In reference to control.

In reference to control. (Full Version)

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KurtAllen -> In reference to control. (7/25/2010 1:09:25 PM)
We hear and see dominants use the word control often and I suggest some if not most confuse contro with controlling. In the short time I have been on this site I have seen numerous dominant reactionary outbursts and stagering out of control angers surface and it seems to be the same small group all the time so I have to question what is this group of dominants understanding of the words self-control self- discipline and self respect?

KariCloud -> RE: In reference to control. (7/25/2010 1:21:08 PM)
Well, I'm not a dominant, but I would like to point out a fact that seems to often be overlooked online: dominants are people too. While I expect my dominants to have good self-control and self-discipline, I don't expect them to never get upset. I do expect them to be mature enough to accept their imperfections, though. Online, I don't really care who claims to be dominant and who doesn't. Politeness, respect, and calmness go a long way towards making people interesting. The type of dominants I like don't show dominance until we've agreed to be so involved with each other, they just act like regular human beings before then.

crazyml -> RE: In reference to control. (7/25/2010 2:35:03 PM)
Oh for fuck's sake - how dare you come on here and question the mighty ones with your shocking spelling and grammar. You've left me in such a rage I want to go out and hurt something small and furry. Grrr. <Joking of course, well - except for the spelling and grammar ;-) >

adx -> RE: In reference to control. (7/25/2010 3:37:27 PM)
Self control the ability to make my self act in a way that is conducive to achieving my goals and fulfilling my desires. Self discipline is near identical in definition. Self respect? that Is how feel about my ends and means.

interlocutor -> RE: In reference to control. (7/25/2010 3:41:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KurtAllen In the short time I have been on this site I have seen numerous dominant reactionary outbursts and stagering out of control angers surface and it seems to be the same small group all the time so I have to question what is this group of dominants understanding of the words self-control self- discipline and self respect? Hmm maybe I'm not looking in the same place you are, I haven't noticed what you have. Maybe however, since terminology is pretty much moot what ever you think dominant mean is not what they think it means. If you don't like the way they do things you are free to refrain from interacting with them. For better or for worse in this place people get to define themselves however they want. You don't have to agree with their definition, but it doesn't do any good to dispute it either. So this means some one can stamp their foot, throw a tantrum and demand their way, and call that dominance. You don't have to agree, but questioning their "dominance" is a pointless waste of time.

Firebirdseeking -> RE: In reference to control. (7/25/2010 3:45:32 PM)
Its not your imagination. I have met my share of them on line here. Once I conversed with a so called Dom and he was drinking himself into a drunken state as he was talking with me, and then he shouted " You're topping from the bottom, and I DONT LIKE THAT! You WILL call me MasterD.." Yeah, right.

Icarys -> RE: In reference to control. (7/25/2010 4:00:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KurtAllen We hear and see dominants use the word control often and I suggest some if not most confuse contro with controlling. In the short time I have been on this site I have seen numerous dominant reactionary outbursts and stagering out of control angers surface and it seems to be the same small group all the time so I have to question what is this group of dominants understanding of the words self-control self- discipline and self respect? How well do you think you can tell if a person is angry or not from your position behind a screen? Why then if they were in fact getting upset about something would that make it a bad situation? Are we suppose to be robots? Stoic and emotionless? When it comes to being stoic...I hate complaining but to never show any emotion..Well that isn't me. I'm a living breathing and feeling human being. I get upset as well as a full range of other emotions.. I get pissed at times..Doesn't mean I'm breaking things or gonna beat someone silly for the infraction. Everyone looses their cool from time to time..Anyone who can stay perfectly non-reactionary their whole life has some detachment issues in my book. Either that or they're trying to fool someone or themselves into thinking they are the coolest cat in the universe. I say tell it to someone else cause I think it's a lie.

WyldHrt -> RE: In reference to control. (7/25/2010 4:14:10 PM)
quote: I get pissed at times..Doesn't mean I'm breaking things or gonna beat someone silly for the infraction. Everyone looses their cool from time to time..Anyone who can stay perfectly non-reactionary their whole life has some detachment issues in my book. True, but if someone continually flies off the handle during minor disagreements, I'm likely to think that they have anger management issues, regardless of their orientation. For the most part, all we have to go on here is the words that people type (unless we know them in meatlife), and we do judge by those words. Were someone I was interested in to think poorly of me due to my posts here, well that's fair enough. We probably wouldn't be a good match anyway.

Icarys -> RE: In reference to control. (7/25/2010 4:31:21 PM)
quote: Were someone I was interested in to think poorly of me due to my posts here, well that's fair enough. We probably wouldn't be a good match anyway. This brings up an interesting point. I've said something similar more than a few times..I find the people who do "disagree with me" aren't the type I would be attracted to in the first place..or people that just don't fit the bill for any number of reasons as good friends.. No wonder they don't "like how like how I do things" Now if someone I cared for had something to say..I would probably want to listen because I'd know it came from a place of love and not some sort of bad place. Edited to add: In fact it's usually a good indication that "life is good" if they do disagree with me[;)]

DesFIP -> RE: In reference to control. (7/25/2010 5:39:04 PM)
Damn, I must have missed all the drama. I haven't seen numerous outbursts by a group of repeat offenders. I have seen people being people. I've seen controlled snarkiness. And there are people I disagree with, but that doesn't make them out of control. Beyond that, do you really believe op that anybody is about to post to this saying "I am an out of control dominate"? Or is this another one of those posts designed to point out the op's superiority? Hey, it says cynic and it means it.

porcelaine -> RE: In reference to control. (7/25/2010 6:05:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KurtAllen We hear and see dominants use the word control often and I suggest some if not most confuse contro with controlling. In the short time I have been on this site I have seen numerous dominant reactionary outbursts and stagering out of control angers surface and it seems to be the same small group all the time so I have to question what is this group of dominants understanding of the words self-control self- discipline and self respect? I used to wonder the same until I saw their counterpart. And then it all made sense. That's really what it boils down to. One person's out of control is humor to someone else. My standard is less forgiving and decorum is a must. I don't draw a distinction between behavior on the Internet or outside of it. If he cannot provide an image worth emulating I have no use for him. Opinions differ on what that entails. ~porcelaine

Icarys -> RE: In reference to control. (7/25/2010 6:44:17 PM)
Hello. My name is Icarys..I'm an out of control Dominant..

Zevar -> RE: In reference to control. (7/25/2010 7:03:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KurtAllen We hear and see dominants use the word control often and I suggest some if not most confuse contro with controlling. In the short time I have been on this site I have seen numerous dominant reactionary outbursts and stagering out of control angers surface and it seems to be the same small group all the time so I have to question what is this group of dominants understanding of the words self-control self- discipline and self respect? How one man chooses to conduct himself will not likely be the same as the next man. Self-control meaning asserting personal control over interior thoughts and emotions to reduce conduct that contradicts the definition of self-control is not always congruent in the actions of some men. Self-respect does not come by way of an easy path for some men. There are some who conform their ideology of self-respect to a pseudo sense of self-control, whereby avoiding the required self-examination that can lead to personal insight. When the choice is made to avoid self-examination the result naturally lends itself toward the exclusion of the possibility of genuine self-respect. The reasons why some men behave in a manner that are contrary to what they claim to believe is a question that only the individual man can answer when he is ready to face his interior issues that produce incongruency thus a lack of integrity. No man or anyone for that fact faces their internal issues until they are ready. Some paths take curves and turns that are unexpected. Eventually though a man must face himself else he remains outside of his true identity of manhood. The outcome being an ongoing lack of self-respect and self-control. You cannot control what you deny within yourself, nor can you respect what you avoid due to unresolved and unfounded fears. Take care!

juliaoceania -> RE: In reference to control. (7/25/2010 7:16:06 PM)
quote: In the short time I have been on this site I have seen numerous dominant reactionary outbursts and stagering out of control angers surface and it seems to be the same small group all the time so I have to question what is this group of dominants understanding of the words self-control self- discipline and self respect? Control starts within.... On the reverse side of that, if I am out of control over myself as a submissive sort of person, I can't give control to someone else because I do not possess it to give away

Mishna -> RE: In reference to control. (7/26/2010 4:34:39 AM)
To the OP, I know the type you are talking about. I watched my father, who is into BDSM (don't ask how I know), be that controlling dominant (read controlling abuser) throughout my life. It actually taught me a lot about what to watch out for in men who are in this lifestyle. However, I don't think I've encountered too many of them around here, at least not with whom I've interacted enough for them to show their true colors. As others have said, if it bothers you, you are not forced to interact with them.

lally2 -> RE: In reference to control. (7/26/2010 5:19:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crazyml Oh for fuck's sake - how dare you come on here and question the mighty ones with your shocking spelling and grammar. You've left me in such a rage I want to go out and hurt something small and furry. Grrr. <Joking of course, well - except for the spelling and grammar ;-) > he's not kidding either, look what he did to this poor hamster! [image]local://upfiles/792672/5B01361C21CC47DAAA34B8FCFFF03BE9.jpg[/image]

CreativeDominant -> RE: In reference to control. (7/26/2010 8:09:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KurtAllen We hear and see dominants use the word control often and I suggest some if not most confuse contro with controlling. In the short time I have been on this site I have seen numerous dominant reactionary outbursts and stagering out of control angers surface and it seems to be the same small group all the time so I have to question what is this group of dominants understanding of the words self-control self- discipline and self respect? Here we go again...someone who has been on this site a short time who has allegedly seen all these outbursts of "staggering out of control angers surface". Really? you must be referring to the dust-ups by several recently departed dominants over issues that got to them. It happens to all of us... Someone noted that true self-respect comes from analysis and knowledge of one's inner self and the ability to control that inner self, thus attaining self-control through knowledge of one's self. I'd say that in addition, self-respect comes from not only analysis and knowledge of one's self but the willingness to try to change what should be changed. That said...I have a fairly complete overview of myself from within. I do believe in introspection and analysis, not just for submissives...some would vigorously nod their heads here...but for myself. I want to know why I do the things I do...are my reasons genuinely geared towards whatever relationship I am dealing with, are they self=centered, or are they both? etc., etc., etc. BUT, knowledge and control of one's self is not...in my book, anyway...a barrier to being who and what I am. It's a fine line between becoming self-controlling to the point of emotionless detachment and controlling your emotions and actions while still letting others see the "you" behind the dominance. I get angry, I get said, I get happy, I get lonely, I get aroused, I get all the things that every other human does. How I control each thing that I feel, what I do with each thing that I feel is what is important... An expression of anger is but one example and let's be honest...words written on a screen have the "protection" of the screen between the writer and his audience. The same person that will write a page-long rant because of the protection of the screen may not allow himself to rant like that in another person's presence because the artificiality no longer exists...now it is real. And as someone noted in another manner, what some see as one thing, others see as something else. One dominant's seeming 'out of control, onscreen rant' to you may be one dominant's 'controlled but righteous anger spilling forth' to another. And it takes more than the reading of a few posts to know the difference. I am Creative Dominant and I, while not an out of control dominant like Icarys...[;)], am a HUMAN dominant.

porcelaine -> RE: In reference to control. (7/26/2010 9:06:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KurtAllen We hear and see dominants use the word control often and I suggest some if not most confuse contro with controlling. In the short time I have been on this site I have seen numerous dominant reactionary outbursts and stagering out of control angers surface and it seems to be the same small group all the time so I have to question what is this group of dominants understanding of the words self-control self- discipline and self respect? And a lot of the big bad Internet dominants are also s.i.n.g.l.e. There's a reason for it. [:D] ~porcelaine

KurtAllen -> RE: In reference to control. (7/26/2010 9:32:48 AM)
Thank you all for your comments. It was an interesting read. Kurt.

mnottertail -> RE: In reference to control. (7/26/2010 10:21:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KurtAllen We hear and see dominants use the word control often and I suggest some if not most confuse contro with controlling. In the short time I have been on this site I have seen numerous dominant reactionary outbursts and stagering out of control angers surface and it seems to be the same small group all the time so I have to question what is this group of dominants understanding of the words self-control self- discipline and self respect? We hear and see these things, but we do not hear and see them simultaneously, nor by the same people.

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