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Crazy talk from Crazy town... - 6/18/2010 6:40:07 PM

LookieNoNookie

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Online website thingie to show why/how men are cheating (what a total fucking crock of shit....my comments...from a guy...in blue):

He declares his feelings right away. Players employ a “fast come-on,” according to Dr. Kalish, making sweeping statements of affection (e.g., “You’re the most perfect woman I’ve ever met”) from the word go. These declarations can feel very welcome, especially if you’ve been in a string of relationships that lacked such intimacy. Just remember that true closeness takes time, and it’s normal for a guy to be more guarded about his emotions.

(Then again, he could actually fucking...incredibly....like you).

He always plans romantic dates. Dating for the player is kind of a performance art. And he’s going to be good at it. “He won’t just bring a box of chocolates,” Dr. Kalish warns. “He’ll take you to a state fair and offer to share cotton candy.” Nice guys can be romantic, too, but life with them won’t always feel like a Robert Pattinson movie. Nonstop rooftop picnics and weekends at the cottage could be too much.

Total fucking crock....exactly WHY women should never listen to women's magazines (as that's who puts out this crap!)

He has lots of acquaintances, no close friends. The player tends to be a lone wolf. That doesn’t mean he lacks for golfing buddies. The same way he charms women, he can charm lots of people in his life. The key is that, in friendship as in romance, his affections run broad but not deep. If solid pals are hard to come by with this guy, consider yourself warned.

You want a guy that can't make a buck? Find a guy with shitloads of friends. Most (successful) guys are thrilled with 5 or 8 good friends. We don't need 30....6 good ones are just peachy. We don't do a lot of socializing (that's why we have you). We'll go make money...you focus on friends...we'll socialize with yours (and their husbands).

Chances are we'll like your friends (so long as you appreciate ours).

He’s a thrill-seeker. A guy who spends his spare time looking for a rush — fast driving, bungee jumping, kite-boarding, heli-skiing — should give you pause. This type, says Dr. Kalish, craves the excitement that comes from conquering a difficult challenge, and that goes for his relationship goals as well. Once he’s “conquered” you, your allure may quickly fade.

Give him a rush....(you have that innate ability).

< Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 6/18/2010 6:41:19 PM >

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RE: Crazy talk from Crazy town... - 6/19/2010 4:55:17 PM

juliaoceania

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Here is my take on the same article (normally I do not read this sort of mindless vanilla twaddle)

quote:

He declares his feelings right away. Players employ a “fast come-on,” according to Dr. Kalish, making sweeping statements of affection (e.g., “You’re the most perfect woman I’ve ever met”) from the word go. These declarations can feel very welcome, especially if you’ve been in a string of relationships that lacked such intimacy. Just remember that true closeness takes time, and it’s normal for a guy to be more guarded about his emotions.

Most men that were sincerely interested in me did make broad sweeping statements....

quote:

He always plans romantic dates. Dating for the player is kind of a performance art. And he’s going to be good at it. “He won’t just bring a box of chocolates,” Dr. Kalish warns. “He’ll take you to a state fair and offer to share cotton candy.” Nice guys can be romantic, too, but life with them won’t always feel like a Robert Pattinson movie. Nonstop rooftop picnics and weekends at the cottage could be too much.

Again... most men really into me did make a real effort to be totally romantic to start off....if they aren't willing to make the effort while they are courting you, it is highly unlikely they ever will

quote:

He has lots of acquaintances, no close friends. The player tends to be a lone wolf. That doesn’t mean he lacks for golfing buddies. The same way he charms women, he can charm lots of people in his life. The key is that, in friendship as in romance, his affections run broad but not deep. If solid pals are hard to come by with this guy, consider yourself warned.

I agree with this portion. A man that does not seem to have many people in his life of importance is just not introducing those people to you, why? Because he does not want you to know about his other women, or you aren't that important to him...

quote:

He’s a thrill-seeker. A guy who spends his spare time looking for a rush — fast driving, bungee jumping, kite-boarding, heli-skiing — should give you pause. This type, says Dr. Kalish, craves the excitement that comes from conquering a difficult challenge, and that goes for his relationship goals as well. Once he’s “conquered” you, your allure may quickly fade.

Im a thrill seeker, does this make me bad relationship material?

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 6/19/2010 4:56:54 PM >

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RE: Crazy talk from Crazy town... - 6/19/2010 7:28:05 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Since I have never had a man genuinely romantically interested in me, I got nothing.

I am suspicious of those who have NO friends, but what I honestly look at is how long those friendships have lasted. An ex was amazed that I have friendships that last for DECADES. I can't imagine anything ELSE.

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RE: Crazy talk from Crazy town... - 6/19/2010 8:03:23 PM

LadyAngelika

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I googled a part of the article to find the source of your quote, as it is always in good form and rather more importantly legal to quote the source of a text.

So it's a Match.com article (either written for or republished by, that isn't clear. . This means it's going to play on just about every stereotype in the book. The author, Dustin Goot, is a writer with no documented qualifications to write on this topic, which is not surprising considering the source.

To be quite honest, this article is written for someone who has a poor sense of judgement. It is built on stereotypes, and I'd say there is a high probability that what is written is true in many cases. The danger is to assume that it is true in all cases and make quick deductive logics. I mean, one can perhaps reduce the odds of being entangled with a player. Then again, one can end up overlooking a fabulous opportunity.

I've always relied on my judgement and instincts and they were bang on. I have been involved with a player before, a while back, but in hindsight, my instincts told me he was a player and I just didn't want to come to terms with it.

So as far as my comments on the specific points:

He declares his feelings right away.

I think that I set the tone for men to be open and honest with me early on about their feelings. Historically, I've dated men who were good at communicating things. I agree that true intimacy takes time to build, but the building starts with honestly and communication.

That said, I have a really good bullshit detector.

He always plans romantic dates.

I should hope so! Now we might have different definitions of what romance is, but I won't actually settle for anything less.

He has lots of acquaintances, no close friends.

No close friends would be a warning sign for me. As an adult man, if he cannot develop healthy friendships, I'd be weary of his ability to develop a relationship with a woman.

He’s a thrill-seeker.

I'm going to echo Julia: "I'm a thrill seeker, does this make me bad relationship material?" It's really a question of balance. My brother is into extreme sports and he's the furthest thing from a player. One cannot make generalization about such things.

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The bottom line is, nothing replaces listening to one's instinct and taking one's time.

- LA

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RE: Crazy talk from Crazy town... - 6/20/2010 3:43:35 AM

MissAsylum

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sad. if this had any merit to it- my boyfriend is undoubtedly the biggest cheater on the face of the planet. he made a commitment to me after a month, he takes me out on romantic dates. he has a good sized number of close friend(6 or 7) who adore me(well...my cooking skills and big butt anyways), and he is a thrillseaker- with me involved. where did this dude draw his sources from?

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RE: Crazy talk from Crazy town... - 6/20/2010 3:52:10 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

sad. if this had any merit to it- my boyfriend is undoubtedly the biggest cheater on the face of the planet. he made a commitment to me after a month, he takes me out on romantic dates. he has a good sized number of close friend(6 or 7) who adore me(well...my cooking skills and big butt anyways), and he is a thrillseaker- with me involved.

Well he's only 3 of the 4! ;-)