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RE: Leaders of the community - 6/14/2010 11:14:06 AM

LadySilver0523

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aldompdx

It is rather amazing to see actual debate that ALTERNATIVE lifestyle is limited by hierarchical leadership.

If you can't lead yourself, then you don't have the will to choose something in the ALTERNATIVE.
If you don't have the will to choose, then you lack capacity to consent.

There is only ONE leader of your life -- yourself.

(in reply to OP)

Very well said! *claps wholeheartedly* Bravah! Bravah!! :D

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RE: Leaders of the community - 6/14/2010 11:26:45 AM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Who are they?

I realize that many who are reading this do not associate with their local communities except in the online environment. I am also sure their are many privately engaging in doing what they do without regard or concern for the communities that exist in this lifestyle. But, for those that do engage in these communities both here online and out in that cold world, Who are their leaders? I am not specifically looking for names but more character, values and actions that establish those individuals as leaders in the community. So... what are the things that reflect a leader to you in the community? When you consider the leaders in your community, both those that you admire, respect and even those that you don't. Why are they leaders in the community? Why did they become leaders in the community? Are the leaders always good for the community? or do thing that sometimes leaders have done much more harm that good for their community? There of course is Formal recognized leaders and then there are the informal recognized ones. Is one more significant than the other. What do you think are some of the responsibilities of the leaders to your community? What other thoughts do you have with regards to the leaders of the community?

Having a unique perspective in this universe drives many people to seek my council and assistance. I do not ask for it and all walks of life come to me. Bizarre, yes. I do not understand it. People continue to tell me secrets. Once a secret is told it is no longer a secret. The whole thing leads to head shaking.

I am not trying to lead anyone but myself.

As it has been said...

Having a title means jack. There are those who pick up the slack and those who slack. Slack. Slack Slack slack while I am knee deep in maggot, bad meat and moldy bread in an overfull dumpster.

<tao>
The best leader is the one you don't know. The work is done and then forgotten. Look, those people did it all by themselves.
</tao>

~Pyroaquatic

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You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
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Post #: 42

RE: Leaders of the community - 6/14/2010 1:25:33 PM

AlchemicalMaster

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Joined: 2/14/2010
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I think the general discussion is pointing to situational leadership vs positional. In any given context there are official leaders - those who have the title and the office, and there are the leaders of the moment - those who happen to be influential, charismatic, and as someone who criticized my prior post said, COMPELLING enough to have followers. But this is all conjecture. And leadership means different things to different people, obviously. Good thinkers always try to be aware of their own bias, my bias is 'Authentic Leadership'. I appreciate Andrew Cohen's definition so I will leave it here:

Stand alone
Live fearlessly
Act heroically
Want to be free and true more than anything else
Take unconditional responsibility for oneself
Face everything and avoid nothing
At all times see things impersonally
Live for a higher purpose

The value of standing alone when no one follows is that eventually, someone will be inspired to follow. Maybe after you are dead. Imagine if the great scientists of history, upon making new discoveries, had listened to their peers calling them charlatans and claiming they were pseudo-scientists. The point is the hundredth monkey theory. In order for a new idea to change a paradigm or a cultural milieu the paradigm must first go through a grief cycle. Violent resistance eventually leads to widespread acceptance if the idea has merit.

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RE: Leaders of the community - 6/14/2010 1:59:36 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
LadyPact, I hate to break it to you but the more leather people I met, the less respect I have for anyone who wears leather.

As for leadership in LA, I don't have respect for much of it. I mean the asshats charge for mentoring...

That one, I'm actually going to give you. While I was out of town this past week, I had just one day to stop at SELF. It gave Me a chance to see a lot of people that I hadn't seen since I moved. Naturally, the question of 'how do you like living in CA' came up a lot. By the end of the day, I had a standard answer. I love living out here around the vineyards. I hate that so many folks seem like they're out to make a buck over kink. I wouldn't venture to say if that is more common amongst leather or non leather people, supposed 'community leaders' or non.

It makes Me wonder a bit if there really are fewer 'pay it forward' types in general. Lady H made a very good point earlier about there being at least two different types in the public scene when it comes to leaders. There absolutely is a group where it's more about 'look at ME' and it's really more about the spotlight, the money, or whatever fringe benefit they get from being a leader. Their reasons for leading may not be as admirable, but it doesn't always effect whether or not they make good leaders. Some of them are actually damn capable people, but they don't tend to have that thing that it's harder to put your finger on.

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RE: Leaders of the community - 6/14/2010 2:21:34 PM

PeonForHer

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Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I have been called a "community leader", "elder", all that stuff.

Ouch!

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RE: Leaders of the community - 6/14/2010 2:37:38 PM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
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Hi there AM, and welcome to the boards!

quote:

ORIGINAL: AlchemicalMaster

Stand alone
Live fearlessly
Act heroically
Want to be free and true more than anything else
Take unconditional responsibility for oneself
Face everything and avoid nothing
At all times see things impersonally
Live for a higher purpose

Personally - A couple of the items in this definition don't do it for me at all...
-- Leaders may stand out, but I can't see a successful leader "standing alone"
-- Leaders take unconditional responsibility for themselves and those they lead

I'd add...

-- Leaders share the benefits of success with the people they lead

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RE: Leaders of the community - 6/14/2010 3:10:27 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml
Personally - A couple of the items in this definition don't do it for me at all...
-- Leaders may stand out, but I can't see a successful leader "standing alone"
-- Leaders take unconditional responsibility for themselves and those they lead

I'd add...

-- Leaders share the benefits of success with the people they lead

When I read Cohen, he's more... in the moment kinda thing? Like - you have to be prepared to stand alone so that others can then stand beside you or with you - that is what I believe that statement means. It's all very... inspirational... like Rosa Parks.

the.dark.

(edit to add example)

quote:

Anyone who wants to be truly free must be willing to stand alone in the truth

< Message edited by RCdc -- 6/14/2010 3:16:38 PM >

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RE: Leaders of the community - 6/14/2010 3:25:51 PM

crazyml

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Ah! I get it now!

Thanks RCdc!

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RE: Leaders of the community - 6/14/2010 10:17:10 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
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Well, i have a slightly different view of leadership in my local BDSM community in my area. We have "leaders", but i'm not sure that we really have Leaders. This has been the case in most of the cities that i have lived in.

Typically, the recognized "leaders" don't really qualify as leaders at all. Instead, they are the ones who are willing to do the work that needs to get done. But i'm not sure that qualifies them as leaders.

As several others have mentioned, in most BDSM organizations, 20% of the members do 80% of the work. Correction: 10% of the members do 90% of the work. What i have seen is that those people are the only ones who tend to be willing to run for office. Most members just want to attend the events. Though this is in no way a statistical survey, i have observed that many (most?) of those who are willing to do the work to keep the organization going tend to be subs, NOT Doms/Dommes. Perhaps the Doms/Dommes see themselves as too dominant to lower themselves to do the menial tasks of planning, organizing, and administering the organization to which they belong.

Aside from the recognized positional leaders, there are of course the people who are held in high esteem because of their knowledge of a particular area (usually, these people have taught a seminar at one point or another). Though these people are respected for their knowledge/experience, i don't think they actually qualify as "leaders", since they aren't really leading anyone or anything.

Lastly, there are the people who have natural charisma, charm, strong personalities, etc. These people are probably leaders outside of the BDSM community, and in certain situations, they may even exercise leadership within the BDSM community. But like the group above, they probably don't qualify as "leaders" since they don't actually lead anyone most of the time.

BTW, i am obviously not counting a Dom/Domme who is leading only their sub as a "leader" (though this does qualify as leadership on a smaller scale). i am counting leaders as those who exercise leadership on a larger scale within BDSM group.

This only reflects my own observations at my local BDSM organization. i am in no way implying that these are universal truths.

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