RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation?

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 [4]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/21/2010 3:55:32 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

There are many vanilla relationships, especially in patriarchal countries in which everyone from the outside clearly sees that the woman is suffering abuse from her boyfriend or husband, while she always says "But I love him that way, he loves me so much etc" It may be the case that they are in a D/s relationship without even being aware of it.
It may also be the case that she is suffering real abuse, but she got used to it, and she thinks this is the only proper way.
I wonder if the person inside the relationship is always right in how she or he categorize the relationship they are in. Is it possible that she THINKS that she likes it and that she THINKS it is healthy and not abusive, while in reality the relationship is indeed abusive, and she isn't even aware of the abuse she suffers?

This pretty much confirms the point I originally made about perspective. Now yours is that "nilla pervert" I spoke of on the outside looking in through the window rather than of the people actually living the dynamic.

And you said I wasn't being productive...! tsk tsk You really do need to work out where *you* stand first.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Profile

Post #: 61

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/21/2010 4:33:13 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

We don't do humiliation, it hits a nasty emotional trigger. We also don't do s & m. And we don't have a punishment dynamic.
So what?

Whether or not you like a flogger does not determine if you're allowed to be a card carrying member of wiitwd. Nobody but you decides what you do or don't. And no matter what you do or don't do, you still aren't going to get an official bdsm card. There is no secret governing body that rules on whether you may do this or not.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Profile

Post #: 62

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/21/2010 4:58:43 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

psst...you didn't get the memo? hmm...hides her card....

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 63

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/21/2010 6:31:50 PM

DrW

Posts: 7
Joined: 9/12/2008
Status: offline

I don't like humiliating my partner, or any other person for that matter. However, I've had partners who enjoyed or were aroused by or craved humiliation. Good relationships require compromise. Do you compromise your own principals for your partner's gratification? Sometimes I'll stretch a bit I guess, but I prefer to think and be creative. Like creating an embarrasing situation for her instead. VERY embarassing. Let the humiliation occur in her own mind, and I'm still true to my own principals.

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Profile

Post #: 64

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/21/2010 7:19:13 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

LOL. That's because you see very little as actual humiliation.

Really? I find almost everything about D/s humiliating. If I didn't find a particular thing humiliating to start with, I'd make an effort to squeeze humiliation out of it. I'd do that for myself, as well, without the D in question making any conscious effort to humiliate me whatsoever. Guess what? I like humiliation, and I liked it before the internet was invented, and before I'd even seen a porny mag.

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 5/21/2010 7:20:50 PM >

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to LadyPact)

Profile

Post #: 65

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/21/2010 7:31:10 PM

jbcurious

Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

One of my first posts on this site dealt with what I felt to be the use of derrogatory language in addressing subs...what a difference a couple of months and a better understanding makes.

I find myself with the warm fuzzies these days when addressed as a hot lil slut...

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'

I have an explosive personality...

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Profile

Post #: 66

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/21/2010 9:13:29 PM

Hawkwindblues

Posts: 183
Joined: 6/26/2009
From: Berlin, Germany
Status: offline

quote:

Let the humiliation occur in her own mind, and I'm still true to my own principals.

As i have a very similar point of view and take nearly the same road when dominating somebody i quote DrW.

Many years ago as i learned of the importance of humilation for some, i was quite appalled, because i thought it cruel in a terrible way, the more i learned the more i understood, but i am still not really into it on both sides of the kneel.

_____________________________

After 10 years with the handle ZenDragoness it is time for a change.

(in reply to DrW)

Profile

Post #: 67

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/22/2010 1:37:14 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

~ FR ~ For starters, I have read nothing of the replies thus far so please bear with me if I am repeating something already espoused.

Initially, I would ask the OP to define humiliation.

For me it would not be humiliating to be found cleaning out dunnies at a medieval event such as the SCA or taking a turn as a kitchen hand or even chef for a feast. I had at one stage no issues calking around a principality event carrying a baby in my arms singing an Irish lullaby to the infant till he slept whilst wearing my full suit of chain and leather armour and sword strapped. Nor allowing another young child to ride on my shoulders for a while, in both cases to give the respective mothers some respite and enjoy themselves. For other manly men this would be humiliating as I was so informed when carrying my own male babe in a sling across the front of my body when shopping.

We all have our thresholds of humiliation. People have tried to humiliate me or shame me because I stand proudly behind what I believe and how I live my life. They failed! I do not like humiliating anyone so it would be unusual for me to have a slave collared to me who loved certainly extreme humiliation. probably the worst I would do would be to lead said slave on a chain in public and have her serve me and kneel beside me in public. That By the way is most unlikely to occur.

Ergo it depends on what is thought to be humiliating at any given time.Yes BDSM ans D/s as well as M/s can and does exist without humiliation.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 5/22/2010 1:38:19 AM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Profile

Post #: 68

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/22/2010 6:47:27 PM

littlegirlangel

Posts: 31
Joined: 9/17/2009
Status: offline

Yes, it's very possible to have a D/s relationship without the humiliation factor. Daddy never humiliates me, even the things we do in public at the dungeons he makes sure I'm okay with. I don't like being humiliated and he doesn't like to humiliate so there's need for it. Of course there's some things that I enjoy that others might find humiliating but they're not for me.

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Profile

Post #: 69

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/22/2010 7:49:37 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrW

Let the humiliation occur in her own mind, and I'm still true to my own principals.

Principles or no, humiliation ALWAYS occurs in the submissive's own mind because it is there there that something is deemed humiliating or not.

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.

(in reply to DrW)

Profile

Post #: 70

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/22/2010 8:47:51 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrW

Let the humiliation occur in her own mind, and I'm still true to my own principals.

Principles or no, humiliation ALWAYS occurs in the submissive's own mind because it is there there that something is deemed humiliating or not.

lovingpet

Spot on. 'Humiliation' refers to feelings and not to any list of specific acts. As far as I'm concerned D/s is imbued with unfairness, and unfairness is humiliating by definition. By *my* definition, that is - and I define it that way because I like it that way.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to lovingpet)

Profile

Post #: 71