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Missokyst -> Realistic expectations (6/26/2010 9:10:26 AM)

I have finally gotten to a point where I am considering seeking out a new mate. To that end I have been watching the population on the other side of CM and noticed a huge trend. Expectations seem to be out of whack with reality. Old overweight guys who truly think they can find a 20 something slave to do their bidding. Scrawny men that want someone to obey or face the consequences. Guys with crossed arms, mean looks, standing in front of trailer parks that demand a woman who knows her place. I don't see the logic in what they ask for or expect.

When I was younger I was always able to attract men well over my league. I would not be boasting to say that if I turned it on, I could pretty much locate a target and get him wander over to my table to ask me to dance or offer me a drink without much effort. Being a short, always sort of rounded, bespeckled female who truly enjoys the company of men has always served me well and for that I must have been blessed.

But, now I am in my 50's. Realistically I know those days are behind me and I am cool with that, I have fond memories of younger days. I am not going to lay Brad Pitt, I could not snag Orlando Bloom, or even garner the notice of Drew Cary these days. What I attract now are men of a similar (but usually younger) age, who are average to stocky in build (my preference), men who are my equal or better in intelligence, and guys that have about as much financially as do I. I am still lucky.

No part of me thinks that my 50 yr old frame is going to attract some young stud that will be willing to service my sexual or other needs. In fact, I find that idea repellent... when I think young I think dull. I know that's wrong but in my view not having a similar frame of reference is a huge deal. I like men around my age and see men in their 20's and 30's as kids. I like men who are not particularly fit, but still healthy. I like guys that aren't afraid to know less on somethings because they are comfortable knowing more about others. And I like men who have stuff, because I have stuff, people who are able to pick up and move their life easily make me nervous.

I have grown comfy with who I am and I don't care that the days of actors have passed me by. Still, I am not attracted to the guys who look like they just emerged from a party with Big Foot. Nor do I like men that look like I can pick them up and toss them across the room because truthfully, that would be my thought if they ever did something to piss me off, even if I did not do it. I still have standards but they are more realistic to what is doable at my age and stature. It is not that my standards have changed, the men of my youth fit at the time of my youth, and men I date now fit into my life now. We are similar, just as the men in my youth were similar in all but looks where they surpassed me by a mile.

My expectations now are to hope to find someone like.. me. And if I never find a mate again, I am ok with that.
On other dating sites I don't see a lot of older guys who state they prefer young women, unless they have something about them that is equal. But here on CM and other kink places I see a lot of guys that are clearly fishing in the wrong pond with the wrong bait. And yet.. many of those guys will find a newbie that will bite, otherwise this idea would not be so prevalent. I see this more in men than women and in dominants of either sex but still more men than women.

What do you consider realistic expectations for your age, sex, and life standing?



gungadin09 -> RE: Realistic expectations (6/26/2010 7:44:54 PM)

quote:

What do you consider realistic expectations for your age, sex, and life standing?


This may come off sounding smug, or naive, but i don't measure people up that way. i like... who i like. i tend to like older men. i definitely get turned on by intelligence. But looks, status, income, profession- those things aren't as much a factor for me.

i guess you could say my priorities are as follows:
1. honesty/integrity- i don't like game playing or politics

2. work ethic/self discipline- laziness is a deal breaker

3. introversion- kind of an important one; i have broken up with guys because they talked too much

4. intelligence- ideally, more intelligent than i am; someone less intelligent would be a turnoff

5. compassion/goodness- basically, being a good person who cares about others; someone who i can admire and look up to

6. emotional stability- i am way high strung; i look for someone who's grounded

7. respect- someone who sees me as a person, and not an object

8. age- i am usually attracted to older guys; someone much younger than me would be a turnoff

9. common interests- it needs to be someone that i can actually hold a conversation with

10. matchup of kink- always a good thing

11. looks, profession, status, money... those things are pretty low on the list

Having said that, i would say i'm pretty picky. i'm not looking to get married, or "land someone". i am willing to wait for the right guy. i don't need to be in a relationship at all, but if i am, i want it to be with someone really special; someone who fulfils at least most of the criteria above. i don't know if that's a "realistic expectation" or not. But, that's what i want.

pam



DesFIP -> RE: Realistic expectations (6/26/2010 7:55:50 PM)

I'm not sure that all the young naive girls will bite at what the older trailer park guy is offering. The fact that they're looking for it doesn't mean it's likely to happen. It may just mean they're delusional.

And yes, someone comparable to me in life, both with stuff, with issues, and so on. I needed a high level of compatibility. Most guys who wrote, I didn't even answer because I could rule them out from their profile. I'd rather be alone than lonely with someone which is the opposite of my youth.



AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Realistic expectations (6/26/2010 7:57:37 PM)

Everything is realistic.

In the end I am a Person and so are they.

If they don't want me, someone else will. I tend to search for people who like what I like so that we have things in common cause Looks change but a Love for Foreign films and exotic food tend to stay with a person long into the winter of our lives.

I offten thing far too much weight is placed on things like looks and money and those are the things that change so quickly and easily in a relationship.

QSM



laurell3 -> RE: Realistic expectations (6/26/2010 8:07:26 PM)

I know many people base others on their "league" or physical appearances and wealth. I don't. Beauty to me is defined by the person, not the package. I have found out the hard way that wealth doesn't mean that much with regard to happiness. (arguably the lack of any can lead to unhappiness and hardship..yes I am aware of that).

Integrity, honesty, compassion, intelligence, insight, balance, humor, dedication, common interests....and those type of attributes are how I define beauty. I want someone that's in this for the long haul, basing a relationship on superficial factors such as beauty, sex or money, never amounts to that. The sex is the icing on the cake, but the cake is the foundation of success in my opinion.

Age is a difficult thing to peg. I try not to make too many presumptions based on age. I would not be looking for someone in their 20's merely because I think we would have way too many differences, not because I assume something negative about them. Other than that, it's a level playing field as far as I'm concerned.




Jeffff -> RE: Realistic expectations (6/26/2010 8:29:02 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3



Age is a difficult thing to peg. I try not to make too many presumptions based on age. I would not be looking for someone in [/b]their 20's merely because I think we would have way too many differences, not because I assume something negative about them. Other than that, it's a level playing field as far as I'm concerned.





I am pretty sure you aren't looking....[8D]



sunshinemiss -> RE: Realistic expectations (6/26/2010 8:29:49 PM)

You know it's funny, Missokyst. I've always had really beautiful lovers. I don't know how - I've always been something of a plain Jane, but somehow these drop dead gorgeous people come my way. Men who are confident usually don't have a problem with plain Janes and appreciate my assertiveness and my joie de vivre.

These days I still appreciate younger folks, but I'm liking men my own age. There's a calmness about them that really appeals to me. I'm also not so interested in partying all the time - I do enjoy going out but I want someone who will leave with me before 2 a.m. and who will sleep in with me and read the paper, do the crosswords, have a glass of wine. I also want a man who doesn't want children or who already has them, so younger men are not quite so attractive. They usually want kids... eventually. That boat is ... well not quite sailed, but the ropes are being thrown on deck, and the ship is ready to leave the slip more or less.

My pretty young men (20's) are a thing of the past for me. The recent past, make no mistake! But still... the past.

Realistic for me - someone who is well read, well traveled or at least comfortable in his own skin and not intimidated by what I've done in my life. A man who is somewhat successful in business and who is smart and has his finances pretty well ordered. A man who is strong, about my age... who doesn't see anything wrong with how I live my life. I'm pretty loving and giving and open. I call it like I see it, and it takes a man who is comfortable in the strength that I am to be with me. I think that's pretty realistic.

ETA: I guess in the end it keeps coming down to a confident man... That's sexy. And it's peaceful to me.

(waits for the flood of applicants in my c-mail).

best,
sunshine



laurell3 -> RE: Realistic expectations (6/26/2010 8:33:49 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff


quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3



Age is a difficult thing to peg. I try not to make too many presumptions based on age. I would not be looking for someone in [/b]their 20's merely because I think we would have way too many differences, not because I assume something negative about them. Other than that, it's a level playing field as far as I'm concerned.





I am pretty sure you aren't looking....[8D]



haha no I'm not, it was a figure of speech.



Missokyst -> RE: Realistic expectations (6/26/2010 9:28:59 PM)

Confidence is very sexy!  I briefly considered that perhaps those guys on the other side who are fishing for big fish may really be confident and able to reel them in.  But..

It does make me wonder how successful people are at finding someone here. 



AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Realistic expectations (6/26/2010 10:21:58 PM)

Here, on CollarMe?

Not Very, Take the Large Majority of people who are looking, take the LARGE majority of the Scammers and Fakes, Take the Bitching and the Whining and then take the Positive experiences that get discussed.

In the end, I have never had luck with this site, or any site for that matter, I had more luck on Phone Party Lines then I ever had on this site, and literally all I want to do is have coffee, no other serious discussion until we have coffee, there was two exceptions and both times they lasted less then a few conversations so I don't count them, but this site is for ON-LINE Discussion and maybe some Laughs as far as I am concerned, Other Similar Social Web Sites are the same, I have made lots of "Friends" but NOTHING that is ever going to go anywhere.

Every slave I ever had the first time we met was in person, I am beginning to believe this is the ONLY way that it will work for me. I still give everyone the benifit of the doubt, but when the back stepping starts I am no longer hurt or dissappointed I just stop letting it get to me.

QSM



Nineveh -> RE: Realistic expectations (6/26/2010 10:26:45 PM)

I made a fairly good friend through collar me.  No luck finding someone for anything more than that so far though.  The forums do make me think in interesting ways though, and that I appreciate.  Plus perving through profiles is fun, even if not particularly productive.



Zevar -> RE: Realistic expectations (6/26/2010 10:41:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I have finally gotten to a point where I am considering seeking out a new mate. To that end I have been watching the population on the other side of CM and noticed a huge trend. Expectations seem to be out of whack with reality. Old overweight guys who truly think they can find a 20 something slave to do their bidding. Scrawny men that want someone to obey or face the consequences. Guys with crossed arms, mean looks, standing in front of trailer parks that demand a woman who knows her place. I don't see the logic in what they ask for or expect.

When I was younger I was always able to attract men well over my league. I would not be boasting to say that if I turned it on, I could pretty much locate a target and get him wander over to my table to ask me to dance or offer me a drink without much effort. Being a short, always sort of rounded, bespeckled female who truly enjoys the company of men has always served me well and for that I must have been blessed.

But, now I am in my 50's. Realistically I know those days are behind me and I am cool with that, I have fond memories of younger days. I am not going to lay Brad Pitt, I could not snag Orlando Bloom, or even garner the notice of Drew Cary these days. What I attract now are men of a similar (but usually younger) age, who are average to stocky in build (my preference), men who are my equal or better in intelligence, and guys that have about as much financially as do I. I am still lucky.

No part of me thinks that my 50 yr old frame is going to attract some young stud that will be willing to service my sexual or other needs. In fact, I find that idea repellent... when I think young I think dull. I know that's wrong but in my view not having a similar frame of reference is a huge deal. I like men around my age and see men in their 20's and 30's as kids. I like men who are not particularly fit, but still healthy. I like guys that aren't afraid to know less on somethings because they are comfortable knowing more about others. And I like men who have stuff, because I have stuff, people who are able to pick up and move their life easily make me nervous.

I have grown comfy with who I am and I don't care that the days of actors have passed me by. Still, I am not attracted to the guys who look like they just emerged from a party with Big Foot. Nor do I like men that look like I can pick them up and toss them across the room because truthfully, that would be my thought if they ever did something to piss me off, even if I did not do it. I still have standards but they are more realistic to what is doable at my age and stature. It is not that my standards have changed, the men of my youth fit at the time of my youth, and men I date now fit into my life now. We are similar, just as the men in my youth were similar in all but looks where they surpassed me by a mile.

My expectations now are to hope to find someone like.. me. And if I never find a mate again, I am ok with that.
On other dating sites I don't see a lot of older guys who state they prefer young women, unless they have something about them that is equal. But here on CM and other kink places I see a lot of guys that are clearly fishing in the wrong pond with the wrong bait. And yet.. many of those guys will find a newbie that will bite, otherwise this idea would not be so prevalent. I see this more in men than women and in dominants of either sex but still more men than women.

What do you consider realistic expectations for your age, sex, and life standing?




Greetings Missokyst:

I had to regain my composure after reading the stuff about the unrealistic expectations of some of us men. I laughed myself to tears. (thanks for the humor)

In reading your words I recalled the cable program “ Blue Collar TV” and I still laugh. Funny stuff. No offense toward blue collar guys at all. I just found the humor enjoyable and quite accurately illustrated by the standup comics.

I thought of the trailer park jokes and such. AND then the one where Larry the Cable guy is calling 911 and asking them for the number for 911 and then asks them to wait so he can “fetch a strawberry” so he can jot the number to 911 down on the wall with his strawberry as he yells out “ 911“ AND then he tells 911 about how his grandma is in the bathroom and stuck in her girdle and pantyhose at the same time. Hilarious. I had NO idea that I could laugh so much.

I am usually reserved when it comes to finding humor in comments about others. However I found that your words about your potential prospects funny or rather ironic in that it is realistic. I think you are 100% accurate with your analogy. As we mature be it man or woman I think that our priorities shift. I know mine have over the years. The stuff we do in our 20’s somehow fade without even knowing it fades. I say life is much better as I mature. I have learned some valuable lessons that I would not part with regardless.

Sincerely spoken all humor aside, do know that I wish you the best in your search. Draw on those years of living. I cannot imagine you have failed to learn lessons else you could not have written the words you did with gems of wisdom and reality woven throughout.



RealSub58 -> RE: Realistic expectations (6/27/2010 7:09:29 AM)

quote:

Old overweight guys who truly think they can find a 20 something slave to do their bidding. Scrawny men that want someone to obey or face the consequences. Guys with crossed arms, mean looks, standing in front of trailer parks that demand a woman who knows her place. I don't see the logic in what they ask for or expect.


not only that but pictures of people who don't even clean themselves up.

quote:

What do you consider realistic expectations for your age, sex, and life standing? 


Not just CM, but in general:
someone who looks reasonable not "old" for their 50's, a man who either admits he needs viagra to me or better yet doesn't need it and mostly and better than the viagra issue, a man of character.

Character to me means true honesty, unconditionally accepts and understands, open minded and is faithful, loyal, wants committment and witty.  A man who knows more than I do in issues I know nothing about is so cool for me. But I'd like him to understand I might know more things in other areas.  Acceptance of my "complications" is very important to me. 

In reverse, I think he should have certain expectations of me.     



Missokyst -> RE: Realistic expectations (6/27/2010 8:34:23 AM)

That is a great point. Few people think of what expectations others should have of themselves. In my early days of CM when I was a new profile and therefore "new meat and naive" in others eyes, I got quite a few emails from guys. Inevidibly the only requirement they really had was that I have a few holes, some tits, and would be willing to engage in some sex talk to insure we were compatible. LOL.. how lame!
I am pretty happy with who I am, I would hope that anyone in my life likes me as much as I like them... and that is never only sexually.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RealSub58 

In reverse, I think he should have certain expectations of me.     




DomImus -> RE: Realistic expectations (6/27/2010 9:40:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
What do you consider realistic expectations for your age, sex, and life standing?


I'm not looking but I never dated expectations. I dated people. Having said that, I feel that if you set a target zone then those are the people you will likely attract. Drop the arbitrary superficial boundaries and people of all varieties and types and interests will cross your path.



Andalusite -> RE: Realistic expectations (6/27/2010 9:59:59 AM)

I haven't started looking again yet, but I had a very good experience with meeting people here last year. I'd prefer to date someone who is within 10 years of my age, but I'm willing to consider someone who is older or younger if we click. Looks don't generally matter to me as much as chemistry, unless they actively turn me off. Almost all of the guys I've dated have been intellectual and geeky, but I don't compare raw IQ scores or Mensa qualifications. A lot of it is just gut feel, getting a sense of their character, ethics, how well we mesh with each other. I don't really have a set list of kinks that are a must, and I'd be happy with either a power dynamic or egalitarian kinky relationship, depending on how I react to the specific person. I've seen the profiles you mention, and I suspect that most of them will stay single for a long time. I've seen some young hotties go for older guys, especially if they have a lot of D/s and S/M experience, so it is possible, and I guess that keeps the other guys' hopes up.



DarlingSavage -> RE: Realistic expectations (6/27/2010 12:18:15 PM)

I need somebody who can engage my mind.  However, I also see the sex part as not just the icing on the cake but a very basic and fundamental part of a relationship and if that doesn't work, not much else is going to, either.  I don't want somebody that's going to be turning me down every 5 minutes like my ex husband used to do.  That hurts.  Also, I love good sex talk, but it has to be eloquent.  Any stupid inane comments are a huge turn off for me.  Then, of course, I want that instant click to be there.  I want someone I can talk to and I want someone that when we're together we have fun.  I want someone that is taller than me and I'd prefer someone who is in shape, like myself.  Not uber body builder type of guy, but not, well, we know what's out there.  I'm very picky.  I want someone who has the same beliefs as I do.  I want him to be a liberal democrat, like me, who isn't afraid to read the Communist Manifesto.  Sheesh!  I want someone who is politically active and isn't afraid to get out there and stand up for what is right  I also want someone who cares about world concerns as I do.  I would like this person to be a little older than myself.  I would also like someone who is very open minded and compassionate.  I've been through a lot in life and I know that not everyone can handle it.  But sometimes, I think maybe I don't want anyone.  I really like my little life and my little home.  I don't want some guy moving in and tearing shit up and taking things away from me.  I work too hard to get where I am.  I don't think that's ever going to happen again, though.  The only thing I don't like about being single is the lack of access to sex on a regular basis with a person that knows you and is good at it.  



DarkSteven -> RE: Realistic expectations (6/27/2010 12:22:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage

I don't want somebody that's going to be turning me down every 5 minutes like my ex husband used to do. 


For the love of God, make sure that your ex goes to a shrink to see what's wrong with him.  And an eye doctor as well.



DarlingSavage -> RE: Realistic expectations (6/27/2010 12:30:00 PM)

quote:

For the love of God, make sure that your ex goes to a shrink to see what's wrong with him. And an eye doctor as well.


I know, right?  Well, I'm not responsible for his ass anymore!  And he was, indeed, an ass!  We've been divorced over a decade, but think about it, he was married to me when I was in my 20s and all that!  Actually, though, I think I look better now then I did then.  Maybe it's the boob job.  However, they sure were nice before kids and I would happily trade these in for the set I came in with before I had kids.



slaveluci -> RE: Realistic expectations (6/27/2010 12:42:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
I'm not sure that all the young naive girls will bite at what the older trailer park guy is offering. The fact that they're looking for it doesn't mean it's likely to happen. It may just mean they're delusional


quote:

Guys with crossed arms, mean looks, standing in front of trailer parks that demand a woman who knows her place


I can only imagine the outcry if someone had just written something about "older ghetto guys" or "guys with crossed arms, mean looks, standing in front of the ghetto housing project." Oh, the hypocrisy.

I know I'm the lone voice in the wildnerness here but I happen to like "trailer park" guys AND girls[;)] Damn, those trailer park girls are hot[sm=excuseme.gif] and the "Stanley Kowalski" types I've known often lived in trailers. Ooooh, the animal magnetism. Give it a try[;)]............luci



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