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Is it a game or lifestyle and what do you think - 7/1/2010 9:37:46 PM

kdsub

Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
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My profile lists me as a submissive…but I am anything but one…in fact I am very dominating in my life. I just like to play a game…silly one that’s for sure but I am honest when I play it. I call the shots and make the rules. If people want to play with me we will both understand up front what is what.

I am not disrespectful when approached by someone thinking I want this as a lifestyle I just thank them for their interest and set them straight pleasantly.

I do understand there is another side of BDSM a very serious one. People believe they must be dominant, submissive, or a slave to feel fulfilled and useful. I understand and respect this even if I don’t always understand it.

I am wondering do those of you that are serious about this as a lifestyle look down on us just playing a game as the mood strikes us?

Butch

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Mark Twain:

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

Post #: 1

RE: Is it a game or lifestyle and what do you think - 7/1/2010 9:42:50 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

To me what I do as far as BDSM is between me and my partner. I do not care what other people do, if they think it is a game, or they take it more seriously than I do... they will either be compatible with me, or not, and if they are not I don't sweat that

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

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(in reply to kdsub)

Post #: 2

RE: Is it a game or lifestyle and what do you think - 7/1/2010 9:47:24 PM

kdsub

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Joined: 8/16/2007
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Thanks juliaoceania I've often said all the names and terms mean nothing in the end... It is all in how two people mesh or don't mesh.

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Mark Twain:

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 3

RE: Is it a game or lifestyle and what do you think - 7/1/2010 9:49:09 PM

Nineveh

Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline

I have no problem with people who like it just as a break from life. So long as they are honest about it.

(in reply to kdsub)

Post #: 4

RE: Is it a game or lifestyle and what do you think - 7/1/2010 9:54:06 PM

DommeDebz

Posts: 4
Joined: 3/28/2010
Status: offline

Hi, Actually I agree with you both. I am a lifestyle Domme with my subby hubby..He is not a wimp and can roar when he wants to.
Being a Leo.. I don't know everything about everything and he fills in the gaps.
But I say each to their own...
Ms Bluebell

(in reply to kdsub)

Post #: 5

RE: Is it a game or lifestyle and what do you think - 7/1/2010 9:58:08 PM

cravesdom

Posts: 5219
Joined: 3/28/2008
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I think there is room in the world for people of all sorts. Those who want to live and breath WIITWD and those who just want to enjoy it from time to time. There is no wrong or right, just what works for each of us. That is kind of the point. To find someone or several someones (as the case may be) who are looking for the same thing we are and to see how it works out. I have been on both sides of this equation at different times in my life and have to admit to being somewhere in the middle now. If it works for you, that is all that matters.

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(in reply to kdsub)

Post #: 6

RE: Is it a game or lifestyle and what do you think - 7/1/2010 10:00:09 PM

TheHeretic

Posts: 19100
Joined: 3/25/2007
From: California, USA
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My primary role in my partnership is "husband." We don't define ourselves by the sorts of painful kinkiness we get up to. I don't think "game" would be the right word, even though we have fully embraced the euphemism of "play."

It's not who we are, but it certainly is what we like.

There are those who plunge in much more deeply, turning WIITWD into a way of life, or even a religion of sorts. At one time, I had a bit of an attitude towards that, but it was just a consequence of meeting a couple people who would have been crappy people no matter what they believed in. We also knew others who were very deeply involved in the community and lifestyle who taught us a lot, and really just wanted to see us be happy.

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If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced.
That's why people with no sense of humor have such an inflated sense of self-importance.

(in reply to kdsub)

Post #: 7

RE: Is it a game or lifestyle and what do you think - 7/1/2010 10:03:40 PM

kdsub

Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline

I posted this because on the other side I've had a few people upset because my game is to be submissive but not in my regular life. I've also got the same impression by some here on the boards in discussions of lifestyle.

I am hoping to get a general impression of thought on the subject here on CM.

Butch

_____________________________

Mark Twain:

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

(in reply to kdsub)

Post #: 8

RE: Is it a game or lifestyle and what do you think - 7/1/2010 10:09:42 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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I don't necessarily look down on anyone. I do know what will and won't work for Me. I believe that people should be aware of what they are and are not compatible with.

That being said, I actually do separate the terms. I'm a Mistress to clip, but I'm also a Top. Meaning, I have the lifestyle part and I also have the part that just plain participates in casual play. They are both different and I enjoy them for different reasons. When I Top, I consider the person I'm playing with a bottom because we're really just talking about one person creating the sensations and the other person receiving them. There isn't necessarily any implied D/s.

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to kdsub)

Post #: 9

RE: Is it a game or lifestyle and what do you think - 7/1/2010 10:34:48 PM

Ligeia72

Posts: 126
Joined: 6/29/2010
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For me personally it's a game, for other's it's a lifestyle. It is what it is to each of us, there are no absolutes. If anyone wants to look down on the way I play, because they in some way see it as inferior, that's their problem, not mine. I try and show respect to all, where ever I am able, and I expect the same in return. Personally the whole 'my way is better (more right/more pure/more real/ etc etc) than yours, you're just a wannabe poseur, I'm right, you're wrong' type attitude feels like insecurity to me more than anything. I know what I like, I know I like to play, I'm happy and confident with that, what anyone else does or thinks (issues of health and safety aside of course) has no bearing in my opinion.

edited to add: Oops sorry, that response was meant for the OP

< Message edited by Ligeia72 -- 7/1/2010 10:36:06 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 10

RE: Is it a game or lifestyle and what do you think - 7/2/2010 2:55:48 AM

ShoreBound149

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Joined: 7/2/2009
Status: offline

Playing holds no interest to me at all. However I don't look down at the players. I have been to places and events where playing was taking place. To me it felt like a Trekkie event except the costumes were different and tits, ass and cock were in full view.

For me the physical and mental activity that we do is not playing. It's just how we express ourselves to each other. For us it's not as serious or as complex as many seem to make it. We're just two regular people who both get off on two main things.

1. We do things my way.
2. I do to her whatever deviant things I want.

Tying up an acquaintance, friend or stranger at a lifestyle event and doing deviant things to her in front of others just isn't fun to me.

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"People don't think it be like it is, but it do."

Oscar Gamble

(in reply to kdsub)

Post #: 11

RE: Is it a game or lifestyle and what do you think - 7/2/2010 3:31:00 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

my game is to be submissive but not in my regular life. I've also got the same impression by some here on the boards in discussions of lifestyle.

i am not sure i would call it a game, but this pretty much describes me as well.
My husband is the only one i submit to (and even THAT cannot be 24/7)

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(in reply to kdsub)

Post #: 12

RE: Is it a game or lifestyle and what do you think - 7/2/2010 11:54:59 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

We do both. I prefer a man who is a traditional head of household. But in the bedroom it is just play, something that we both enjoy.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

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Post #: 13

RE: Is it a game or lifestyle and what do you think - 7/2/2010 3:43:37 PM

kdsub

Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline

Yep...THIS is the type I am talking about.

Butch

_____________________________

Mark Twain:

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 14

RE: Is it a game or lifestyle and what do you think - 7/2/2010 4:25:10 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Ah, the asshats. There do seem to be a lot around lately.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to kdsub)

Post #: 15

RE: Is it a game or lifestyle and what do you think - 7/2/2010 4:36:12 PM

Aneirin

Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline

I play once in a while, a few times a year at present, it would be nice to make that more so, but I am happy with what I have as I have and that is good. I so enjoy it when I do, it is to me a break from the mundanes of society, escapism even and a place I feed my need for input in a spiritual sense.

To me it is a game, a game that adults play, a time when we can forget who we are and indulge in a bit of fantasy for we are all children at heart.

I have at last discovered my true nature for also the games I play have stripped away the mask that we wear in civilised society and with that comes the comfort of an identity that was once hidden from view, as I am not a switch I have labelled myself on here to be. It came with a surprise and a relief, I now enjoy being me.

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Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

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Post #: 16

RE: Is it a game or lifestyle and what do you think - 7/2/2010 5:01:13 PM

kdsub

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Joined: 8/16/2007
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Outside of religion we agree on many things Aneirin even if I do like to argue with you... Hell we are more alike than different I think...lol... Thanks for the honest post...I've always found you to be just that honest.

I am surprised I have not had anyone arguing with me on this subject however.

Butch

_____________________________

Mark Twain:

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

(in reply to Aneirin)

Post #: 17

RE: Is it a game or lifestyle and what do you think - 7/2/2010 5:07:51 PM

Aneirin

Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline

Religion, it, the lack of it, what it all means, to me is a question I often consider when the time of the month comes round, ( usually every three weeks I have long since mapped). But I am becoming aware of what I can be like when I question, it is just me and my weird ways, I mean no harm.

But thanks for your comments, Honesty in everything I have found to be the best approach to all that I do, I am in my honesty laid bare for all to see, I have nothing to hide and do not feel guilty for who and what I am, ( if anything, too old for that).

< Message edited by Aneirin -- 7/2/2010 5:12:08 PM >

_____________________________

Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

(in reply to kdsub)

Post #: 18

RE: Is it a game or lifestyle and what do you think - 7/2/2010 7:15:13 PM

Missokyst

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Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I am like Julia up there. I don't care what anyone does. They can call themselves Rich Little for all I care.

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Post #: 19

RE: Is it a game or lifestyle and what do you think - 7/3/2010 2:39:41 PM

flcouple2009

Posts: 2784
Joined: 1/8/2009
Status: offline

Who cares? Some people are into a lifestyle, some are tops and bottoms. I would think there is enough room for all of us.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 20

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