RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/4/2006 10:35:34 AM)

quote:

My neighbors keep calling the cops on me for walking around my house in the nude and all the body hair they find distrubing.  What should I do?


Shave all your body hair and sell it on eBay as genuine Bigfoot hair. Wait... you tried that before. Nevermind. Get your body hair braided into corn rows. That way you can tell them you aren't naked, you are wearing a pin-striped birthday suit.


I just got my first client as a new lawyer. He has a problem with a tree that overhangs his yard. What should I advise my client to do?



Wolf1020 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/4/2006 10:43:03 AM)

since the township already said he can't cut it down advise him to set it on fire, the township never said anything about burning it down.

Theres gonna be a big fire and Im out of marshmellows what should I roast instead



Vendaval -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/4/2006 3:34:52 PM)

Molotov cocktails, they are all the rage this year.
 
I cannot decide what drinks to mix for the party next weekend.
What do you recommend?
 
Vendaval

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolf1020
Theres gonna be a big fire and Im out of marshmellows what should I roast instead



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/4/2006 4:24:25 PM)

quote:

I cannot decide what drinks to mix for the party next weekend. What do you recommend?


I would mix the ones with more than two ingredients, that way the two blend nicely.


Squirrels keep trying to hijack my chipmunk's peanuts that I put out for him. What should I do to get them to stop?



ShreveportMaster -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/4/2006 4:52:34 PM)

can anyone tell Me, when they go to ship styrofoam...what do they pack it in?



ShreveportMaster -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/4/2006 4:55:36 PM)

quote:

Squirrels keep trying to hijack my chipmunk's peanuts that I put out for him. What should I do to get them to stop?


To trap them, climb a tree, and then act like a nut!

an acquantance is being annoying, and wants to come to a party...should I let him start a game of bobbing for french fries?



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/4/2006 10:39:24 PM)

quote:

an acquantance is being annoying, and wants to come to a party...should I let him start a game of bobbing for french fries?


But of course! The best way to bob for fries is to do it right in the frier itself. Nothing says fresh fries like sticking your face in the scalding oil and fishing a few out. Cool party idea. Mind if I try it too?


I think my sanity is failing. What should I do?



CERCKL -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/4/2006 10:42:20 PM)

Hire a tutor for it...could I suggest Loki, he seems very in touch with his inner-sanity.

I am trying to understand Vasistha's Yoga but am having trouble with it, suggestions?

C



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/4/2006 11:06:53 PM)

quote:

I am trying to understand Vasistha's Yoga but am having trouble with it, suggestions?


Yes. Ever hear of comic books?


I seem to have forgotten what I was going to say. What should I do?



CERCKL -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/4/2006 11:23:32 PM)

Go hijack a thread and then it will come back to you.

I really don't have anything to ask advice about where should I look?

C



Reflectivesoul -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/4/2006 11:33:09 PM)

in the asshole handbook of course! duh!
 
I have this awful urge to strip naked and turn on my webcam... what should I do?



UtopianRanger -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/4/2006 11:44:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CERCKL

Go hijack a thread and then it will come back to you.

I really don't have anything to ask advice about where should I look?

C

Go to Wal Mart and purchase a blank tablet.

 I'm sitting in the middle of Lake Tahoe and the inline fuel filter for my Donzi is clogged with debris and I don't have another to replace it. What should I do?




VandalHeart -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/4/2006 11:44:27 PM)

Compromise.  Turn on your webcam and strip your roommate naked.  Tell them the camera is on at your own discretion.

How can you get rid of someone without breaking the law?



Vendaval -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/4/2006 11:51:51 PM)

Pay for a one-way plane ticket out of the country for them.
 
How do you know if the sun will come up tomorrow?
 
Vendaval


quote:

ORIGINAL: VandalHeart
How can you get rid of someone without breaking the law?



Petruchio -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/5/2006 2:15:03 AM)

quote:

How do you know if the sun will come up tomorrow?

I'm not sure about the sun, but when I go down, I come up as well.

Kids asked if angels are real. What do I tell them?



LaMalinche -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/5/2006 9:38:56 AM)

Petruchio,

Dayum I hate people and their stupid, infantile, wishful-thinking, head-up-the-ass, insistance on the existance of angels.  Oh and include in that the namby-pamby, wanna-be psycho-babblefied, "I have low self-worth/esteem and I just don't feel good enough, so I talk to my gaurdian angel because he/she loves me" crowd.  Well, let me let you in on a little secret. . . There are NO angels.  Really, if you are going to insistance on the belief of semi-devine beings who flutter around, interfering with people's lives, all at the direction of some faceless, nameless, father-figure, with a list of rules a gorean slave-girl would not put up with, that will cause you everlasting torment if you do not follow them, yet says that he loves you, then you may as well believe in hob-gobblins, vampires (Talking Bram-Stoker, fangs, flimsy nightdresses with wire underthings, and such), werewolves, the tooth fairy, the Soul Cake Duck, Santy Claws, Godzilla, Mothra, Pekachu, and cottages made of gingerbread. 
Teach your children to tell the difference between what is there and what is not.  Reality is truely beautiful and strange enough on its own without inducing hallucinations about flying stalkers. 

Oh, but Zombies are real.  Go figure.  And they WILL eat your brain.  Let your kids know.


The food in my refridgerator has started to liquify.  How do I get someone else to clean it?   



missgiveNTake -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/5/2006 9:47:18 AM)

Throw enough sugar in it to soak up the liquid and leave it open. The neighborhood kids should be knocking down the door for a fix real soon.

My 11-year-old asked what oral sex means. What should I tell her?



gooddogbenji -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/5/2006 9:52:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: missgiveNTake

My 11-year-old asked what oral sex means. What should I tell her?



A friend of Oral Roberts'

I ran out of milk for my cereal.  What can I use instead?

Yours,


benji



LaMalinche -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/5/2006 9:55:18 AM)

Non-dairy creamer.


I want to take Benji home and cuddle him, give him a bubble bath, and put bows on his ears. . . how do I entice him?



gooddogbenji -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/5/2006 10:02:39 AM)

Tell him just that in an e-mail, along with your address and funds for a plane ticket.

I need to make my scams less transparent.  How do I do it?

Yours,


benji



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