From hard limit, to curious? (Full Version)

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ProlificNeeds -> From hard limit, to curious? (7/28/2010 9:21:21 PM)

After a long absence I've been checking my profile, working on updating it, and I noticed one thing I use to see as a hard limit, I now see as something I would try out without hesitation.
I know watersports use to really just make me lurch and want to gag, it was simply unfathomable, but somewhere along the way I not only lost my disgust for it, I found myself genuinely curious with the idea of watersports in humiliation play. I didn't have anyone 'talk me into it' or any such thing, there was no great revelation, I just one day realized it didn't squick me out. Spontaneous change of interests?

Has anyone else had this happen to them, if so, was there something that changed your view on the particular kink or activity, or did you just sort of wake up one day and realize you'd changed your mind?



LPslittleclip -> RE: From hard limit, to curious? (7/28/2010 9:30:52 PM)

i was like that with needles. as i am a nurse i had a bad association with needle sticks. for me it was seeing it done and getting over my bad association with it. now just discussing it gets me excited.



SirsJewel -> RE: From hard limit, to curious? (7/28/2010 9:32:47 PM)

i agree in that scat and water sports,enemas and many other things seems messy and unclean. i hate hoods,i find them ugly and hard to breathe and feel communicating through my facial expressions goes out the window.Suspending me would freak me out frankly and the list goes on. But if i say i love fisting,love anal,that's a hard limit to others,or dialtion or blood doesnt bother me overall,but i dont get the needle thing. Bottom line is tastes change and it helps when You are lead into an idea rather than pushed in my case personally,but i have also been objectified for long periods till id shake i hated viewed naked that way,but it pleased my owner at the time,so it turned me on just like outdoor play does at my age getting caught or overheard really makes me wet.

All depends on the person You are with,or group even. If i dont feel safe,don't feel full trust,then it just takes me longer overall,but as a slave it rocks my world to please a dominate at my own expense, i am still not eatting poo though hehe ~ jewels



Chrisincuffs -> RE: From hard limit, to curious? (7/28/2010 9:37:22 PM)

It's funny you posted this, I was thinking about posting a similar thread.
I never saw medical play as a hard limit but as something I thought I'd never be into. Then I was at the Doctor and they had just begun using disposable clear plastic speculums. Me being a little shit had to grab one to show Master. It sat in my dresser drawer for months and was forgotten about. Then the other night I busted it out and Master and I played with it. I was surprised at how much fun we had! Now I'm getting more into this medical play stuff



hopelesslyInvo -> RE: From hard limit, to curious? (7/28/2010 11:55:28 PM)

you can't form a solid opinion until you've actually questioned it enough to come up with answers.

it's the difference between telling someone "i don't like it" and being able to tell them "why".

your initial reaction to things change one way or another as you become less ignorant and more aware.



phoenixmoonn13 -> RE: From hard limit, to curious? (7/29/2010 1:31:41 AM)

i always thought breath play would be hard limit till we talked aoout it and he let me try it very gently now it gets me going so much and i love it my master is very careful though and wont take it very far



aldompdx -> RE: From hard limit, to curious? (7/29/2010 2:00:25 AM)

This is a perfect example of how a limit is just that -- a limit. A limit is neither hard nor soft, and one can freely choose to change it over time. Consider it like "switching."



ranja -> RE: From hard limit, to curious? (7/29/2010 2:07:48 AM)

This happened to me about tomatoes, i used to shudder and pull my nose up at them, what are they anyway, fruit or veg?
and then i had this dream about wanting tomatoes and eating lots of them
and the next day i had to have a tomato to try it out... and i loved it
to this day i still love tomatoes and always enjoy eating them



ReducedHumanity -> RE: From hard limit, to curious? (7/29/2010 6:50:39 AM)

With myself I try not to set many limits immediately other than dying, being permenantly harmed, and involving children as I try to explore with the person I would serve to see where my limits or at being I know its normal for limits to change, be tested. If something is discovered to be a limit its as natural as that, but there is a huge difference between not liking something and thinking it as a limit. Even if something may be something I am not into, I'd try my best to go through it for my dominant.

For Example I've never been into pain. the first time my former dominant flogged me I despised it considered it a limit for a bit but the next time i was agreeable...and obviously became more willing as I knew it pleased him.

I know everyone has their limits,its just they need to be found and some times its hard to find the difference between hating something and seeing it as an actual limit.



porcelaine -> RE: From hard limit, to curious? (7/29/2010 7:34:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds

Has anyone else had this happen to them, if so, was there something that changed your view on the particular kink or activity, or did you just sort of wake up one day and realize you'd changed your mind?


Many years ago I addressed all the things I didn't know or felt I might not enjoy through an intentional study. Rather than depend on books or other viewpoints I spoke to real people and asked them about their practices, how it began, what they enjoy, stigmas, problems, techniques, and why they still engage. It was very eye opening. The discussions took away the mystique and allowed me to pose thought provoking questions to individuals that were happy to talk without reservation. I returned their enthusiasm by listening without judgment as well.

Aside from the obvious I picked up a lot of tips and tricks along the way. I can also admit that I have embraced nearly 99% of the things we discussed. And that lone 1% isn't completely off the table. It was a beneficial experience and one that served me well on the kneel. I recognized mental associations are often the biggest barriers one needs to overcome. Discomfort doesn't imply limitation, but it could mean you're not open to the idea of engaging or haven't encountered a compelling reason to change your opinion. Many times the other person is a big factor and that element can be overlooked by some.

At present I'm looking at poly from a logistical stance. I have never had the desire to engage in that manner with a man. But my relationships were very different with women. Especially with my first partner. We had a level of freedom that was mutually satisfying that didn't elicit the same response I've had when considering the male counterpart. I suspect much of this is related to poly within an exchange versus what we did in the past.

I'm a big proponent for change and enjoy digging beneath the shadows and confronting the Boogeyman. In matters of kink my morality is different. I don't allow societal conditioning to negatively impact the things I enjoy. Oftentimes that's the biggest hump an individual must cross. And I never apologize. If it turns me on that's all that matters. I look for men that think and feel the same.

~porcelaine



laurell3 -> RE: From hard limit, to curious? (7/29/2010 7:48:40 AM)

Yes, that's happened with me too. I think that's why systematic desensitization has some merit to deal with fears. Over time, the things that seem really frightening become more common place to the point where they are acceptable. Also, my viewpoint of fears tends to change based on the relationship I am in. What may have been something I would never have trusted someone to do is more acceptable with someone I have a higher level of trust with.

I still have hard limits though and reject the theory that there is no such thing. There really is in regard to a few activities either because they cannot be safe for me or they are completely contrary to my moral beliefs.



myotherself -> RE: From hard limit, to curious? (7/29/2010 7:53:34 AM)

I like to think I'm open-minded about a lot of activities I haven't yet tried, which is why my list of hard limits is so short.

However I will ALWAYS maintain some stuff on my 'no way, Jose!' list, mainly because they will damage me too much physically or psychologically.



NuevaVida -> RE: From hard limit, to curious? (7/29/2010 8:02:00 AM)

There are things I knew I'd never want to do again.  But I told Mr. Man I wouldn't call them "limits," just things I hoped I'd never have to do. I would do them if he wanted, but I would likely be suffering through it in compliance.  But things change.  For me, as the relationship develops and love & trust grows, the idea of doing those things doesn't feel so awful anymore.



sexyred1 -> RE: From hard limit, to curious? (7/29/2010 8:10:13 AM)

Not me. I do enough kinky things that my few hard limits don't need to be stretched, believe me!

If I was curious about something, I would try it. The things that are hard limits I am not the least bit curious about.



LaTigresse -> RE: From hard limit, to curious? (7/29/2010 8:10:36 AM)

I have to say just about all of this I could categorize like this.

My upbringing was so strict and insular that I literally knew nothing about it. Even my early adulthood was a time of ignorance. I credit two women in my life for opening my eyes.



DesFIP -> RE: From hard limit, to curious? (7/29/2010 8:23:01 AM)

Nope, my hard limits are carved in stone. If it causes physical or mental or emotional harm, I'm not going there. Nor anything that crosses my moral boundaries.

So no E Coli contamination for me. No inverse suspension because it would set off my vertigo. And no humiliation or duct tape gags because they cause panic attacks.



LadyPact -> RE: From hard limit, to curious? (7/29/2010 8:36:26 AM)

If I look at the whole picture, I'd have to say darn near everything. 

I didn't want a thing to do with sadism when I first started out.  It was fine for other people, but at that time, it sure wasn't for Me.  I can't tell you how many scenes at play parties that I didn't watch all of the way to the end because it wasn't My thing.  I think people who know Me today would have laughed at the Me of back then.  I kind of laugh at Myself now just thinking about the difference.

I wasn't a sadist at all during My first M/s dynamic.  That actually changed during My second time around.  It really was an "aha" moment for Me.  I'd always appreciated the craftsmanship and the beauty of floggers and such.  While we were out shopping one day, the three of us (My other half, My boy at the time, and I) were at a small little place that had just a few items and I wanted to look at the toys.  Most of them weren't much to speak of, but there was a dragon tail that caught My eye.  I put it in My hand and everything changed.  I wanted to use it!  Something sparked in Me that I don't feel was ever there before.  I spent the twenty-five bucks (shoot Me, I'm old) and brought it home.  I've had it ever since. 

The first year that I explored sadism, a lot of those hard limits fell away.  I really don't have that many now.  I spent a lot of time learning about different ways to hurt people.  There still seems like there's no end to the possible things that you can do.  There's very little out there that I don't love today.  (Not saying that actually 'accepting' sadism didn't have some bumps in the road, but that's another topic.)  Pain, humiliation, instilling fear, all of the different ways that you can create sensations for the bottom and play with the body and the mind.  Scat remains on the hard limits list, as does those things that violate TOS.  Just about everything else is fair game.

For Me, it all started with a dragon's tail.



Missokyst -> RE: From hard limit, to curious? (7/29/2010 8:44:29 AM)

None of my hard limits has ever changed.  But I know what they are, how they got there and why they are in place. 
Anything else is just a limit until it is not. 
I had canes on one of those anything else limits until very recently.  For me, if it happens, it happens.  As we were playing he brought out the canes and started using them, noting my response he kept it up and that worked for me.  During that same play a hard limit of mine came up in play.  I stopped it cold.  Hard limits are not touchable, period.
I do think that many people just have it in their heads that certain things are limits because they don't sound appealling.  Not me.  I know exactly why somethings must stay hard untouchable limits. 



bethsmith1988 -> RE: From hard limit, to curious? (7/29/2010 10:40:29 AM)

I think these things are addictive and progressive.  That is saying what was exciting today is boring tomorrow.  My X took me to bondage parties and I was horrified at what happened to some of the girls.  My X said someday it might be me doing that.  It never happened and we broke up but now I wonder what it would have been like and figure if those girls could do those things so could I.



happylittlepet -> RE: From hard limit, to curious? (7/29/2010 10:52:28 AM)

Familiarity lowers thresholds. So does arousal.



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