Purging out old items

Purging out old items (Full Version)

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Missokyst -> Purging out old items (5/31/2010 1:45:58 PM)
My son is now 23 and has been living in another state for 3 yrs. I had put off going through the stuff he left behind, old toys, costumes, the clothing that no longer fit him, the skates, the memorabilia of his childhood, because deep down I kept thinking he might move back. I wonder how many mom's do that..? Anyway, I think he is happy and content in his new state and it is time for me to clean out the things I can. Yesterday I began to attack his closet. OUCH. From floor to ceiling, from wall to wall, from front to back I have been sorting, tossing, and setting some items aside that I was wanting to take to various charitable agencies in town. His clothing is still in great condition and jeans are always in style no matter how many years pass. Hawaiian shirts. plain color pocket-t's, and quality costumes might be welcomed in someone else's home. Today I was filling plastic bins with some of his lessor toys, the contruction items (that are not lego), and the wooden train sets that used to border his room. These are all in perfect shape with all their items kept in the original cases and boxes. My mom passes by and says why don't I put them on Ebay... I could I suppose but it does not feel right to me. It is almost as if I am putting a value on the years of joy he got from these things. I wanted to give them away so that other people might enjoy them the way my son did. Even though goodwill, arc, ect all get some profit from the sale at least people with less money might be able to pick up some nice things. But.. she has determined if I will not sell them they should go to my sister who is an ebay seller so that someone gets money from them and that they might have antique value to them (I doubt it). Now I want to put them back in the closet but in all likelihood they will line my sisters pockets with spare cash. sigh Why do so many people feel the need to make a profit off of everything? How the hell was I born into this family when my ideas are so different. The last stand I made was years ago when I wanted to put my old art to better use, and some of it was sold by family instead.. I ended up tearing and burning everything I made rather than let that happen. This is a rant, but I did wonder if other mom's felt that way about their childrens old things?

sirsholly -> RE: Purging out old items (5/31/2010 1:57:08 PM)
We raise them to adulthood knowing we will have to let go of the child they were and replace it with pride for adult they have grown to be. So why is it just so darn hard for us to do?? Please don't allow his toys to be sold if you do not want to do so. If i were in your shoes, i wouldn't either. If i might suggest snapping photos of the toys that were his favorite and sending him the pics to see if he wants to keep them for the son he may one day have? As to the other toys...womens shelters always seem to have a need for items for kids...and that is one of many organizations that will not make a profit off your sons toys. (((((hug)))))

pahunkboy -> RE: Purging out old items (5/31/2010 2:03:10 PM)
I agree with Holly. I had left stuff at Moms. Happily I got to clean it all out. For me as well as my 3 siblings. It was neat. Finding stuff and then comparing stories. I am talking a whole attic. But then- what did I find? Empty booze bottles... with the red pour tabs too. I understood the booze- but the pour taps? Damn.

LadyPact -> RE: Purging out old items (5/31/2010 2:04:39 PM)
I'm with you on this one. I certainly know the feeling. Not so much from the selling for profit angle, but really selling at all. One of the things I wanted My son to do before he headed out for Basic Training (military) was to make sure his room was packed up so that it would be easier to transport the things to him when he goes from Basic to AIT. The sorting, packing, keeping, and tossing piles sound very familiar to Me. It was a little strange as his old Mom watched things being carted out. I was reminded several times of the line, "when I became a man, I learned to put away childish things". I thought of the years that some of those things were exactly what he wanted for Christmas or for his birthday, even though he's far outgrown them now. No, it wouldn't have felt right to put a price tag on any other those things. Not on ebay or even just as a yard sale. I can see how some folks might say that's the practical thing to do, but My heart wouldn't be in it.

Missokyst -> RE: Purging out old items (5/31/2010 2:45:27 PM)
Whew, thanks you three. I was feeling out of sorts enough knowing it was time to get rid of some of these things. I put the things I knew he loved the most in storage bins and stuck them in the garage. But he has so many things! My goodness I was an indulgent parent. It just seemed so wrong to make even a small profit on his childhood.

pahunkboy -> RE: Purging out old items (5/31/2010 2:50:22 PM)
3 years- too. I am thinking he really did not want any of it.... he would have asked. I doubt I would have waited 3 years. Maybe 6 months.

OrpheusAgonistes -> RE: Purging out old items (5/31/2010 2:50:49 PM)
quote: One of the things I wanted My son to do before he headed out for Basic Training (military) was to make sure his room was packed up so that it would be easier to transport the things to him when he goes from Basic to AIT. The sorting, packing, keeping, and tossing piles sound very familiar to Me. It was a little strange as his old Mom watched things being carted out. I was reminded several times of the line, "when I became a man, I learned to put away childish things". I thought of the years that some of those things were exactly what he wanted for Christmas or for his birthday, even though he's far outgrown them now. This passage resonated with me, in part because it reminds me so much of stories my father's mother (not normally a sentimental woman, may she rest in peace) told of cleaning out his childhood room after he enlisted. She spoke of how choked up she got when she put a Lone Ranger wrist watch he'd wanted desperately when he turned 8 into a box with some other trinkets. My father, who tended to deflect sentiment, noted that she'd felt no such sentimental pangs four years earlier when he'd gone off to school and noted "I guess that's why I still have that Lone Ranger watch but Mantle, Maris, and Yogi Berra rookie cards went out with the trash." But he was clearly moved--he made a particular point of passing the watch to me. Sometimes small items can be such a powerful and tangible link back to the people we love. An old watch with a cracked leather band that's in a box next to my bed is a link to my late father as a precocious but still (as old photos and stories bear witness) silly and roguish boy who wanted more than anything to be a cowboy who wore a mask and helped strangers and then rode away. To the OP: If I could offer you a little advice, it would be to find the things that mean the most to you and hang on to them tenaciously. I can understand that there may be circumstances in which you can't hold on to everything but you can cleave to something, to a few small artifacts. I remember a family friend when I was a kid talking about all that his family left behind when they fled Germany. They left paintings, books, clothes, almost everything. The possessions they grabbed were small and sentimental and usually of value only to the family. I remember he said "We had to take small things, and let those things stand in our hearts for everything else."

pahunkboy -> RE: Purging out old items (5/31/2010 2:54:23 PM)
My dad has been gone 20 years. Obviously we could not keep every single thing. Over the years- it widdled down. The smaller items are what is left. So I agree with OR.

DarlingSavage -> RE: Purging out old items (5/31/2010 3:01:35 PM)
Did you try asking him if he wanted any of the stuff? I would suggest that just so a couple months or days later after you've purged his belongings you don't get a sudden phonecall asking for such such item that suddenly he just CANNOT live without! I know, I've done this to myself on more than one occasion. But since I did it to myself, I just had to suffer through it.

pahunkboy -> RE: Purging out old items (5/31/2010 3:03:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage Did you try asking him if he wanted any of the stuff? I would suggest that just so a couple months or days later after you've purged his belongings you don't get a sudden phonecall asking for such such item that suddenly he just CANNOT live without! I know, I've done this to myself on more than one occasion. But since I did it to myself, I just had to suffer through it. To which he then owes her 3 years of storage fees?

Missokyst -> RE: Purging out old items (5/31/2010 3:27:04 PM)
The last time he visited I asked him to check and see what he wanted to keep. He took some of his adult costumes, a book or two, and some clothing. He has no place to store most of this stuff since he shares his space with 3 roommates in an apartment in Oregon. And quite honestly before he cracked open that closet last year, he had not opened that door since he stacked it in there at age 14. Thereafter his life was consumed by art and off-line video games. I am keeping his art and all of his lego's. He will want to see his art when he is older and the lego's will survive long after we are all gone.

DarlingSavage -> RE: Purging out old items (5/31/2010 3:31:49 PM)
Sounds like it's all fair game then, just thought I'd try to help you cover all your bases since I saw no mention of him being asked. Several times in the past, though, I've rounded up stuff to give to GoodWill and not 2 days later, discovered I suddenly needed such and such item for this that or the other. I HATE it when that happens!

pahunkboy -> RE: Purging out old items (5/31/2010 3:55:34 PM)
Why should she remove his rubbish? What does a cleaning and haul service charge? (JK! Hope you are smiling)

pahunkboy -> RE: Purging out old items (5/31/2010 4:17:53 PM)
....send him steam clean the carpet fees too! STOMP! these men must stop being momma boys! stomp

DesFIP -> RE: Purging out old items (5/31/2010 7:56:26 PM)
Your son, not your sister's. If you want to donate these items to those in need instead of letting your sister make money off them, then do so. Your mother does not have the right to decide what to do with these items. However, I might save a few small items so if in some years he marries and has children, you could pass them down.

Arpig -> RE: Purging out old items (5/31/2010 8:45:36 PM)
Whenever I had to clean out my book collection, rather than try sell them I would line them up beside the road with a "free to a good home" sign....they would be picked clean by day's end, and I felt good about it, which I wouldn't if I had sold them...it would be the same with my UM's toys and things....stick to your original idea and tell the family capitalists to take a long walk off a short pier.

Missokyst -> RE: Purging out old items (5/31/2010 8:51:44 PM)
lol omg.. I don't even want to remember the day I vacuumed his carpet after he left. Who knew I should have gotten a paper mask? quote: ORIGINAL: pahunkboy ....send him steam clean the carpet fees too! STOMP! these men must stop being momma boys! stomp

Missokyst -> RE: Purging out old items (5/31/2010 8:54:39 PM)
I started doing that a couple of months ago when there were a lot of little boys living on my block. And the kid snoopy encyclopedia's went quickly with a free sign up. All his Batman figures and vehicles found good homes.. I kept his star wars and star trek stuff. quote: ORIGINAL: Arpig Whenever I had to clean out my book collection, rather than try sell them I would line them up beside the road with a "free to a good home" sign....they would be picked clean by day's end, and I felt good about it, which I wouldn't if I had sold them...it would be the same with my UM's toys and things....stick to your original idea and tell the family capitalists to take a long walk off a short pier.

ourmsbetty -> RE: Purging out old items (5/31/2010 10:11:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst Even though goodwill, arc, ect all get some profit from the sale at least people with less money might be able to pick up some nice things. I am sorry, this is a bit off topic but I have to correct this misconception. I do not intend for anything said here to come across as hostile. No, goodwill, arc, etc do not "profit" from these sale. Hence the term "non profit". Some thrift stores do make profits. They buy donations from charities and then turn around and sell them for considerably more than they paid. They will buy clothing at 10 cents a pound and then turn around and sell each item for 4 or 5 dollars. The goodwill does not do this. The arc does not do this. I know. I work in the thrift business. People think we are making money hand over fist, it's quite the racket we've got, getting stuff for free and selling it at premium prices. I am sorry to say it's not. For every $20 vintage clock there are 100 .99 dishes. Maybe more. We run the store on a shoe string budget. We desperately need a new floor, there is no money for it. There is no air conditioning in the summer. We sometimes wait weeks for supplies. If it weren't for our volunteers we couldn't operate. Every penny above our operating costs goes exactly where it's supposed to, to pay for the services people desperately need. My store supports an advocacy center. We raise the money to train teachers and social workers, support families in the schools and courts and speaking up for those who cannot speak for themselves. No one is getting rich on what we are doing. To tie this back into the topic, please be careful about what you donate and where. The federal laws passed last year requiring that childrens' products be certified lead free apply to second hand items as well. Lead tests are very expensive. Some places are choosing to recycle toys they suspect may contain lead because they cannot afford to test the items. You may indeed be better off giving those toys away directly. But why not keep and store them? Your son may someday have his own children, and you can then watch them take the same joy in the toys. It's always hard letting go, but it is not the items you cherish, it is the memories they contain. Those don't go away when the items are gone.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Purging out old items (5/31/2010 10:46:43 PM)
Like someone else mentioned, your mom is out of line. While I would personally sell the majority of the stuff myself, the bottom line is that it is YOUR decision what to do with these items. If you want to give them to your son, great. If you want to sell them and make a profit, great. If you want to give them away....well you get the idea. I have to wonder why you would let your mother dictate your decision on this matter. As an aside, Holly's idea of donating them to a women's shelter was the best idea I saw. They also take old cell phones (at the domestic abuse shelters) because 911 works even without service. Just sayin.

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