Freedom from Sexual Self-Denial: Why Not Have Sex With People Who Aren't Your Partner?

Freedom from Sexual Self-Denial: Why Not Have Sex With People Who Aren't Your Partner? (Full Version)

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slaveluci -> Freedom from Sexual Self-Denial: Why Not Have Sex With People Who Aren't Your Partner? (7/4/2010 11:32:39 AM)
Interesting, positive article that says "infidelity is treated as selfish, while monogamy is celebrated. But what's so great about living a life of self-denial?" Check it out here: http://www.alternet.org/story/147349/freedom_from_sexual_self-denial%3A_why_not_have_sex_with_people_who_aren%27t_your_partner?page=1 luci

xxblushesxx -> RE: Freedom from Sexual Self-Denial: Why Not Have Sex With People Who Aren't Your Partner? (7/4/2010 11:54:42 AM)
Uhm...because infidelity is selfish.

juliaoceania -> RE: Freedom from Sexual Self-Denial: Why Not Have Sex With People Who Aren't Your Partner? (7/4/2010 12:48:52 PM)
I think the issue is honesty with yourself and others. I do not think ill towards people who are honest with their partners about their sexual behaviors, but if you can't be honest then you are depriving yourself of having integrity towards someone you claim to love. You are also depriving yourself of living an authentic life

Level -> RE: Freedom from Sexual Self-Denial: Why Not Have Sex With People Who Aren't Your Partner? (7/4/2010 1:05:59 PM)
Well said, julia, I'd just add that for some people (especially men?), not having sex with multiple partners deprives them of an authentic aspect of life. Of course, just because an impulse is genuine, isn't always reason enough to follow it... [8D]

juliaoceania -> RE: Freedom from Sexual Self-Denial: Why Not Have Sex With People Who Aren't Your Partner? (7/4/2010 1:12:22 PM)
I think women have these impulses as well, even though they might not be associated with variety of sex partners for variety's sake, but on scenarios and fantasies that remain unfulfilled... the question becomes how important is it to have variety/sexual fantasy fulfillment/etc... what is more valuable to a person... monogamy with a certain mate, or a mate that can tolerate or embrace an open relationship. I won't share personally, and that means I won't give in to my external drives either...

DomImus -> RE: Freedom from Sexual Self-Denial: Why Not Have Sex With People Who Aren't Your Partner? (7/4/2010 1:20:26 PM)
Infidelity is selfish. Infidelity and monogamy are not about sex. They are about honesty and promises. The bulk of that article addresses open relationships. If you have committed infidelity whether it is in an open or monogamous relationship you have breached an agreed upon boundary. That is selfish. The article is clearly pro-poly and is very poorly written.

purelea2003 -> RE: Freedom from Sexual Self-Denial: Why Not Have Sex With People Who Aren't Your Partner? (7/4/2010 1:21:23 PM)
This is a fast reply. Why not have sex with people not your partner? Freedom from (most of the time): ■AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome) ■Genital Warts ■Gonorhea ■Syphylis ■Herpes ■Chlamydia ■Pubic Lice or Crabs ■Vaginitis ■Hepatitis There's also something to be said for not making your partner suffer jealousy - which must be the WORST feeling in the world. I realize how narrow minded that sounds. Too bad about that.

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Freedom from Sexual Self-Denial: Why Not Have Sex With People Who Aren't Your Partner? (7/4/2010 1:22:05 PM)
I've never had a problem with my partners having sex with other women as long as it's not behind my back and safer sex is implemented. It's the lying and sneaking that pisses me off.

slaveluci -> RE: Freedom from Sexual Self-Denial: Why Not Have Sex With People Who Aren't Your Partner? (7/4/2010 2:15:03 PM)
I think the premise of the article would be better stated as wishing to be "poly" is seen as selfish, but monogamy is celebrated. Despite the opening line, I don't see the article as celebrating "infidelity." Even a cursory read reveals that is not the author's point at all. Instead, it appears to be pro-poly and pro-alternative relationship. Infidelity is indeed "selfish" and I don't see that as what the author is advocating at all. She seems to say that even though many people sneer at "open" relationships, there's a whole lotta cheatin' goin' on and how is that a positive thing? She also makes what I think is a very valid point about many counselors not having any type of adequate background for discussing such topics so they fall back onto their own prejudices and hang-ups when the issue arises. I didn't think it was poorly written at all and thought she made some positive comments about the necessity of accepting and encouraging alternative relationship styles. Just goes to show no two people can ever read or see the same thing the same way apparently 'cause I didn't see infidelity encouraged at all............luci

slaveluci -> RE: Freedom from Sexual Self-Denial: Why Not Have Sex With People Who Aren't Your Partner? (7/4/2010 2:19:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: purelea2003 This is a fast reply. Why not have sex with people not your partner? Freedom from (most of the time): ■AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome) ■Genital Warts ■Gonorhea ■Syphylis ■Herpes ■Chlamydia ■Pubic Lice or Crabs ■Vaginitis ■Hepatitis There's also something to be said for not making your partner suffer jealousy - which must be the WORST feeling in the world. I realize how narrow minded that sounds. Too bad about that. Narrowminded or not, I would say two things. 1 - Having sex with people other than your partner doesn't necessarily mean any of these things will happen. We're not talking about having sex with EVERYONE besides your partner, perhaps only ONE other and they do make condoms. People practice safe sex everyday so being in a poly relationship doesn't necessarily raise these risks. 2 - Unless your partner has been thoroughly checked out and you hold a copy of the test results, you may in fact be in more danger with him/her than someone else you choose to bed. It's all rather a crap shoot without printed test results, eh? luci

juliaoceania -> RE: Freedom from Sexual Self-Denial: Why Not Have Sex With People Who Aren't Your Partner? (7/4/2010 2:27:04 PM)
quote: We're not talking about having sex with EVERYONE besides your partner Oh damn, we aren't?

RCdc -> RE: Freedom from Sexual Self-Denial: Why Not Have Sex With People Who Aren't Your Partner? (7/4/2010 2:32:07 PM)
It's a dreadful article that does nothing to promote poly in the positive, making it seem selfish and makes monogamy sound limp and frigid. the.dark.

DesFIP -> RE: Freedom from Sexual Self-Denial: Why Not Have Sex With People Who Aren't Your Partner? (7/4/2010 4:07:55 PM)
The couple they talk about appear to be young. And not married. The rate of long term relationships in gays who do practice open relationships is much lower than married heterosexuals. I'd be more willing to look at the article with a less jaundiced eye if she were interviewing 50somes who had been married 30 years and had had an open relationship most of that time. As is the data is sketchy at best. What I really think is she ignored the numbers of people for whom this didn't work.

KatyLied -> RE: Freedom from Sexual Self-Denial: Why Not Have Sex With People Who Aren't Your Partner? (7/4/2010 4:25:15 PM)
Actually a test result is no guarantee. Some diseases have windows of time where you can read negative and a few months later be positive.

DemonKia -> RE: Freedom from Sexual Self-Denial: Why Not Have Sex With People Who Aren't Your Partner? (7/4/2010 4:36:59 PM)
I note carefully that condoms are only so-so at preventing the spread of HPV (warts) & herpes, which are both skin-to-skin-contact transmissible . . . . . . & remember that condoms & dental dams are necessary to prevent transmission of a bunch of those STIs thru oral sex -- & I know how popular barrier-protected oral sex is, lol . . . . . . . ETA: Oh, & there is no test for HPV in men. None. Nada. So anytime one thinks a 'clean test result' for a guy means he has no HPV -- wrong. Oh, & second ETA: the medical / science people estimate that half of all sexually active adults are infected with some kind of STI at some point during their sexually active adult lives, so assuming 'not catching something' seems like a kinda large assumption . . . . . . For so-called savvy, informed adults . .. . . . quote: ORIGINAL: slaveluci quote: ORIGINAL: purelea2003 This is a fast reply. Why not have sex with people not your partner? Freedom from (most of the time): ■AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome) ■Genital Warts ■Gonorhea ■Syphylis ■Herpes ■Chlamydia ■Pubic Lice or Crabs ■Vaginitis ■Hepatitis There's also something to be said for not making your partner suffer jealousy - which must be the WORST feeling in the world. I realize how narrow minded that sounds. Too bad about that. Narrowminded or not, I would say two things. 1 - Having sex with people other than your partner doesn't necessarily mean any of these things will happen. We're not talking about having sex with EVERYONE besides your partner, perhaps only ONE other and they do make condoms. People practice safe sex everyday so being in a poly relationship doesn't necessarily raise these risks. 2 - Unless your partner has been thoroughly checked out and you hold a copy of the test results, you may in fact be in more danger with him/her than someone else you choose to bed. It's all rather a crap shoot without printed test results, eh? luci

xxblushesxx -> RE: Freedom from Sexual Self-Denial: Why Not Have Sex With People Who Aren't Your Partner? (7/4/2010 5:14:19 PM)
Slave Luci: "I think the premise of the article would be better stated as wishing to be "poly" is seen as selfish, but monogamy is celebrated. Despite the opening line, I don't see the article as celebrating "infidelity." Well actually my answer was just a FR based on the first sentence of your OP: "Interesting, positive article that says "infidelity is treated as selfish, while monogamy is celebrated."

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Freedom from Sexual Self-Denial: Why Not Have Sex With People Who Aren't Your Partner? (7/4/2010 5:14:29 PM)
I liked the article, they really were not pro or anti much of anything, I can say it sticks to the Idea that Monogamy is not Mandatory. What I really like about the article is that it taked about Infidelity and Fidelity, which have nothing to do with Sex but with Knowledge. I practice Poly Fidelity meaning that no matter what every member of our home knows and agrees with what is going on before something happens. The Title is kinda less than Positive.... and I think some people did not actually read the article and have comments on nothing but the Title cause no where in the article did it ever talk about doing anything behind your partners back, it was all about having a sexual relationship with someone other than your Primary partner. QSM

DomImus -> RE: Freedom from Sexual Self-Denial: Why Not Have Sex With People Who Aren't Your Partner? (7/4/2010 6:38:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan The Title is kinda less than Positive.... ...and pretty much set the tone for the entire article. Like I said in my earlier post - it was poorly written. It reminded of election advertisement copy where the candidate tries to win your vote by belaboring the faults of his opponent.

RCdc -> RE: Freedom from Sexual Self-Denial: Why Not Have Sex With People Who Aren't Your Partner? (7/5/2010 6:30:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan and I think some people did not actually read the article and have comments on nothing but the Title cause no where in the article did it ever talk about doing anything behind your partners back, it was all about having a sexual relationship with someone other than your Primary partner. QSM Remember what I said about the second guessing thing?[;)] Nope, I read the article and the whole thing reads like bad romance and the best thing about it was the title. It kind of reminded me of an article you might find in a trashy womans magazine that is trying to be edgy or even worse, 'OK'. the.dark.

juliaoceania -> RE: Freedom from Sexual Self-Denial: Why Not Have Sex With People Who Aren't Your Partner? (7/5/2010 6:36:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RCdc quote: ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan and I think some people did not actually read the article and have comments on nothing but the Title cause no where in the article did it ever talk about doing anything behind your partners back, it was all about having a sexual relationship with someone other than your Primary partner. QSM Remember what I said about the second guessing thing?[;)] Nope, I read the article and the whole thing reads like bad romance and the best thing about it was the title. It kind of reminded me of an article you might find in a trashy womans magazine that is trying to be edgy or even worse, 'OK'. the.dark. Yeah, I read the article, scanned it, because it was so bad I only got down the first page... Since I did not get to the end of it I thought it might go on to talk about infidelity...lol.. it never did?

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