Termyn8or
Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline
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I read the replies thusfar and fuck them. All they know is the status quo and you can go to the doctor and get happy pills, but there is a better answer.
This condition came from within and it can only be cured from within. I don't want to see another trustee of modern chemistry. I also don't really want to sound gross, but I am going to.
Take one of your hands and touch your genitalia. Stimulate yourself. You do not have to masterbate to orgasm, but just enjoy it a bit and say MMMMMMMMMMM. fall asleep if you like. Don't think anymore about what others think of you. Fukum. Seriously. Think about what you said in your post, you don't enjoy anything.
Now determine if you are negative or positive. If you are positive that you don't enjoy anything, perhaps it is time to try different things. Find those different things, such as participating in our little group here. Usually something new can be interesting, and give you the float to get through hard times.
Perhaps you do meet the definition of clinical depression, but dammit, don't run for a pill bottle right away. Anyone who looks at life with alot of insight will be depressed because the world is not in really great shape right now, to say the least. I probably meet the definition of clinically depressed right now, and in my situation really, if I were happy as a lark I should be diagnosed as insane. There is nothing wrong with you, this is a reaction to your environment. I will not take their pills, even if they paid me.
Get this fucking straight now - things could be worse. You could be a fat, butt ugly bitch living under a bridge watching your five kids eat rocks because you don't even have an address where you can get a welfare check. Don't EVER think things can't be worse.
But then maybe this is growing pains. Perhaps maturity is setting in. In either case drugs are not the solution.
Mail me. I mean that. I might not respond in five minutes but I will respond. With the cloak of anonymity you can say anything, and I mean anything to me. On the other hand I have already revealed so much about myself that if you searched all my posts you could show up at my doorstep easily. I don't care, I am a 49 year old White Man with a gun, and you are welcome to stop by. Enjoy my chosen family, and my family. See I have found now that a mental sort of connection is the best thing going.
Nothing can replace the right kind of people. Nothing. I spend thousands on a good stereo and it is almost always silent. I risk the wrath of the RIAA and whatever to download stuff, and only do that occasionally now. I have a kickass laptop that has Paltalk and all kinds of video streaming, both ways, and just about everything anyone could want in a computer. I haven't touched it in months. It does not please me. I do not enjoy it. Why did I spend thousands to get it ?
I sit here on a PC and do mostly text based things, why ? Because I have found that there is much to be said about human interaction. Same with the house. I probably have the loudest and best sounding stereo on the block, fed by a PC with probably one of the best music collections ever on it. It's great, and the disks never get scratched :-) But it usually remains silent. I enjoy discussions with my friends and family more, the human factor. There is no replacement for it.
I can also be alone and happy, but what do I do if noone is around ? I get on CM and find out what these nuts are talking about. That is where it is at babe, humans. Either you don't have enough of them or you don't have the right type. They might be great, but per your expression, they are not meeting your needs right now.
You can actually stop over if you want, if you can get to Cleveland OH. I mean that. The worst that can happen is that I throw you out. But after living alone for 15 years I've found more actual enjoyment in having roomies. And these are friends.
I am serious, if you get a bug up your ass to come here, come on. You will be counselled by an electronics tech, a bricklayer, a tow truck driver and our Wife. You will be safe from any harm as well. The bricklayer and I were talking the other day and it came up, what if someone kicked the door down and had a gun. My guns are all the way in the other room, what to do ? There is this table, looks like it's made from decking boards, a bit on the heavy side and quite stout. He said he would grab it and throw in the the guy's face before he even knew what was happening. A bit later we looked at each other and almost in sync said "So basically, the stupid MF brought a gun to a table fight". We cracked up so much I put that in humor.
The true enjoyment in life comes from two places. One is from within, sense of accomplishment, like when you learn something new. The other way is people, and I do not mean sex. Orgasm is what it is, and you can't fuck 24 hours a day anyway. Verbal intercourse is much better.
If you don't have good enough people around for that, I might just give you my phone number. Or you can enjoy looking through years of posts on CM and find out where I live and just show up like next Friday night. Do, if you care to. The people I run with are totally nucking futs, and are enjoying every minute of it.
Just don't get on those pills. Once you do, you will never make any progress in understanding and fixing the problem.
T
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looking for some insight - 
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