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fantasies - 6/2/2010 4:51:40 PM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
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are the fantasies that begin a relationship enough to sustain it?

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all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

Post #: 1

RE: fantasies - 6/2/2010 4:53:15 PM

SocratesNot

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Joined: 5/17/2010
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They are usually necessary, but probably not enough.

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Amicus Plato, sed magis amica veritas. - Aristotle
Plato is my friend, but truth is a better friend. - Aristotle

(in reply to osf)

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RE: fantasies - 6/2/2010 4:58:13 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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Oh gosh, SocratesNot answering a post by osf...

*cues twilight zone music*

To answer the OP, in my opinion no. Successful relationships have a good dose of reality.

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Post #: 3

RE: fantasies - 6/2/2010 4:59:30 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

Sustain? I don't think that any fantasy can sustain anything real for very long.

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~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

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RE: fantasies - 6/2/2010 5:02:55 PM

subangi

Posts: 544
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Oh gosh, I honestly thought OSF and Socratesnot were one in the same. Such similar thoughts and writing style!

I have never begun a relationship based on fantasies.

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 5

RE: fantasies - 6/2/2010 5:07:51 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

My relationships have never been based on fantasy. Don't quite understand why one would think a fantasy would sustain a relationship and why one would even start one based on fantasy. Confusing.

(in reply to subangi)

Post #: 6

RE: fantasies - 6/2/2010 5:23:48 PM

ReginaMirus

Posts: 240
Joined: 3/7/2010
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Once a fantasy is realized, it ceases to be a fantasy. So the supposition makes no sense to me.

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Post #: 7

RE: fantasies - 6/2/2010 5:28:19 PM

GraciousLady

Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline

A fantasy is just that; a fantasy. However it can be a wonderful way to start a relationship if all realize reality is often more fun that fantasy.

(in reply to ReginaMirus)

Post #: 8

RE: fantasies - 6/2/2010 5:30:47 PM

UniqueRaven

Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

Relationships must be authentic and grounded in reality to endure.

Fantasies are just the fun icing on the cake when you get to experience them.

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"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to osf)

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RE: fantasies - 6/2/2010 5:33:32 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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I think inital attraction can be a starting point that includes fantasy, but I agree with all the other posts, past that point reality, acceptance, compatbility and communication sustain the relationship. Hopefully with those tools you can still engage in the fantasy to an extent as well.

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to osf)

Post #: 10

RE: fantasies - 6/2/2010 5:41:33 PM

bdspirit

Posts: 30
Joined: 7/27/2009
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline

Hi Op. I guess the easy (and generally correct) answer is that fantasies are enough to create momentum or initial action but not enough to sustain a relationship over time.

I had a thought in reading the responses that may merit mentioning. In my experience, there can be a pretty fine line between fantasy and visualization - seeing the life, relationship, experiences (fill in the blank) that you believe represents something you truly want/need to create in your life and then holding those things in your mind and heart while you move forward with creating the life you want - literally creating reality from "fantasy."

While I fully agree that the dream of a perfect lover soon begins to pale in the harsh light of real life experiences, the concept of feeling empowered to visualize what you want to create (perhaps as a loving couple) and then doing the necessary work to get there is pretty important if you desire to build an extraordinary life. I say this because I am fortunate enough to have married an amazing women who was naturally vanilla, loving and open. After 15 years, we have managed to blend her vision of the "ideal" relationship with mine and then work our butts off to create something very unique. Without the "fantasy" or vision, I think we would have settled for far less than we became.

Bound.

(in reply to osf)

Post #: 11

RE: fantasies - 6/2/2010 5:52:36 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I had a thought in reading the responses that may merit mentioning. In my experience, there can be a pretty fine line between fantasy and visualization - seeing the life, relationship, experiences (fill in the blank) that you believe represents something you truly want/need to create in your life and then holding those things in your mind and heart while you move forward with creating the life you want - literally creating reality from "fantasy."

I'm going to totally steal a line from LadyPact here. In the case of the above, I would respond: I don't have fantasies, I have goals!

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to bdspirit)

Post #: 12

RE: fantasies - 6/2/2010 5:55:17 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5175
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

I'd love to live in a fantasy world where someone else paid all the bills and left me to all the fun stuff. Sadly, I live in a real world that is not always a utopia with real people who are not always perfect.

Sadly, reality is there whether we try to push it aside or not.

(in reply to osf)

Post #: 13

RE: fantasies - 6/2/2010 5:57:11 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

So I'm not the only one who has been comparing SocratesNot and osf...interesting.

No, I don't believe fantasies can sustain a relationship over time. It's fun to have them in the beginning but in the end...they're just fantasies...real life connections take work.

(in reply to osf)

Post #: 14

RE: fantasies - 6/2/2010 6:00:21 PM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline

I'm not into fantasy role play that is scripted, my fantasies run more to what can be incorporated into reality.

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 15

RE: fantasies - 6/2/2010 6:10:07 PM

whiteslavebitch

Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

I don't know, my relationships don't begin in fantasy.

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(in reply to osf)

Post #: 16

RE: fantasies - 6/2/2010 6:15:21 PM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: whiteslavebitch

I don't know, my relationships don't begin in fantasy.

all relationships begin with fantasies, two in fact.

one of the most common fantasies is "till death do us part"

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to whiteslavebitch)

Post #: 17

RE: fantasies - 6/2/2010 6:24:56 PM

Meliai

Posts: 55
Joined: 1/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

all relationships begin with fantasies, two in fact.

one of the most common fantasies is "till death do us part"

this is funny.

what is the other one that *all* relationships begin with?

(in reply to osf)

Post #: 18

RE: fantasies - 6/2/2010 6:26:49 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

quote:

ORIGINAL: whiteslavebitch

I don't know, my relationships don't begin in fantasy.

all relationships begin with fantasies, two in fact.

one of the most common fantasies is "till death do us part"

How is this a fantasy???

This was complete reality for me and quite a few others I know.

Don't be so quick to speak.

(in reply to osf)

Post #: 19

RE: fantasies - 6/2/2010 6:40:48 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

are the fantasies that begin a relationship enough to sustain it?

Not enough to sustain a relationship...but by God we do explore all of our fantasies on a very regular basis.
It's a lot of fun and really helps make the reality part of the relationship even more enjoyable.

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(in reply to osf)

Post #: 20

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