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LadyNTrainer -> The Naked Breakfast: Consensual kink versus abuse (6/19/2010 10:48:01 AM)
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As an aside to the current debacle that is the pro dom vs lifestyle thread, I thought I'd post a relevant article.
I beat and raped my date, once. She shuddered silently with each vicious blow, like a frightened child, and the tiny drops of blood running in the heavy weals on her back were the tears that I could not make her shed. Finally I took her in my arms and gave her back the safety of being held again. She called me "Daddy", as the pent-up sobs finally began to heave out of her. I called her a whore, and shoved my hard cock down her throat when she cried. Do I scare you? Am I an abuser? Would your perception change if you knew that I was a professional dominatrix, and the "girl" an adult transvestite client and long time friend who had scripted the session with me in careful detail?
Edgeplay is scary, and it's not for everyone. Playing with heavy, risky SM activities or intense emotional states does have the potential for causing long term damage if you're not very very careful, either physical or psychological or both. It's definitely not recommended for beginners, or people who aren't very secure in themselves and their self esteem. But like other risky sports, it has its attractions. And its dedicated players.
We value personal freedom in our society. Although you aren't allowed to take your car up to 100 miles per hour and speed recklessly along on public highways where you could hurt other people, if you seriously want to pursue a career as a stuntperson and drive through flaming hoops across the Grand Canyon, you can choose to take those risks for yourself if you want. After all, we live in the Land Of The Free, right? Maybe not. Consensual SM is still technically illegal, as there is no such thing as legally acknowledged consent to battery. Even if it happens to be your kink to be tied up and spanked by your lover, both of you could still do jail time for exercising your sexual rights in your own bedroom. Yes, the spankee, too - you can in fact be charged with aiding and abetting your own illegal battery, if some ambitious prosecutor should decide to push the matter. Usually, though, only the dominant will suffer if the case is brought to judicial attention. Tops, be warned - a vindictive, bitchy bottom can not only badmouth you to friends the morning after, but to the police. And the consequences can be very, very hairy indeed. For we leatherfolk, AIDS is not the only reason not to go into the bedroom or dungeon with someone you don't genuinely like, respect and trust.
I think most people can understand the thrill of racing motorcycles, or playing rugby, or diving with sharks. Those are risky activities, but we know that they're rewarding enough to the people who practice them to compensate for the very real dangers involved. Not everyone understands BDSM, and to some people, the idea that someone could actually enjoy an experience that they think of as horrifying and traumatic is beyond them. It's easy to project your likes and limitations onto other people, and to assume that they're true for everyone - even when this is distinctly not the case. I happen to have moderately exotic culinary preferences.
If I made somebody else eat what I consider a proper breakfast, that might be abuse. But I happen to really enjoy fermented black seaweed slime with crunchy baby octopus tentacles and raw sea snails with their little eyestalks quivering, served over hot rice with a few quail eggs and clumps of newly laid fish roe plopped over the concoction. Some raw sea urchin or lightly steamed sea slug wouldn't hurt either if the budget allows. Damn, now I'm all hungry.
My point is that there are many folks who would stare in deepest horror at my breakfast and think it belongs in a cage at Marineland, firmly believing that no one could possibly voluntarily put something like this in their mouths. It would be *abuse* if anybody had to eat it! Yuck! Gross! Sick! Gut level reaction of sheer revulsion! It's unnatural and wrong for anybody to *want* to choke down that horrible gunk, so it's got to be abuse, or self-abuse, or the maybe just unhealthy belief that you don't deserve anything better than this awful stuff that makes you think you want it. Got news for all you cuisine-impaired gaijin in the audience. Sushi is the breakfast of champions. The recipe I just mentioned has been served to Emperors of Japan, and quite successfully, since long before America was a disgruntled gleam in some Puritan's eyeball.
It's a very normal human reaction to look at something alien to your cultural upbringing and decide that since you don't want any of it, nobody else could possibly want any of it either, and anybody that does want something you think is disgusting must be wrong or sick. But which one of you is the cultural barbarian, really?
Anyhow, I don't mind if other people don't like my breakfast; that just leaves more for me. I'll even eat my breakfast in decent privacy, so nobody has to watch me enjoying it if they don't want to. I do mind if people follow me into my house and tell me I shouldn't eat my breakfast, or tell me that whoever bought me breakfast is committing abuse, or that I must be a pathetic abuse victim stuck in a cycle of degradation because I want to eat my breakfast.
I would prefer to enjoy my breakfast in peace, and share my table with people whose idea of a good breakfast is similar to mine. I would hope that the more conventional folks who prefer bacon and eggs have the decency to do the same thing, but some people apparently can't be happy keeping their eyes on their own plate.
Anyhow, if anybody wants to horribly, terribly abuse me by making me eat raw fish and seaweed, I'm definitely up for that scene. Beat me, flog me, make me eat sushi for breakfast. I never safeword for uni.
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