quote:

I have question about protocol and structure. I realize I could be stepping into a potential mess here, so some disclaimers first.
I am not new to BDSM (25 years experience). I know there are different answers, not one correct answer. I’m interested in getting some opinions and/or places to read more. I searched for previous posts on this topic and did not find anything that directly addressed this.

This is for a story I’m writing. Please do not tell me to do my own research - that is what I'm doing here. Sorry, had to say that. I’ve been here only two days and I’ve seen that answer come up.

So here's the issue: I’m writing a novel based, in part, on my own experiences with D/s relationships and there is a situation I haven’t encountered in real life. The short version: does the sub initiate the request for a collar or to “belong” to someone? I assume it can be done both ways, but I’m trying to be realistic in terms of the most commonly followed protocol. (A related question is about how he would ask.) Important details: the collared sub belongs to half of a couple and they are considering extending this to the other partner, his life partner (a Beta Dom, of sorts- sorry about the term, it’s convenient here) who currently plays with the sub, but does not have a formal arrangement. The alpha Dom went of town and “loaned” the sub to his partner for a few days. It worked out very well and now they think it’s time to create the second bond. Who would initiate this? My draft has the sub asking. He would have to know it was okay with his Dom before asking, of course. He probably asked him already. But if he did, the alpha Dom could have told beta Dom of his interest – or would he wait and let the sub make the move? They’re all men, in case that matters.
Thank you.