricer and attempting to puree them in the blender. This produces Elmer's glue.

i became hysterical once after burning my blueberry reduction.

i waited too long to buy the bird and was stuck defrosting it under running water. Defrosting the bird on the fly results in a bone dry turkey.

i planned a multi course meal that i couldn't cook fast enough for the diners. The result was a frenetic, grumpy me, rushing around and filling the kitchen with smoke while my guests ate just a few feet away. Also, a sink and counter piled to the brim with dishes, also within view of the diners. Being too stressed out and frantic to enjoy the meal, or, probably, to allow anyone else to enjoy it.

Lots of problems from adding too much salt.

Planning dinners that were so hard too cook that i was too exhausted to eat them. Trying to be too fancy. Not keeping it simple.

Eating all the Christmas cookies well before Christmas. Note: cookies that are baked off and then frozen are slightly soggy when they defrost. Freezing the uncooked dough and baking them to order keeps them nice and crisp.

i couldn't afford a Christmas tree one year, but i was determined to have something to string my lights on. i was living in the California mountains, so, being the clever young girl that i was, i grabbed a tumbleweed and lugged it home. Looked good. Strung up the lights and everything. However, i didn't see the fucking bugs (i don't know where they were hiding). i woke up the next morning and my living room was covered with these flying bugs- some kind of gnat or something, i don't know. Took me weeks to get rid of them all.

pam

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RE: Holiday faux pas... - 11/16/2010 11:08:17 PM

CalifChick

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You win. I got nuthin'.

Cali

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RE: Holiday faux pas... - 11/17/2010 4:23:34 AM

sirsholly

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i put the turkey in the oven at 4am on the first Thanksgiving i ever hosted. Half asleep, i tied the cooking bag closed with a rubber band. Damn.....did THAT stink!!!

That same year my mother was going to help with the gravy. She asked for the bag of giblets. (The bag of wha?) Yep...still in the bird.

Then of course...a few years ago i was responsible for ALL the side dishes and desserts and caught the kitchen on fire.

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RE: Holiday faux pas... - 11/17/2010 10:20:41 AM

soul2share

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My family was at my sister's house, and the boys were about 3 years old....my mother, for some reason, was afraid that the boys would try to open the oven after having seen my sister doing it to check the bird, so in order to preserve their safety, she "locked" the oven door. Unfortunately, my sister had an electric stove, and she triggered the self cleaning option. She let my sister know that the oven door was locked, my sister calmly told my mother what that locking mechanism was for, and had my dad and bro in law literally dismantle the oven from the top down in order to save the bird. The bird was saved, the oven turned off, and my mom still hasn't lived it down!

And for those of you who have forgotten to thaw the bird.......keep oven bags on hand, stuff that sucker and put it inside the bag and seal it.....with the clasp that comes with it, NOT a rubber band..

..your bird will be nice and moist and cooked. I only jack the temp up another 25 degrees. I've cooked the bird frozen alot, never had a problem with it being dry.

I can honestly say that in all the years I've done Thanksgiving and/or Christmas dinners, and when I cook, I do it all myself, I've never had any kitchen calamities. Knock on formica.....

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RE: Holiday faux pas... - 11/17/2010 4:47:10 PM

MercTech

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Repeat after me, "I will never try to smoke ANYTHING indoors again".

Brine your bird 2-3 days before cooking and it will be thawed and moist. Ice chest, rock salt, herbs, and a bag of ice.. works wonders.

Peanut oil saturated brown paper grocery bag stapled shut works better than high dollar oven bags. Split with scissors a half hour before the end of cooking if you like crispy skin.

I still think the best way to do a large bird is slow cooked in the smoker overnight. If you are in a hurry, there is something to be said for deep fried turkey.

Anyone up for Turducken?

Stefan

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RE: Holiday faux pas... - 11/17/2010 5:30:29 PM

LilMichele

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I had not cooked Thanksgiving in several years so last year i pouted till my mother relinquished the holiday cooking reigns.

Did you know they now put two bags of giblet type things in the cavity? Neither did I! Last time I did it there was one bag of dismembered parts. Well I reached up in that thawed carcass and got one, never occurred to me to head back in there and look for seconds. I still haven't lived that down, and since it was only last year I'm sure we'll be hearing about it next week.

She's doing it this year. I'm bringing the pie. I never screw up pie.

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RE: Holiday faux pas... - 11/17/2010 5:35:53 PM

sirsholly

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quote:

.keep oven bags on hand, stuff that sucker and put it inside the bag and seal it.....with the clasp that comes with it, NOT a rubber band..

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RE: Holiday faux pas... - 11/17/2010 5:41:44 PM

soul2share

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Well, actually, I'd LOVE to be a fly on the wall at Holly's house when she's cooking.......I chose fly because I can get the heck out in a hurry when.....I mean, if there's a fire again!

Yanno we lubs ya, Hols!

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RE: Holiday faux pas... - 11/17/2010 5:53:30 PM

allthatjaz

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My friend roasted her turkey on a timer on Xmas eve. Xmas day she left the oven a jar and went off to morning mass with her husband. On returning home the turkey had gone and a long trail of debris led her to her living room. Her boxer dog had managed to get his teeth into it and was now sitting on her brand new sofa with the remains of the turkey.
Xmas dinner wasn't a splendid affair. They had jam sandwiches and a Xmas pudding. The dog in the mean time was securely in the dog house!

Two days later she was back at work telling all her work colleagues about her very naughty dog. What she didn't know, as she laughed with them and tried to see the funny side, was that a turkey leg had slipped down behind the back lining of the sofa and whilst she was out, her dog had proceeded to rip the sofa apart to try and find it.

Shortly after that, the dog was re-adopted by her ex husband!

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RE: Holiday faux pas... - 11/18/2010 2:34:41 AM

gungadin09

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quote:

ORIGINAL: soul2share

I can honestly say that in all the years I've done Thanksgiving and/or Christmas dinners, and when I cook, I do it all myself, I've never had any kitchen calamities. Knock on formica.....

bitch.

pam

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RE: Holiday faux pas... - 11/18/2010 3:38:07 AM

ShaharThorne

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When i go down to Austin, I get the giblets and Cornish game hens. Bo smokes the birds outside while I whip up the potatoes, get the green beans & sweet corn going and make sure the dinner rolls (Homemade) are rising and put into for the final rise and baking. Bo puts the finally touch to the giblet gravy.

This year, Mom and I will just have something to eat and watch the football game. Nothing really, just work on the afghan.

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RE: Holiday faux pas... - 11/18/2010 8:27:05 AM

CalifChick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: soul2share

And for those of you who have forgotten to thaw the bird.......keep oven bags on hand, stuff that sucker and put it inside the bag and seal it.....with the clasp that comes with it, NOT a rubber band....your bird will be nice and moist and cooked. I only jack the temp up another 25 degrees. I've cooked the bird frozen alot, never had a problem with it being dry.

I think you've been lucky. Stuffing inside a frozen bird will stay at a low enough temperature for a long enough time as to grow bacteria that could give people food poisoning. If you have to cook a frozen bird (no opinion, never done it), I would cook the stuffing separately in a casserole dish.

Cali

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RE: Holiday faux pas... - 11/18/2010 12:29:48 PM

TreasureKY

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Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
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I can't say that I've had any disasters while preparing a holiday meal, however...

Last year I decided to resume an older tradition of making homemade Christmas candy for gift baskets. Even though it had been several years since I had made my special treats, most everything came off without a hitch.

Most.

I do have this killer recipe for peanut brittle that I like to make. It's a right pain in the ass to clean up after making, so I decided to make an extra, extra large batch so that I wouldn't have to clean up in between smaller batches.

It does require having a flat surface on which to pour it out for it to cool and harden. When trying to decide which counter top would provide the most room for such a large batch, my gaze landed on my nice glass top kitchen table...

What a perfectly large and smooth surface!!! Why... because it can be so meticulously cleaned prior to using, I couldn't see any reason why I should bother with trying to patchwork the top of it with wax paper. It would also save the hassle of trying to hold down all the slippery pieces of wax paper so they could be buttered... I could directly slather the butter right onto the glass top. Once the brittle was cooled, I could then simply lift it up or slide it off the glass so it could be broken into pieces.

Right?

Right???

Wrong.

What I ended up with was a quarter inch of sugary concrete melded to the top of my table.

I think I had chipped away at the mess for nearly two hours before Firm wandered in to find where I had disappeared to for so long.

I'm always amazed that Firm even knows where the kitchen it. Just my luck he remembered right when I'd gotten myself into such a predicament.

He was amused, the wonderful dear.

After trying everything I could think of, including using a hair dryer to heat the underside of the glass in hopes of softening the brittle enough to remove, Firm finally ended up lifting and holding the entire glass top over the sink so that I could using scalding water to melt it off.

Firm was such a sweetheart to capture my chagrin on film for posterity.

Attachment (1)

< Message edited by TreasureKY -- 11/18/2010 12:30:51 PM >

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RE: Holiday faux pas... - 11/18/2010 12:35:03 PM

angelikaJ

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Some of these are holiday related.
http://www.burntfoodmuseum.com/

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RE: Holiday faux pas... - 11/18/2010 12:38:18 PM

AlwaysLisa

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Howabout having a full house for dinner..plus pumpkin pies for dessert (including a few extra for my husband to take to work). 6 pies total, all pumpkin, all from the same batch, ALL without sugar. Evidently I don't multi task as well as I thought I did.

Serving the family with these pies was bad enough, I could laugh my way out of it...it was totally embarassing to send them to my husbands place of employment. Took a few years to live that down.

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RE: Holiday faux pas... - 11/18/2010 8:49:51 PM

Hillwilliam

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If you have to thaw a turkey at the last minute.

Toss the sucker in a bathtub full of lukewarm water for an hour while it is still sealed in the bag from the store.

Voila

Thawed bird.

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RE: Holiday faux pas... - 11/18/2010 10:58:44 PM

soul2share

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

quote:

ORIGINAL: soul2share
I can honestly say that in all the years I've done Thanksgiving and/or Christmas dinners, and when I cook, I do it all myself, I've never had any kitchen calamities. Knock on formica.....

bitch.
pam

I'm sorry sweetie....but *SNORT*

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I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?"...people are starting to take it as a challenge!

*Not a fuck was given.*

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RE: Holiday faux pas... - 11/18/2010 11:05:27 PM

soul2share

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Cali, on the rare (maybe twice) occasion that I've done the bird frozen, (Never rely on the hubby to pull the bird out of the freezer while you're working midnights!), I jack the temp up at least an extra 25 degrees, and let it cook an extra hour.....it doesn't dry out since it's inside the bag, and everything cooks thoroughly. I don't know if it makes a difference, but I also don't cram the cavity of the bird full of stuffing, we're not a big bunch for it.

_____________________________

I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?"...people are starting to take it as a challenge!

*Not a fuck was given.*

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RE: Holiday faux pas... - 11/18/2010 11:08:37 PM

soul2share

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AlwaysLisa
Howabout having a full house for dinner..plus pumpkin pies for dessert (including a few extra for my husband to take to work). 6 pies total, all pumpkin, all from the same batch, ALL without sugar. Evidently I don't multi task as well as I thought I did.
Serving the family with these pies was bad enough, I could laugh my way out of it...it was totally embarassing to send them to my husbands place of employment. Took a few years to live that down.

Well, it wasn't on Thanksgiving, but you should see what brownies look like when you forget the baking powder, or soda...whichever one you use......it was easier to just throw the pan away than try to chip it out of it...man, was my mom pissed!

My mom did mess up her brittle one year...she got raw nuts instead of roasted.....not the best batch she's ever made. They didn't cook, so it was like eating rubber nuts.......blech!

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I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?"...people are starting to take it as a challenge!

*Not a fuck was given.*

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RE: Holiday faux pas... - 11/18/2010 11:10:25 PM

hlen5

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Treasure,

I burned a batch of peanut brittle and didn't want to melt my trash can. I poured the hot concoction into a small sturdy box (a brinks box that had held rolls of coins, very heavy cardboard). It came out of the bottom of the box, and ended up on the carpet. After it had cooled, I Ipounded it off the floor with a hammer.

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