RE: I love you mom, but you have to GO.

RE: I love you mom, but you have to GO. (Full Version)

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DomImus -> RE: I love you mom, but you have to GO. (8/12/2010 8:45:47 AM)
I love my family and we all get along pretty well but I have to say that an eight hundred mile buffer zone is a beautiful thing. I can count on one hand the number of times any of them has dropped in on me unannounced - and still have five digits left.

MissAsylum -> RE: I love you mom, but you have to GO. (8/12/2010 8:58:29 AM)
um, not sure what you a reading, but i'm not speaking badly about her at all. and when i said "black woman sass"- that is exactly what i meant. i am dominican, caucasian, and hatian- my mother being hatian and dominican. so think of any rude african-american female that you have seen portrayed in pop culture when she has an attitude- that is how my mother is acting right now. and how am i not being mature about this? i haven't had the best relationship with my mother, due to my own fault. i never had another mother figure besides her, so i'm not exactly sure how to approach the subject of being smothered in a manner that is respectful, but gets the point across since she is in fact my mother and i dont want to speak to her any type of way. i wouldn't call the cops on her since i do not feel like i am in harms way, but i don't appreciate the fact that person who is above all, a guest in my home, feels that they have the right to dictate how i live and what i do, and decides to be indignant about me not wanting that advice. quote: ORIGINAL: heartcream Wow completely heavy and sad post. I feel bad for your moms, you are here talking shit about her. She is your mom. I dont know what the story really is. I dont think what your mom said is black woman sass. Lots of moms from assorted ethnic backgrounds raise their voices to their daughters and pull the "I am your Mom..etc" card. Maybe I am wrong but didnt you also say in another post that in fact you are not black, you are Latin? I am also not so sure you are acting so mature about it all and that a woman your moms age is acting so much younger than you. I see you have gotten quite a bit of support here from folks telling you to go so far as to call the cops. Something about this post makes me feel sick in my guts. No one deserves abuse, I get that, but the tone of your post feels somewhat abusive to your moms to me. I hope you find a solution that works out for you and your mom.

MissAsylum -> RE: I love you mom, but you have to GO. (8/12/2010 8:59:58 AM)
aww this is so mushy. i want to cry a little bit. quote: ORIGINAL: purepleasure A nice Hallmark card with a lovely handwritten note: "Dear Mom, Thanks for being there when I needed you, and for not being there when needed, as well. You have taught me to be independent and self-sufficient, as well as to have self-respect, and to demand respect for myself from others. For that, I am grateful to you, and would not be the woman that I am today. Because of this, I need you to realize that I AM a strong woman, with strong opinions, and I will have respect from you as well. By the time you finish reading this, the locks on my home will have been changed, and I will enjoy visits when it's convenient for both of us. I love you, and want us to be friends as well as two, strong women who are also mother and daughter. I know right now you are probably hurt and angry with me, but I can handle that. I still love you, and hope that you will realize that as your adult daughter, I have the patience and perseverance to maintain a healthy, mutually respectful relationship with you. Please call me, I'll make the coffee, you bring the donuts, and we will have a great visit! Love, MissA" Hope this suggestion helps!

purepleasure -> RE: I love you mom, but you have to GO. (8/12/2010 9:02:19 AM)
or... you could just write "fuck off and die" LOL the choice is yours

domiguy -> RE: I love you mom, but you have to GO. (8/12/2010 9:05:50 AM)
If she looks anything like you I might be willing to take her off of your hands for awhile. When returned all pierced up, thoroughly exhausted or possibly having been so repulsed she is now a full blown lesbian. I would like to think she will be a much more appreciative house guest. Send me a photo of her face and her bits. What? You don't have pictures of your mom's tits and gash? What kind of a fucked up world do we live in?

LadyHibiscus -> RE: I love you mom, but you have to GO. (8/12/2010 9:08:30 AM)
You're in a gated community. Tell the guards, and change the locks. and let her know that GUESTS call you first. You do not have to be in a relationship with a toxic person just because she gave birth to you.

pahunkboy -> RE: I love you mom, but you have to GO. (8/12/2010 9:11:42 AM)
Miss, I did not take your 'sass description in a negative way. It is the phrase you chose to accurately and thoroughly describe your situation. It is your thread- and your situation- so you are 100% correct to say it the manner that you wish. IMO it added to the details- keep on being you. :-) You do not owe anyone an explanation. (IMHO)

MissAsylum -> RE: I love you mom, but you have to GO. (8/12/2010 10:08:06 AM)
well no, i look nothing like my mom- but she is a pretty hot ticket...she gets hit on by men who are a few years older than me. but i'm glad you know that i wouldn't have pictures of any of that. shudders

pahunkboy -> RE: I love you mom, but you have to GO. (8/12/2010 10:09:49 AM)
it is hard to live with anyone.

MissAsylum -> RE: I love you mom, but you have to GO. (8/12/2010 10:10:31 AM)
spacey moment i don't recall ever saying that i live in a gated community...but maybe i'm losing my mind thanks to mother hen. i know she means well-she is just a bit mean about her meaning well...if that made sense.

MissAsylum -> RE: I love you mom, but you have to GO. (8/12/2010 10:15:58 AM)
Agreed. I was no picnic when i was younger so i know that more than anybody.

SorceressJ -> RE: I love you mom, but you have to GO. (8/12/2010 10:18:30 AM)
I had a difficult relationship with a co-dependant mother who wouldn't take care of herself and refused all other help except mine, until many years later when I finally had to see her into supervised care and walk away. That is of course nothing whatsoever like what you're going through, but I am writing to say that I understand, just the same. Personally, I think you are conducting yourself in this issue like a mature adult, i.e. the best you can, and I wish you an equitable solution that benefits you both. Blessings to you.

littlewonder -> RE: I love you mom, but you have to GO. (8/12/2010 3:47:48 PM)
Having a problem child I came close to having to have her removed from our home when she was 15/16 so I can't really say your mother was a bad mother for kicking you out then. It's hard being a parent with a child who has major problems and you've already tried everything under the sun and there's nothing left BUT tough love. It's not easy and she probably felt like the worst parent for having done what she did but felt she had to do what she had to do. Now that you're an adult she simply wants to try and be your mother. She wants to make up for what she did. She wants your love. She wants to know you don't hate her for her actions against you. I feel empathy for your mother because I understand it all too well. Let her know you don't hate her. Tell her you love her and that you know you were a wild child and you want to have a mother/daughter relationship with her again. But that you also are an adult now and you need your adult space now. Explain to her that you don't mind spending time with her. You'd actually enjoy doing so but that you'd appreciate a phone call before she heads over. Agree to meet her for lunch/coffee/movie/shopping. If you really don't feel you can say those things to her though I guess you coudl always tell her "mom I'd appreciate it if you'd knock first. Do you really wanna walk in on me fucking another?".

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: I love you mom, but you have to GO. (8/12/2010 3:52:41 PM)
I f you mean a very close motherly mother and daughter relationship, then I wouldn't speak for every one, I would be head over heels to have a close, loving traditional when talked about mother and daughter relationship, where we're best friends and we do tons together and have tea an cookies an lunch meetings every week, and I can tell her anything in the world and trust that she's not going to try to hurt me with it later. You know, Mostly story book mother and daughter relationships lol. quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 a woman in her twenties doesnt need or want that sort of relationship with their parents anymore.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: I love you mom, but you have to GO. (8/12/2010 4:03:35 PM)
She's not talking shit about her mom, she asked for advice because her mom has over stepped some personal boundary lines. There's a difference between asking for advice in dealing with a rough situation and "talking shit" about someone. And " her mom" or not, it's never right for a parent to try to force or attempt to force, their way into their grown childs life, and home, and then tell them stuff like " I am the parent, you listen to me" or threaten that they "aught to knock your teeth down your throat" And I wouldn't care if you were my mom or not, if you came into my house, and started telling me stuff like "you're the parent, I WILL listen to you, and I "augh to knock your teeth down your throat", and other un reasonable things, you'd be told unceremoniously and in no uncertain terms , to get out of my house and do not come back until you respect me. Nobody has the right to talk to their grown children like that, in their grown kids homes. Miss A is indeed being very mature about this, she's tried to talk to her mom a number of times and her mom started screaming and and being un reasonable.. quote: ORIGINAL: heartcream Wow completely heavy and sad post. I feel bad for your moms, you are here talking shit about her. She is your mom. I dont know what the story really is. I dont think what your mom said is black woman sass. Lots of moms from assorted ethnic backgrounds raise their voices to their daughters and pull the "I am your Mom..etc" card. Maybe I am wrong but didnt you also say in another post that in fact you are not black, you are Latin? I am also not so sure you are acting so mature about it all and that a woman your moms age is acting so much younger than you. I see you have gotten quite a bit of support here from folks telling you to go so far as to call the cops. Something about this post makes me feel sick in my guts. No one deserves abuse, I get that, but the tone of your post feels somewhat abusive to your moms to me. I hope you find a solution that works out for you and your mom.

Saint -> RE: I love you mom, but you have to GO. (8/12/2010 4:45:25 PM)
MissAsylum, my parents were both severe, severe emotional vampires who literally turned me into their slave without me realizing it. For instance, when I was 8 years old I would get up in the morning at 5:30 and feed the dogs, bring in wood for the stove for the day (we were very, very low income), start breakfast for my parents, serve breakfast to my parents, wait until they were done in case they needed refills on anything, take their dishes to the kitchen and then wash the dishes. When I say serve them breakfast, I mean cut up their meat for them even! That is not even the half of it. Look up the term emotional incest sometimes and see what that is. Thats exactly what happened to me. Anyways, long story short is that they ruled me through guilt for the first 20 years of my life. Even as a Marine I was required to call home every night at 6:30 pm their time. If I was late or missed a night, they would not answer the phone for several days just to let the guilt build up! Anyways, my point is this. I know first hand the extremes emotional abuse parents can put people through. When I finally had enough I pretty much drew battle lines in the sand. Everytime they tried their bullshit with me I would try to calmly explain to them that I was not their slave, that they are perfectly capable of doing these things on their own and that if they keep this up I was leaving. There were many nights where there was out and out yelling matches between us, but I always stayed firm and I never initiated contact with them after a blow out. Eventually they calmed down and started treating me much, much better. They just had to learn that their behavior would absolutely not be tolerated and that if they wanted to continue to see me they needed to change. It took many years and I am 33 now but I have the best relationship with my parents that I have ever had.

DarkSteven -> RE: I love you mom, but you have to GO. (8/12/2010 5:26:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissAsylum she is a pretty hot ticket...she gets hit on by men who are a few years older than me. Woo hoo! I may have a solution to your problem! Send her to me!

MissAsylum -> RE: I love you mom, but you have to GO. (8/12/2010 9:43:35 PM)
i completely understood why she put me out, and even in a drug-fueled stupor, i wasn't mad at her. i was a bit sore about it when it was two years later and she still wouldn't allow me at home. but again-i understood. i want a relationship with her, but not if it means i have to re-do my teenage years of her ruling me with an iron fist...at my own house. yeah...no thanks. and the walking in during sex thing- happened 2 weeks ago. i can even get wet anymore. groans

PeanutTigerinBox -> RE: I love you mom, but you have to GO. (8/13/2010 11:02:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jeffff All of her shit piled up in the front yard one day might get her attention. yep, even more if they are addressed to Jeffff's place [:)]

PeanutTigerinBox -> RE: I love you mom, but you have to GO. (8/13/2010 11:04:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven quote: ORIGINAL: MissAsylum she is a pretty hot ticket...she gets hit on by men who are a few years older than me. Woo hoo! I may have a solution to your problem! Send her to me! well, that sounds like a plan...send her to Jeffff and then to stevie...one of them she will surely tolerate [:)]

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