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how do you feel about this - 4/19/2010 7:46:26 AM

poeticfreak

Posts: 80
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline

well I just finished up a rant in my journal and thought I'd copy it here to see if others felt the same or if I'm just over reacting.

time for a rant. I see on a lot of profiles that people have the ridiculous expectation that they will meet someone worthwhile by demanding that someone they've never met, spoken too or even exchanged hellos with, should take the time to write a detailed message explaining their value and why you should get to know them. I really don't understand why people think that will work. think about it like you were irl, if you like someone you go over, introduce yourself and say hi. what you would never dream of doing is going over introducing yourself, and then perform a soliloquy describing all your good points.

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Post #: 1

RE: how do you feel about this - 4/19/2010 7:48:32 AM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

Seems to me that if someone puts something in their profile that makes you say "that's not the person I'm interested in being with" it's a bonus. Why moan about it here?

~stef

< Message edited by stef -- 4/19/2010 7:50:00 AM >

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RE: how do you feel about this - 4/19/2010 8:01:57 AM

poeticfreak

Posts: 80
Joined: 6/1/2008
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why not moan about it? have we really gotten to the point where one is not allowed to speak a word of protest when they see many people acting in what one feels is an unreasonable manner?

_____________________________

I have believed the best of every man. And find that to believe is enough to make a bad man show him at his best, or even a good man swings his lantern higher.- yeats

(in reply to stef)

Post #: 3

RE: how do you feel about this - 4/19/2010 8:13:22 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

Let me get this straight.

You are posting in a thread about having posted in your journal about what other people post in their profiles?

I think I am feeling dizzy.

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I give good thread.

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Post #: 4

RE: how do you feel about this - 4/19/2010 8:14:04 AM

jbcurious

Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: poeticfreak

why not moan about it? have we really gotten to the point where one is not allowed to speak a word of protest when they see many people acting in what one feels is an unreasonable manner?

I see nothing unreasonable about it... when it´s in person you have the opportunity to observe body language, hear tone of voice, feel initial attraction. On line it´s all about the words... and knowing that you have things in common or values, relationship goals etc is the only thing you have to gauge whether or not the person may be suitable to meet.

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RE: how do you feel about this - 4/19/2010 8:19:57 AM

poeticfreak

Posts: 80
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline

well since you're already dizzy, here's a stick, you want to take a few whacks at the pinata?

_____________________________

I have believed the best of every man. And find that to believe is enough to make a bad man show him at his best, or even a good man swings his lantern higher.- yeats

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 6

RE: how do you feel about this - 4/19/2010 8:28:45 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: poeticfreak

well since you're already dizzy, here's a stick, you want to take a few whacks at the pinata?

As you might have guessed from my clearly expressed interests in my profile, I would love to . . . especially if it were a human pinata!

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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Post #: 7

RE: how do you feel about this - 4/19/2010 9:10:26 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: poeticfreak

well since you're already dizzy, here's a stick, you want to take a few whacks at the pinata?

Ahhh, now you are finally getting to the heart of your thread...... You wanna be whacked.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 8

RE: how do you feel about this - 4/19/2010 9:16:10 AM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: poeticfreak

why not moan about it? have we really gotten to the point where one is not allowed to speak a word of protest when they see many people acting in what one feels is an unreasonable manner?

You're missing the point. Actually, you're missing several.

First, if someone goes to the trouble of posting something in their profile that tells you they won't be a match for you, you should be grateful because it saves you wasted effort.

Second, the fact that you don't agree with the requirements someone has in their profile doesn't necessarily mean they're unreasonable, it just means that you don't agree with them.

Third, whining about it in multiple venues probably isn't going to do you any favors in the long run.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to poeticfreak)

Post #: 9

RE: how do you feel about this - 4/19/2010 9:37:19 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

FR

When I was looking, I wanted only to hear from people who were so motivated by something that they saw in my profile that they *wanted* to take the time and effort to write a message that would attract me.

You find it unreasonably taxing to knock off a couple of paragraphs outlining the reasons you think we would be compatible? I can guarantee you wouldn't be eloquent enough for me.

You 'don't understand why people think that will work'? I'll tell you. They think it will work because it does work. Plenty of people are willing to write decent introductory emails-I got more than enough of them when I was looking.

So if you *aren't* prepared to spend some time writing then all you are doing is making it clear that you're unable/unwilling to keep up with the top competition.

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Post #: 10

RE: how do you feel about this - 4/19/2010 9:40:44 AM

Aylee

Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: poeticfreak

well I just finished up a rant in my journal and thought I'd copy it here to see if others felt the same or if I'm just over reacting.

Oh goody. This should be fun.

quote:

time for a rant.

There is a set time for these things? Nifty. Please forward me a schedule as I think I may be way past due.

quote:

I see on a lot of profiles that people have the ridiculous expectation

Why is it ridiculous just because you do not have the same expectation?

quote:

that they will meet someone worthwhile

Worthwhile for what?. Doing the laundry? A one night stand? Happily ever after stuff?

quote:

by demanding that someone they've never met, spoken too or even exchanged hellos with,

If they have never had any contact with them they cannot really be demanding can they? You could just ignore them.

quote:

should take the time to write a detailed message explaining their value and why you should get to know them.

So what you are really saying here is that you do not want to come up with these answers because it is very likely that you do not know what they are in the first place. Maybe some introspection is in order.

quote:

I really don't understand why people think that will work.

It may it may not. You will not know until you try. Perhaps it works very well for them and not so well for you. Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

quote:

think about it like you were irl,

Okay, I'll play. I am thinking. Are you?

quote:

if you like someone

How do you know you like them? Or are you just talking about finding them physically attractive? I think that you are.

quote:

you go over, introduce yourself and say hi.

Sure. I would also ask their name and using conversational skills engage them in conversation. Of course I would do that with some one whether or not I found them the epitome of physical perfection.

quote:

what you would never dream of doing is going over introducing yourself, and then perform a soliloquy describing all your good points.

But we are in meat life. We are at the same place at the same time, so we must have something in common. They say that 90% of communication is body language. I would also be able to see this person interacting with others. Not something that I can see from a profile. Well, not well at least.

Overall, if you do not want to put in the time for the introspection that these profiles are asking for, just pass them by. No one is forcing you to send them a message. Stop whinging, it is just not that important.

< Message edited by Aylee -- 4/19/2010 9:41:52 AM >

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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to poeticfreak)

Post #: 11

RE: how do you feel about this - 4/19/2010 9:44:22 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

Since I enjoy interacting with folks here on the boards it's always good to see posts that make yopu think, "wow....what a dick"

I am not complaining about those posts. I find them helpful.

Kudos to the OP

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Post #: 12

RE: how do you feel about this - 4/19/2010 9:46:23 AM

Musicmystery

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

or if I'm just over reacting

Why don't you just shrug and move on?

Life is short, dude.

(in reply to poeticfreak)

Post #: 13

RE: how do you feel about this - 4/19/2010 9:50:57 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Since I enjoy interacting with folks here on the boards it's always good to see posts that make yopu think, "wow....what a dick"

How dare you talk about Aylee like that?!? That is *not* the gentleanteaterly thing to do, Mr Floofy-you should know better.

I hope you at least have the manners to apologise to her.

:P

_____________________________

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Post #: 14

RE: how do you feel about this - 4/19/2010 10:15:27 AM

Aylee

Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Since I enjoy interacting with folks here on the boards it's always good to see posts that make yopu think, "wow....what a dick"

How dare you talk about Aylee like that?!? That is *not* the gentleanteaterly thing to do, Mr Floofy-you should know better.

I hope you at least have the manners to apologise to her.

:P

That is right. I am a Bitch. Not a dick.

_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 15

RE: how do you feel about this - 4/19/2010 10:41:08 AM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

Now that we have that straightened out, ahem.

I think the amount of detail in the thread tells something about the person as well as what those details are. Some people are more open than others. When I used to maintain mine I put new shit in and took some out as well. Some like to discover things in person, others want a resume' and a credit check. To each their own.

T

(in reply to Aylee)

Post #: 16

RE: how do you feel about this - 4/19/2010 10:55:21 AM

Musicmystery

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline

Too many people look for an instant, guaranteed, forever match.

They should slow down and just get to know (and enjoy) people.

Instant relationships are worth the time spent initiating them.

(in reply to Termyn8or)

Post #: 17

RE: how do you feel about this - 4/19/2010 11:00:54 AM

blueeyedbbwsub

Posts: 435
Joined: 12/9/2009
Status: offline

This is how I look at it, it's my profile, I'll put on it what I like. No one gets to tell someone else what to write. Unless advice is asked, then it's up to each individual to put something on their profile or not. If ya don't like it, the hide user or block button is quite handy. I know how to use it and don't hesitate to do so.

I don't *expect* someone to write me a 2 page missive, but I do expect more than "hi" or "give me your yahoo/msn address". I won't add anyone unless I get to know them at least a bit. This is for personal reasons and a choice *I* make. Ya don't like it? Not going to try to change your mind. Not mine to change.

edited cuz I didn't get it right the first time.

< Message edited by blueeyedbbwsub -- 4/19/2010 11:08:38 AM >

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Post #: 18

RE: how do you feel about this - 4/19/2010 12:42:17 PM

MsLadySue

Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline

I take it I am one of those you are ranting about. In my profile I state, "Now, if you’ve decided to contact me, write a proper letter of introduction. Tell me about you in all aspects of your life. Your hobbies, interests on both sides of the kneel. Tell me why I should be interested in you ... the qualities, talents you would bring to a D/s relationship, etc."

My reasons for doing so are simple to understand. Most subs/slaves writing to me have little or no information in their profile. I give them this opportunity to tell me something about themselves and hopefully some of it will relate to the interests I mention in my profile. Why would I bother responding to a message that says "hi" or "want to chat" or "give me your MSN or Yahoo ID so we can talk?" I don't know these people and don't care to know them if they won't provide me with some information. If a boy is too lazy to write a couple of paragraphs to gain my attention then they have nothing to gain by contacting me. It leads me to believe they would be just as lazy about following through with any task they are given.

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In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

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Post #: 19

RE: how do you feel about this - 4/19/2010 4:14:50 PM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: poeticfreak
Think about it like you were irl, if you like someone you go over, introduce yourself and say hi. what you would never dream of doing is going over introducing yourself, and then perform a soliloquy describing all your good points.

That's a very good point and the key reason why so many people are looking online while so few are finding.

Personally, in real life the Freddy "Boom Boom" Washington "Hi, there" rarely failed me. When it did my Plan B Arnold Horshack "Hello.... How ah ya?" collected any stragglers.

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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to poeticfreak)

Post #: 20

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