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Falling for My sub - 9/11/2010 1:20:57 PM

Sdoah

Posts: 7
Joined: 9/11/2010
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I am the Domme in my so called relationship. Naturally, I am a switch. And while I'm not sadistic, I've been told I'm a sensual sadist.

I am not in love with my sub, but I feel like there is potential. I am developing feelings for My pet. He cares for me, but isn't in the emotional position to fall in love with me. He doesn't think or at least right now that he will be able to.

I don't want to leave the D/s relationship. I enjoy it immensely. How do I keep my feelings for my pet at bay? Should I continue to be his Domme if I cannot separate my growing feelings? How can I regain my control after revealing my feelings?

Our relationship is relatively new, only two months, and most of it is done from a distance. We have, however, been together physically and have plans to 'visit' with one another again in the next two months.

I know I'm rambling, but I'm at a loss right now. Any help?

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RE: Falling for My sub - 9/11/2010 1:32:32 PM

Nineveh

Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
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The fact that he cannot return the feelings is a problem. Being in love with your sub is not. Domination should come from respect and affection and being in love is only going to deepen that.

As far as how to keep yourself from falling in love, yeah, can't help you there at all.

(in reply to Sdoah)

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RE: Falling for My sub - 9/11/2010 1:39:38 PM

Sdoah

Posts: 7
Joined: 9/11/2010
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Thanks Ninevah. Yeah, it all kind of sucks.

I think the reason you stated is the reason I've started to develop feelings. The domination, the adoration and the respect has caused my feelings to develop.

Have you ever developed feelings for a pet?

(in reply to Nineveh)

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RE: Falling for My sub - 9/11/2010 1:59:32 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sdoah
I am the Domme in my so called relationship. Naturally, I am a switch.

Curious as to why you'd say "naturally"? It's fine to switch, but it's not a good assumption that everyone does.

quote:

I am not in love with my sub, but I feel like there is potential. I am developing feelings for My pet. He cares for me, but isn't in the emotional position to fall in love with me. He doesn't think or at least right now that he will be able to.

The issue here is less about D/s than it is about his not reciprocating your feelings. I was in something of a similar situation from the other side, where my pet and secondary partner was very much in love with me, and I had a hard time returning his feelings. I was honest and transparent with him, as open to him emotionally as I could be, and made it clear that I did care for him and value him, and was committed to being a good owner and a good partner. It worked, and eventually I was able to honestly say that I did love him.

That took awhile, and in the meantime he said he did feel that I gave him enough just by valuing and cherishing his submission. In our case the D/s dynamic worked in our favor. It might be more difficult for a dominant who had more feelings towards her submissive than he did for her.

quote:

I don't want to leave the D/s relationship. I enjoy it immensely. How do I keep my feelings for my pet at bay? Should I continue to be his Domme if I cannot separate my growing feelings? How can I regain my control after revealing my feelings?

(in reply to Sdoah)

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RE: Falling for My sub - 9/11/2010 2:07:07 PM

Nineveh

Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sdoah

Thanks Ninevah. Yeah, it all kind of sucks.

I think the reason you stated is the reason I've started to develop feelings. The domination, the adoration and the respect has caused my feelings to develop.

Have you ever developed feelings for a pet?

I have yes, I would say that I always do actually. I'm not always in love with her, but I pretty much always love her. It makes it hurt a lot more when it ends, but I think that pain is worth it for the much deeper connection before it ends.

(in reply to Sdoah)

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RE: Falling for My sub - 9/11/2010 2:08:02 PM

Sdoah

Posts: 7
Joined: 9/11/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sdoah
I am the Domme in my so called relationship. Naturally, I am a switch.

Curious as to why you'd say "naturally"? It's fine to switch, but it's not a good assumption that everyone does.

Oh, I wasn't assuming that anyone else switched. I was expressing that my nature is to switch depending upon my mood, depending upon my day and so forth.

quote:

I am not in love with my sub, but I feel like there is potential. I am developing feelings for My pet. He cares for me, but isn't in the emotional position to fall in love with me. He doesn't think or at least right now that he will be able to.

quote:

I don't want to leave the D/s relationship. I enjoy it immensely. How do I keep my feelings for my pet at bay? Should I continue to be his Domme if I cannot separate my growing feelings? How can I regain my control after revealing my feelings?

Loving control is very possible, but if you are fundamentally insecure in your control over him because there is an imbalance in how he feels for you, it may indeed be an issue. Part of what made it possible for me to finally get over most of the remaining emotional barriers with my secondary was that he simply gave his love to me quietly and unconditionally without demanding to be loved in return. However, if you feel you cannot get what you need in this relationship, and may never get it, then ending it may well be the best choice.

I think my biggest issue is that he is wonderfully submissive. He lavishes me with adoration and worship, which probably explains why my heart got involved. He is very loving. I think it screwed with my brain. This is only the second D/s relationship I've had. You are correct in saying that this is less about D/s and more about reciprocating my feelings.

It's truly just a matter of shutting down my heart in this matter. I hate when I get all mushy and soft.

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

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RE: Falling for My sub - 9/11/2010 2:11:20 PM

Nineveh

Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

Curious as to why you'd say "naturally"? It's fine to switch, but it's not a good assumption that everyone does.

I believe she means that her natural role is as a switch, but that in this relationship she is in the Domme role.

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

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RE: Falling for My sub - 9/11/2010 2:12:07 PM

Sdoah

Posts: 7
Joined: 9/11/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Nineveh

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sdoah

Thanks Ninevah. Yeah, it all kind of sucks.

I think the reason you stated is the reason I've started to develop feelings. The domination, the adoration and the respect has caused my feelings to develop.

Have you ever developed feelings for a pet?

I have yes, I would say that I always do actually. I'm not always in love with her, but I pretty much always love her. It makes it hurt a lot more when it ends, but I think that pain is worth it for the much deeper connection before it ends.

It does hurt more, but that's what I've been thinking about today. The intensity and connection is worth the risk. Not taking the risk and not living life the fullest would be a tragedy. I love the power, and this feeling. I'm not giving it up, but I am going to guard my feelings more viligantly from now on.

< Message edited by Sdoah -- 9/11/2010 2:15:12 PM >

(in reply to Nineveh)

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RE: Falling for My sub - 9/11/2010 2:13:35 PM

BOUNTYHUNTER

Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
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You can love your slaves but not be in love with them, exp when you have a primary pardner, this works for me..Bounty

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US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to Sdoah)

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RE: Falling for My sub - 9/11/2010 3:29:18 PM

FetishRose

Posts: 212
Joined: 8/7/2008
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I think that any relationship in which both parties don't feel the same is sort of doomed (I'm sure there are one-sided situations that work well, but I personally have not experienced any). Granted, sometimes it takes some time for one person to develop the feelings that come more naturally than for the other party. My Sir knew he was in love with me after a week. It took me considerably longer to develop that level of commitment and trust, to be sure that I was in love with him. I cared for him a lot, but I wasn't sure I was ready for a serious relationship after being just recently out of a long-term, unhappy relationship.
Give your boy a bit. Don't overload him with the fact that you are falling for him. Just let it go where it wants to. If you do end up falling for him completely, and he can't return that, you may have to let it go. But until then, be patient with him, and just enjoy the fun feeling that falling brings

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Rose-y Pose-y, Puddin' Pie. Kissed Some Dommes and Made Them Cry.

(in reply to Sdoah)

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Post #: 10

RE: Falling for My sub - 9/11/2010 3:30:50 PM

Zevar

Posts: 801
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sdoah

I am the Domme in my so called relationship. Naturally, I am a switch. And while I'm not sadistic, I've been told I'm a sensual sadist.

I am not in love with my sub, but I feel like there is potential. I am developing feelings for My pet. He cares for me, but isn't in the emotional position to fall in love with me. He doesn't think or at least right now that he will be able to.

I don't want to leave the D/s relationship. I enjoy it immensely. How do I keep my feelings for my pet at bay? Should I continue to be his Domme if I cannot separate my growing feelings? How can I regain my control after revealing my feelings?

Our relationship is relatively new, only two months, and most of it is done from a distance. We have, however, been together physically and have plans to 'visit' with one another again in the next two months.

I know I'm rambling, but I'm at a loss right now. Any help?

Sounds like you are dealing with a dilemma. Remember you are the one who is in charge of yourself. I would suggest to step back and regain your emotional composure. Lest you may find yourself in an even more regrettable position than you could imagine from where you are presently. Never forget that you are capable of altering your situation by the choices you choose which either lend to your strength or weaknesses. I would endeavor to regain my composure over feeling emotions for someone who is not in a position to mutual exchange one to the other. Overall, be wise & never relinquish a moment unworthy of your time or effort, regardless of your emotions in the moment. Emotions are fluid and come and go. However your sense of composure that serves your highest good is never worth sacrificing when the needed stability has yet to be committed from the one you lead. Who is in control of you? Patience never fails, aye!

Take care!

(in reply to Sdoah)

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RE: Falling for My sub - 9/11/2010 3:45:06 PM

Sdoah

Posts: 7
Joined: 9/11/2010
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Thank you all very much for your thoughtful advice. I appreciate it.

(in reply to Zevar)

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RE: Falling for My sub - 9/15/2010 7:03:08 PM

FredW

Posts: 27
Joined: 9/1/2010
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I am falling for my sub, and in my case it is wonderful. It does not have any effect on the domination, because I realize that the scenes are as good for her as it is for me.

(in reply to Sdoah)

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Post #: 13