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sodsta -> Levels of desire/satisfaction. (4/19/2010 9:21:53 AM)
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This question was prompted by a conversation I had with a friend yesterday about different types of play and the amount of satisfaction one gets from them.
Essentially, we talked about how she was often not satisfied with casual play with friends because there was something she felt she wasn't getting from it; some desire or need that wasn't being met.
"I don't really get enough of what I want from that kind of casual, public play. It's fun now and then, but it's more *fun* rather than satisfying on a kinky level for me."
She then asked me if I am satisfied with that same kind of play. After thinking about it for a bit, I came to the conclusion that I often am, but that's because I think I have different levels of need and different expectations in different groups and with different dynamics.
I guess you could say I'm very good at compartmentalising my desires in that way.
I am quite happy to play with a friend, surrounded by a group of other friends who are laughing and joking and playing on the Wii and I'll still feel satisfied with that kind of play because that's where my level of need was at at the time.
If my level of need was greater, say, I was looking for more than just physical, sensation-play, then obviously a set-up like that wouldn't have satisfied me at all. I'd have wanted play that registered on a deeper, more emotional level in order to meet my needs.
The reason I think I can be satisfied with the former type of play quite often is because of those fluctuating need levels. Sometimes all I want is to be tied up and smacked around, and I can get that from casual play and be more than happy with it. I can walk away from a casual scene like that feeling completely satisfied.
If what I need at the time is more than that, then I will seek out play that goes deeper.
Let's pretend there's a scale of need, ranging from 1 to 10. If my desire/need is at level 5, then I will seek out play at the same level. That could be the casual, surrounded-by-friends-playing-Wii scenario I mentioned above. If I go in looking for level 5 play and I get it, then I will walk away very satisfied. If it goes too much over or too much under, then I won't be. If, however, my need is at level 10 and there is only level 5 play available, then I will probably not want to play at all, because I know my needs won't be being met. Likewise if my need is at level 2 and there is only level 10 play available, then I'll probably steer well clear.
So essentially, my question is whether you guys have fluctuating levels of need that could be met in a variety of different ways (ie: casual play with friends, casual play with strangers in a club setting, more intimate play with friends, more intimate play with romantic partners only, etc...) and if you get the same kind of satisfaction from those different types of play.
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