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RE: Mixed signals - 6/29/2010 1:32:46 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		A part of me enjoys the thought of man's best friend enjoying a woman but the only problem for me is I find man's best friend to be foul and disgusting and much prefer cats. So the thought is hot but the reality doesn't work for me.

What turns me on in porn/scenes/real life isn't the what or even the who or how, but whether or not I can see the chemistry and energy between two people.

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
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RE: Mixed signals - 6/29/2010 1:34:52 PM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		Actually primal goes three ways in this order 1) fight or flight 2) sex and breeding 3) Food !

I think this in itself could explain a lot. Lady Pact mentioned original fear of certain sexual practices including BDSM. I'm a good example of this. As a teenager the thought of BDSM completely repelled me. Fear of the unknown was my flight. I believe that I was so afraid of it that I started using it for fantasy fodder but I never had any intentions of using it for anything more than that. That was my internal fight. Once I started to learn and understand it, the fear and fight went and it became sexual in real time. I do, btw occasionally stop to eat!

To a degree this is still happening with me. I enjoy my dominance because it puts me in a relaxed and comfortable place but submission often quirks me out. I'm getting better though. Up until fairly recently my submission has been all about force because force includes fight and flight and only when I am at the mercy of the beast can I relax and enjoy it.

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RE: Mixed signals - 6/29/2010 2:11:13 PM   
SimplyMichael


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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

To a degree this is still happening with me. I enjoy my dominance because it puts me in a relaxed and comfortable place but submission often quirks me out. I'm getting better though. Up until fairly recently my submission has been all about force because force includes fight and flight and only when I am at the mercy of the beast can I relax and enjoy it.


I know you didn't post that as a come on and I know you are happily taken but oh to sit there and do a hard core takedown scene with someone else, ripping rip her submission from her. Then, afterwards, turning to look at you, that knowing smirk on my face and whisper...only when you offer it freely do I want it...

THAT is how it does work for me and I wouldn't even have posted that except you are a big girl and can just laugh...

But yeah, THAT!!!!

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 6/29/2010 2:12:36 PM >

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RE: Mixed signals - 6/29/2010 3:39:23 PM   
shallowdeep


Posts: 343
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From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
I read a study once which involved testing sexual responses to porn-what they found is that in general men respond to either straight and lesbian porn OR gay porn but rarely both (regardless of whether or not they listed their orientation as bisexual) whereas women responded to sex in general, regardless of the genders of those having it.

It causes me no end of frustration that I can't remember who/where/what the study was...

This one, perhaps? Study Suggests Difference Between Female And Male Sexuality
Actual article in Psychological Science: A Sex Difference in the Specificity of Sexual Arousal

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RE: Mixed signals - 6/29/2010 3:43:03 PM   
VaguelyCurious


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quote:

ORIGINAL: shallowdeep

This one, perhaps? Study Suggests Difference Between Female And Male Sexuality
Actual article in Psychological Science: A Sex Difference in the Specificity of Sexual Arousal
Yesyesyesyesyesyes! That's it!

I heart you and your sexy, number-crunching, paper-finding brain.

Thankyou, my love


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RE: Mixed signals - 6/29/2010 3:46:02 PM   
DarlingSavage


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quote:


ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
I read a study once which involved testing sexual responses to porn-what they found is that in general men respond to either straight and lesbian porn OR gay porn but rarely both (regardless of whether or not they listed their orientation as bisexual) whereas women responded to sex in general, regardless of the genders of those having it.


Oh, wow, that explains a lot.  I think...


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RE: Mixed signals - 6/29/2010 4:07:57 PM   
VaguelyCurious


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Joined: 12/2/2009
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Status: offline 		Shallowdeep,

Ah, wait-I'm not so sure it *is* this one any more-I'm reading through it and they only include monosexuals. I'm pretty sure I remember a reference to bisexual males having category-specific response patterns.

Definitely the kind of thing I meant, though.

I still heart your sexy brain.


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RE: Mixed signals - 6/29/2010 4:26:49 PM   
KneelingSub25


Posts: 63
Joined: 12/9/2006
From: New York City
Status: offline 		I don't like seeing men in porn at all.  I prefer lesbian porn (even though I am a heterosexual male).  Is that odd? 

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RE: Mixed signals - 6/29/2010 4:50:12 PM   
DarlingSavage


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quote:

ORIGINAL: KneelingSub25

I don't like seeing men in porn at all.  I prefer lesbian porn (even though I am a heterosexual male).  Is that odd? 


It's not even uncommon!


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RE: Mixed signals - 6/29/2010 5:04:10 PM   
shallowdeep


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From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
Ah, wait-I'm not so sure it *is* this one any more-I'm reading through it and they only include monosexuals. I'm pretty sure I remember a reference to bisexual males having category-specific response patterns.

The same guy, Bailey, also published this article a couple of years later: Sexual Arousal Patterns of Bisexual Men

It also got mainstream press coverage: Straight, Gay or Lying? Bisexuality Revisited

Of course, it's psychology, which is even less of a science than biology...

< Message edited by shallowdeep -- 6/29/2010 5:17:58 PM >

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RE: Mixed signals - 6/29/2010 5:18:53 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I have a really short EW list, and it's stuff like vomit, and AB stuff involving dirty diapers... so I REALLY cannot imagine any kind of mixed signal crossover.

Now, I am really neutral about sploshing and mud, and I can see where those would be exciting in the right circs.

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RE: Mixed signals - 6/29/2010 6:18:34 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		LaT, there are things that make me hot, but I would be distressed by actually doing them, if that counts.

Michael, wrestling/playfighting/other primal stuff is one of my favorite things to do regardless of relationship dynamic. It brings out very interesting emotions and headspace for me. I don't feel I can give my submission or have it wrested from me, it's a reaction to the other person, and I choose whether or not to act on it or enter a dynamic once it is in place. I'd be fine with my partner doing rough play with someone else, whether or not I was allowed to join in. That kind of play can make me more focused on/aware of my submission, my helplessness, if I am overpowered. Sometimes, it's just fun no matter who wins, it depends a lot on what direction they take it in (assuming I'm submissive in that situation, if I am Dominant or in an egalitarian kinky relationship, it doesn't have the same emotional freight). Struggle is hot, muscles straining is hot, it's all good!

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RE: Mixed signals - 6/29/2010 8:51:54 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

It is social conditioning at work.  How many people right on these boards didn't indulge in kink at first because it was 'wrong'?  How many sadists or masochists didn't understand why 'bad' things turned them on?  How many non-hetero folks thought there was something wrong with them?

The learned response (what you've been taught) kicks in inside your brain after your instinctive urges.  In that horse race, your primal urges (such as sexual) is going to come out in front every time. 



Agreed.

Also this process is very much what happens when a partner introduces something where I have originally thought "man I would never do that". On initial exposure my internal response is "shit...he's nuts"...but as time goes on, because I have been exposed to the thing and it's arousing to him, my reaction changes even to the point where something I do not like becomes something I like.

Great question LaT, I have thought of this question many times in regard to porn. I'm not a huge porn watcher, but when I do watch it, the type I was is much more extreme than I would personally ever engage in. In rl it would have a huge squick and HELL NO factor, mentally only though where I am safe and have no worries, it can be incredibly arousing. Our thoughts can be quite different than our actions I think because the extraneous concerns and worries are not present..well that's what I've come up with at least.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 6/29/2010 8:54:05 PM >

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RE: Mixed signals - 6/30/2010 1:14:16 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

To a degree this is still happening with me. I enjoy my dominance because it puts me in a relaxed and comfortable place but submission often quirks me out. I'm getting better though. Up until fairly recently my submission has been all about force because force includes fight and flight and only when I am at the mercy of the beast can I relax and enjoy it.


I know you didn't post that as a come on and I know you are happily taken but oh to sit there and do a hard core takedown scene with someone else, ripping rip her submission from her. Then, afterwards, turning to look at you, that knowing smirk on my face and whisper...only when you offer it freely do I want it...

THAT is how it does work for me and I wouldn't even have posted that except you are a big girl and can just laugh...

But yeah, THAT!!!!


I've tried looking inwardly to understand why I like fear and fight to ultimately feel submission but I am unable to answer my own questions. When I see a woman doing her Masters bidding the only thing I can do is put myself in his place. I never look at them and think, I wish I could be more like her and yet I can have fantasies that include absolute submission but those fantasies would have to be filed on my 'revolting fantasy' shelf.
My revolting fantasies also include me being a male and having sex with an ugly old man and other impossible things
Fantasies are great things because we can play around with them in our heads but don't have to do anything with them. They have one purpose and one purpose only... a quick orgasm. After that they become useless.




< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 6/30/2010 2:10:56 AM >

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RE: Mixed signals - 6/30/2010 8:32:04 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm  not familiar with the homophobic sexual response study, but I am with one in which bisexual women responded both to het and lesbian porn whereas bisexual males responded only to gay porn. I'm not sure what that says.

Beyond that, I have to assume that on the rare occasion you enjoyed something that usually turns you off it's because as beth said, there's something else going on. For her it's passion. For me, the only porn I enjoy is when the women come across as sincerely enjoying it. Show me two bondage photos, one where the woman is happy and one where she isn't and I'll be turned off by the unhappy one. Doesn't matter if the poses are pretty much identical either.


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RE: Mixed signals - 7/1/2010 9:17:01 AM   
ItsAProcess


Posts: 62
Joined: 3/29/2006
Status: offline 		Personally? I have a very strong negative reaction to the idea of Anyone besides myself having sexual contact with my partner. I'm the kid on the playground who would hit you for touching his toys.

But now and again, I'll find myself aroused by the idea of one of them being taken by more than one male, at once.

Also, all this talk of 'Men who hate gays are gay because some person did some random study and now it's known psychological Fact!?!!omg1' Is rather amusing. I'm not saying it's okay for people to be prejudiced or bigoted about sexual orientation. But to lay a blanket statement which basically insinuates that all extreme homophobes are secretly gay is ridiculous. It's ludicrous. And it's Really Bad Science.

But then, like shallowdeep said, Psychology is a pretty crappy science as they go.



< Message edited by ItsAProcess -- 7/1/2010 9:19:01 AM >

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RE: Mixed signals - 7/1/2010 9:26:47 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I don't believe anyone is saying a blanket all..........only the all that was in the particular studies we are talking about.

Also...........a big THANK YOU to everyone that added to my thought process.


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RE: Mixed signals - 7/1/2010 9:42:53 AM   
81song


Posts: 293
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline 		Maybe that's it Primal urge and at times it kicks in but then there are all those road blocks. That is why the Domme are here on earth maybe to break down those walls? I still have not figured it all out except to say that the brain is like some say the most sexist thing

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 38
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