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The informal rules... - 9/1/2010 1:33:22 PM

hertz

Posts: 1315
Joined: 8/7/2010
Status: offline

Obviously Collarme and similar sites have explicitly stated rules which form part of the terms of service. Hopefully, we all read these and obey...

But what about the undocumented rules? Are there any? What are they and when do they apply?

Here's an obvious informal rule:

Don't indiscriminately cut and paste the same reply to everyone who fits the criteria...

Clearly, it isn't a real rule. You can do it, but if you do, most likely you will get short shrift. And I guess not everyone will worry about it, but enough will to make it worth consideration as a rule to stick to. No-one likes spam.

I'd like to give another example - one where I am not sure if a rule exists or not. A couple of days ago on the other part of the site, I noticed an interesting profile (it was the picture that did it - the profile picture was of a truly gorgeous woman) and I started reading. Turns out this person is a Goddess with a nice line in female supremacy. There were a lot of entries in Goddess's journal, and I ran out of time before reading them all. So I clicked 'Favourite', so that I'd be able to find her and read a bit more the next time I was on. Next time came round, I looked for her, and guess what? That's right - blocked. (I think - I can't access the profile, so I guess that is what is going on).

Question: Have I committed some sort of social faux-pas by favouriting someone without mailing them to say why?

Have I breached the following informal rule?

Never favourite someone without asking permission first.

Or is there no such rule?

Can anyone suggest some informal rules that might be worth paying attention to? Or am I just crazy even imagining that such rules really exist.

What do you think?

EDIT: I can access the profile now, so probably not blocked, so possibly not breaching an informal rule - very strange...

< Message edited by hertz -- 9/1/2010 1:50:17 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: The informal rules... - 9/1/2010 1:52:06 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

I would think you should not make someone a favorite to whom you are not remotely acquainted.

Here's another idea you might want to try.

Make a list of those profiles that seem interesting to you, hand-written. If anything changes in the profile that you need to keep track of, denote that as well. If someone makes an interesting post here that enlightens you more about their character, write it down.

That's what I've done. I think I have the better part of 3 walls covered now, sorta like wallpaper. I admit it becomes rather difficult to reach some of the entries at the top of the wall, but every once in a while I'll break out a stepstool.

I'm not obsessed.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to hertz)

Post #: 2

RE: The informal rules... - 9/1/2010 1:54:03 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I have a whole list of "admirers", the bulk of whom have never contacted me. I have no idea who they are, and I really don't care. I suspect they are "bookmarking" me to look at my pictures more easily. I know that I have few on my faves list, in spite of my many friends--it's just a function of who I write to the most that do not live locally.

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Post #: 3

RE: The informal rules... - 9/1/2010 1:55:47 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

it appears that 'her' informal rule was not to add her as a favorite without first passing along a note explaining what you're doing and why and asking permission to do so...

this will make her feel 'supreme' and after-all, you did mention she was all about female supremacy!

(in reply to hertz)

Post #: 4

RE: The informal rules... - 9/1/2010 2:03:14 PM

hertz

Posts: 1315
Joined: 8/7/2010
Status: offline

quote:

mstrjx: I'm not obsessed.

It's having that 4th wall free is the crucial point, I think. Is your hand-writing quite small?

@ LadyHibiscus That's interesting - I hadn't even considered that! When you favourite someone, they see you as an admirer? I guessed she'd realised I'd hit favourite, but I wasn't sure how...God, I'm dense sometimes.... lol

quote:

daddysliloneds it appears that 'her' informal rule was not to add her as a favorite without first passing along a note explaining what you're doing and why and asking permission to do so...

Sounds quite reasonable when it's put like that. I'll never make that mistake again (just in case), even if it looks more like an IT failure now...

I guess another obvious rule is:

Don't send a 'friend' request to someone you haven't spoken to.

< Message edited by hertz -- 9/1/2010 2:07:41 PM >

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 5

RE: The informal rules... - 9/1/2010 2:16:18 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Yes, hit "add to favourites" and ADMIRERS lights up! Which makes me nuts, frankly. I look and see who added me and I a BOGGLED. The guys who add me then blow me off in real time don't take me off the list, either!!

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Post #: 6

RE: The informal rules... - 9/1/2010 2:27:29 PM

hertz

Posts: 1315
Joined: 8/7/2010
Status: offline

An un-admire button to stop people admiring would be useful...

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 7

RE: The informal rules... - 9/1/2010 2:29:33 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hertz

An un-admire button to stop people admiring would be useful...

I think of my pictures as a public service announcement (I used have sexy ones). How many men on the other side will NEVER EVER get time with a dominant woman, let alone ME? Most of them, eh? So let them look. Lots of folks read my journal too, which is another boggler!! I am not really one to offer up deep thoughts to the internet at large.

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Post #: 8

RE: The informal rules... - 9/1/2010 2:34:25 PM

SorceressJ

Posts: 2968
Joined: 7/24/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hertz

An un-admire button to stop people admiring would be useful...

I agree. I don't even like looking at my admire list because there are some real creepy types in there, including guys with usernames denoting toilet activities which I personally loathe, and this one really strange-looking old man who is old enough to be my father and who pervs my profile at least once every day (of course, I just delete him from my viewed list. the thing with the admire list should be just as easy, IMO).
I also agree with the assessment of not sending a friend request to someone you haven't spoken to. This used to be a line on my actual profile, but so few people paid attention to it that I just took the matter into my own hands (where it belongs, of course) and now refuse all friend requests from strangers without stressing about it or bothering with either the line in my profile or with a response to them.

< Message edited by SorceressJ -- 9/1/2010 2:37:50 PM >

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Post #: 9

RE: The informal rules... - 9/1/2010 2:34:40 PM

hlen5

Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

It doesn't hurt anything to have people you haven't spoken to list themselves as your admirer. Go check their profile, and if you like it, say hi. If not, ignore.

I think it's a face saving way for someone to indicate interest without getting rejected. They can admire (from afar) and you can go on about your day.

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Post #: 10

RE: The informal rules... - 9/1/2010 2:43:29 PM

hertz

Posts: 1315
Joined: 8/7/2010
Status: offline

quote:

SorceressJ old man who is old enough to be my father

Two now - I just took a look. But I promise not to perve every other day. But I would like to revisit and check out your writing, if you don't mind. Hopefully, I'll see an explanation for 'Yyou'?

(in reply to hlen5)

Post #: 11

RE: The informal rules... - 9/1/2010 3:16:33 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hertz

So I clicked 'Favourite', so that I'd be able to find her and read a bit more the next time I was on. Next time came round, I looked for her, and guess what? That's right - blocked. (I think - I can't access the profile, so I guess that is what is going on).

EDIT: I can access the profile now, so probably not blocked, so possibly not breaching an informal rule - very strange...

Blocking a person only stops that person from contacting you. It doesn't stop them from looking at your profile. Unless the function of the block button has changed from the last time I used it.

Cali

_____________________________

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Post #: 12

RE: The informal rules... - 9/1/2010 3:45:27 PM

VideoAdminAlpha

Posts: 3876
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

I would think you should not make someone a favorite to whom you are not remotely acquainted.

Here's another idea you might want to try.

Make a list of those profiles that seem interesting to you, hand-written. If anything changes in the profile that you need to keep track of, denote that as well. If someone makes an interesting post here that enlightens you more about their character, write it down.

That's what I've done. I think I have the better part of 3 walls covered now, sorta like wallpaper. I admit it becomes rather difficult to reach some of the entries at the top of the wall, but every once in a while I'll break out a stepstool.

I'm not obsessed.

Jeff

You DO know there is a place on that persons accounts to make user notes that only you see, right?

_____________________________

You can't please all the people all of the time.Unfortunately there are times you cannot please any of them :( You can only do your best, and hope they realize that.

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 13

RE: The informal rules... - 9/1/2010 3:49:15 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Scary....
What are you doing for dinner?

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx
I think I have the better part of 3 walls covered now, sorta like wallpaper. I admit it becomes rather difficult to reach some of the entries at the top of the wall, but every once in a while I'll break out a stepstool.

I'm not obsessed.

Jeff

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 14

RE: The informal rules... - 9/1/2010 3:51:35 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Your unspoken rule would be correct in My case. The same goes for the unknown friend request and subscription to someone's journal. If I don't know you (never exchanged emails with you at minimum), you are not My "friend". The idea that you "admire" Me has no bearing on whether I want to know you or not. The fact that you want to be updated if I add something to My journal is just creepy. Unfortunately, blocking people doesn't prevent any of these things, though I have to admit, I wish it would.

Other unspoken rules of Mine: If it's in My profile that you aren't compatible with Me, are not local, or are not from the forums, don't send Me email. You would think this would be common etiquette, but it's less common in translation. Never think you are the exception to the rule. If someone's profile says "no men" accept the fact that they really mean no men.

No matter who you are, don't send Me spam. I don't care if you're hocking some new Domme/sub website or selling tupperware. It's one thing to send someone an invitation to an upcoming event because we've seen each other at an event before. Completely something else if you're just advertising to Me for the sake of it. This includes those annoying folks who have asked Me to 'give a recommendation' for their BDSM related product when I've never see it, or them, before. I give generous praises anytime that I'm happy with something I've purchased. It isn't going to happen if I've never laid eyes on it.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 15

RE: The informal rules... - 9/2/2010 10:45:27 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You can put people on your favorites list with no penalty. I'm thinking the website had a technical glitch that day. If you hang out here long enough, you'll get all kinds of weird glitches. Although didn't Alpha say they were working on that? Doing some fixes?

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Post #: 16

RE: The informal rules... - 9/2/2010 10:52:35 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

I'm not obsessed.

Jeff

It helps if you color code the stickies, Jeff.

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 17

RE: The informal rules... - 9/2/2010 10:53:58 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Scary....
What are you doing for dinner?

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx
I think I have the better part of 3 walls covered now, sorta like wallpaper. I admit it becomes rather difficult to reach some of the entries at the top of the wall, but every once in a while I'll break out a stepstool.

I'm not obsessed.

Jeff

Thinking about going to Olive Garden for some of that pumpkin cheesecake I read about on another thread.

But then I have to get back RIGHT AWAY to see if someone said something memorable enough to update the walls. It's all about the walls.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 18

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