Repression of Kink Urges (Full Version)

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lostsub26 -> Repression of Kink Urges (7/11/2010 2:21:50 PM)

Has anyone experienced a time when they deeply resisted and repressed their desires for BDSM?

If so, how did you finally overcome that?

I'm troubled by some of my desires and resist materializing them for some reason. Maybe it's my upbringing and being shamed about my sexuality in childhood that causes me to feel this way. Any advice?




AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Repression of Kink Urges (7/11/2010 2:28:52 PM)

I tried to be Vanilla.... It didn't work I was still me and Me is a Dominant Man.

Anytime I tried to be Vanilla we always ended up fighting about .... You guessed it ..... Control.

My Advice.....

Be Yourself anf Fuck what anyone else thinks.

Make friends with those who accept you.

Avoid those who do not.

QSM



Aylee -> RE: Repression of Kink Urges (7/11/2010 2:32:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostsub26

Has anyone experienced a time when they deeply resisted and repressed their desires for BDSM?

If so, how did you finally overcome that?

I'm troubled by some of my desires and resist materializing them for some reason. Maybe it's my upbringing and being shamed about my sexuality in childhood that causes me to feel this way. Any advice?




Preggers.  I did not partake in a lot of BDSM activities while I was pregnant.  After the birth and healing the energy came back.  It was not any type of internal struggle though. 

Are we gonna talk about zombies again now?



DesFIP -> RE: Repression of Kink Urges (7/11/2010 2:41:47 PM)

I didn't repress them. I simply chose not to act on them because my ex wasn't interested. I kept them to the level of fantasy and wank fodder rather than act on them.



littlewonder -> RE: Repression of Kink Urges (7/11/2010 2:57:10 PM)

I've never had anything to repress. What I like, enjoy, do isn't that far out there, isn't shocking, isn't all that different imo. I like power, I like dominant men that are attractive.

I would say that if you feel that you are repressing yourself in some way, maybe you should speak to a therapist or a spiritual confidante? Maybe they can help you to deal with your reasons.



Chrisincuffs -> RE: Repression of Kink Urges (7/15/2010 10:25:42 PM)

I tried to shove my "tendencies" away for a bit and date a vanilla guy. For starters I have many tattoos (some of which were done in respect to my Master) and have multiple nipple and vaginal piercings, however I dress very professionally and carry myself in a manner that shocks anyone that find out what my real passions are.
so anyway, I date this guy and start to pin point little things. I can't believe he kept his mouth shut when I behaved this way or that type of things. Soon I began to press buttons to see the reaction. I was begging for dominance, and not getting it and losing respect for him as a man. It wasn't fair to either of us I seek dominance that only my Master can give me



Saint -> RE: Repression of Kink Urges (7/15/2010 10:41:57 PM)

There are times that I wish I could repress them and forget about them. Unfortunately it is a part of who we are and cannot so easily be dealt with. There is a lot of advice out there that mentions being yourself, surrounding yourself with friends who support you, etc. And it is good advice to take, but this lifestyle sure does make for a lonely one sometimes.



KevinSWM -> RE: Repression of Kink Urges (7/15/2010 11:01:34 PM)

Totally agree. I spent most of my 20's being alone simply because I couldn't find anyone like me. More confusing was that I didn't realize what I was. I just knew I wasn't into what all the other guys were into. I guess it's a smiler confusion that gays have to deal with while they figure themselves out.
Then you finally realize what you seek, only to find they're few and far between.



hopelesslyInvo -> RE: Repression of Kink Urges (7/15/2010 11:40:53 PM)

it's not a quick process, but the only thing that will ever change how you view the world is to keep your eyes open.

i used to feel tremendous guilt and shame, but over time i was able to see for myself, come to my own opinions, and make my own judgments. 

my feelings of guilt and shame became dulled after i spent enough time questioning what was 'good', what was 'wrong', and 'why'. 

eventually my feelings became sharp again when i developed my own set of morals, ethics, and code to live by.

your shame about certain things may not disappear; you may simply become away of why you find shame in it, but you'll at last understand and cease to be bothered by it. 

my advice is to look deeper. 

take what bothers you and dissect it, find the root principles that are bothering you.  figure out what makes a punch different than a hug by getting to the core of human contact and intent.  what makes murder different from killing?  what makes defiling different from unearthing?   what makes truth different than honesty?

ask yourself how some people can be grateful to be beaten, yet a simple hug could devastatingly wrong someone else. 

question what pain and pleasure are, start at the root; they are nothing more than interpretations of signals sent to the brain, then build outwards until you distinguish them in more ways than simply "feels good/feels bad". 

when you get your answers, question those next; figure out what feeling is.

i'll give you a hint though, shame and guilt are subjective responses; so start with 'subjective' if you're going to take my advice.




porcelaine -> RE: Repression of Kink Urges (7/16/2010 12:53:29 AM)

I considered setting them aside when I was involved with someone that had no inclination towards BDSM. But I changed my mind and turned him onto it instead.

~porcelaine



lally2 -> RE: Repression of Kink Urges (7/16/2010 2:10:59 AM)

since fully embracing this as 'me' about ten years ago, possibly more now - i havent gone back to vanilla, nearly, once or twice but i knew that once in a relationship it wouldnt work.  when im not in a relationship that side of me settles down a bit and i have no physical need for BDSM at all - nor to be in submission to someone, i find surrender within my paganism keeps me ticking along.

i think that once youve finally worked out that this life isnt a dress rehearsal, time spent hanging back is time wasted and youre only screwing youreself up, noone else, by denying youreself what you really want to explore, all those buggaboos will settle down.

acceptance of who you are and what you need to feel fulfilled makes living with youreself much easier.  just take a deep breath and go for it.  nothing bad will happen so long as youre careful in choosing the right partner for you.



DarlingSavage -> RE: Repression of Kink Urges (7/16/2010 7:30:49 AM)

I suppressed this side of myself for many years.  I thought I was just wierd.  Then I found this site and a couple others and decided I wasn't so wierd after all.  Now, I would just like to find a dominant male that I click with.



sexyred1 -> RE: Repression of Kink Urges (7/16/2010 7:34:00 AM)

No, never repressed a thing.

Repressing urges always leads to them expressing themselves in some way, despite your best efforts.



dreamerdreaming -> RE: Repression of Kink Urges (7/16/2010 7:55:18 AM)

I had a vanilla marriage for which I voluntarily shelved my D/s nature. It didn't feel like I was repressing it, really. It was a conscious decision I made, to do vanilla. When I didn't feel like doing it anymore I stopped.

Since then I have entered other vanilla phases, but because it felt right for me alone- not in order to fit in with another vanilla.

I'm a control freak, at the core. That doesn't always need a sexually expressed component, for me to be happy. Vanilla can be yummy, when its done right.


To thine own self be true, OP. Live your authentic life. Be your authentic self. Life is too short to waste time being something that doesn't feel like who you really are, and who you need to be.



alatheia -> RE: Repression of Kink Urges (7/16/2010 7:55:38 AM)

A couple of years ago I decided Id go vanilla.. Id never tried it and I was honestly burned out due to poor decision making on my part. I did tell him what I liked/enjoyed from the get go and attempted to turn him. I couldnt and a few months ago it all started coming back and I ended up resenting him.

I called it quits a couple of weeks ago. It truly wasnt fair for either of us.

Never again.



Syrox -> RE: Repression of Kink Urges (7/16/2010 8:06:01 AM)

I repressed my Dominant side as best i could for about 5 years while in a vanilla relationship with the mother of my kids.
During that time I was completely miserable. it caused stress levels in me that were so great as to make me ill.  We did try her going Sub, but it simply didnt work.

After the relationship died, I decided to jump both feet first into the lifestyle and now I never intend to go back again.  mostly because I couldnt cope with those levels of stress again.



LadyPact -> RE: Repression of Kink Urges (7/16/2010 8:20:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming
I had a vanilla marriage for which I voluntarily shelved my D/s nature. It didn't feel like I was repressing it, really. It was a conscious decision I made, to do vanilla. When I didn't feel like doing it anymore I stopped.


This.

I don't feel like I'm repressing anything when I am having a period of no BDSM involved.  It's something that I chose to do.  Very much like periods that I've opted to be celibate.  During those times, I'm not whining and moaning that I'm not having sex.  It may be a want, but it's certainly not a need.

I love BDSM.  I enjoy being a sadist.  At the same time, I could give it up tomorrow.  Kink doesn't control Me.



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