Mistresses that like the sub to defy them?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Mistresses that like the sub to defy them?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Mistresses that like the sub to defy them?

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Mistresses that like the sub to defy them? - 5/5/2010 3:14:08 AM

mysteryshopper

Posts: 36
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline

Hi All,

I have a great relationship with a dominant woman who enjoys exploring all realms of bdsm. We've talked about the kinds of things we're into, and we both click quite well. Neither one of us is into servitude, as in she has thinks it would be rather boring to have me doing errands for her. We're both bedroom kinksters but not so much outside the bedroom, or areas of play (outdoor play has come up).

Anyway, she feels bored and unchallenged if I just obey her command to say, strip naked, and don't put up a fight when she's trying to disrobe me. I know that a lot of mistresses here will dismiss a guy from playing if he defies her word, but she thinks of it as a fun challenge. I was wondering if there was a term for this kind of play (I've just dubbed it defiance play) and if it's common, or if we're just alone on this one?
I want to find more resources about it, including what else to try and ideas to keep the wheels turning with fresh concepts!

To reiterate, she likes to dominate me, but likes me to put up a physical struggle so she can feel she has actually overpowered me. I can't seem to find many people to talk to who would 'tolerate' that kind of defiance from a sub, so i have a difficult time bouncing new ideas off people, finding new scenarios and concepts for play, etc.

Anybody know of resources to help us out?
Thanks a bunch!

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Mistresses that like the sub to defy them? - 5/5/2010 3:37:54 AM

sodsta

Posts: 246
Joined: 7/19/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline

I can't help with any resources unfortunately (would be interested in finding some myself, actually) but you're definitely not alone in liking this kind of play. Most, if not all, of the Dommes I've played with have enjoyed this kind of "defiance play". It gave them a reason to be extra brutal and harsh and sadistic and that suited us both very well. :)

-- Kye

(in reply to mysteryshopper)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Mistresses that like the sub to defy them? - 5/5/2010 3:50:51 AM

GraciousLady

Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline

Some like that kind of bratty behaviour. Maybe you can look that term up?

(in reply to mysteryshopper)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Mistresses that like the sub to defy them? - 5/5/2010 7:10:33 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

I'm not sure that such a search would be helpful, GL - that term 'bratty' has been mostly used by those who see defiance negatively, from what I remember.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to GraciousLady)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Mistresses that like the sub to defy them? - 5/5/2010 8:02:26 AM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

Most, if not all, of the Dommes I've played with have enjoyed this kind of "defiance play". It gave them a reason to be extra brutal and harsh and sadistic . . .

-- Kye

That's odd; I've never needed a reason.

(in reply to sodsta)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Mistresses that like the sub to defy them? - 5/5/2010 8:37:07 AM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

The term you're looking for is "resistance play". Interrogation play and rape fantasy may also be useful terms to Google.

I occasionally enjoy a roleplaying scene where my submissive is an unwilling captive or a nonconsensual slave, and he resists only to be put down with savage brute force. There are obvious safety issues with resistance play and struggling, depending on how much of the force you use to put down resistance is physical and how much is fantasy (a blunted knife, a toy gun, the threat of pretend blackmail, etc). I personally have a taste at times for knock-down, drag-out physical fighting resistance play, but I do not recommend this unless both partners have solid safety skills in this area and can literally pull their punches. I do this form of play quite a bit with my primary, because he is fairly indestructible and in good enough shape to take heavy body blows, punches to the gut, etc. With my secondary, who is not quite of this caliber and who is far easier to genuinely intimidate, I pull my blows much more and am more likely to use creative threats or a weapon that has been suitably modified for safety to "put him down" when he struggles or resists.

Negotiate your degree of resistance ahead of time. That's critically important, because otherwise one or both partners can get hurt either physically or emotionally. Safety-spot the area you're playing in if you plan to struggle *at all* in it. You do not want your scene to turn into nonconsensual medical play when one of you trips and hits their head on the corner of a desk. Know your safety limits as to where you can strike your partner and how hard. If this stuff really rings your bells, consider taking a martial arts or wrestling class, and drag your partner along. Have fun and play safe.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to mysteryshopper)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Mistresses that like the sub to defy them? - 5/5/2010 8:43:09 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Resistance PLAY is fun! Take down scenes, struggling, kicking, punching! YAY for aggro!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Mistresses that like the sub to defy them? - 5/5/2010 9:37:24 AM

SaharahEve

Posts: 231
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mysteryshopper

I can't seem to find many people to talk to who would 'tolerate' that kind of defiance from a sub, <snip>

Defiance is subversive to D/s relationships and most likely won't be tolerated by any Dominant. Be that as it many, what is there to tolerate if defiance, within the realm of role play, is welcomed?

Some ideas:

Interrogation
Cop/robber
Boss/employee
Babysitter
Terrorist
Mother/son
Kiddnapper

_____________________________

Saharah

S a h a r a h E v e . c o m

nanshakh.com

(in reply to mysteryshopper)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Mistresses that like the sub to defy them? - 5/5/2010 9:38:30 AM

SaharahEve

Posts: 231
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

Most, if not all, of the Dommes I've played with have enjoyed this kind of "defiance play". It gave them a reason to be extra brutal and harsh and sadistic . . .

That's odd; I've never needed a reason.

My sentiments exactly. :-)

_____________________________

Saharah

S a h a r a h E v e . c o m

nanshakh.com

(in reply to Venatrix)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Mistresses that like the sub to defy them? - 5/5/2010 10:58:17 AM

mysteryshopper

Posts: 36
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline

Thank you all for your kind replies. Of course there are dire consequences for defiance, and I get in trouble for say, struggling then calling her a "bitch".

Thankfully she's my girlfriend too, and we have great sex where I am the one who is the dominant; I read up about dommes frustrated about men who just have no sex drive, or want to pretend their dick is rendered useless or whatever.

We've bought brought a lot of fun scenarios and toys and things to try into it, I am going to search resistance play and see what comes up and in the mean time, any links, resources or downright suggestions about what would be exhilarating to try are invited.

(in reply to SaharahEve)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Mistresses that like the sub to defy them? - 5/5/2010 1:33:17 PM

marshalp

Posts: 94
Joined: 8/31/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

The term you're looking for is "resistance play". Interrogation play and rape fantasy may also be useful terms to Google.

I occasionally enjoy a roleplaying scene where my submissive is an unwilling captive or a nonconsensual slave, and he resists only to be put down with savage brute force.

Yep, resistance play coupled with role-play can be real fun... doesn't have to be accompanied by "savage brute force"always (but guess that is the fun part). It could also include bullying, intimidation or blackmail.

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Mistresses that like the sub to defy them? - 5/5/2010 9:02:40 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marshalp
Yep, resistance play coupled with role-play can be real fun... doesn't have to be accompanied by "savage brute force"always (but guess that is the fun part).

Naaah, that's just my personal kink, and I and my primary are reasonably safety-equipped to play that way. Your own mileage may vary.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to marshalp)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: Mistresses that like the sub to defy them? - 5/7/2010 8:28:33 AM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

Resistance play is yummy, but it's definitely wise to get an idea of how much force you're allowed to use, whether she wants you to struggle only or actually fight back, any moves or areas which are off-limits, and so forth.

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: Mistresses that like the sub to defy them? - 5/8/2010 4:30:46 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

WTF?

Back to the OP... resistence play = love in our books. He loves it when I "struggle" so we don't regard it as actual defiance. How can it be - I'm doing what he wants! If he wants me to stop struggling, he just has to tell me he doesn't feel like fighting and to get on the frikkin' bed already. I'd imagine the same holds true when the genders are switched.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to freehead)

Profile

Post #: 14