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Time out vs Good bye? - 4/30/2010 8:29:45 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I been pondering.  A friend in LA had told me- - she needed time- this was around Oct that she cut off any contact.  In Jan- I asked why- she said she was grieving for her dog- and she asked me not to call her- that when I do her mom overhears it and she can not talk freely. She said she WOULD CALL ME.   This was Jan. I recall as that is when I had a broken pipe.

I am not one to abuse a phone number- so I wont pester her.

She had kind of been updating via face book or myspace- but I deleted that stuff as I had concerns- I shot her an email to explain that I was ending my profile not due to her but over other reasons.  

So I ponder- I fully understand a time out. We all need them.  But I dont understand ending a friendship.
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RE: Time out vs Good bye? - 4/30/2010 4:19:21 PM   
DarkSteven


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Status: offline 		If her concern is with being overheard... then why not text?

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RE: Time out vs Good bye? - 4/30/2010 4:39:39 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I don't know what to make out of it.  6 months should be enough time to "time out".

I am not sure that she sees her email.  Her phone is a landline.  Her dad had walked out on her when she was young so I think she has a hard time with males in her life. I was trying to think back to - think if I did anything wrong.   But then she is pretty direct and would say so.

Re-updating facebook- myspace is not an option for me.



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RE: Time out vs Good bye? - 4/30/2010 4:42:01 PM   
LadyAngelika


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Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		I think that if she needs/wants to talk to you, she will contact you.

- LA

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RE: Time out vs Good bye? - 4/30/2010 4:45:09 PM   
slavegirlbc


Posts: 22
Joined: 6/23/2009
Status: offline 		dear Hunkboy,

i think her 'time out' was a soft way of saying good bye. a lot of people don't want to deal with someones anger or disappointment so won't say the hard words.

if she hasn't thought to contact you again in 6 months, then if it was a genuine time out, she didnt' retain enough interest in you to recontact you.

this happens a lot to everybody in here. best to just move on.

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RE: Time out vs Good bye? - 4/30/2010 5:05:13 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		LA,  yes- that sounds reasonable.

Slave, which makes me wonder why.   We were friends for gosh 10 years.

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RE: Time out vs Good bye? - 4/30/2010 5:25:48 PM   
slavegirlbc


Posts: 22
Joined: 6/23/2009
Status: offline 		oh, i didn't realize that. i thought it was a relatively new friendship.

in terms of a 10 year friendship, you very well could be back in contact at some point in the future. obviously right now she is going through something.



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RE: Time out vs Good bye? - 4/30/2010 6:04:59 PM   
JessicaSavage


Posts: 22
Joined: 4/23/2010
Status: offline 		It sounds like she got creeped out by something and wanted to break off contact without dealing with your reaction to hearing that she was creeped out.  If it had been Me I'd have just told you flat out but not everybody is as honest and direct.  It's actually a little creepy that you couldn't figure this out on your own but had to come post on a message board to ask what was going on.

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RE: Time out vs Good bye? - 4/30/2010 6:16:51 PM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

I don't know what to make out of it.  6 months should be enough time to "time out".



I took a 5 1/2 month break from contacting a friend of 12 years.  Yes, it was something that she did to cause me to step back and consider my reasons for being friends with her.  I'm glad I took the break, it helped me to put my own expectations of the friendship into perspective.

We talk, but now I understand the expectations I have of a friend versus her ability to be live up to those expectations. 

It sounds like your friend has her own issues she needs to deal with.  It's hard sometimes, as a friend, to step back and accept the role you can't play with regard to those issues, but sometimes it's the best way to allow the friendship to evolve.
If you really feel the need to let her know you value her as a friend, why not send her a brief note, not an email, just to let her know you're thinking of her and leave it at that.



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RE: Time out vs Good bye? - 4/30/2010 10:07:25 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

So I ponder- I fully understand a time out. We all need them.  But I dont understand ending a friendship.



Your post ... makes me shudder ... because i have been though this.

And you won't like the outcome.

Unfortunately, slavegirlbc is consistent with my experience ... as you recall, she says ...

quote:

i think her 'time out' was a soft way of saying good bye. a lot of people don't want to deal with someones anger or disappointment so won't say the hard words.



Basically, since you are asking, here on the boards, I will tell you what i think. And of course, I am not going to give you all the gory details of my life ... but ...

she was telling you goodbye.

You said somewhere here ... you have known her for 10 years ... and I will take this on faith.

That said ... once in my life ... I had a similar situation, with a Lady i knew for 7 years.

I ran into her four years later, after the kiss goodbye .. at a ski resort .. and she was married. To someone else.

So the only advice I can give ... is get on with your life. Forget about her.

If she calls in the future ... well ...

Why would you trust her?

It is all up to you to decide. And I wish you well ...

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RE: Time out vs Good bye? - 5/1/2010 12:54:19 AM   
tigreetsa


Posts: 132
Joined: 4/30/2010
From: SW London
Status: offline 		One person doesn't constitute a friendship, it's takes two.

I tend to view friendships and relationships pretty much the same way I view life, they rarely meet all our expectations, can often be much shorter than we think and don't always end for reasons we anticipate or think they do.

I'm here for my friends today, I appreciate those who were once here but who are gone, and it's the memory of the time which is shared, together with the moments, experiences, feelings and emotions which is important rather than the reasons why they're not there.

Living is what is happening here and now, for yesterday is but a memory and tomorrow is no more than a possibility.


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But you and I we've been through that
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RE: Time out vs Good bye? - 5/1/2010 4:00:18 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
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Status: offline 		You offer friendship, Pa...but it is up to her whether or not she accepts it. If she contacts you, great! If she doesn't, you know you tried.

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RE: Time out vs Good bye? - 5/1/2010 6:56:37 PM   
pegbundy


Posts: 565
Joined: 4/3/2010
Status: offline 		It seems you've already received some very good opinions/advice here. However, I'd like to offer one other possible perspective. Personally, when I am going through something internally I have a tendency to self-isolate. It is reasonable to assume she may be struggling with something in her own life which leaves her no energy to be a friend to anyone for a time. I am fortunate in that I have some wonderful friends who understand this about me and who will patiently wait for me to be able to reach out to them again. I am even more fortunate to have one amazing friend who won't allow me to get away this bullshit and just continues to hound me until I open up to her.

I would advise that you accept that she may have been saying goodbye, and yet continue to let her know occasionally that your friendship is still available if she decides to reach out.

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RE: Time out vs Good bye? - 5/2/2010 3:43:26 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		I'm with those who think she was probably taking the easy way out to say goodbye. My animals are my children, but to take this long to grieve without a supposed close friend? No way. I need my space, but I also need my friends. As for the whole thing with her mom overhearing her - if she's an adult (which I'm going to assume, since you've been friends with her for 10 years), then she has every right to ask her mother for privacy ... so it shouldn't be that big of a deal. When I was still living at home, I made sure that I could have conversations that weren't overheard - there is always a way.

I'd say give it one more shot - a quick call to check in, or as someone else suggested, a note/letter through snail-mail, and then move on if she doesn't contact you again. You've done your part, you can't do hers as well.

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RE: Time out vs Good bye? - 5/2/2010 8:31:35 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Some good replies here.  I thank you all.

I don't want to crash her space.   I think her work will pick up at the end of this month.  Maybe I will call.  There is a 3 hour time difference. 

On the other hand-  maybe I should leave well enough alone.

LOL.  I am both coming and going at the same time.

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