RE: im confused now!! (Full Version)

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lally2 -> RE: im confused now!! (6/7/2010 11:55:52 AM)

heres a thought - if the new doms are coming here with this belief and theyre really only realistic option is to hit on the new subs who are all eager to be treated like shit cos their fantasies have been building for ages and they know no different is Ds as 'we' know it, by dint of shere numbers accessing this, likely to become extinct -

maybe we're already dinosaurs.

something a friend said to me on cmail a day or so ago, that he laments how Ds is demissing into a non-loving, non-caring shallow reflection of how it actually is.  has the emphasis shifted that much already - he's a guy whose been doing this for a long while.

more optimistically there will, i think, always be people who just see this as another way of loving -



IronBear -> RE: im confused now!! (6/7/2010 12:07:19 PM)

Amen my friend Amen! Perhaps we need to see more of the lovers than the arseholes about to help balance the boat. 



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: im confused now!! (6/7/2010 12:30:10 PM)

quote:

something a friend said to me on cmail a day or so ago, that he laments how Ds is demissing into a non-loving, non-caring shallow reflection of how it actually is.  has the emphasis shifted that much already - he's a guy whose been doing this for a long while.


Blah blah, people were saying that 20 years ago, and the 20 years before that.  Every generation thinks "those darn kids" are "disrespecting the good ole ways."



jbcurious -> RE: im confused now!! (6/7/2010 12:55:17 PM)

...and 20 years ago you were what? 10?

I remember reading a little blurb about how top selling magazines relect the attitudes of society...

It used to be the magazine "LIFE" was the most popular, then it was "PEOPLE" then "US" and finally "SELF"

Kinda makes me think that some of the good old ways weren't so bad and for every "old timer" complaining about the "youth" of today... there's a "youngster" that thinks they know more.

Maybe if both sides were a little more tolerent and open minded we might all learn something.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: im confused now!! (6/7/2010 1:10:10 PM)

oooo I haven't had a jab at my age since before I turned 30, nice to know you never get too old for some things.

You do know that we have things called "sources" which include people, text and images which future generations can review and learn about the past?  Crazy concept I know.



leadership527 -> RE: im confused now!! (6/7/2010 1:24:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2
yes i was thinking this a time ago.  that of course we are all focused on what we want - and maybe thats where it goes a bit pear shaped for some as a relationship evolves.  the sub then reverts to focusing on want the Dom wants and the Dom carries on thinking about what he wants - because of all the reasons we've already mentioned.
Actually, I didn't quite mean that. I wasn't nor am I ever focused on "what I want". What I was focused on was who I am. As a dominant, I'm focused on leading my marriage successfully. I prefer not to confuse selfishness with dominance.

quote:

so where do these guys get their unrealistic assumptions from - im not citing one or two people, statistacally im talking pretty much 80% of the guys ive dated in the past.
My own personal assessment is that anyone who even had the attitude that they needed to conform to what other people are looking for is not a dominant personality. So I would assume that what you're looking at in those 80% are people who are somewhere in the hump of the D/s bell curve who find some appeal to the idea of bossing women around and getting whatever sex they want. So they are playing the game in order to achieve that objective. Insofar as where they find those game rules, the answer is obvious. Go do a quick search on the other side for "subs & slave" and see what the profiles turn up.

Insofar as "what a dominant is", that's like trying to say "what a slave is". There is no single answer. I tend to view it on a sociological basis ... what LA (and me now) calls "dominant by personality" rather than "dominant by relationship orientation. In that context, it's really to define... but that is not, by far, the only context.



jbcurious -> RE: im confused now!! (6/7/2010 2:17:37 PM)

Your "blah, blah" comment didn't indicate any respect for the opinions or thoughts of those who have experienced the past and present and may view it differently then you do.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: im confused now!! (6/7/2010 2:25:09 PM)

You're right, I don't respect droned ancient cliches.  If he actually had a unique and researched perspective on the issue, that would be different.



IronBear -> RE: im confused now!! (6/7/2010 2:43:11 PM)

LA, you lack of respect for anything older than you or other people's opinions or beliefs has been legendary here on CM which is why we love you. 



slaveluci -> RE: im confused now!! (6/7/2010 2:43:39 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2
but right now we have a thread that (basically) is discussing how some Dominants come here believing that the way to a subs heart is to be a cold, hard unfeeling distant cruel bastard and then we have what jb has pointed out, that most Dominants want a sub with a brain.

so which is it. 


Those two things cannot exist together?




My thoughts exactly, DomImus. I'm not so sure that a "sub with a brain" has to automatically rule out wanting a "cold, hard unfeeling distant cruel bastard." As a matter of fact, I know some who are attracted to and/or have exactly that. Pigeonholes, schmigeonholes[;)]

luci



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: im confused now!! (6/7/2010 2:46:45 PM)

quote:

LA, you lack of respect for anything older than you or other people's opinions or beliefs has been legendary here on CM which is why we love you. 


No, it's much m ore a lack of respect for trite pandering and pretentiousness.



IronBear -> RE: im confused now!! (6/7/2010 2:52:15 PM)

Ahh but lass this is so subjective. What you call "trite pandering and pretentiousness" probably has one meaning for you and another of my generation. More than likely I fall into your category there simply because I believe in a very old fashion code of conduct which includes good manners and of course my protocols and beliefs are out dated and out moded. Still they still work and are valued by those who knock them now but respect them as they get wiser and gain more life experience. 



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: im confused now!! (6/7/2010 2:58:14 PM)

LOL you keep proving my point.  I don't wear white between Labor Day and Memorial day, I detest visible bra straps, I believe people who don't RSVP as stated on an invitation deserve a special place in hell, and I know exactly how to set a multi piece formal table to within a centimeter of the correct position.

I'm not the one who pretends to be suave as a cover for all the snide remarks in between coddling and flattering every new female who wanders over.



laurell3 -> RE: im confused now!! (6/7/2010 3:14:08 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I vote brain. The brains to form an opinion . Then the stones to defend it and the self respect to disagree with me when I am wrong.

All that makes the conquest and surrender, sweeter.





Yeah, that is the ideal for me personally. However, I think it's a mistaken presumption to think that most want a sub with a brain. Over the years I have met alot of men and women that are intimidated by intelligence and run from it. I think it's also a mistaken belief to think that all subs want to exercise that brain power. I don't think it's just new subs that come looking for the white knight to do everything for them and think for them, I've seen plenty that ain't remotely close to new.

The answer is you literally can have your cake and eat it too. Many people just don't get that they already have the cake, they just have to find someone that desires that same flavor. And that flavor is NOT coconut lally! [;)]



UniqueRaven -> RE: im confused now!! (6/7/2010 3:22:56 PM)

The more experienced i get with slavery and submission, and the more i speak with Dominant men, i will say that many Dominant men do want a sub with a brain. What they don't want though, is a sub that uses her brain to overanalyze everything about her submission and has a need to discuss it constantly. They want her to be able to have intelligent, thoughtful conversations, but not pick apart every single piece of her slavery or submission and need to have it all mean something.

Really, sometimes a spanking is just a spanking. It's ok for it to not mean anything.



laurell3 -> RE: im confused now!! (6/7/2010 3:37:35 PM)

I agree with that Unique and I can tell you, that's NOT something I do personally, I am more likely to be the other way around in real life.

I'm not sure who "many" is, but I can tell you that I have run across quite a few people that no, do not want to have anything to do with someone they percieve to be more intelligent than them. Insecurity? I guess, I never really stopped to care that much.

For me this whole process of finding a partner is much like trying to find the 3 red jelly beans in the bag of 200, black, toss it, pink, toss it (they taste like soap), green and blue I like it, but it ain't red and so on. I have alot of green and blue jelly beans that are friends, I have a long block list for the black ones.



UniqueRaven -> RE: im confused now!! (6/7/2010 3:39:58 PM)

i agree laurel, and after writing that post i realized that i could have worded it better. We're on the same page. [:)]

It really is just finding people you're compatible with - i know that i attract a certain "type" of Owner - so my experience is colored with experience primarily with that demographic. Your jelly bean analogy is spot on.



osf -> RE: im confused now!! (6/7/2010 5:15:46 PM)

I thought it was just the body we were supposed to want



lally2 -> RE: im confused now!! (6/7/2010 6:37:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

something a friend said to me on cmail a day or so ago, that he laments how Ds is demissing into a non-loving, non-caring shallow reflection of how it actually is.  has the emphasis shifted that much already - he's a guy whose been doing this for a long while.


Blah blah, people were saying that 20 years ago, and the 20 years before that.  Every generation thinks "those darn kids" are "disrespecting the good ole ways."


20+20 years ago there wasnt the internet - i would imagine that 20 years ago it was largely determined enthusiasts and quite a smallish circle of people in the know.

i would argue that the internet has done alot to dilute that smallish circle of determined enthusiasts.  and while im not saying thats a bad thing and the internet did me a big favour its still arguable that the dilution isnt even attempting to embark on Ds as anything other than achieving access to a group of (..... fill in the derogative) women.  all of which are just actually trying bloody hard to find their counterpart and having to wade through fantasists and tosspots to get there.



lally2 -> RE: im confused now!! (6/7/2010 6:43:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Amen my friend Amen! Perhaps we need to see more of the lovers than the arseholes about to help balance the boat. 


[:)] that would be nice.  i do feel Ds and Ms is really well supported and represented here though.

when i first started out on the net i was told, most likely by the tosspots, that there was no such thing as Ds perse., but then i was newly on the net and by dint of that fodder for the tossers - so theres another one for 'if i knew then what i know now' ah well, we live and learn or in their case they live and refuse to learn [8D]



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