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sirsholly -> RE: Completely new to all this, have a few questions (6/1/2010 9:49:57 AM)
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ORIGINAL: slappynoob
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ORIGINAL: sirsholly
If the scene seems quick, then slow it down to suit the pace you are comfortable with.
Relax, learn as much as you can on the forums, and have fun [:)]
I'm worried that if I don't start exploring I'll just keep doing the same crap the rest of my life until a I died. I'll just live feeling like I never had real sex, because I spent every relationship afraid of being myself.
By all means, start exploring...and you are on a great site to do so. But i really suggest you try to stop feeling so frantic and take it at a pace that is comfortable for you.
And try not to discount the past, as it is what brought you to where you are right now.[:)]
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And I'm scared that letting go will lead to things that fall under the heading of "things you can't unsee".
This is why you take it slow and do not allow yourself to lose control. Ever. You cannot always control a situation, but you can control yourself.
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Just to be clear, I'm scary big. NFL big. My thighs are thicker than most people's bodies and my arms are thicker than most people's heads. I've spent my whole life dialing it down so I don't scare people.
You are 6'2 and 290. Where as you are a large man, i would hardly call you frightening.
Stop "dialing it down" because it doesn't work. Present yourself in the best manner possible, hold your head high, and walk with pride. If that frightens people...it is their issue, not yours.
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At some point you've gotta fish or cut bait, right?
Oh tanks. Many here shrimply loves fish puns and once they start, it is not possible to reel them in. Personally, they give me a haddock but i do join in just for the halibut.
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It's a slight bit OT, but I have started messaging a sub who seems comfortable with helping a dom develop. She's older than me. (OMFG! My first fetish returns: older women!) I am a little bit worried that she views me as fresh clay to be molded into the hardass dom she's always wanted.
Again...this is where you go very slowly. Do you actually want to be molded into what she wants? I doubt you do. My guess is you want to be comfortable with who you already are, and that will take time. So SHE wants a hardass? Cool, let her find one. You are not ready for that in any way. Going into a scene and attempting to be what you are not (or at least what you are not ready to put into practice) will not end well. Trust me..it won't.
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I'm a little worried that she's a bit too hardcore.
Listen to your worries...they will guide you well.
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But, I have to admit I am turned on by the idea of a woman whose threshold is far higher than mine.
Yeah? I think you would be a nervous wreck worrying about pleasing her without hurting her. This needs to be enjoyable for you as well. Perhaps negotiate with her that YOU will set the pace and tone and then use self-control to stay within your comfort level.
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People on several sites have told me you wouldn't believe what you'll actually do once you find a partner that you trust and completely sync with.
They are absolutely correct..it is amazing! But...trust and synchronicity take time.
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To be dead honest: I feel like this a block I'll only get over by doing it
Now come on...a wall is a block, and the only way to get over it is by climbing it, agreed? Would you actually scale the wall and heave over the top without knowing what was on the other side? My guess is you would at first assess, trying to learn all you could about what is over there. Then you would begin a slow, cautious climb, making sure your footing is secure before taking the next step. Once at the top, you would again stop and assess before taking the plunge.
What ever you do, i wish you an awesome journey!
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