quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

ive never been to a club or party without a partner and i have never bottomed to anyone ever.

so basically im clueless here. lol

i have only ever submitted to play in submission to someone and it has pretty much always been about them doing stuff they wanted to do and i was that willing object for them.  im aware that bottoming is different and that it is alot to do with what the bottom wants and the top wants too.

i can actually be quite shy though i never give that impression (i blag it basically) im not really good at stepping up and im not terribly good at turning people down either, it feels like rejection to me and i hate to do that.

As you said in your first paragraph, it's meant to be a mutually pleasant experience, so whether you are good at at saying * no thanks* or not, it'd be a bit unfair on the top to go ahead if you really didn't want to.

i do know the people who will be there, well, ive met some of them before and will be meeting them again im sure before this date comes up.  so we wont be strangers.  but i have to admit ive started to think about how this whole scene thing goes.

im concerned ill be a wimp without the submission thats got me through in the past.  because im not that much of a sensation junky im not sure how ill react or respond and i dont want to let myself down never mind the person who may wish to play with me.

You can bottom to whatever level you like, you don't have to suffer anything heavy duty at all.......but you have to let the top know fairly and squarely. If they know that you fancy an experience, but haven't much idea exactly how much of one you want, then they can arrange a signal such as an *open hand* for *ok* ......or a *closed fist* for *a bit too much*.
Anything is possible, but you do have to talk to whoever might be doing the topping. It's got nothing to do with being *wimpy* and all about both people coming away with a positive feeling about it.

so im thinking if i go in with a clearer idea on how to bottom and what people do to get the most of a play session, where theyre heads at and what theyre getting from it itll help.

For me, to get the most from it, it has to be fun for both people and both get what they want from it.

dont tell me not to go, im going i want to go im looking forward to this and getting more deeply involved in my local groups and the people who go to them.

so just asking for some friendly advice.  thank you x

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

thanks guys.

agirl, i think youre last bit ' getting the most of it is when both enjoy themselves' is what im aiming for for sure.  and yes, if they start swinging a bull whip at me i shall be more than capable of saying 'no thanks'. - i suppose when ive been to clubs ive seen people enjoying stuff at a level im pretty sure im no way close to ever getting to out of submission.  but i dont know that yet.  i might find that i can.

i suppose its a case of suck it and see.  but thank you for youre post its helped to clear my thoughts on a couple of things.

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

Lally,

I've done a lot of bottoming recently, for one reason or another. I found the thing to remember is that you're doing this for yourself just as much (if not more) as you are for the top-if you find there's a level of pain you don't enjoy going past then you *aren't letting anyone down* by saying so. This isn't about suffering or proving anything to anyone, it's about dopamine and endorphins and all that good shit :D

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

thanks guys.

agirl, i think youre last bit ' getting the most of it is when both enjoy themselves' is what im aiming for for sure.  and yes, if they start swinging a bull whip at me i shall be more than capable of saying 'no thanks'. - i suppose when ive been to clubs ive seen people enjoying stuff at a level im pretty sure im no way close to ever getting to out of submission.  but i dont know that yet.  i might find that i can.

i suppose its a case of suck it and see.  but thank you for youre post its helped to clear my thoughts on a couple of things.

A bullwhip can gently kiss your skin actually...depends on the skill of the chappie using it ;)

The point I was trying to make was that you just talk to whoever you might consider bottoming to.....they don't want a girl running off snivveling, or leaving feeling anything less than happy. Ruins evenings, that.

Other people play to a level that they get mutual enjoyment from, that's all. The bottom isn't there under any duress, she's getting what she wants out of it.

The last thing I'd do is to pitch up and just *see what happens*.....it's unfair on the top. It's not difficult to say you'd like to have a try at ****, but haven't a single clue what it'd be like in a club situation, so would like to start with tap tap, rather than strike strike, and work up from there.

The top wants the bottom to walk away smiling, just as the bottom does, in reverse.

agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

hi VC - i think thats the bit im wondering about, i havent ever hit the endorphin high - not saying i couldnt and its entirely possible that i havent ever been in submission to someone who really knew theyre shit enough to get me there.

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but im taking the point.  this is about mutual pleasure, and no matter how fucked up this sounds, my pleasure hasnt ever really been on the agenda with past partners so im not too versed on that.

quote:


from where im standing right now it feels completely different to anything else ive done.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

ok, so duffass question coming up:

when ive been to clubs the reactions ive watched from bottoms has varied from nothing, no reaction at all to a sort of sub space silence and one woman i remember getting a paddling seemed to be one long grumble to be honest.  i dont think ive ever seen anyone cry or yelp or squirm -

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Whether the session or date was focused on physical, emotional or mental aspects of BDSM, I always thought of the bottom as a sub/slave on short term rental lease. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

what reactions do Tops tend to hope for -

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

ok, so duffass question coming up:

when ive been to clubs the reactions ive watched from bottoms has varied from nothing, no reaction at all to a sort of sub space silence and one woman i remember getting a paddling seemed to be one long grumble to be honest.  i dont think ive ever seen anyone cry or yelp or squirm -

what reactions do Tops tend to hope for -

if i explain to them that i usually struggle a bit with pain, i might cry and squirm a bit too, but in the end its the catharsis at the end -

i know this all sounds a bit stupid and unbelievable even, maybe, i just want to get it right and if theres a way of doing things that Tops enjoy more ill have something to aim for.