KnightofMists
Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: laurell3
Thanks KoM. How does one do that though? How do you know when you are even being unrealistic or too cynical?
By the way, I remember when Kyra was moving and how excited everyone was for all of you. I'm very glad it's working out so well, you all have my highest regard.
I can't say this post is about me per se...I tend to be overly cautious and talk to people for a very long time before meeting them, so other than my first few meetings, I have had pretty good radar and met what I expected to meet. Were my hopes high? Sure, but I'm not sure that in an of itself is unrealistic.
Thank you laurell your thoughts of us are appreciated. I think the three of us are an example of managing between the negative and positive of unrealistic expecations. When we first started to develope a connection together we didn't rush into this being a deep meaningful relationship like we have today. We were online acquaintances and nothing more or less. I was aware and said as much to Kyra that we would likely drift apart as she became involved and connected to local people in the lifestyle and/or when the buzz of the high being new to the lifestyle started to loose it's luster. However, Just becuase I suspected the likely possibility was one way. I didn't rule out other possibilities of more. I left the door open in that direction and it's a good think I did. We became more aware of each other and grew stronger in the emotions that developed. In time there was a strong feeling that there could be more, especially when she made the expressed statement she wanted to meet me. But, regardless of my feelings developing, I acknowledged that this could be all rather unreal to myself. I actually didn't expect her to come to visit, but I left the door upon as a possibility. I actually gave her some requirements to do before I would be supportative of her visit. She needed to go out the community and attend some events and with that I thought it likely that the desire to meet would be less. It became more instead and I was ready for that too. She actually sent me the email confirming her flight and well alot of excitement started to develope. But again even with those strong emotions developing, I refused to allow them to decide my actions alone. I even had a long talk with Kyra that some would say was throwing some cold water on these emotions that we were both feeling. It was actually more validating for both of us that these emotions existed but we wanted to be grounded and not get ahead of ourselves. We three are all very practical and don't tend to let the emotions decide our actions. The last two or three weeks before Kyra visited was hell. I began to dwell in the emotions of this font on the screen and voice on a line. But yet, I still didn't allow myself to express any depth of emotion or feelings with regards to Kyra. Even though I stared and the phone more than a few times afterwards thinking about calling her back to say "I Love". When we finally met in the Airport and we held each other that is when we finally expressed our emotions... well I did... Kyra wasn't allowed to speak till I gave her permission. She had to wait about an hour before that permission came. When that time came I asked her what she wanted, why didn't she come here. Her response was "I want to be yours". For the next 10 days we enjoyed each other to the fullest and it was fantastic. But, even with that, I know Kyra left wondering if she was just taken advantage of. Was it all real! I was a couple weeks later when I called Kyra and told her that my flight was booked to be there in about a month and we needed to make plans for how we would spend the time. Everything to meeting her parents to going out to the lifestyle community. We even went out to the beach and spent a late night watching a one flipper turtle laying eggs (this a story all on it's own). Kyra burst into tears when I told her of my pending visit. It was then that she was freed of the reins of her emotions. It was then that she could believe and trust that this relationship as difficult as it was going to be was real for all of us.
I guess to me... being realistic is about being aware of the probabilities and possibilities that can occur. Because even though we came to accept that we are a relationship. We still didn't ignore the difficulties of making our long distance relationship work. Even with those strong emotions we also kept our minds engaged into the process and we do that to this day as well. We know what we want to occur and we work to make it occur. But are ready to accept those curve balls and we have often been able to hit those as well because of our practical awareness of the possibilities before us.
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Knight of Mists
An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.
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RE: Realistic Expectations - 
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