changing our beliefs.

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lally2 -> changing our beliefs. (7/22/2010 7:06:12 AM)
i think that there are times when our belief system has to change to keep up with ourselves or we hold ourselves back. sometimes change happens so gradually and slowly that we dont really notice and then suddenly we realise that we are no longer where we used to stand, we've moved and changed our perspective and for a moment or ten we spend a while trying to work that out. its called change and growth and it isnt always easy. a transitional phase from old to new that sometimes is quite painful and theres almost a bereavement of sorts as we look back at how we used to be and were happy and comfortable but will likely never be there again. lost innocence maybe or a more simplistic world view of where we stand amongst it all. im going through a big change now. sloughing off years of holding back and just going for what i want. looking at that im not sure where that came from, other than here, where it has taught me a thing or two about self honesty and self acceptance and courage and self relliance. ive read a few threads just recently where people are afraid or even horrified by who and what it is they want from Ds or Ms or BDSM. im not sure i went through that anxt phase. i was so damn happy to have found it all i was like a kid in a sweety shop. i dont see Ds or Ms or BDSM as anything other than a way to be that works for me and im really trying to remember a time when it wasnt because my fantasies and needs go so far back theyre lost in the mists of time frankly [:D] and im not bragging or anything, im simply stating a simple, ordinary fact about myself. i think that self honesty and self acceptance are key elements to all of this, more so here than anywhere else (and ill get some flack for that) not said in any egoist way, simply that in allowing youreself to let go and be Dominant and submissive you enter a world of taboo and anti-norms that some just cant grapple with. what is it about Ds and Ms and BDSM that is so hard to come to terms with. i think that maybe people look at the whole picture too much, instead of taking small steps they are comfortable to take and progressing slowly that way. im sure there are other methods of making it through that initial first step and accepting and being honest with ourselves enough to make the move and the big change it often proves to be. for me its brought massive change and this next change is now exhilerating to me rather than the feared thing i threw barriers against, screaming and kicking everything down in my path. how do we get to that point where our heads say - ooh, i want that and im going to have that.

juliaoceania -> RE: changing our beliefs. (7/22/2010 8:54:02 AM)
quote: how do we get to that point where our heads say - ooh, i want that and im going to have that. This was a dirty little secret for me during my early 30s. I knew that I wanted something forbidden sexually, and that this something was labelled "submissive", but I didn't realize how much it permeated my being. I would date vanilla men, and when we talked about getting serious I would tell them I had these fantasies that I NEEDED to explore. I had two such short lived relationships in my early 30s, but when we became sexually involved, after they told me they understood, these sexual experiences were dissatisfying. I was trying to get domination without knowing what I was doing. I didn't realize how unfair it was to both of these men who were really fond of me. So I quit dating for a few years, and I would go to these forbidden erotic stories, and I would view chatrooms about certain subjects that made me hot, sometimes I would go into them, and then exit them because I felt somehow "wrong" about it. I never chatted with anyone, because it scared me to be honest. And then I met my first dom.... He was a political activist and we met through an online based political group. Something about him just made me hot. There were times when small groups of us would voice chat, etc, and his voice just drove me crazy.... so we started chatting privately, and he said, "I have something to ask you" And I said "What is that?" (he sounded so serious) And he typed in "Would you say you are submissive or more dominant... sexually speaking" And I immediately typed in without thinking "submissive" And there was this pause on his end, and then I typed in "Is that good?" And he said "Oh that is VERY good" Nothing has been the same for me since...lol

porcelaine -> RE: changing our beliefs. (7/22/2010 9:07:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 ive read a few threads just recently where people are afraid or even horrified by who and what it is they want from Ds or Ms or BDSM. im not sure i went through that anxt phase. i was so damn happy to have found it all i was like a kid in a sweety shop. lally, I'm enjoying my season of change. I relish the freedom and all the things I've set aside that have outlived their usefulness. The emptying and peace of mind that follows is priceless and I love it! I've been quietly redefining my wants in terms of partnership and asking myself some very tough questions in the process. The outcome has yielded some important discoveries and an empowered commitment to having the things I need rather than what the other person believes is best for me (or him usually). Putting myself at the forefront has reduced the propensity to compromise, make excuses, or look beyond what's right in front of me as well. I tell myself, "this is it, can you live with it?" If the answer's no, I step back and continue on. The brutal honesty that has come forth is liberating and life affirming as well. I'm giving myself a chance by refusing to take stupid chances in the process. ~porcelaine

lally2 -> RE: changing our beliefs. (7/22/2010 3:36:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: how do we get to that point where our heads say - ooh, i want that and im going to have that. This was a dirty little secret for me during my early 30s. I knew that I wanted something forbidden sexually, and that this something was labelled "submissive", but I didn't realize how much it permeated my being. So I quit dating for a few years, and I would go to these forbidden erotic stories, and I would view chatrooms about certain subjects that made me hot, sometimes I would go into them, and then exit them because I felt somehow "wrong" about it. I never chatted with anyone, because it scared me to be honest. And then I met my first dom.... Nothing has been the same for me since...lol the bits in blue are, i think, the bits im trying to poke at, and thank you for sharing. the red bit is the bit i loved because it was the outcome we all want to achieve, if we can only get past the 'dirty little secret' and 'forbidden sexually'and 'wrong' that so many people get hung up on. the guy who is beating himself up so badly for just experimenting. the subs who hang back and hold off and go around and around with the theory and the work shops but cant quite make the push. im not in any way ATALL doing some sort of finger pointing exercise. i genuinely, in fact, feel this urge to help give them a push. after posting this i wondered who on earth id written it for, and i think it was for those guys and the guys who lurk but never post and the people who hide behind their screens because they feel its deeply 'wrong' 'forbidden' 'dirty' - and theres lots who lurk and stay behind their screens because theyre very happy to and thats cool too. i just have this urge to debunk the dirty little forbidden secret stuff and say NO it isnt at all. its fun and brilliant and the waters loverly [:D]

sexyred1 -> RE: changing our beliefs. (7/22/2010 3:40:35 PM)
Worrying about people thinking badly of your interests or dirty thoughts, and denying your desires and repressing your needs would be the only forbidden thing in my world.

lally2 -> RE: changing our beliefs. (7/22/2010 3:45:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 ive read a few threads just recently where people are afraid or even horrified by who and what it is they want from Ds or Ms or BDSM. im not sure i went through that anxt phase. i was so damn happy to have found it all i was like a kid in a sweety shop. lally, I'm enjoying my season of change. I relish the freedom and all the things I've set aside that have outlived their usefulness. The emptying and peace of mind that follows is priceless and I love it! I've been quietly redefining my wants in terms of partnership and asking myself some very tough questions in the process. The outcome has yielded some important discoveries and an empowered commitment to having the things I need rather than what the other person believes is best for me (or him usually). Putting myself at the forefront has reduced the propensity to compromise, make excuses, or look beyond what's right in front of me as well. I tell myself, "this is it, can you live with it?" If the answer's no, I step back and continue on. The brutal honesty that has come forth is liberating and life affirming as well. I'm giving myself a chance by refusing to take stupid chances in the process. ~porcelaine i do remember being scared of how much it might change me. if i realised my fantasies would they be dashed and broken and gone forever. would the beautiful world id created in my head vanish and leave me destitute. would i discover that it was all just horrible and ugly and not me at all and then where would i be - all that was in me and in my head and in my yearning to be free would have to curl up and die and id be left in a world where there was nowhere to be happy. up there you talk about how much you love youre 'spring' cleaning, relishing the changes and the growth and the embracing of new things and the new redefined you (how delicious! [:)]) and im grinning away, cos it really is that special, i know what youre feeling. it really is about challenging and growing into the person you are fully and finding that those parameters you set youreself are so incredibly expandable, a lifetime isnt long enough for all of this!! im not sure why i feel so strongly about this right now, at this moment - but i do. xx

lally2 -> RE: changing our beliefs. (7/22/2010 3:59:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Worrying about people thinking badly of your interests or dirty thoughts, and denying your desires and repressing your needs would be the only forbidden thing in my world. exactly! - thats how it should be!! why do it. if we want cake we eat cake - if we want a puppy with floppy ears we get a puppy with floppy ears - if we want a better car, smaller house, a holiday abroad, we get it, if we can - so why not this when its burning a hole in youre head. the west is full of sexual freedoms and free expression. so is it society telling us that we're doing dirty bad things - who cares!! - if its burning a hole in youre brain then do something with it. my mother told me that masturbation was dirty. she took me to the doctor and a psychiatrist in the hope of a cure for me [:)] - didnt work, well for a bit, i felt like i was the only kid on the planet who'd found this fun place between my legs. i was put on medicine, i later discovered was calpol - (kids paracetamol) - if id carried on listening to my mother i would have seen sex as a duty provided to the husband for the purposes of child making and nothing else. btw, the doctor and psyche didnt make anything of it at all, infact the psyche sent me out of the room and spent the session talking to my anally retentive mother [:D] but we dont surely listen to our parents that much! - so it must be society and society is bombarded with porn and sexual content the whole time. so is it really that.

mstrjx -> RE: changing our beliefs. (7/22/2010 4:23:39 PM)
I think age has something to do with it. Not age 'exactly', but the time period from whence you came. I was born in 1961 (yeah, yeah, I know, soon to be 50 - fuck you!) and I was aware of kinky interests from childhood. Even though the late 60's were a time of 'free love', I'm believing (being too young for that sort of thing at the time) that what was 'free' was also fairly well 'vanilla'. And yeah, to me if group sex doesn't contain a riding crop or some rope, then it's still fairly well vanilla in my eyes. I carried my 'interests' mostly inside of me for quite some time. I started really exploring, in a 'self' sorta way, in the mid-to-late 80's. Not only was I coming of age, but I think the world started opening up around that time to include the forbidden. We laugh and joke and poke fun at (or sometimes just want to poke) the 18-year-olds for 'knowing' that this lifestyle is for them. We tell ourselves that since we didn't mature enough to be certain of who we were until (for me) we were 30, then how is it possible that those youngsters are self-aware to make those sorts of choices. But those who turn 20 in the year 2010 were born in 1990, right when (according to me) the whole world was loosening up and you saw more cultural references that were kinky (fashion, music, etc.) So maybe we shouldn't be so ciritical of the youth. They grew up being more aware of these sorts of nasty perverted things, just like they grew up with CD's and DVD's and computers. Must be the modern music. You think they're putting backwards BDSM-sorta-satanic messages in there? I'm going to have to study Pearl Jam some more. Jeff

lally2 -> RE: changing our beliefs. (7/22/2010 4:50:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mstrjx I think age has something to do with it. Not age 'exactly', but the time period from whence you came. I was born in 1961 (yeah, yeah, I know, soon to be 50 - fuck you!) (((had to highlight that, the 'fuck you' really made me laugh))) and I was aware of kinky interests from childhood. Even though the late 60's were a time of 'free love', I'm believing (being too young for that sort of thing at the time) that what was 'free' was also fairly well 'vanilla'. And yeah, to me if group sex doesn't contain a riding crop or some rope, then it's still fairly well vanilla in my eyes. I carried my 'interests' mostly inside of me for quite some time. I started really exploring, in a 'self' sorta way, in the mid-to-late 80's. Not only was I coming of age, but I think the world started opening up around that time to include the forbidden. We laugh and joke and poke fun at (or sometimes just want to poke) the 18-year-olds for 'knowing' that this lifestyle is for them. We tell ourselves that since we didn't mature enough to be certain of who we were until (for me) we were 30, then how is it possible that those youngsters are self-aware to make those sorts of choices. But those who turn 20 in the year 2010 were born in 1990, right when (according to me) the whole world was loosening up and you saw more cultural references that were kinky (fashion, music, etc.) So maybe we shouldn't be so ciritical of the youth. They grew up being more aware of these sorts of nasty perverted things, just like they grew up with CD's and DVD's and computers. Must be the modern music. You think they're putting backwards BDSM-sorta-satanic messages in there? I'm going to have to study Pearl Jam some more. Jeff i think that when i was 18, submissive though i was to the men who went after me, i was far too busy being 18 to be tied down to anything much. i dont think, personally that has changed. 18 is still too young to be tied down to anything and Ds and most especially Ms ties you down as a sub in lots of ways i dont think would necessarily have been good for me back then. i needed to grow and expand and explore the world from my perspective and not from the perspective of a Dominant likely to be of a similar age to me. nice to think id have found myself a well rounded, wise and benevolent 20 year old to Master me, but the odds would have been stacked against me. actually at 21 i did have my first Ds relationship. he was 27 and a complete asshat. theres the guy in his mid twenties struggling with his own identity with this stuff and women in their 30's now, trying to find a way to break the ice for themselves. the taboo issue lives on still.

interlocutor -> RE: changing our beliefs. (7/22/2010 6:32:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 what is it about Ds and Ms and BDSM that is so hard to come to terms with. Personally I think it is the labels. There are many vanilla relationship dynamics that most here would call D/s but the people involved would be horrified to be associated with any kind of BDSM context. There are probably as many fetishist that are the same way. I think that a lot of people that self identify in some BDSM context do so to set themselves apart from the "mainstream." Personally I don't care too much for the labels yet here I am. Maybe subconsciously I see myself as uber-elite and feel the need to set myself apart from within a group that sets itself apart, or maybe I'm just over-thinking it. But to your main point about changing one's beliefs, I believe in near constant self evaluation. Not questioning so much and regular frequent check-ups so to speak. I guess I was kinda of luck with my bad luck because I started this when I was pretty young, and I was stuck in a miserable situation. It was working to get out of that situation that started me "checking in" with myself and figuring out why I was where I was and how my beliefs and expectations led me there and what direction they were taking me. I've had a few more big changes since then some good some bad. I can't even say that I was really good at making choices because of regular check ins, in fact I made the same bad choice for 20 years. But I don't have any regrets.

BentUnit -> RE: changing our beliefs. (7/22/2010 6:51:11 PM)
Actually this thread is timely for me. At the moment I'm having to over come a specific fear in order to try to move forward in a certain area of my sexuality. I don't trust easily and this has made the whole process harder than it might other wise be.

IronBear -> RE: changing our beliefs. (7/22/2010 9:26:13 PM)
I'm of the opinion relates to the whole of life especially if you remember that when you change beliefs and life choices, those changes are not restricted to just one area of your whole life spectrum, but filter through to the whole jolly lot. We see things differently (some more dramatically than others), just as our life experiences colour our view of other things.. Long ago I stopped in the most cases, worrying about what others thought about me, my actions and beliefs and thus stayed true to me. I have a core set of beliefs which does not and will not change but which enable me to work through changes and face new things with at least courage and oft with joy..

WestBaySlave -> RE: changing our beliefs. (7/22/2010 10:09:58 PM)
It seems people progress at different rates, and at different times. I think the biggest difference is the increased amount of information available, especially online. I definitely went through an angst phase - perhaps my whole adolescence was that, in various ways. Near my thirteenth birthday my mind became flooded with thoughts and images I was intensely attracted to but understood little. Straight boys wanted to kiss girls, gay boys wanted to kiss boys - so crickey, what on earth was I that my fantasies seemed to only relate to men doing "bad" things to other men? I didn't have a place to put my desires, they were so alien to me and my personality. I gained gradual acceptance over about an eight year period from that point until my first time experience. My first time really confirmed that D/s was THE way to go for me, and what I needed and wanted in life. Since then, I haven't had doubts about this being the right way to go for me - my doubts are the who and the how, which is an ongoing exploration for me.

lally2 -> RE: changing our beliefs. (7/23/2010 8:25:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BentUnit Actually this thread is timely for me. At the moment I'm having to over come a specific fear in order to try to move forward in a certain area of my sexuality. I don't trust easily and this has made the whole process harder than it might other wise be. hi BU trust was something i wasnt much good at either. but i think mostly because i didnt trust myself to handle whatever it was rather than the Dominant i was having a relationship with. when i realised that i did trust myself, that was when i was able to let go. trusting youreself is all about knowing how you will react, not being afraid of that reaction, asking youre Dominant to be aware of all possible fall out, to ensure you have set up in youre own mind, why you want to do this thing, for you, for him or to flip the demon of youre shoulder whose telling you its scary and you shouldnt. sometimes challenging our fear is incredibly liberating - for instance - rape: i was date raped. one of my first ever dominants told me he wanted to rape me. my reaction was immediate and reactive. NO. he then said, im gonna rape you anyway - we ended soon after [8\|]. there was no way on this planet that i would have come out of that well. the trust in myself over that was entirely absent. but now i could because i know that i can file it away as something that happened a while ago and has nothing to do with the man i love now. in short i trust myself to handle my emotions.

lally2 -> RE: changing our beliefs. (7/23/2010 8:35:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear I'm of the opinion relates to the whole of life especially if you remember that when you change beliefs and life choices, those changes are not restricted to just one area of your whole life spectrum, but filter through to the whole jolly lot. We see things differently (some more dramatically than others), just as our life experiences colour our view of other things.. Long ago I stopped in the most cases, worrying about what others thought about me, my actions and beliefs and thus stayed true to me. I have a core set of beliefs which does not and will not change but which enable me to work through changes and face new things with at least courage and oft with joy.. yes, i hadnt thought of that- change doesnt occur in isolation to all other parts of youre life. i can honestly say im happier and more content now, though little has changed externally for me, my outlook has changed so many things regarding my success in business, my sons security and confidence, my future hopes and dreams and my perspective. id have to really sit down and work out how my belief systems have changed so radically because it has been an insidious process.

porcelaine -> RE: changing our beliefs. (7/23/2010 8:36:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 i do remember being scared of how much it might change me. if i realised my fantasies would they be dashed and broken and gone forever. would the beautiful world id created in my head vanish and leave me destitute. would i discover that it was all just horrible and ugly and not me at all and then where would i be - all that was in me and in my head and in my yearning to be free would have to curl up and die and id be left in a world where there was nowhere to be happy. lally, The mere fact I do this is really hilarious. I hated being restrained. It made me putrid and set off all sorts of internal alarms. My response was simple, "Take them off!" I nearly hyperventilated. At some point I was able to recognize my submissiveness and that was okay. But slavery was another animal that I wanted but didn't want any part of. I was happily straddling the fence until I went tumbling from my perch. It was my undoing and try as I would he didn't give up. I think he wore me out or I simply got tired of the mental and emotional consequences that resistance brought. I never knew I could be so docile. It was quite a shock to the system. [;)] He used to tell me that I needed to be taken in hand. He believed freedom was my nemesis. I get lofty ideas that sound real engaging. Over time I became both pliant and happily domesticated as well. I released the frustration and stopped fighting myself. When I was no longer guided by thoughts and feelings but simply led by him instead - everything changed. I liken it to the process of doing, being, and becoming. quote: up there you talk about how much you love youre 'spring' cleaning, relishing the changes and the growth and the embracing of new things and the new redefined you (how delicious! [:)]) and im grinning away, cos it really is that special, i know what youre feeling. I started dismantling several months ago. But I see a overhaul coming around the bend. I enjoy taking a sledgehammer to myself and knocking things down and reconstructing them. Patches are temporary fixes and I prefer to have something that can handle whatever is hurled in my direction. And I don't like remnants of yesterday. I see them as stumbling blocks to tomorrow. So I guess I'm a makeshift exorcist that's vigorously sweeping up. Anything that doesn't represent the here and now has go to go. The process is unpleasant, but the outcome typically yields unexpected surprises. quote: it really is about challenging and growing into the person you are fully and finding that those parameters you set youreself are so incredibly expandable, a lifetime isnt long enough for all of this!! Exactly! This year I've started delving into a difficult subject that has made me waver in the past. It's taken a long time for me to stare this down and say "enough, I can't allow this idea to remain." But I think that's important. Discarding impediments opens up a wealth of possibilities and that word has taken on new meaning for me as of late. But more than this it's a state of readiness. Trying to do things in the wrong season usually invites calamity. When you're at your peak you know it. You're flowing and there's a magnetic effect that draws others of a similar mindset. quote: im not sure why i feel so strongly about this right now, at this moment - but i do. xx The funny thing about truth is how it pierces through the shadows when we're willing to listen. Confusion is a choice. Clinging is a choice. Change requires courage and conviction. Sometimes it isn't the fear of change that causes us to bristle, but the letting go of the familiar that hastens our steps. Thank you for the much needed reminder. xoxo ~porcelaine

lally2 -> RE: changing our beliefs. (7/23/2010 8:49:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave It seems people progress at different rates, and at different times. I think the biggest difference is the increased amount of information available, especially online. yes, i hadnt considered that at all. perhaps it is the bombardment of so much that is available, sequestered between latent needs and the fear of dia consequences. much of what i look at on the net is misrepresented, terrifying (to me) and the parrallel universe keeps the ongoing chinese whisper phenomenon going too. it must be overwhelming and confusing. plus too the comfort of on-line where fantasies can be realised in complete safety and anonymity. I definitely went through an angst phase - perhaps my whole adolescence was that, in various ways. Near my thirteenth birthday my mind became flooded with thoughts and images I was intensely attracted to but understood little. Straight boys wanted to kiss girls, gay boys wanted to kiss boys - so crickey, what on earth was I that my fantasies seemed to only relate to men doing "bad" things to other men? I didn't have a place to put my desires, they were so alien to me and my personality. when youre alone with something and theres noone apparently to talk to about it, it all then gets magnified. that must have been a hard time for you at 13. my son is 14 and he has his anxt for sure. he's taller than most kids, he's rugby build when theyre all skinny and he hasnt reached the age yet when he knows that actually girls quite dig tall, hunky guys - so i see him shuffling along trying to be smaller and it breaks my heart to be honest. i know itll pass, but he wont talk to me and i cant push it. i know its not the same as what you went through there, im just saying that at 13/14 its an anxt ridden time for sure. I gained gradual acceptance over about an eight year period from that point until my first time experience. My first time really confirmed that D/s was THE way to go for me, and what I needed and wanted in life. Since then, I haven't had doubts about this being the right way to go for me - my doubts are the who and the how, which is an ongoing exploration for me. its great that you had such a positive first time, im guessing quite a few dont, or hear of those who dont and that holds them back. my first relationship was when i was 21, and though i had no idea it was Ds (he didnt bother to explain it to me) once i got free of him i high tailed it for ten long confused vanilla years before i found out how it was all supposed to be done. wasted years in lots of ways.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: changing our beliefs. (7/23/2010 11:54:41 AM)
I hovered around the edge of the community for a very, very long time. I've provided pastoral care in the community for many more years than I've actually participated in the authority-dynamic part of this, and that was, quite frankly, because I'm a complete control freak. What makes this so very interesting is that my formal entrance into the House that I'm now a part of required that I enter "on my knees" -- and not just a little bit. I had to enter and allow myself to be stripped bare -- not just physically, but mentally, emotionally... even spiritually and communally. I had to let go of every idea and item that I was holding and relinquish it for scrutiny and deal with the possibility that I wouldn't get it back. Because of the track that I wanted to take, the road to get there was a 'trial by fire'... an 'all or nothing'. Quite frankly, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to let go and do it... and my reason? Well, it's like this. I was really attached to who I thought I was, but part of me was -terrified- that if I gave up... if I yielded to that extent for as long as I was expected to... that I might not ever want to take control again. It was there -- it was this deep kernel of fear that cost me six months of sleepless nights and dickering with myself, and six months of warning the man who was going to "take me down" if I agreed that, if I did this, the House might never GET a Keeper out of it -- that somewhere in there I -might- just be a lifelong submissive, and all of my scrambling, through my life, to control the chaos around me might be nothing more than a facade... and that I just didn't know whether I could bring myself to find that out about myself -- the possibility that I was, deep down, completely submissive. You know, I did it. Eventually, I had to make a choice -- either do it or don't... and the waves of chaos were stronger than the chains of my old perceptions, and I just let them wash me away, just that once. I relinquished control and let life carry me where it would. According to the Keepers, I was a tough sell -- I really struggled to hold on to my perceptions of myself for a long time. My training took a lot longer than it might for someone else, because I really couldn't start until I was ready to let everything I -thought- I knew about myself go... and that took almost 5 years in a collar. Often, the "worst case scenario" turns out to be far from the horror that we thought it would be. That's how service ended up being for me. I figured out that I can yield, when I need to -- to life, to circumstance, and to others. It made being in a relationship with me a much healthier thing for everyone I was involved with, to tell you the truth... and, in the end, when I was given the option of staying as a servant and taking on responsibilities towards becoming a Keeper, there wasn't really any question for me -- the transition to Keeper was organic... much more organic, for me, than the whole decision process to yield. I really -did- know myself... but to be honest, I wasn't -sure- about what I knew until it was put to the fire. By the time I made it through the crucible of my training with the House, I knew, in no uncertain terms, that my forte was in leadership. I also knew, from having been there, how to spot others who might have that streak in them, but who were uncertain and needed the right kind of nurturing. Interestingly enough, among everything else I learned, I learned how to recognize and learned to highly value those individuals who both understood their calling to service and who were not so badly damaged by society that they were comfortable doing so -- and I learned how to help them to evoke their own potential as servants, without destroying that spark of joyful yielding within them. I can't imagine what my life would have been like if I hadn't let Ebony take me down this road -- I'll never say that I wasn't terrified. I was... but you know, if the worst case would have happened, and I would have found myself a -servant- in the House, rather than a Keeper, I can't imagine a better place to have landed making that discovery. Calla

DesFIP -> RE: changing our beliefs. (7/23/2010 6:20:25 PM)
It isn't taboo to me. Few things other than hurting people who can't protect themselves are. But it wasn't something I knew about till about 8 years ago. At which point it was "oh okay, so this is what it's called". I've never had trouble saying this is what I want, once I could identify what it was. I simply didn't have the words for it and without being able to describe it, to identify it, it's no wonder I couldn't get it.

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