LadyPact
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SocratesNot
General questions:
How does humiliation work? By exploiting either a characteristic or a situation that the bottom doesn't like.
Why does it work? Because many people don't like to face what they don't like, either about themselves or the situation they may find themselves in. It plays on those very emotions.
Does it really lower sub's self esteem? No. Two reasons for this. One, it isn't a constant. We're not talking about situations where someone is continually being made to feel bad about themselves. Two is that there is balance. People want to get so caught up in the humiliation itself that they don't want to discuss the process of reaffirmation that follows after play. The part where the top ensures the bottom that they are valuable to them, in spite of what transpired during the humiliation.
If not, how can it be effective at all? How can pain play be effective if it isn't constant? It hurts most when the paddle is being applied. (OK. If you do it right, the bottom will be reminded of the scene they had for a while following every time they sit down.) The sensations during a scene are going to be most evident during the course of that scene. Same thing with humiliation. Those feelings are going to be what the bottom is most in tune with at the time. Not necessarily after the reaffirmation they receive during aftercare and the normal day to day interactions.
How much humiliation is too much? When it becomes detrimental and the play is crossing over into non play areas or at times that the bottom has not consented to or situations where it is not appropriate.
Can it really make a submissive feel worthless? In the middle of a scene, it's possible. Day to day, no, not if you're doing it right.
If yes, is it a desirable effect? (I mean, is it desirable to make submissive feel worthless?) For during the scene (which is the only area I feel I came even close to saying yes about) it can be as simple as the effect turns the people on that are playing with these feelings.
If yes, why is this desirable? That can be anything from it's a sexual turn on to using this kind of play to abolish those feelings so that a bottom understands they have a greater worth.
Does humiliation have only short term effect (such as being humiliated during
the scene, and being aroused by it) or it has long term effects (such as permanently lowered self esteem)? I've never had anybody experience a long term effect.
What are actually the desired effects of humiliation? For the bottom to feel it and experience it.
Is it just to make him aroused and to make him suffer at the time of its administration? It can be that.
Or maybe to make him more submissive, by feeling evaluated as less valuable by the dominant? You're skipping the reaffirmation part that goes with humiliation again. I really don't know where you get these ideas that the bottom is viewed by the top as being less valuable.
Or maybe it deliberately tries to lower sub's self esteem permanently? Why would anybody intentionally do that? I mean, think about it a little. Why would I want somebody who constantly feels bad about themselves or has poor self esteem? Why would I specifically create a characteristic about a person that I don't find attractive in someone to begin with?
I would appreciate your honest responses.
Also, I think that humiliation is one of the most important topics in entire BDSM, because even if this is not administered directly (such as verbal humiliation),
it is subtly hinted at in quite a lot types of play. Also, it is one of the crucial psychological concepts of BDSM.
It would be My opinion that you are incorrect about that. This is one of those areas where it is obvious that you have spent too much time in fantasy land on the net and what sells well in some porn. Many don't get involved in humiliation at all and not all acts inspire embarrassment or humiliation the same in all people. Something like boot licking is an example of this. To one person, it is humiliating to be on all fours running their tongue along someone's boots. To someone else, it is a display of devotion or allows them to indulge in their fetish. Humiliation is never one size fits all.
Edited for a spelling error.
< Message edited by LadyPact -- 5/30/2010 9:14:44 AM >
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RE: The mechanism of humiliation - 
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