RE: Is BDSM Addictive?

RE: Is BDSM Addictive? (Full Version)

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Apocalypso -> RE: Is BDSM Addictive? (7/17/2010 6:32:55 PM)
It depends how you're defining addiction. If you're using it in the traditional sense of the term, no BDSM is not addictive. People can not, as you suggest become addicted to the hormones produced by BDSM. Anymore than a jogger can become dependant on the chemicals released by that activity. If, however, you're using it in the newer (but controversial) way to describe compulsive behaviour, seeking out BDSM activity can absolutely fall into that category. But so can sex, watching television, gambling, shopping etc. That's basically a behavioural disorder, which means that BDSM would the focus of that, not the cause of it.

georgeinca -> RE: Is BDSM Addictive? (7/17/2010 6:57:05 PM)
One thought: If anyone is interested in one book that covers a lot of the current research, along with personal stories about real addicts and thoughts on how we as a society should deal with addiction, you might want to check out In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, by Gabor Mate MD. He works with addicts in Vancouver's (BC, not WA) Downtown Eastside. I've met him, he's a great doctor, a great writer, and he knows his stuff. He's definitely on the side of "behavioural addiction is too real!" He talks about the havoc his classical-music-CD addiction has caused in his life, for example. Anyhow. Just a thought, for those who want to dig deeper.

Glasgow -> RE: Is BDSM Addictive? (7/17/2010 7:48:51 PM)
(OP is reading your posts. Lurking for a bit.)

Zevar -> RE: Is BDSM Addictive? (7/17/2010 8:19:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Glasgow I heard today that one of the reasons BDSM is a big no-no is that it is highly addictive and very hard to get out of. I jfgi, but I didn't see very many conclusive answers. The only thing that came close was the suggestion that we get addicted to the hormones released during play. And we don't need to argue about whether BDSM is right or wrong. Just the addictive part. So, you know... any comments? Greetings Glasgow: Here are a few links that might be informative. http://www.sextreatment.com/bdsm.html http://www.sexualcontrol.com/define-sex-addiction-sexual-addiction.html http://sexualrecovery.com/blog/?cat=3

jujubeeMB -> RE: Is BDSM Addictive? (7/17/2010 8:30:10 PM)
Zevar, Your second link says: "An addiction is behavior a person cannot control that leads to detrimental consequences. Sexually addictive behavior is not a matter of how many times you have sex. If you have sex 5 times a day it does not necessarily mean you are addicted. Sex is about relationships. If the relationship between you and your partner is meaningful and monogamous and you both have the time, energy, and desire to have sex 5 times a day, you are engaging in enjoyable sex. On the other hand, if you have sex only once a month but it is with a prostitute, you are addicted because the sex is meaningless and impersonal, thus detrimental to you." It just made me smile, because it basically comes to the conclusion that meaningless sex and non-monogamy are detrimental, and therefore a sex addiction. Thought the poly, commitment-free people would enjoy that [;)]

mstrjx -> RE: Is BDSM Addictive? (7/17/2010 8:37:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania One can be addicted to many things, even the internet, or gaming. And I should think with 15000 posts, one should start owning up to her own addictions. On a more serious note, if I do a little reading between the lines and some semblance of recall, I think the OP is trying to get that choosing unsuitable partners, over and over, is the addiction at hand. If so, that's habitual bad judgement, not an addiction per se. Also, from my own personal perspective, I agree with many here that wiitwd is far better than the 'vanilla' alternative. That's certainly a choice. Jeff

Zevar -> RE: Is BDSM Addictive? (7/17/2010 8:45:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB Zevar, Your second link says: "An addiction is behavior a person cannot control that leads to detrimental consequences. Sexually addictive behavior is not a matter of how many times you have sex. If you have sex 5 times a day it does not necessarily mean you are addicted. Sex is about relationships. If the relationship between you and your partner is meaningful and monogamous and you both have the time, energy, and desire to have sex 5 times a day, you are engaging in enjoyable sex. On the other hand, if you have sex only once a month but it is with a prostitute, you are addicted because the sex is meaningless and impersonal, thus detrimental to you." It just made me smile, because it basically comes to the conclusion that meaningless sex and non-monogamy are detrimental, and therefore a sex addiction. Thought the poly, commitment-free people would enjoy that [;)] Greetings jujubeeMB: The links were solely posted for informational purposes. As you more than likely know, I am not the author of the material in any of the links. The information presented in the links are easily located on the Internet when searching via Google. Everyone is free to arrive at their own personal conclusions regarding this subject. I know I do such with information and studies that I am privy to. I encourage the same for others. To each their own opinion, aye? Take good care of you!

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Is BDSM Addictive? (7/17/2010 8:47:49 PM)
When something is new, it's hard not to want more more more, even when it's not good for you, or not the best choice. (do a search on "sub frenzy", for instance) That doesn't make it "addictive", necessarily, it just means it's fun! It's important to know the difference, though, and to know that BDSM is not therapy, that what we do is not a fix-it-all solution for life, that no dominant or submissive is going to be that missing link that will give you common sense, happiness, and perfect hair. It's just a thing to do, or a way to live your life, depending on how deep you go.

jujubeeMB -> RE: Is BDSM Addictive? (7/17/2010 8:52:25 PM)
Oh, I definitely wasn't saying it was your opinion - I love pretty much everything you write. I was just amused by the link [:)]

Zevar -> RE: Is BDSM Addictive? (7/17/2010 8:59:09 PM)
Thank you for the clarification. I appreciate that greatly! [;)]

Ayamuz -> RE: Is BDSM Addictive? (7/17/2010 10:35:40 PM)
After reading all the comments and then rereading the original question I became curious as to who this trusted "source" is be it person or periodical, are they involved in bdsm, formerly involved in the lifestyle or are they vanilla, as perspective alters how you view actions, after all what would Freud say to people who repeatedly go to events to hit, spank, flog or do other enjoyable activities.......probably something to do with your mother.......yeah.... Ayway it started me thinking about why people become addicted in the first place, to which I was under the impression that initially it makes you feel good, the high, buzz, endorphins or the whatever, and may help relieve stress built up from life, but that is ultimately harmful over time, be it short or long time, that said I'm sure that some would say the lifestyle may be addicting and harmful, but to that I would compare it to any other lifestyle habit/"addiction" like say a working at a job that you hate, it gives immediate benefits, money employment history, etc.. But can ultimately cause depression, poor quality of life, as well as other even unhappier issues, this may not be the best example but I think it sort of illustrates my point. Fortunately like leaving a bad job for a good one people who don't like the lifestyle or find it enjoyable/pleasing don't usually stay in it, I mean I wouldn't want to be with a sub who didn't enjoy what we did together. Sorry if this sounded ranty or offended anyone as that was not my intention, feel free to contest my point, as I am not all knowing or anything, just wanted to put in my 1&1/2 cents worth and all

porcelaine -> RE: Is BDSM Addictive? (7/17/2010 10:43:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB I don't know anything about the science of this, so it's purely opinion-based, but I actually get a little frustrated with how often the word "addiction" is thrown around to various obsessions. jujubee, That subject came up on Fetlife in a group I participate in. The members were remarking about the startling numbers of submissive persons in possession of phobias and every mental condition known to man. I've seen more admissions regarding PTSD, BPD, ADD, OCD, Asperger Syndrome, and Disassociative Identity Disorder to last me several lifetimes. It's like a badge of honor that's extolled and the root cause for everything that does or does not occur in their lives and relationships. I really can't say if that's accurate but it gives me pause for certain. Whether this was in existence (assuming it's valid) prior to their participation in BDSM is a mystery. But I've gotta tell you, I don't encounter those volumes in other venues on here. So I'm not sure if it's a matter of coincidence or the result of something they've picked up by association while being involved in kink on the Internet. ~porcelaine

reynardfox -> RE: Is BDSM Addictive? (7/18/2010 12:02:02 AM)
All sex is by it's very nature addictive, indeed compuslive, that is why there is a human race. Extreme sexual activity channels agression in all parties, it could be described as mating behaviour. Most of us on here are fetishists of one sort or another which would indicate that some things are more powerful triggers than just hormones, which is to take nothing away from hormones, they are pretty damned good. To describe BDSM as addictive is to miss the point, a human being can get addicted to anything, from doughnuts to dog collars, but these are not, in isolation, sexual.

lally2 -> RE: Is BDSM Addictive? (7/18/2010 1:07:58 AM)
well look at it as if it is an addiction - most of the addicts here are having fun and it isnt ruining their life or health. it really boils down to the few who havent yet worked out (or dont want to work out) how to avoid or remove themselves from toxic relationships or how to manage their urges yet, but that has nothing to do with BDSM. that boils down to experience, growing, learning - which is what lifes all about really anyway. there is nothing unhealthy in pursuing whats inside of you, it really is about how you go about it and who you choose to do it with. im not having a go Glasgow, but youve made such a drama out of youre arrival - it really didnt have to go that way unless there was something in you that really wanted to kick it all up and get everyones attention and by everyone, i mean youre family. that was unhealthy for you and youre family and maybe its from there that this negative source has come from. no one is born with an urge to smoke or become an alcoholic. but people are born with a personality imprint and for some people it has grown, developed and evolved in some way to bring them here. this isnt a fad or a habit you can kick, its something that goes way deeper than that. people can and do leave, but they often come back, if only to talk and share on places like this, because its very much part of them, even if that part is small and can only be triggered by someone specific. i dont get an endorphin rush, there are plenty of people who dont - theyre here because this relationship type makes more sense to them than vanilla, thats it.

wandersalone -> RE: Is BDSM Addictive? (7/18/2010 1:10:07 AM)
FR I am going to show my incredibly cynical and jaded side with this post .... My feeling is that a lot of people bandy around the term addiction as a means of avoiding taking responsibility for and owning their actions. It is so much easier to say I am addicted to bdsm so I keep choosing abusive dominants rather than saying I keep making bad choices because I am desperate and unable to function on my own as an adult. ymmv

wittynamehere -> RE: Is BDSM Addictive? (7/18/2010 1:12:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Glasgow I heard today that one of the reasons BDSM is a big no-no is that it is highly addictive and very hard to get out of. I didn't see very many conclusive answers. The only thing that came close was the suggestion that we get addicted to the hormones released during play. Those would be the same hormones released when we eat, move, breathe, and so on. Yes, we're addicted to them, hopelessly, but neither they nor the addiction causes anyone any distress whatsoever. Also, who said that BDSM is a no-no for several reasons? That'd be your first clue not to listen to a word they said, imo.

MrBukani -> RE: Is BDSM Addictive? (7/18/2010 1:28:31 AM)
The word addiction is in itself a good example of the condition. It dictates your life to an extend it becomes a negative. But still it is the consensus that is flawed sometimes cos one who smokes cigarettes is called an addict no matter what. BDSM is one of the most dangerous addictions cos it can become a total lifestyle. But it all boils down to dicipline. You can see that with drugs very well. Most people have no dicipline to use a substance in moderation. Again there is a consensus based on culture and not danger. Just compare alcohol to weed.

gungadin09 -> RE: Is BDSM Addictive? (7/18/2010 1:40:12 AM)
i don't know if BDSM is addictive, but the CM forums sure are. Is it bad if i live my whole life on collarme? pam

lally2 -> RE: Is BDSM Addictive? (7/18/2010 1:41:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wandersalone FR I am going to show my incredibly cynical and jaded side with this post .... My feeling is that a lot of people bandy around the term addiction as a means of avoiding taking responsibility for and owning their actions. It is so much easier to say I am addicted to bdsm so I keep choosing abusive dominants rather than saying I keep making bad choices because I am desperate and unable to function on my own as an adult. ymmv other than this thread ive never seen 'addiction' used to describe a persons interest in BDSM. maybe i have and it just registered in my head as 'rot' and i moved on. i will say ive become ridiculously addicted to here and i really need to get a handle on that - but then again, i think its just easier to sit here than go to the gym or exercise the animals (or do the housework [:'(]) being addicted to the wrong partner choices goes across the board. in fact, if anything this lifestyle has taught me how to veer away from my toxic pattern of partners and find the one that works. people blame stress on smoking, lonlyness on drinking and usually bad partners on their parents - youre right, people should just 'man up' to being unable to take responsibility for their adult choices and straighten up a bit.

lally2 -> RE: Is BDSM Addictive? (7/18/2010 1:44:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gungadin09 i don't know if BDSM is addictive, but the CM forums sure are. Is it bad if i live my whole life on collarme? pam yes! [:D] .... and on that note im gonna switch off and do something else - well in a minute anyway.... [:)]

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