Initiating play.

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Initiating play.

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Initiating play.

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Initiating play. - 8/16/2010 12:50:00 PM

sodsta

Posts: 246
Joined: 7/19/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline

After a talking with a friend a few days ago, I found myself suddenly very curious about something. The subject of the talk was "initiating play". Not, as is often discussed on fetish boards, "who should initiate?" but rather "who is initiating generally easier for?"

This question is, I guess, largely aimed at switches, but I'd appreciate input from anyone.

Is initiating play easier when you're playing as the Top/Dom(me) or when you're playing as the bottom/sub?

And to people who aren't switches, how easy (or not) do you find initiating play? Do you feel more comfortable being the one to initiate or waiting for the other person to make the first move?

-- Kye

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Initiating play. - 8/16/2010 12:55:27 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

Carol and I don't "play" in that sense. But in terms of initiating sex in general it's like this.

Historically, I've had deep-seated issues with my own sexuality and that translated to serious problems initiating sex. So during our vanilla marriage, it was largely Carol who initiated. Over the last three years since the collaring though that's been changing. Carol's devious scheme to corrupt me, teach me how to view her as a sex toy, and generally get a lot more comfortable with my male sexuality is working. For me, at least, nothing says "Go ahead, you have permission" quite like a sex slave *chuckles*. So anymore, I'd say that we initiate 50/50 depending on who's in the mood, etc.

Neither of us connects with this with bottom/top or dom/sub. It's just a pretty pragmatic sort of "Hey, I want sex" or "Hey, it's been a while since we had sex, we should." sort of thing.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to sodsta)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Initiating play. - 8/16/2010 2:28:33 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

This question is, I guess, largely aimed at switches, but I'd appreciate input from anyone.

While I identify as a switch, I don't switch within relationships and never have, I'm not really sure why your question is aimed at switches in that regard.

Is initiating play easier when you're playing as the Top/Dom(me) or when you're playing as the bottom/sub?

There's no role based answer here for me. It is dependent on the relationship and how the interactions have typically progressed.

And to people who aren't switches, how easy (or not) do you find initiating play? Do you feel more comfortable being the one to initiate or waiting for the other person to make the first move?

Either of us can initiate, only one of us has the option to say no and I'm comfortable either way.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to sodsta)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Initiating play. - 8/16/2010 4:59:19 PM

Wolf2Bear

Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

After a talking with a friend a few days ago, I found myself suddenly very curious about something. The subject of the talk was "initiating play". Not, as is often discussed on fetish boards, "who should initiate?" but rather "who is initiating generally easier for?"

This question is, I guess, largely aimed at switches, but I'd appreciate input from anyone.

Is initiating play easier when you're playing as the Top/Dom(me) or when you're playing as the bottom/sub?

And to people who aren't switches, how easy (or not) do you find initiating play? Do you feel more comfortable being the one to initiate or waiting for the other person to make the first move?

-- Kye

Using my own recent experiences with playing with a very compatible top, I would have to say that they initiated the majority of the play sessions. The thing is, this person identifies as a switch yet has strong top/dominant tendencies whereas I identify as a switch but more towards the submissive end of the spectrum. It just seemed natural that this person I have gotten involved with to initiate play much of the time thus the transitioning back and forth, at this point, has been smooth and without any glitches. The few times when I took on the role as a top, it was seamless and an instinctive action on my part to "flip" over to topping as opposed to bottoming in that particular type of play session we were engaging in. It also helps that there are specific play activities which I will not top and that knowledge has not led to any conflict to who is going to top and who is going to bottom.

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to sodsta)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Initiating play. - 8/16/2010 5:05:15 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I hate initiating. Don't think I really ever have. I'm way too uncomfortable with such things. There are times he will force me to well..try to interest in him in playing and I completely sucksucksuck at it. Being the sadist he is he loves watching me squirm and wriggle knowing how much I hate initiating. Cringe.

(in reply to Wolf2Bear)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Initiating play. - 8/16/2010 10:50:22 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

I'd have thought *anyone* who's been around the lifestyle for more than 30 seconds would deduce that it's easier for the Dom/me to initiate than the submissive. In a generalised sense, Dom/mes take charge and lead etc while the submissive takes direction as to what's required.

So yeah, mostly I initiate in a proactive sense whereas the girl tends to do it 2nd party and/or inadvertantly - a lapse, slip of the tongue, bit of attitude, subtle hint/feminine wiles etc.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to littlewonder)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Initiating play. - 8/17/2010 4:27:15 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Either of us can initiate, either of us can refuse. He initiates 99% of the time because I have problems with rejection.

I don't understand how women can not have the option to refuse, or at least say that lube is needed. Because if we aren't wet the vaginal tissue can easily tear.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Focus50)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Initiating play. - 8/19/2010 3:25:02 AM

phoenixmoonn13

Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline

i hate initiating luckily i am not allowed to if i am getting very needy i can ask if i can cum for him or if i can be belted for him and he will usually say no at the time and make me wait a day or so. last time i had to wait a week but ti was well worth the wait, somtimes he will say yes

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Initiating play. - 8/19/2010 5:47:03 AM

TwistedHeart74

Posts: 722
Joined: 9/17/2009
Status: offline

When I want/need something, I ask for it, whether it's a scene, a cuddle, sex or whatever. He's pretty adept at reading me already (we've not been together long).
Before him if there was someone I wanted to scene with I had no problem approaching them about that, whether in top or bottom mindset.

_____________________________

Sir D's brat

I have a condition...it's called uncunteditis. Ask Porcelaine for details.

Member Lance's Fag Hags

(in reply to phoenixmoonn13)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Initiating play. - 8/19/2010 6:01:22 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I just ask or flirt.

(in reply to TwistedHeart74)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Initiating play. - 8/19/2010 7:46:54 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

I try to set up my dynamics/relationships such that the submissive feels she can initiate the play. Part of that is wanting to feel every bit as sexually/BDSM attractive to them as they are to me. I know it might be hard for some to grasp but men like to feel that their partners want them...lust for them...on their own once in awhile without direct encouragement from us.

I admit to being sadistic enough that, like littlewonder's dominant, I enjoy watching a submissive's actions... when she isn't as comfortable with outright "laid on the table" initiation...when she is instructed to do it in just such a manner. ~grins~

(in reply to sexyred1)

Profile

Post #: 11