Knowing the taste of our own medicine.

Knowing the taste of our own medicine. (Full Version)

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LastThoughts -> Knowing the taste of our own medicine. (9/9/2010 8:46:48 PM)
A question for the community that has been sitting on the back burner for a while. . . Should the D / M in an exchange know what it's like to be on the receiving end of which ever impact or education that may have with their respective s/s? And second, which although only slightly different contextually, very different in meaning; should a D / M be able to perform or withstand his or her own training or impact prior to expectations for another? View points from either side of the lash are welcome. _LT

littlewonder -> RE: Knowing the taste of our own medicine. (9/9/2010 9:58:50 PM)
in my relationship...hell no!

sexyred1 -> RE: Knowing the taste of our own medicine. (9/9/2010 9:59:30 PM)
I don't think it is necessary for a Dominant partner to have experienced submission in order to be a good Dominant and neither do I think they need to withstand whatever they are doing or will be doing to their submissive partner. D/s starts and ends in the mind. The first thing you possess is the desire, the second you start to acquire knowledge of what you would like to participate in. The third is to connect with someone on all levels. The most important attribute for a Dominant to have, is empathy. They do not need to know what it feels like, they only need to know how and why the submissive is feeling what they feel. It is all quite symbiotic.

BentUnit -> RE: Knowing the taste of our own medicine. (9/9/2010 10:10:30 PM)
Being a Switch it just comes with the territory. My sub side doesn't lessen my sadism or my blood lust. My Dominant side does actually make it a lot harder for me to submit, but having said that once I found a Dominant that flips my switch <--teehee I made a funny! I have no problems submitting to them even if I am a bit of a handful.

NuevaVida -> RE: Knowing the taste of our own medicine. (9/9/2010 10:28:41 PM)
Whatever sensations he would feel from an implement would probably be different than the sensations I would feel, so no. My owner knows how things affect me. That's the important part of our BDSM activities.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Knowing the taste of our own medicine. (9/9/2010 10:33:27 PM)
Submission is not what is being asked, I think. I've experienced most everything in my toy bag. I think it helps to refine technique, and gives an idea of what each implement is capable of. Being of a military-type mindset, I do think I should be able to "take it", and I can. Yes, there are some tops out there who could stand some actual experience. It might give them a clue! I speak as a person who does not submit, does not have endorphin experiences, and only bottomed for laughs and physical challenge. I still test w very new toy--the inner thigh is great for that. For me, it's part of being a responsible top.

LastThoughts -> RE: Knowing the taste of our own medicine. (9/10/2010 1:44:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Submission is not what is being asked, I think. I've experienced most everything in my toy bag. I think it helps to refine technique, and gives an idea of what each implement is capable of. Being of a military-type mindset, I do think I should be able to "take it", and I can. Yes, there are some tops out there who could stand some actual experience. It might give them a clue! I speak as a person who does not submit, does not have endorphin experiences, and only bottomed for laughs and physical challenge. I still test w very new toy--the inner thigh is great for that. For me, it's part of being a responsible top. Exactly what I was referring to. I personally do not find motivation, fear, nor endorphins from the end of a whip, but I know it's lick. I know what it feels like to be handcuffed, although I have a habit of laughing at my own expense. As well as expecting someone to keep my world organized and tidy in a fashion I myself am not capable of seems ridiculous and childish. But then again, it occurred to me that I lead by example. Or more apt, demand by example? Especially with TENS units and other electrical objects. I think its crucial to understand the flow the electrons through the body and back out prior to subjugation of your most prized playtoy. Side humor story, trying out a shock collar. I didn't even get the word, Whoa!, out. It was more like a, WH#%^#^%$^. _LT

allthatjaz -> RE: Knowing the taste of our own medicine. (9/10/2010 1:52:12 AM)
I guess the op is talking about the pain side of things and not the mind side. The problem with pain is, some masochists/submissives can take a great deal whilst others can only take a slap and tickle. Everyone is different and everyone feels, responds and reacts to pain in a different way. Often masochists speak of preference over implements. Some like it hard and thuddy, others like it sharp and stingy. Some can only take it on their back or ass and others like the bottom of their feet beating. If a dominant/sadist was to try out what they dish out, that would mean taking a very specific sort of pain that their sub/masochist had his/her own preference on. It may feel good, satisfying and even orgasmic to the sub/masochist but the exact pain inflicted back on him may feel unbearable, disturbing and nasty. How is that going to leave the dominant feeling? does he/she then imagine that the same pain on her is going to feel the same as it did on him?

DarkSteven -> RE: Knowing the taste of our own medicine. (9/10/2010 4:47:28 AM)
I don't wanna. And most subs I know don't wanna either.

DesFIP -> RE: Knowing the taste of our own medicine. (9/10/2010 4:52:14 AM)
I'm not sure what you mean by education. Obviously he can't teach me something he doesn't already know. As far as how something feels, wouldn't help here. He has a higher pain threshold than I do. So him telling me it doesn't hurt that bad wouldn't be taken well. It doesn't hurt him that badly, it does me. Re doing things for him, I think both partners should want to help out each other. But would he feel the same feelings I have since I'm submissive and he isn't? By no means.

BentUnit -> RE: Knowing the taste of our own medicine. (9/10/2010 5:02:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven I don't wanna. And most subs I know don't wanna either. Don't "wanna" what?

DesFIP -> RE: Knowing the taste of our own medicine. (9/10/2010 6:57:19 AM)
Most subs don't wanna top their doms to see how it feels from the other side. And when people say all dominants should start as submissives, isn't the corollary there that all submissives should start as dominants - just so you know how it feels to your partner?

Lucylastic -> RE: Knowing the taste of our own medicine. (9/10/2010 7:02:27 AM)
Ive enjoyed most of my bottoming experiences so far..and personally it has helped me in several areas (specially caning/whip placement) but I would not go so far to say it is or should berequired.. I enjoy knowing the sensations liable from a particular toy..and my pet gets a kick out of me enjoying it too. works for us, YMMV

Madame4a -> RE: Knowing the taste of our own medicine. (9/10/2010 7:02:58 AM)
As far as the sensations/pain side of my toys.. I know how they feel TO ME ... and that's the key... do I think that's a good thing, yes, I do... I think it makes me (just me) a better Top... and Dominant. I can't, however, know exactly how they will feel for someone else. Also, I've done my share of submitting and yes, I do feel that makes me a better Dominant. I don't know that everyone needs to do it, but I think its a good idea. That said, no one needs to follow my rules... I know many people who don't think it matters... for me, it does.

LadyPact -> RE: Knowing the taste of our own medicine. (9/10/2010 7:29:08 AM)
The funny part of this is that no one ever suggests it the other way around. No one ever says that a bottom should top just so they know what it feels like. It would be rather silly. Anything that I can test out on Myself, I have. I'm curious of what it feels like to Me, even though that is going to be different than what it feels like to someone else. I've done things such as practice fire cupping on My own leg and given Myself zaps with My own violet wand. As anybody knows who has done their practice with a whip, you're going to get the chance to 'feel' that, too. I'm a 'try it before you buy it' person anyway, so I've stood at many a vendor's stand, testing this toy or that on My own skin. Of course, this is purely for curiosity, as the implement isn't going to feel the same to Me or create the same effect in My sub. In fact, it's not even going to feel the same across the board to My various play partners. One may love the sensation and another may hate it. As for the rest of it, I most likely could withstand My own training. The reason that I don't submit is because it isn't what is natural for Me to do.

LaTigresse -> RE: Knowing the taste of our own medicine. (9/10/2010 9:21:27 AM)
I grew up with 3 brothers, I know what most strikey stingy things, including a Hot Wheels track, feels like. I've played with whips...yeahhhhhhhhh.......ouch. I've played with hot wax.....was a fascination as a kid......and gotten in trouble for it![:D] I've cut and burnt myself plenty in the kitchen. I've zapped myself more times than I can count on the electric fence, and a few times on other things. Granted, that's not the point but I had to toss that in there for fun. The problem with bottoming, for me, is that pain makes me angry. Really really angry. Want to destroy whatever hurt me angry. Usually, because it's an accident and through my own klutziness, and with my own stuff, I don't destroy but instead just cuss A LOT. But I cannot imagine attempting to allow someone else to cause me pain and what I would want to do to them after wards. It would not be a warm fuzzy. I won't willingly bottom to anyone but yes, I definitely test a bit on my own skin before I am going to grab someone I love and do it to them.

LastThoughts -> RE: Knowing the taste of our own medicine. (9/10/2010 9:44:42 AM)
Interesting. Well as some of you are understanding, I'm definitely not referring to trying on a submissive skin in anyway here. Or trying to duplicate a sensation you may have on anyone else. That would require some heavy cloning and DNA engineering feats. Purely discussing the odd (to me anyway) overtones that I'm finding with D's that seem to reserve training and/or pain experiences strictly to their submissives. When you bring someone at such a raw and exposed level as BDSM into your world, it seems strange that you wouldn't have explored your own territories before placing natives in your jungle? However, I am looking for a spectrum of viewpoints on this so. My two cents, not necessarily yours. _LT

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Knowing the taste of our own medicine. (9/10/2010 9:50:03 AM)
LastThoughts, bottoming and submission get mixed up a lot around here. I fail to see how whacking myself with a cane, or testing out my new cautery pen, has ANYTHING to do with submitting. It has everything to do with how things work and feel. No one processes pain the same way, but processing pain is a mental thing. No matter how high or low a person's pain threshold, they CAN tell the difference in how a 1/4 " cane feels as opposed to a 1/2" one, or why that rubber flogger that seems so light is actually the toy that the bottom wants to hide in the back of the closet.

Twoshoes -> RE: Knowing the taste of our own medicine. (9/10/2010 9:56:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LastThoughts But then again, it occurred to me that I lead by example. Or more apt, demand by example? That's how I think about it too. I don't want to do anything that I wouldn't do to myself. Which isn't highly limiting.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Knowing the taste of our own medicine. (9/10/2010 9:58:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Twoshoes quote: ORIGINAL: LastThoughts But then again, it occurred to me that I lead by example. Or more apt, demand by example? That's how I think about it too. I don't want to do anything that I wouldn't do to myself. Which isn't highly limiting. There ya go! It's how I feel, anyway. Though there ARE some things where I have personal hard limits, for health reasons.

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