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That lightbulb moment - 8/13/2010 8:41:35 PM

Missokyst

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I have been out on my own now for a while and finally getting back to my old self since my break-up. For a year I have enjoyed parties, playing, meeting men, counseling some, teaching some, and having a bunch of fun bottoming to people I trust. I have stomped down the feelings I have for the x into a managable bundle of memory, longing and regret. But inside I always felt like no matter what, the x wanted to be sure I was doing well.

So this Sunday I got a bad case of the flu. It was the whole nine yards, fever, stuff coming out of orifices which have never seen that much action; sweats, no ability to eat or drink anything except water for 3 solid days. I was either sleeping, tossing and turning, or in the bathroom. By the middle of Wednesday I felt like I had bed sores, the fever was gone, but I was unbelievably weak.

Thursday.. the X called to see if I was ok... to work. He brought over a computer that had winsock issues and a neighbor brought one over as well. He scheduled two outside calls for me to handle which kept me out till after 6 PM. I came home, set up a computer to scan and went to bed for an hour. Today, Friday, I was sent out on an office call that had me cleaning up 7 computers, doing a drive copy, and rushing from there to do 2 more calls. He called me superwoman... I am pretty sure it was an insult.

He knew I had been sick. He knew I was tired, I told him that Thursday wiped me out. Until I cut all romantic ties with him or any chance of them, he was always careful to be sure I was not overwhelmed. But there did not seem to be any slack cutting this time around. It was business. It was making me be superwoman when that is a difficult enough task when I am feeling great. That superwoman comment was almost like he was telling me that I didn't need him.... that I was not needy enough to be cared for by him.. knowing that she is.

Today I had my lightbulb moment. It let me know that any care I thought I had from him was at an end. Business goes on.

Have you had a lightbulb moment that opened your eyes to reality?

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RE: That lightbulb moment - 8/13/2010 9:31:37 PM

sexyred1

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Yes. I had the lightbulb moment a while ago, but desire kept pushing my brain away.

Finally, about a month and a half ago, my brain finally won the battle over desire. It was nothing new he did or said, it was just something clicked and said, what the fuck?? YOU need to stop.

Now, I have to keep it up.

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RE: That lightbulb moment - 8/13/2010 10:18:17 PM

juliaoceania

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I recently had something of an opposite nature happen to me.

I was cleaning Sinergy's house for extra cash for grad school, and we both started seeing other people around the same time. I told him I wanted to quit doing it because it had become awkward for me due to the fact that both of us were seeing new people (he told me about his new person before I told him I was seeing someone new too). He was rather cold and told me he didn't understand why I needed to explain it and more or less I felt stupid for explaining why I didn't want to work for him anymore...

So fast forward a week, I was going to mail him his key back, and before I got the chance I had to catch amtrak up north, his key is on my chain, someone stole my purse on amtrak... which means they have his house key

. I am DREADING telling him this because I am imagining him lecturing me about this... so I email him what happened, and he responds... "I don't care about the key, I just want to know if you are okay"... and it made me realize, even though we will probably never see each other again, we still care for each other, and that this is okay...

That was a light bulb moment for me

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RE: That lightbulb moment - 8/14/2010 7:22:25 AM

Termyn8or

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FR

Miss, I wouldn't be so fast to take the superwoman remark as negative. That's one of the major problems we have is misunderstanding one another. Think of his actions more carefully than his words.

julia, a house key means nothing without an address. I would tell though. All it takes is a trip to the local DIY type store and twenty bucks to change a lock. And of course a Phillips screwdriver.

T

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RE: That lightbulb moment - 8/14/2010 8:25:34 AM

juliaoceania

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quote:

julia, a house key means nothing without an address. I would tell though. All it takes is a trip to the local DIY type store and twenty bucks to change a lock. And of course a Phillips screwdriver.

Because I am no longer cleaning his house I was supposed to mail it back to him, so I had to tell him I lost it....

I had to change my locks... really pissed me off

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RE: That lightbulb moment - 8/14/2010 8:57:21 AM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

That was a light bulb moment for me

That's a cool light bulb moment.

My light bulb moment wasn't so cool, but it was a freaking spotlight. I had left my ex husband, and my heart was still very torn over it. I still loved him very much, and thought he loved me very much too, but that we had such huge differences we just needed some distance between us to sort it.

And then I found out he left his job and had stopped paying any of the household bills, etc, and that I needed to catch up the mortgage, etc., to keep from losing the house and everything else. Because I didn't want to support him again and he was doing nothing to find work, I filed for divorce - if anything, to protect myself financially. Still, my heart was breaking and I just knew his was, too...right?

Fast forward a couple of months, I show up at the house to pick up some financial paperwork, and find it completely emptied of EVERYTHING. All my family photos, my (recently deceased) Dad's music collection, furniture, family heirlooms, pictures on the wall - seriously it was gutted. When I asked him where everything was, he said, simply, "Gone."

This man had no love for me. He was vindictive and controlling and selfish. I started seeing things clearly - all along it was about what he wanted, with little to no regard for how something might affect me. And to have stolen everything I've ever owned (oh yeah, and he got spousal support out of me, too), well it shined a whole new light on things.

It was hard to recover from, but I did, and I was able to completely turn my back on the situation and move on, knowing none of it was about love for him. It was time to focus on me, and stop concerning myself with him. Truly a defining moment in my life, after 20 years of being with him.

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RE: That lightbulb moment - 8/14/2010 9:12:50 AM

juliaoceania

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quote:

Fast forward a couple of months, I show up at the house to pick up some financial paperwork, and find it completely emptied of EVERYTHING. All my family photos, my (recently deceased) Dad's music collection, furniture, family heirlooms, pictures on the wall - seriously it was gutted. When I asked him where everything was, he said, simply, "Gone."

This paragraph is why I love that line from Bobby McGee

"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose"

It has some truth to it....

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

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RE: That lightbulb moment - 8/14/2010 9:23:08 AM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

Fast forward a couple of months, I show up at the house to pick up some financial paperwork, and find it completely emptied of EVERYTHING. All my family photos, my (recently deceased) Dad's music collection, furniture, family heirlooms, pictures on the wall - seriously it was gutted. When I asked him where everything was, he said, simply, "Gone."

This paragraph is why I love that line from Bobby McGee

"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose"

It has some truth to it....

You know, once I got over the shock of it all (and it did take awhile, I admit), I realized how fantastically liberating it was to start out again with nothing. The world was my oyster at that point, and I was tied to nothing. It changed my perspective on a lot of things. I just recently moved again and you should see the trunk-fulls of stuff I donated - and it felt good! I really don't need "things", and seriously, when you have nothing to lose, you have everything to gain (cliche as it sounds). He gave me a perfectly clean slate - and I ran with it. :)

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RE: That lightbulb moment - 8/14/2010 9:30:47 AM

Missokyst

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Ooo... I love that feeling of having a clean slate. Sometimes getting there hurts, but it feels so fresh to start anew with none of those landmines hanging around waiting for something to trigger them.

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RE: That lightbulb moment - 8/14/2010 9:31:09 AM

wandersalone

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I have an ex who is still in sporadic contact with me, usually initiated by him. I received an email from him a couple of weeks ago updating me on some cool happenings in his life and he also gave me the latest twists and turns about he and the woman he left me for (yes really, he somehow must think I want to hear about this

). I felt absolutely nothing at all as I read it - no jealousy, no angst, no sadness, no what if's or why's. Instead I smiled as it truly was that lightbulb moment for me.

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