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Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes - 6/7/2010 2:05:24 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

I have changed so much in the time that I have been away. In the time since I left the community for much needed soul searching, I graduated with my undergrad in psyche, nearly finished my masters and have started applying to PhD programs. I have found a job that makes me excited to get up every morning and go to work, a job that is so perfectly me. A job that I have thrived and grow in, one that completes me in a way I didn’t know a job could.

I am happy, yet alone. I don’t know what I want anymore, and for someone who used to know, at least in where relationships were concerned, exactly what she wanted, it’s rather disconcerting. I have changed more over the last year then I did in the entire previous decade, I am a better happier person, yet far more confused. How could I have changed so much for the better and yet, in this area, changed so much more for the worse?

I am tired of being alone, but how do I even start considering dating when I have no idea what it is I want anymore. Could I even be happy in a BDSM relationship again, better question, could I be happy without one? Is staying vanilla a better option, I haven’t been unhappy per say but then, since leaving the community I haven’t done much dating Vanilla or otherwise. Could I be happy or would it be just settling? Is there an in-between?

I hate being confused and alone, this is the one thing that is keeping me from well and true happyness.

MS

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

Post #: 1

RE: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes - 6/7/2010 2:06:37 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Well the only one putting pressure on yourself to do something or be someone is you.

If the pressure isn't serving you, why keep it?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 2

RE: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes - 6/7/2010 2:09:21 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Well the only one putting pressure on yourself to do something or be someone is you.

If the pressure isn't serving you, why keep it?

LA! :) long time no see.

To tell the truth, I dont know, I feel the internal pressure but I dont know how to stop it...

The other day at work one of my coworkers asks me when Im settling down because I am not getting any younger... Jeez! As if it were that easy!

MS

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes - 6/7/2010 2:15:12 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Ah fuck em. Tell them if they'd like to settle your life, they are welcome to it, but until they pay all your bills they need to shut the fuck up (ok not literally since it's work, but something like that).

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 4

RE: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes - 6/7/2010 2:17:28 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

I was a bit taken aback by the comment, it isnt like Im the only single person where work, in fact, you almost have to be single to work there because of all the hours. If you had someone to come home to you might have some issues LOL. Which is another reason I have been putting off examining just what I want, time is scarse, but... I really just dont want to be alone anymore.

MS

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 5

RE: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes - 6/7/2010 3:55:19 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Hello Magi -
Welcome back. And Congratulations!!! What a set of accomplishments. Good on you!

Of course you have changed! Your life is different, your mind, your circumstances. Also, you are *still* in your mid 20's. People don't really settle into who they are until a bit closer to their 30's. Relax. Enjoy the ride!

I often tell my darling niece that you can't know who you are until you know who you aren't. Go out do stuff, meet people, go on dates with people you would never have considered in the past, test the waters. When the right one comes along, or the right experience, you'll know. Trust yourself.

Remember, it is the journey that is most important ... not the destination. Enjoy the journey.

Best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 6

RE: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes - 6/7/2010 4:04:04 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

First, sorry Mod, didnt mean to put this in the wrong place. I should no better by now

Second, thanks sunshine... I dont know why I am in such a rush, I just turned 26 but it just seems like, everything else in my life is falling into place, why not this?

Im frustrated a bit.

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 7

RE: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes - 6/7/2010 4:08:12 PM

VideoAdminZeta

Posts: 1103
Joined: 7/26/2008
From: the darkest recesses of your twisted minds
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

First, sorry Mod, didnt mean to put this in the wrong place.

No worries.

Welcome back, and all the best.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 8

RE: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes - 6/7/2010 4:27:02 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

Thanks :) it actually feel really good, and right to be back here.

MS

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to VideoAdminZeta)

Post #: 9

RE: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes - 6/7/2010 5:20:32 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Hi, gorgeous, and welcome back!

Just get out and mingle (I know, you don't have time for it...). You're not looking for a relationship - you're looking for a person with which to have a relationship.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 10

RE: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes - 6/7/2010 5:29:09 PM

reynardfox

Posts: 417
Joined: 9/8/2009
Status: offline

For fuck's sake! With all that education you think it would be fair to charge some poor bastard with the sole responsibility of making you happy?
Love won't make you happy, the graveyards are full of lovers who could tell you that. A relationship will not make you happy unless you have first found happiness within yourself. There is no way you will find it anywhere else.
You are not confused, you are lonely.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 11

RE: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes - 6/7/2010 7:15:57 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Hi, gorgeous, and welcome back!

Just get out and mingle (I know, you don't have time for it...). You're not looking for a relationship - you're looking for a person with which to have a relationship.

Well Meh.... the mingling has to come to me LOL I need a vacation!

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 12

RE: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes - 6/7/2010 7:19:49 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: reynardfox

For fuck's sake! With all that education you think it would be fair to charge some poor bastard with the sole responsibility of making you happy?
Love won't make you happy, the graveyards are full of lovers who could tell you that. A relationship will not make you happy unless you have first found happiness within yourself. There is no way you will find it anywhere else.
You are not confused, you are lonely.

I did mention that I am lonley, and I am happy, I just want more. I feel like Im missing something... did you not read where I said I was happy? How is that charging someone else with my happiness? In fact the reason Im finally feeling the fact that I want someone is that I am so happy in every other aspect of my life.

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to reynardfox)

Post #: 13

RE: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes - 6/7/2010 8:05:31 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Since you've changed so much, you do need to go out and discover who the new you is and what kind of people are now compatible with you. Dating, just to go out, have coffee, have lunch, hang out, have fun. Make a list of all the things you haven't yet done but want to, and go do them alone instead of waiting until you have a partner to do them with.

Who knows, maybe your new one is out doing some of those things on his own too.

And welcome back, btw.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 14

RE: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes - 6/7/2010 10:09:47 PM

TheRaptorJesus

Posts: 640
Joined: 6/3/2010
Status: offline

Turn and face the strange.

Ch-Ch-Ch Changes.

I suggest to grow up and out of it.

_____________________________

What if your God... were a motherfucking DINOSAUR?!

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 15

RE: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes - 6/7/2010 10:46:02 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

Congratulations on all your accomplishments and good to see you posting again. It sounds like a vacation would suit you well right now. If not for a couple of weeks then maybe a 3 or 4 day weekend. And do try new things and have some new adventures. Follow your bliss and allow yourself the freedom to make mistakes and learn and grow and change some more.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 16

RE: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes - 6/8/2010 11:19:59 AM

Whiplashsmile4

Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline

MagiksSlaveeeeeeee.. how are you doing, it's great to see you. I'm sort of faced with a similar issue in life. I recently posted a "living life without a 24/7 relationship". I'm not certain if I have anything wise and sagely to share with you. I do know this fuck whatever other people think you should do.

In regards to relationships, I hold true to it not being so a matter of type of relationship, but rather the question of with Whom. There are differences between "what you want out of life", "what you want and need in a partner", and "what you want out of a relationship".

At 26 years of age, you really ain't all the old, you still have time and I'm certain have opportunities to explore. Perhaps things will fall into place here when you least expect it.

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 17

RE: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes - 6/9/2010 3:58:28 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheRaptorJesus

Turn and face the strange.

Ch-Ch-Ch Changes.

I suggest to grow up and out of it.

What exactly am I too grow up and out of?

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to TheRaptorJesus)

Post #: 18

RE: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes - 6/9/2010 4:01:16 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

Congratulations on all your accomplishments and good to see you posting again. It sounds like a vacation would suit you well right now. If not for a couple of weeks then maybe a 3 or 4 day weekend. And do try new things and have some new adventures. Follow your bliss and allow yourself the freedom to make mistakes and learn and grow and change some more.

Im really glad to be back, thanks :)

I need a vacation so bad... Today was my day off and guess where I was? Work. I need to stop answering my phone when I know it's them. I lose more days off that way!

I have a lot of paid vacation time coming my way, but I need to put in a month in advance for it and even then I dont know where Id want to go or what Id want to do. Staying at home isnt an option, I get depressed with nothing to do.

I'm taking the changes in stride, it's just the entire not knowing what I want anymore, that is making me a bit nutty.

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 19

RE: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes - 6/9/2010 4:03:39 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

MagiksSlaveeeeeeee.. how are you doing, it's great to see you. I'm sort of faced with a similar issue in life. I recently posted a "living life without a 24/7 relationship". I'm not certain if I have anything wise and sagely to share with you. I do know this fuck whatever other people think you should do.

In regards to relationships, I hold true to it not being so a matter of type of relationship, but rather the question of with Whom. There are differences between "what you want out of life", "what you want and need in a partner", and "what you want out of a relationship".

At 26 years of age, you really ain't all the old, you still have time and I'm certain have opportunities to explore. Perhaps things will fall into place here when you least expect it.

I'm better than ever :) thanks for asking, and thanks for sharing. I have a lot to think about I think.

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)

Post #: 20

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