RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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HouseofBear -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/24/2006 5:29:42 PM)

Buy a bunch of spaghetti noodles, bind them together with thread and tell him you are giving him a birch as a replacement.  I am sure he will be thrilled.

With the heat, lack of rain, and ban on watering in our area, my poor flowers are dying.  What should I do?




Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/25/2006 12:04:01 AM)

quote:

With the heat, lack of rain, and ban on watering in our area, my poor flowers are dying.  What should I do?


Well, this is such an easy one that I am terribly shocked that you haven't done it already. Urinate on the flowers. Ask your neighbors to urinate on the flowers. Invite friends over to urinate on the flowers. Place signs on your front lawn inviting people to urinate on the flowers. Those flowers should be perky and lush green in no time.


I used the word urinate in my last post several times and now I have to go pee... only my oldest son is in the bathroom right now. Whatever can I do?



LaMalinche -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/25/2006 3:18:05 AM)

Take your own advice and urinate on HouseOfBears flowers.  Do you ever listen to what you tell people?

Because of Benji, I cannot get the lines from Fight Club out of my head.  And I keep quoting it.  What can I do to make the insanity stop?  Maybe some hard spanking und cuffing is in order?




Vendaval -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/25/2006 3:30:48 AM)

Yes, that is just what you need girl.  [sm=whap.gif]

How do you get the smell of Kama Sutra massage oils out of
silk bedding?

Vendaval


quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMalinche

Because of Benji, I cannot get the lines from Fight Club out of my head.  And I keep quoting it.  What can I do to make the insanity stop?  Maybe some hard spanking und cuffing is in order?




LaMalinche -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/25/2006 3:41:59 AM)

Invite Benji and Gauge over to share your bed.  With all their urinating issues you will not smell the kama sutra oils.


My play partner is watching an interrogation rape porno without me, and it is one of my BIGGEST fantasies, and I am stuck at work, what is a girl to do?




Vendaval -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/25/2006 4:01:08 AM)

Start writing out your own fantasies on the office computer.
Do not use any passwords to protect the information
Your co-workers will appreciate your creativity.
 
How do I get old tape off of a window without scratching
the glass?

Vendaval

 


quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMalinche

My play partner is watching an interrogation rape porno without me, and it is one of my BIGGEST fantasies, and I am stuck at work, what is a girl to do?




LaMalinche -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/25/2006 4:18:39 AM)

Rubbing alcohol.  Drink three shots of it, and then use a razor blade.


I can't sleep. . . the banana's gonna come for me!




missgiveNTake -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/25/2006 9:07:13 AM)

[sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif]

Do not fear the banana, embrace him, he is your friend.

I crave chocolate covered carrot sticks. How do I avoid giving into my craving?



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/25/2006 12:12:26 PM)

quote:

I crave chocolate covered carrot sticks. How do I avoid giving into my craving?


Imagine that they dance like those fucking bananas.


I really need to shampoo my carpet but I am not sure if I should rent a cleaner or if there is another way to clean it. Any thoughts?



feastie -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/25/2006 12:50:22 PM)

Cover the carpet in soapy water, tie sponges to your feet and pretend you're ice skating.  Allow to air dry.

I keep dreaming Pat Sajak and Vanna White are giving a flogging demo on Wheel of Fortune.  It frightens me so that I haven't slept in 24 days.  Whatever should I do?



txpet -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/27/2006 2:19:33 PM)

you must face your fear to overcome it ... so sneak into the Wheel of Fortune studio, tie Pat to the wheel and have Vanna flog him ... if she balks, start messing up her hair

my computer is being exceptionally slow, what should i do?



Vendaval -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/28/2006 1:43:07 AM)

Take the mouse out of the cage and let it run freely around your desk.
 
I caught a cold even though it is summer time.  What should I do?

Vendaval


quote:

ORIGINAL: txpet
my computer is being exceptionally slow, what should i do?



wandersalone -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/28/2006 6:49:15 AM)

get sunburn next winter!

How can I attract Chris Isaak's attention when I go to his concert in November and make myself stand out from the thousands of other people who will be there?



kittinSol -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/28/2006 7:01:53 AM)

Equip yourself with a pair of motorised wings, and make a leap of faith towards Chris on to the stage. The angelic faced one couldn't possibly not notice that :-)

I am having a terrible time remaining true to my beliefs and tolerating intolerance: whatever shall I do? I firmly am AGAINST the death penalty, but the opportunity to strangle a poster or two from other forums has passed by my mind. How to let them fester in their own @#!$!@#$#@! without giving a damn? I believe in humanity! HELP.



Vendaval -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/28/2006 8:05:34 PM)

Buy a couple of cheap pillows from the drug store and take a baseball
bat to them.  Whack at  your pleasure.  Or failing this technique,
take up kick-boxing.
 
Now my cold has turned into laryngitis.  What should I do?

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol
I am having a terrible time remaining true to my beliefs and tolerating intolerance: whatever shall I do? I firmly am AGAINST the death penalty, but the opportunity to strangle a poster or two from other forums has passed by my mind. How to let them fester in their own @#!$!@#$#@! without giving a damn? I believe in humanity! HELP.



kittinSol -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/28/2006 9:28:09 PM)

Okay this is a doctor speaking: don't let the infection travel down to your lungs. Keep well hydrated (drink gallons of liquid, water, tea, herbal tea, whatever). Rest, no stress. If your general health is okay it ought to pass soon: for pain and fever 400mg of ibuprofen no more than four times every twenty-four hours should help. If symptoms don't pass, consult your quack.

Whomever follows, what do you think is the most satisfying, a healthy vanilla relationship, or a dead-crazy passionate BDSM one?



kittinSol -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/28/2006 9:29:36 PM)

PS: I have toyed with the idea of joining a kick-boxing club. Thank you, I think I shall :-)



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/29/2006 11:10:53 AM)

quote:

Whomever follows, what do you think is the most satisfying, a healthy vanilla relationship, or a dead-crazy passionate BDSM one?


This post is not asking for advice, it is asking for an opinion and therefore it is invalid to this thread. You have now been notified that if you continue to ask for opinions that you will be tied down and made to watch Jerry Springer for days on end. If this doesn't break you, I will force you to watch The Waltons. If you are still sane, it will be Little House on the Prarie. Don't make me get nasty.


I have a small hole in the side of my shoe. What can I do to fix this because I can't go out and buy shoes right now.



ArtimisBlack -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/29/2006 12:47:54 PM)

Put a matching hole in your other shoe and then tie your shoelaces together.

I cut half my finger off with circular saw how do I reattach it?



Vendaval -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/29/2006 5:11:46 PM)

A hot glue gun.  Every theater tech knows that one.
 
Now that I am getting my voice back it appear that my career
as a 1-900 operator is over since the raw, throaty appeal was
bringing in the callers.  Whatever should I do?
 
Vendaval


quote:

ORIGINAL: ArtimisBlack
I cut half my finger off with circular saw how do I reattach it?



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