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out of curiosity... - 8/22/2010 5:55:59 PM

itsmeinLV

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I was just wondering out of curiosity, has anybody ever felt lonely in a relationship? An emptiness within yourself you can't really explain what is causing it? Is it really the relationship, or is it something your personal self might be struggling with?

By no means am I looking for psychological prescriptions or analysis of any kind. It's really just out of curiosity.

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RE: out of curiosity... - 8/22/2010 6:35:09 PM

mstrjx

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I generally don't feel lonely when I'm alone. I can keep myself occupied and not think 'Boo hoo, there's nobody in my life'.

Now have I ever felt that I'd rather be alone than in the relationship I was in at the time? Yes. Often. I haven't had many relationships that totally sucked (probably one), but many of the others had something wrong going for them from nearly the beginning (probably because I did the Mr. Magoo squinty thing so hard to see things in a different way).

What does that say about me? I think we probably covered that in the 'settle' thread a few weeks back.

Jeff

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RE: out of curiosity... - 8/22/2010 8:37:31 PM

thatsub

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I've felt lonely while being in a relationship. Usually it is because I felt I could not connect with the person and could not share my feelings. I thought that my partner either was overly judgmental or just didn't care about my feelings. Anyways, these "relationships" never lasted too long, as you might have guessed.

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RE: out of curiosity... - 8/22/2010 8:45:13 PM

sexyred1

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Yes, and when you do, there is usually a very good reason you feel that way.

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RE: out of curiosity... - 8/22/2010 9:00:13 PM

littlewonder

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I've felt lonely in almost every relationship I've ever been in. That's why they ended and it was not due to something in my life but because their lives revolved around something or someone else that made it impossible for us to be with one another even if we were together all the time.

Their hearts and/or minds were somewhere else other than with me.

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RE: out of curiosity... - 8/23/2010 1:17:05 AM

Termyn8or

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Read the responses but am kicking back to the OP.

Define lonely. It is a feeling and therefore internally controlable of course, but beyond that the feeling exists for many. I shed such things a long time ago and now can speak objectively about it. I can no longer hate nor love, I will not allow myself to do it. If alone I will either seek someone out or sit down and write or create, maybe come up with another guitar rif or something.

But the state of lonliness is real to some, and as such should be dealt with. Lonliness seems to occur when one is feeling good and wants to share the good times with others. An uplifting experience to be sure, in which I have of course engaged. And then there were those times I felt great and being alone was just fine with me. Nobody was around and I could play the hokiest music I got, walk around in my underwear, things like that. I like solitude. Even offline, without the net, or CM or anything. Sometimes I just want my mind to rest.

But when some of you walk into your home after work for example, if someone isn't there it seems like something is missing. It is, but it is something within yourself. And it is your choice. Want proof ? Here goes.

You are sick and you got diahreea(sp) and you just shit yourself. Want company now ? (damn that was quick)

It is your choice to want to be around people, and if you get lonely it is most likely because you choose to be around others when they don't choose to be around you. This makes you dependent upon them. This does not mean they don't like you, only that they have lives. Other things are going on. And they'll be back unless you pissed them off or killed them or something.

I don't mean to sound so crass, but stick your hand at your crotch and start working on yourself. Cum. Then maybe get back on CM or go for a walk, do whatever. Needing company is a perception, not a fact, at least psychologically. You need other people to drive trucks and get food in the stores, to deliver what you need. You don't need other people for much else.

Those who do are damaged emotionally and that can cause big problems. They get into poisonous relationnnnships and maybe into drugs, whether impelled by the situation or not. It is a problem.

One can suffer lonliness and another can enjoy solitude, it comes from the inside.

That is what YOU control, noone else.

T

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RE: out of curiosity... - 8/23/2010 3:31:05 PM

couldbemage

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I do.

For one thing, I get person specific loneliness. I miss my old group of friends, now scattered around the county.

My relationships are great, but one or more people won't necessarily fulfill all my needs. Those group get togethers had a chemistry that can't be duplicated.

Like a snowflake.

I'm not alone, yet I'm no longer a part of something I once was.

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RE: out of curiosity... - 8/23/2010 11:40:31 PM

Termyn8or

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"I'm not alone, yet I'm no longer a part of something I once was."

Oh Emm Gee. That has happened to me. You don't know me very well, but to get one thing straight, I know more dead people than alive. There is no way to get certain chemistries back. Now I have a new chemistry going on. Part of it is CM, but a big part of it is in RL. People do stop over, and sometimes at the wrong time.

I try not to turn guests away, but there are those times. There are also times when I won't answer the phone, nor even look at the caller ID. I don't feel like it. Sometimes I do look and decide not to answer. So what, I pay the bill,,,,,,, speaking of which..........

And, having studied psychology for thirty years, lonliness for one specific person is lust. It may not be sexual lust, but it still meets the definition. Allowing your mind to engage in that makes you dependent. From what I see so far that is the last thing you want, and indeed the last thing I want.

So stop it. It really is that simple, but damn hard to learn. You must disengage part of your mind from another, and it took me some time to master it. Most people can't do it, but can remember what it is in times of stress and control themselves more aptly. Like not getting violent in a bad situation or feeling depressed because of this or that. Just learn it a little, nobody should have to go as far as I did.

It lends inner strength. You can shoot the gun, you can hit some asshole with a ballbat. You can. And then you sleep just fine, as long as you did no wrong. Some people have it coming and that's what most people don't understand. There are some people out there who are really some serious assholes. I wish we could kill them legally. They are ignorant and will never learn because they know everything. Well my IQ is pretty fucking up there and I will be the FIRST to say that I do NOT know everything. These MFs are never going to learn much of anything, except how to try to rob you or me. Fukum.

One day, take a pistol and load it and cock it. Put it in your mouth pointing up. Now it is in your hands. I have done this and decided that I wanted to live. Sometimes looking over the edge of a cliff, realizing the situation is what it takes. It worked for me. My mind normally runs at a hundred miles a minute, that day it was running at a thousand miles a minute. I thought it all out that day. I want to live.

That means I want to live alone or with others. That means I want to live with or without pot (can't say the same of beer though). I want to live with or without sex. I want to live with or without filet mignon.

Lonliness is not part of the deal here. I have none. I have to throw people the fuck out of here at times. Just last weekend I made one guy sleep in my car. He got too drunk.

But to end this, lonliness only occurs when you WANT. It is like being hungry when you WANT food. It is like taking a lower paying job because you WANT to keep your house and utilities on. And I am here to tellya, in the game of life you never bet your pocket. Like in a poker game they see you make less than the max bet. These people are not dumb. They will raise you off the table if they suspect that. In that case the best bet is not to make a bet. When it comes back to you then just "come up" with the money.

This type of game applies to people as well, because many are competitive in nature. That is human nature, sorry, not much I can do about that either. And then when you eject the assholes from your life, the rest are happy about it. Been there done that many times.

It's all a state of mind. I used to be a tough motherfucker, but no more. I use my mind. Things do not get physical. But when I get rid of people, they are fucking sorry, and that is an understatement. If I declare you a friend, everything I have is OK for you to use. And when you cross me, you best just stay the fuck out of the city. Or at least this police district. And any calls or mail will not be treated well. I can make your life hell without breaking the law at all.

That's how much I need people. I don't need them just hanging around, I got uses for them, and they got uses for me. One hand washes the other right ? But I can live without the bullshit. I don't need it.

T

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RE: out of curiosity... - 8/24/2010 4:19:25 AM

daddysliloneds

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yep, and that's when i choose to just be alone rather than to be alone with someone else in the picture.

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RE: out of curiosity... - 8/24/2010 7:33:29 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: itsmeinLV

I was just wondering out of curiosity, has anybody ever felt lonely in a relationship? An emptiness within yourself you can't really explain what is causing it? Is it really the relationship, or is it something your personal self might be struggling with?

By no means am I looking for psychological prescriptions or analysis of any kind. It's really just out of curiosity.

In the past I have felt VERY lonely within a relationship.

I might go against the grain in this but, before you assume it is the other person or the relationship......look within. I can say without a shadow of doubt that, regardless of the problems within my relationships, my loneliness was not caused by the relationship or the other person in it. It really was all me. I was entirely responsible for it.

Now, I never feel lonely. Regardless of relationship status.

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