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RE: warning other potential slaves about a "Master... - 4/23/2006 3:16:04 PM

slavetobetrained

Posts: 20
Joined: 10/23/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Rather than pointing fingers at someone as "dangerous", maybe start a thread to discuss the warning signs and red flags that indicate someone as dangerous, a thread about what do others consider as dangerous behavior or a thread on what questions to ask before getting involved with someone. There are many more credible ways to communicate your message without naming names.

Knight's kyra

thank you for the great idea, i really appreciate it.

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RE: warning other potential slaves about a "Master... - 4/23/2006 3:22:09 PM

slavetobetrained

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Joined: 10/23/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ScooterTrash

This is redundant, but there is little you can do and as odd as it may sound, enough runners and he'll learn to be honest. Sure, hopefully no one gets hurt in the process, but you can't point them out personally. Best case is putting enough info out there that the right questions get asked and the warning signs are heeded. As sherry brought up, if it was something illegal involved (other than the typical WIITWD) then that needs to be dealth with by the law.

this man doesn't know the meaning of being honest, and he never will. in the end, those that are currently with him as his slaves, they too will find out what i did, i just hope and pray that they find out much earlier then i did. there are many things that i have knowledge of, and that i have in writing from him of his plans, and yes they are illegal.i was lucky to have escaped when i did. and although he may tell others that i am "psycho" and "crazy" its because i know just as well as he does that i know what he is up to and i wouldn't be manipulated into it, no matter how hard he tried. and believe me, the things that he has done to me, have left their mark on me for life.

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RE: warning other potential slaves about a "Master... - 4/23/2006 3:23:37 PM

slavetobetrained

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Joined: 10/23/2005
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i want to thank everyone for responding to my question and with your advice. thank you so very much!

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RE: warning other potential slaves about a "Master... - 4/23/2006 3:48:11 PM

foxnotinsox

Posts: 84
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: eastern Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

how does one go about warning others about a so called "Master" who is down right dnagerous to potential slaves on this site??? He is not what He claims to be, nor does He have the experience that He claims to have had? i was very lucky to have escaped with just a broken heart, but He does and has found slaves on here to seek other slaves for Him. i have done it myself. if there is any way that i can put out a warning please let me know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thanks

While this is an unfortunate situation, it is made moreso by the general perception that if a bottom fingers a top after a break-up [heheh pun sort of intended], then it is the bottom who is seen as bitter .. and the top who appears as out on top.

So you have to be very careful. Rather than *blaming* him for what happened, in reality you too had a part in it, and in enabling it to occur. Also, you have to look inside yourself as to "why" you are warning others .. is it to hurt his reputation so that he does not do it again? to get back at him? ... then, these are not the reasons to do it. To help others purely altruistically? then you can't include "him" in the equation ... rather the behaviours that he exhibits that makes him dangerous.

For me, a red flag is raised when they:
-boast or are arrogant .. too much into themselves
-have highly stringent rules .. in the beginning, it's a feeling out game (rules come later)
-use physical punishment as a "behaviour modification" tool
-do not take responsibility for their actions
-have an issue with anger, alcohol, or drugs
-are manipulative

For instance, there was this one guy who hmmm did me wrong .. by not respecting limits, and then blaming me for what happened. He would set me up to fail, and then punish harshly .. the relationship was traumatic both physically and emotionally. The worse part of it is that I know of two others that he has sent to hospital, and one that he was punishing and when she begged for him to stop because she was going to be sick, he put a bucket beneath her to catch the vomit and continued on. I believe that he used these punishments as an avenue to exceed limits .. ie, abused.

I was approached by somebody in the community who personally knew of six affected, yet I was the only one willing to speak up, so *nothing* overtly has been done.

Hmmmm so what can be done? It is nearly impossible to change another's behaviour .. the best thing you can do is change the way you look at it and deal with it. Blaming another doesn't work. Crying wolf doesn't work. Yet education will .. in the long run. Learning to avoid "guys like that" and sharing your experiences .. without naming names.

And time too, as you distance yourself and heal.

< Message edited by foxnotinsox -- 4/23/2006 3:50:46 PM >

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RE: warning other potential slaves about a "Master... - 4/23/2006 4:56:53 PM

crouchingtigress

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For me, a red flag is raised when they:
-boast or are arrogant .. too much into themselves
-have highly stringent rules .. in the beginning, it's a feeling out game (rules come later)
-use physical punishment as a "behaviour modification" tool
-do not take responsibility for their actions
-have an issue with anger, alcohol, or drugs
-are manipulative

Great list, I would add:

-has trouble communicating
-does not want you to talk to xes
-has had 'psychotic' partners but cant understand becuase they were so loving and easy going
-does not thing much of the D/s community ("they are all wankers, or dont like him")
-has children he does not see or support
-lives with his mother

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"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

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RE: warning other potential slaves about a "Master... - 4/23/2006 5:49:35 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
For me, a red flag is raised when they:
-boast or are arrogant .. too much into themselves
-have highly stringent rules .. in the beginning, it's a feeling out game (rules come later)
-use physical punishment as a "behaviour modification" tool
-do not take responsibility for their actions
-have an issue with anger, alcohol, or drugs
-are manipulative

Great list, I would add:

-has trouble communicating
-does not want you to talk to xes
-has had 'psychotic' partners but cant understand becuase they were so loving and easy going
-does not thing much of the D/s community ("they are all wankers, or dont like him")
-has children he does not see or support
-lives with his mother

OK for me "red flags" mean " very likely dangerous."

How is using physical punishment, being arrogant and living with their mother a signal to ANY of that? Many of the things on that list are all parts of very healthy relationships, even desired.

Someone who lives with their parents might be:
a) young and in school and thus saving money
b) caring for their older parents

Someone who doesn't support their children might be an asshole, and someone who doesn't take their responsibilities seriously- but that doesn't mean they are dangerous.

All information can be useful information. And a pattern of anti-social and spotty past behavior is certainly something to watch for and be wary of.

But again, red flags to me equal "likely dangerous" not "a dumbass" or "not a good match for me."

Actaul DANGER signs to me are:
Past arrests for violent behavior
Past relationships ended messily and violently
Use of shame and degradation in order to avoid direct communication
Consistent anger over things not in control
Constant shift of blame to others, refusal to apologize, and aggression when questioned

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RE: warning other potential slaves about a "Master... - 4/23/2006 7:18:46 PM

themischievous1

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Joined: 4/3/2005
From: San Antonio, Texas
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When these kinds of posts come about, I often wish the ones who desire to warn the community would simply post the state and city (if possible) that the "offender" is currently residing in. At that point, those of us who reside within that area could write to the one doing the warning and get the screename of said offender. This way the matter is handled discreetly, no site rules are broken, and we then have the screename and can decide for ourselves to either be warned, ignore the warning, or get involved regardless.

There are good reasons, in my opinion, to have this kind of network on these kinds of sites, despite the potential for pure vindictiveness. Someone who is spreading a communicable disease through sexual relations with those in our community, someone who is non consensually dangerous and violent, someone who is perpetually dishonest, a sociopathic player/user, a con or scammer, etc. We should have some kind of acceptable system by which we could get the word around..

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RE: warning other potential slaves about a "Master... - 4/23/2006 7:24:40 PM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
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From: Indiana
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Areflectionofyou

watcha gonna do with all that junk ..all that junk inside your trunk? ...had to sing it

Oh, now that's just cruel. LOL. That song makes me shudder.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

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RE: warning other potential slaves about a "Master... - 4/23/2006 7:25:08 PM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
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Yeah, but you know it'll take 30 seconds for the first person to abuse it. Either you can take into consideration the reputation of this person, which may or may not mean something, and you may be ignoring a true risk, or you decide to listen to anyone, and then we'll all have warnings about us going off..... I think everyone should take their own precautions, meet in public places, safecalls, get tested, etc, and the people that don't do it, well, that's what Darwin wrote about, no?

Yours,

benji

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RE: warning other potential slaves about a "Master... - 4/24/2006 12:50:01 AM

Fawne

Posts: 462
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quote:

ORIGINAL: themischievous1

When these kinds of posts come about, I often wish the ones who desire to warn the community would simply post the state and city (if possible) that the "offender" is currently residing in. At that point, those of us who reside within that area could write to the one doing the warning and get the screename of said offender. This way the matter is handled discreetly, no site rules are broken, and we then have the screename and can decide for ourselves to either be warned, ignore the warning, or get involved regardless.

There are good reasons, in my opinion, to have this kind of network on these kinds of sites, despite the potential for pure vindictiveness. Someone who is spreading a communicable disease through sexual relations with those in our community, someone who is non consensually dangerous and violent, someone who is perpetually dishonest, a sociopathic player/user, a con or scammer, etc. We should have some kind of acceptable system by which we could get the word around..

Sorry, but that would be so destructive to many an honest person. I think there may be more of the shallow, unstable and vindictive * than there are actual "abusers".

*sociopathic, user, con, dishonest...No one sector has the monopoly.
Do we want to live in a plastic bubble? All of life has an element of risk. Better not drive that car, eat that sushi, cross that street.... Use your own brain and judgement, please.

Best to all, be safe...

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RE: warning other potential slaves about a "Master... - 4/24/2006 1:09:23 AM

Kedikat

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Of course you should immediately inform us all about bad subs :)

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RE: warning other potential slaves about a "Master... - 4/24/2006 7:47:33 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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Great question LA...

For me red flags mean pay attention, and the reason I listed what I listed was because I was in a 24-7 M/s relationship for years with some one who in hind-site, had I been able to read and understand the clues, I never would have given my power to under any circumstances.

All of the things by them selves are not deal breakers by any means, but I felt that they did speak to a certain type of narcissistic personality, or insecure personality that I personally would have steered clear of had I know what to look for back then.

I think she meant exclusivly using corporal punishment with out endeavoring to create a meeting of the minds first, or trying other things...

Hard to explain, really, I do see the value of corporal in others relationships, but I guess what I am trying to say, is that for me personally that was a red flag I ignored, and it indicated a his propensity to be comfortable in both arrogance and ignorance and it escalated into abuse

btw. the living with their parents thing was tongue in cheek

brilliant:

Actaul DANGER signs to me are:
Past arrests for violent behavior
Past relationships ended messily and violently
Use of shame and degradation in order to avoid direct communication
Consistent anger over things not in control
Constant shift of blame to others, refusal to apologize, and aggression when questioned

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 4/24/2006 7:55:52 AM >

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This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

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RE: warning other potential slaves about a "Master... - 4/24/2006 7:58:18 AM

jezzabelle

Posts: 391
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Southeastern, MA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

-does not want you to talk to xes

Can we add to that ~Wants you to immediately cease all communication with all other Dominants, including those that are friends~

That's one that has always irked me and is a HUGE red flag!!!

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RE: warning other potential slaves about a "Master... - 4/24/2006 9:14:00 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
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From: Pennsylvania
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There are red flags, and often they are only seen with clarity when the relationship is over. You can't warn off people. What may be a nightmare for one person may be what another person is looking for. Personalities, dysfunctions, sub/Dom frenzy - these figure into the picture. All you can do is move on and make an effort to learn how to avoid that type of person in the future.

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RE: warning other potential slaves about a "Master... - 4/24/2006 9:57:05 AM

yumyumkitty57

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i am currently serving master Larry862. He told me of another sub that He has communicated for years with and has been with. Recently she had seen a guy twice in play. After about 6 months of bullshit it was discovered this person had gained access to her email and was using pieces of information fro them to defame my current Master to get this other sub to stop communicating with my Master. She had been trying to break communication with this other Dom repeately he would say its over and then be right back with more bullshit. Then when it was finally learned and proven he had been accessing her emails he had some other gal send this sub and email saying how poor a sub she was and what a rotten Master my Master is etc etc...

My point is there are seriously dangereous people out there, both Dom and sub. Both top and bottom need to take precautions when meeting new people. Its just s sad part of the world we live in. I feel so lucky to be serving my current Master. If i had to make a recommendation to others it would be. Take the time to chat online, get to know each other. Not for ever mind you but emailing and chatting online before meeting can help each other learn each others thought processes, and if you can cam even one way it can help take the edge off that first meeting. Its what my current Master did with me and i did not fully understand why until after we meet a few times and we were chatting about the process. Had he requested meeting quicker, yes i would have come to him. But would have been filled with fright and so nerveous. Not that i was completly relaxed, but i had a good idea of what was expected of me.

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RE: warning other potential slaves about a "Master... - 4/24/2006 10:05:21 AM

bandit25

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It's always good advice to slow things down. I know that, once you connect with someone online, the temptation to meet immediately is almost irresistable, but RESIST. Online and real life are NOT the same. One needs to keep one's wits about when meeting for the first time.

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RE: warning other potential slaves about a "Master... - 4/24/2006 11:04:30 AM

MistressSassy66

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What may be dangerous to you is fine to the next person.

Hoepfully you can move on and find the Master that fits you.

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http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

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RE: warning other potential slaves about a "Master... - 4/25/2006 7:00:51 PM

Calandra

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And see, I totally disagree with the "wait to meet theory".

I tend to meet someone I feel connection with very early - within days sometimes. I think that if you meet in a public vanilla, and non-alcoholic location, you have a chance of weeding out the "losers" much easier than you do if you continue weeks or months of communication (allowing hormones, longing, and emotions to build up) that might ultimately lead you to make a poor choice once you do meet.

I often use this as an example when someone preaches the "wait to meet" doctrine:
Imagine bumping into someone in the produce section of your local grocery store. You lock eyes, mumble an apology and help them to pick up the oranges before they roll away. Maybe you stand there chatting for a few minutes and discover an initial connection. Do you then quickly give them your yahoo ID and say "we need to chat on yahoo for three months before we go out on a date"??? Silly isn't it? As adults, we should be able to peel all the internet hype away and interact in relative safety if we are alert to the dangers.

Just because you meet someone on the internet, (or through the D/s lifestyle) dosen't mean you can check your common sense at the door. I'd rather meet a new person fairly early and weed out the OBVIOUS losers, rather than invest weeks or months only to be disappointed later.

I use a few simple hints:
* When you meet, choose a location you are already familiar with.
* Maybe have a friend sitting at a neighboring table who can watch for any sign of trouble.(They can "just happen to see you" and come rescue you if the person is boring, frightening, or simply undesirable)
* Don't go straight home after meeting them... instead, go to the Mall or grocery shopping (something that will give enough time to act as a buffer)
* Make sure the new person knows you NEVER go anywhere with them on the first few dates (not just the first date - it's far too easy to be on best behavior on that first date, only to have them relax the second date) And DO NOT BREAK THIS RULE.
* Let them know that you are meeting as EQUALS and will be discussing only vanilla subjects until you know each other as humans first.

These guidelines often discourage those who are into the fantasy, or those who are hiding from a wife, or those who are predators. Predators are looking for weak, easily led sheep, not strong, capable, intelligent partners.

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