RE: Friends with benefits. (Full Version)

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littlewonder -> RE: Friends with benefits. (7/30/2010 8:59:19 PM)

the problem with fwbs is that they usually end up with someone hurt. Someone ends up with feelings for the other even if it was explicit from the beginning it was only casual sex and nothing more. One or the other ends up wanting more than the other.





sweetsub1957 -> RE: Friends with benefits. (7/30/2010 9:01:33 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Sizlak
What are some of your experiences with FWB relationships?
I've had one FWB relationship in the past.
Are you really friends or is it just sex?
I thought it was friends as well as sex. We talked, laughed, had dinner together, etc, like friends, as well as having kink and sex.
What kind of boundaries do you set?
We said we would not fall in love or let our FWB situation ruin the chances of any actual "relationship" either one of us might find ourselves gravitating toward with someone else.
What happens when some one crosses the boundaries?
It would have really complicated things terribly & we both knew it. That's why it never happened.
Have your FWB relationships been over all positive experiences?
It was. Yes, up until the end.
How have they ended?
I found myself in a committed relationship & I told him I had to stop being FWB as I was in a monogamous committed relationship, and go back to F w/o B. He said we could do that but, as soon as we stopped having kink and sex together, he started avoiding me & has not given me back some toys of mine that stayed w/ him.
Can you go from FWB back to just friends?
I could have, but he could not evidently. See the above answer.

~sweetsub~




Nehemiah -> RE: Friends with benefits. (7/31/2010 12:47:09 AM)

Looks like FWB only works with some people and not everyone. I wonder what qualities FWB have that the rest don't have.



NorthernGent -> RE: Friends with benefits. (7/31/2010 1:38:22 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Sizlak

What I'm not sure of is how detached I can remain.



Mid 20s you say.....inexperienced.....looking to broaden her horizons......fuck the friends bit and just have the benefits......



ProlificNeeds -> RE: Friends with benefits. (7/31/2010 2:41:14 AM)

Can it be done? Yes. SHOULD it be done? That depends on the people involved. It has been my experience, D/s between partners accustomed to 'single partner' relationships, can instill a sense of possessiveness. That's just my personal experience though.
I think it would take some very very careful exploration of self to know if you could stick to the emotional conditions of such an open relationship. I don't know if there's any solid way to know for sure though until you 'play with fire' so to speak. Do you already feel attached in such a way you would be envious if she started seeing someone romantically? If that thought even bothers you, then you already have your answer.

I have had a FWB relationship, but it did not involve BDSM, it did work for us but, we both generally only sought eachother out for physical relief or comfort when we were both 'on the market' so to speak. When one or both were inside relationships there were no benefits to be had. Ultimately 'will it work' comes down to something only you can answer for yourself.



delicatelydirty -> RE: Friends with benefits. (7/31/2010 2:54:09 AM)

I dont call it FWB  I just call it uncomplicated fun lol. I have had a couple of these situations happening because the one my heart belongs to is so far away and we are both realistic that our being together in any long term permanent sense is still some time away. So in the mean time these types of relations fill a void and a need for both of us.

Requires trust, straight up honesty and knowing everyone involved feels the same way. Personally I have found playing with a couple works best, they are married I have no desire to steal either of them away, neither of them see me as more than a friend and a sometimes play thing [;)] this equals no awkward one person wanting more moments. Just consenting adults having uncomplicated fun.

I had a similar relationship some years ago and it ended when I got into a serious relationship, we stayed mates and when I became single again we picked up were we left off however he is very nilla and my tastes have broadened so we are pretty much back to mates.

My personal thought as to why these relationships work for some and not others rests on a couple of key points, firstly your own thoughts on sex and sexuality, if you are an open person sexually, who doesnt feel that sex must be within the confines of a relationship then that's a start but all parties involved need to be sure they are on the same page and not just "saying" that because that is where the problems arise... you can only pretend for so long before the push for more begins.

Can you be friends after, again depends on the reason it ended, if it reached a natural conclusion like those aqua listed then sure... if it ended due to akwardness because one party pushed for or wanted more then maybe the ending won't be so smooth.



Nehemiah -> RE: Friends with benefits. (7/31/2010 3:02:40 AM)

I've been thinking about this. I have very close friends who I love and I tell them "I love you." They also know that I care about them very much. And I'm also poly. Maybe these are the qualities that can make a FWB relationship work?



delicatelydirty -> RE: Friends with benefits. (7/31/2010 3:10:14 AM)

Nehemiah in my experience the fwb I have had have started out for that purpose  .... I cant quite picture that kind of circumstance with any of my other friends as much as I love them hehe




laurell3 -> RE: Friends with benefits. (7/31/2010 7:48:58 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Nehemiah

I've been thinking about this. I have very close friends who I love and I tell them "I love you." They also know that I care about them very much. And I'm also poly. Maybe these are the qualities that can make a FWB relationship work?



In my experience honesty is what makes the difference. As littlewonder pointed out, some people can do it, some can't. It becomes more difficult for me when BDSM is involved. Being that vulnerable is emotional. It's hard not to get attached. However, as long as no one is overreacting to the attachment, no one is making that attachment more significant than it is and both people are honest about where they are, it can still work. The problem is I think many people are not honest about what they are really looking for and say they're ok with it just being a fwb situation when they actually want more.



Sizlak -> RE: Friends with benefits. (7/31/2010 3:38:27 PM)

Thanks for all the replies so far.

I since this is new territory for me I'm pretty sure I'm going to give it a shot. I we both know that I am looking for a long term relationship, but I do respect that is not what she is looking for now. So we will keep it casual until I either figure out that I can't keep is casual or something else changes. Who knows maybe I'll find out that I've been denying myself opportunities for these last ten years for the wrong reasons. Nothing ventured - nothing gained.



MaamJay -> RE: Friends with benefits. (7/31/2010 4:33:24 PM)

From My long-past experience, I found it easier to keep it on a FWB basis when I had more than 1 of them (with the others' knowledge and all using protection of course). That way I didn't get emotionally attached in a deeper way than intended. Ahhh there was a long pause then as My mind went racing back to those halcyon days when I had 3 different men all on the one hectic Saturday ... and repeated it in a different order on Sunday LMAO! Oh I was such a lil slut then *huge grin* ...

Maam Jay aka violet[A]



MstrssScarlet -> RE: Friends with benefits. (7/31/2010 5:42:21 PM)

My husband and I have an open marriage and I have FWBs when the right person comes along. My husband trusts me enough that he does not always have to be there while I'm participating in this. For me, this usually DOES involve kink because I feel we understand each other better right off the bat having that common ground. Interestingly enough, I usually prefer doms to subs, although it's a lot more work because each one has that tendency to want to dominate their partner. We both have to be able to put that aside. In reality, I've had far more FWBs that were subs than those that were doms.
First of all I make it clear to the other person that the sex is for my physical satisfaction and nothing more. I enjoy their company and like others have mentioned we do become closer friends because of what we share. It can't be helped. You just make sure you don't step over those boundaries (feeling too much for the other person) and for ME things go fine. I think someone else said it, but it bears repeating. Test yourself every once in a while. Imagine that person with someone else. If it bothers you, then it's time to call an end to it. Like Maam Jay used to be, I'm still a bit of a slut. (SO glad you said it first!) I can handle a physical relationship with more than one person. I've always been that way though. Perhaps that's why it works for me.
Scarlet



Conjurer2c1 -> RE: Friends with benefits. (8/2/2010 9:32:13 PM)

Hell....I thought that meant that the other had health insurance just in case.........lol.



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