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ItsAProcess -> RE: Looking back - personal growth (6/30/2010 4:19:22 AM)
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It's strange to look back, to look at who you were.. and compare it to who you are today.
Years ago, I was a much kinder person. But I was also much more selfish. I lied, but I wanted to help. I was socially dysfunctional, but I cared.
Nowadays, I am not so kind a person, but I am less selfish. I am more honest, but I help others less than I used to. I am less socially dysfunctional, but I care less.
This is, in part, thanks to the Submissives/women over the years. There are two in particular that I have to thank for my personal growth. But for very specific and very separate reasons.
The first? Well. Our relationship was much like the one the OP has spoken about. It was young, it was immature, it was angry and rude and selfish. She was not a submissive, truely, but also a hurt little girl looking for guidance. I offered that, but the less she needed it, the more we fought. That relationship taught me that I cannot always be the knight in shining armor, and that I cannot blame myself for the problems of others.
The second? My current. My best. When I compare the two is when I learn the most lessons. Our relationship is one of adults. Dysfunctional adults, in some fashions. But emotionally mature and generally level headed adults with great passion for each other. To be honest, after my last relationship I had begun to doubt myself. Both as a Dominant, as a Man and just as a Person in general. Comparing my relationship now with the previous one is much like comparing a diamond to a lump of coal. Calm but deliberate patience, has been the most important of these lessons.
This post is not nearly so well articulated as I would like, as it is early in the morning, but here it is.
Good luck, folks.
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