RE: Master- Friend or no?

RE: Master- Friend or no? (Full Version)

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loverly -> RE: Master- Friend or no? (4/19/2010 4:58:58 PM)
here!here! yes a best friend of course... and ALL the rest too.. please ! lol

littlewonder -> RE: Master- Friend or no? (4/19/2010 5:00:05 PM)
Master is not just my Master. He's my friend, partner-in-crime, lover, owner, the only one I want and need, my everything. If he was only just a Master to me I would have zero desire to be with him. I can't live like that. I need it all.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Master- Friend or no? (4/19/2010 5:01:58 PM)
quote: are you also friends with him/her? beth is my best friend, my sounding board for decisions, my closest confidant, my counselor, and my partner who makes any experience more fun with her presence and no fun at all in her absence.

DesFIP -> RE: Master- Friend or no? (4/19/2010 5:19:04 PM)
He's my best friend. I needed to be friends first because if I don't like him, don't enjoy his company, then how could we survive being together. It isn't all fun and games.

elleX -> RE: Master- Friend or no? (4/19/2010 6:41:23 PM)
Hi everyon , i also support that idea that no friendship is a vanilla way to see the Master slave dynamic ,,, we are not from book , we are not from movies , we are human , we have toughts and feelings that need to be shared, i hate each time i am facing rigidity in peoples ,,, and not been able to devellop some kind of affection and friendship for a sub is a sure way to hit a wall,,, my thoughts ,, and i did not mean to offense anybody elleX

dreamerdreaming -> RE: Master- Friend or no? (4/19/2010 6:48:16 PM)
I have a deep sense of entitlement about my slave. I feel that I have a perfect right to him. If my ownership of him includes friendliness, all the better. But first and foremost, he is my cherished treasure. My goal is to do that which will benefit him the most. My ownership of him supersedes any friend or love relationship that we may have. It encompasses it. I can't see my ownership of Boy to be beneficial to him without feelings of fondness or adoration, easy trust and outright joy, flourishing between us. If you want to call that friendship, then you'd be missing out on the fact that it is only one dimension of my all-encompassing ownership of him. My true ownership of him is deeper than love or friendship, by far. If it weren't, then we'd have no need of it, and no desire for it. Thank you for the great topic, OP! [:)]

Andalusite -> RE: Master- Friend or no? (4/19/2010 6:59:56 PM)
I guess I'll be the dissenting voice, though it's probably more a matter of semantics than reality. My submissive playpartner and I are friends, while my Master is my boyfriend. I use "friend" to describe someone I'm emotionally close to, but not romantically involved with. My former submissive and I met a year or so before we started dating, and hung out 4 days a week for at least 2 hours per day for months before we got involved, so we truly were friends before the D/s relationship. My Master and I started out dating, and I became both his slave and his girlfriend after a couple of months. When I was looking, if someone said they wanted to be "friends" or "friends first," I assumed they wanted more of a casual playpartnership or friends with benefits and kinky play arrangement. I asked for clarification, rather than reacting on that basis, but 90% of the time I was right (once I'd asked questions to clarify). It wasn't a "red flag" per se, but it did make me cautious. My Master and I do lots of vanilla things together - go to parties, out on dates, talk about stuff, and so forth in addition to the kinky and power exchange aspects of our relationship. If he had wanted a strictly service arrangement, we wouldn't have been compatible.

DMFParadox -> RE: Master- Friend or no? (4/19/2010 10:54:20 PM)
There are real people out there on the other side of that coin, who just are not comfortable knowing their master wants a friend and confidant. Or started out ok with it and had a nuclear meltdown a month into the arrangement. I've run into this problem. So, tab A into slot A, and tab B into slot B. If you're a B, don't struggle too hard with an A. Maybe this guy started out with a girl like that and got burned by being too 'nice'. It happens. Get him to watch some Cesar Milan dog whisperer tapes, I have never seen a better instruction manual in my life for being effortlessly dominant without being a douche about it.

GinoVega -> RE: Master- Friend or no? (4/19/2010 11:35:04 PM)
In my experience, the friendless masters have been the ones who only want play and just a slave without any attachments. To each their own, but for me I can't really feel comfortable with my sub or slave if we don't have some type of base friendship at least.

crazyml -> RE: Master- Friend or no? (4/20/2010 1:10:41 AM)
I'm with Focus on this - quality post.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: Master- Friend or no? (4/20/2010 1:32:33 AM)
There are some people who are incapable of connecting. Seems like the not wanting to be friends is part and parcel of that. Plus if they are not a good communicator and they are selfish...

reynardfox -> RE: Master- Friend or no? (4/20/2010 2:07:57 AM)
To be someone's friend is infintely more important than either being their lover or their Master. If you can get to know somebody as initmately as having sex with them of any description without having any feeling for them at all could best be described as being pyschotic. Looking on with amusement at the tsunami of purported cold blooded dominants prepare to break on this thread. Personally, I'm a big softy. And no, that in no way impairs the way I play.

PrimalConsonance -> RE: Master- Friend or no? (4/20/2010 6:28:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: laura2161 Hiya, Something I've run across lately and it has me wondering of other's dynamics. I've seen quite a few profiles of men lately who identify as a Master and in their profile they state (I'm paraphrasing) I am a Master. I will not be your friend. You will be my sub OR you will be my slave (I've seen it both ways) but we will not be friends. Now, I state in my profile that I am looking for a dominant Man who I also wish to be a friend,lover, confidante etc so obviously I am not compatible with these men but it does have me curious. For those of you who either identify as a Master or are the s-type to a Master, are you also friends with him/her? Or does friendship not even enter into your dynamic? Just curious. :-) Thanks- Laura Relationships are based on many things, and when I hear about some dominant who takes the "heap big bad" approach towards engaging with submissives; it reminds me of someone putting on aires and is afraid to really invest in what it takes to make a truly strong bond between two people. Perhaps it's good to get that out in the open so you don't have to question where this person is at from the get-go. If you are looking for a real relationship, then pass this uber-Dom/me on by. You would be the better for it in doing so. As for all relationships, one has to take a look at what is the basis of that relationship to fully appreciate it and act accordingly. In some BDSM pairings, it is and has been a strictly imposed contractual agreement. Not very personal there. Goodness no, not hardly human. You have a set of rules agreed by both parties, and a time limit in which this contract is active and valid. You also have conditions to which either party may dissolve this "partnership" by the criteria set forth. Yikes! Could it be anymore colder and uncaring, I ask you? Some relationships are forged by a purely physical bond. Not really any emotions than at a friend or acquaintance (that FWB thing so popular, and probably has been for centuries in some form or another) level. BDSM has this too, casual partners and it works for some really well. They may have SOs that are not into BDSM, and find that quench satisfied with someone else that IS into BDSM, and still keep their SO and/or family happy as they are. Nothing wrong with that and this is a modified form of inclusion of BDSM into one's life without the complications of conflict between someone that they truly love, and even perhaps supports them on their needs as well to have BDSM as a part of their partner's happiness. This is a good and strong bond loaded with trust if that is the case...a truly beautiful thing. Other and more massive majority of relationships are based on friendship. My girl and I are more than just friends. We are friends, lovers, and feel like kindred souls. The fact that we have BDSM in our lives intertwined not unlike spaghetti on a plate, and our M/s or D/s dynamic reflects this completely, is what makes it complete. If you took away the BDSM dynamic, I feel our bond would be as strong because of our basis...we feel so compatible in our natures to each other. We compliment each other in how we are the same and how we are different. Love, respect and communication is the cement for that foundation. We have a credo between us: "Love comes first" is at the front of that. If you want the relationship to be strong and meaningful, then coming in contact with someone that states something like "I will be your Master but not your friend..." is going to miss out on what you're looking for. I would never get into a BDSM scene with someone I didn't care about...let's see: "I'm holding and wielding something with the potential to kill or maim, and using it someone I really do not care about..." don't sound too good does it? How about: "Hey, I have this person who is using something that could scar me for life, kill all the nerve-endings below my neck, and doesn't care?" MMMMM no thank you. If that sounds alright with you or you get off on that, then there are professionals to help you with this. It may make for a great fantasy, but reality can really suck if something goes wrong.

Lashra -> RE: Master- Friend or no? (4/20/2010 8:11:30 AM)
My male sub and I are Mistress/sub, best friends, lovers, confidants and the list goes on. For us that is how our relationship works best and what we are comfortable with. However I do know of some others who wish to keep their relationship on a D/s level without the extra roles fitting into the equation. If that works for them, fine as long as they are happy and content. But for Me and Mine, no it would not work. ~Lashra

SirJ40 -> RE: Master- Friend or no? (4/20/2010 8:59:12 AM)
My tala, who is also My wife, is also My very, very best friend, most trusted ally, and most intimate confidante. I wouldn't have it any other way, it leads to an honesty and trust that makes both the marriage and the D/s work very well for us.

sublizzie -> RE: Master- Friend or no? (4/20/2010 10:49:16 AM)
If I won't even bottom to someone who isn't a good, trusted friend, why would I submit to someone who was anything less?

KnightofMists -> RE: Master- Friend or no? (4/20/2010 11:25:44 AM)
This is a direct quote from my journal... I think it answers your question. quote: I am not just a Master, Top and Sadist to my girls; I am also partner, friend, confidant, lover, teacher and advisor to them as well. My girls are also not the only relationship of importance to me; I am also parent, son, friend, supervisor, employee in other relationships of significance in my life. My life and lifestyle is as complex as it is simple. Complex in that it is diverse and varied, simple in that I see my path with clarity and focus.

aldompdx -> RE: Master- Friend or no? (4/21/2010 12:16:20 AM)
Master -- Friend or Foe? Choose a partner who matches your preference. Friend to a self respecting person. Foe to a masochist, who cannot respect themself or their master.

favesclava -> RE: Master- Friend or no? (4/21/2010 6:01:38 AM)
He holds my innermost secrets safe, He celebrates my triumphs and holds me tight during my defeats. He cares for me when hurt or sick. My bestest friend . i will never be alone again.how could it be any other way?

laura2161 -> RE: Master- Friend or no? (4/22/2010 11:29:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: aldompdx Master -- Friend or Foe? Choose a partner who matches your preference. Friend to a self respecting person. Foe to a masochist, who cannot respect themself or their master. Hmmm, That's interesting. Care to expand a little bit on the part I highlighted please?

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