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VaguelyCurious -> RE: New to this (8/26/2010 6:21:58 AM)
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SubPet,
I just read your profile-you're a sweetie [:)]
A couple of relatively minor things: I'd take out the first paragraph reference to most women 'playing a role'-it sounds snarky and jaded and women don't really want to hear you saying bad things about other women (if you talk about other women at all-we're a pretty self centred bunch :P).
Also in the first paragraph you've written 'she is take charge', which I think is a typing error.
I'd get rid of the bit about hoping you don't sound demanding-you're drawing unnecessary attention to something that might be perceived as negative. It didn't occur to me to think of the previous paragraph as demanding until you mentioned it :P
You say you're always smiling and laughing-maybe try and inject a sense of that into the profile? Be funny, be warm-it's a little serious as it is. In my experience people who are constantly laughing don't need to tell you so, because you can hear it in their writing.
I'd maybe cut down/condense the paragraphs on what you can offer, because that discussion can always come later. I've found that a shorter, punchier profile works better than a long, detailed one-if you give the sense that you've already planned the relationship before you've met the woman then it can make people feel uneasy. Does that make sense?
Lastly, your punctuation is a bit random; there are commas where there should be other types of punctuation in several places, and you've missed out the odd apostrophe, capital letter etc. You'd benefit from a more careful readthrough.
But all in all it was good, IMO-these are all minor points.
[:)]
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